Doctor Arthur Hoyte, recently thwarted in his lawsuit against KFC, today announced that he would sue popular energy drink manufacturer Red Bull for what he called fake promises, fraudulent advertising, and unappealing packaging. His lawyer, Roy Pearson from the firm Pearson, Cheatem, and Hutz, filed suit in Washington district court earlier today.

 

 

 

This company has flagrantly flouted the law, not just with their commercials, but with every single can of this concoction that they sell, said Pearson. Were suing on behalf of everyone around the world who has swilled down this filth, and we want to send a message to corporations that they just cant act this way.

 

 

 

Hoyte says that the root of the problem is their advertising. They claim that Red Bull gives you wings. Well, as a qualified physician, I can assure you that nothing of the kind happens when you drink Red Bull. In fact, it gives you hardening of the arteries, or at least, I think it might lead to an increased chance of a possibility of hardened arteries, depending upon your lifestyle and family history. And in medical terms thats a pretty good case.

 

 

 

Pearson agreed. I havent felt this strongly about guilt since the dry cleaner lost my 65 million dollar pants. Now, its clear that millions of people have drunk this bulls urine and ended up without wings. Who knows how many of them have plunged to untimely deaths trying to fly off of tall buildings? And with that irresponsible show Heroes out there, the problem will get worse, not better.

 

 

 

Hoyte said he was asking for damages of six hundred billion dollars. Each can could ruin somebodys life, which is worth several millions of dollars. Even though Ive never drunk the cans myself, I have seen them drunk, and I really dont care for that logo. It looks too much like the Buffalo Bills, aka the Jan Ullrich of the football world.

 

 

 

Pearson, who also serves as a Judge in the Washington administrative hearings district, added that he felt the case was a sure winner. The mistake I made in my last case was representing myself. This time Im representing someone else, but Ive been sure to file it in my own court so that I can be sure that the judge is friendly. Theres nothing wrong with that, is there?

You think this is real?

For the first 3 paragraphs I wasn't surprised. There are stupid people out there.

 

 

 

From the 3rd paragraph down, I thought "No, just no."

For the first 3 paragraphs I wasn't surprised. There are stupid people out there.

 

 

 

From the 3rd paragraph down, I thought "No, just no."

 

 

 

Read my mind perfectly.

 

 

 

It's obviously completely exaggerated or fake. :lol:

If it's true: i'm pissed. Had it been some other company sued for a stupid reason like that I would have laughed. But red bull? No. That man needs to go to hell. Red bull > him.

What are the odds. Today in school I was watching a video about "victimization" and people trying to sue for the funniest reasons. The McDonalds' hot coffee incident was hilarious.

 

 

 

PS: More crazy odds! My friend on RS just told me she drank an energy drink. :lol:

lol this can't be real.

Kinda believed it till I read the 65 million dollar pans.

Read the second name of the law firm and tell me it's not a joke. It's a rip off from the made up comical law firm "dewey, cheatum, and howe"

Would it be possible for you to post a link to this? Or is it just made up?

 

If it is real, which is very, very unlikely, then the guy is a complete nutter.

Good for him.

Yeah, thats like suing McDonalds 10 years ago for their old slogan "We love to see you smile". I drove up to the pickup window, and asked the kind gentleman in the window if he would like to see my smile. He said no. McDonalds DOESN'T LOVE TO SEE ME SMILE!!

Looks like you just got trolled.

Epic crap.

 

 

 

...Excuse me, epic phailure.

Mistake number 1: Suing for an astronomically high amount of cash.

 

Mistake number 2: Coming up with a terrible argument for suing them, "Who knows how many of them have plunged to untimely deaths trying to fly off of tall buildings?"

 

Mistake number 3: Suing on the behalf of everyone whose drank it as if they win most of the Red Bull drinking population will sue them for their share

 

Mistake number 4: Even taking up such a case.

We should tell people you have to jump from the tallest building in the city before your wings will appear.

 

 

 

That would solve allot of problems.

Well, i you see the ad, and think "Hmm why don't I get a red bull so I can jump off the highest bulding I know of and fly", I think you deserve to die.

Americans will sue for anything :shock:

 

 

 

But this will be funny \

I suppose the saddest thing is that this could actually happen.

 

 

 

Anyway, who said that they meant actualy wings? Could be a metaphor or something.

it is a metaphor, redbull is not literally meant to give people wings.

It's pretty sad that this really doesn't surprise me. This is more prof that anybody can sue for just about anything and win. :ohnoes:

For the love of god, if you're going to post crap news stories, at least make them real crap news stories.

Another "Stella" case. #-o

 

 

 

P.S. At the end of the commercial, it says, "Actually, Red Bull gives you mental alertness or wakefulness while re leaving fatigue or drowsiness."

Fake. Why is it that the lawyer of a recently controversial KFC lawsuit AND a man involved in the 65m pants lawsuit (both very stupid cases) are now in this one? While it's probably legally possible to sue the company, I really doubt it will happen anytime soon because you'll need pretty good evidence not just "it doesn't give wings". I'm sure somewhere on the can or ad or site of Red Bull they have a disclaimer for the stupid. Ecen if this lawsuit was real, why would they have such an idiotic team of failures of the legal system?

only in america!