Granted, but instead you get a bottle of whiskey and a platter of horse dung. You get wasted on the whiskey and end up eating all the horse dung, which causes you to throw up your stomach (literally).

 

I wish I had a granola bar.

Granted, it's chocolate-chip goat vomit flavored.

 

I wish it was Saturday.

Granted, but it's only Saturday of one of the endless parallel universes.

 

I wish I had an answer.

Granted, it's no.

 

I wish all my stuff would pack itself up and load itself in the car and that my last two finals would take themselves and get A's.

Granted, but your stuff is scattered all over the country. As for your finals, you got an F- on both of them.

 

I wish I had $100 so I can buy some games...

you buy Bus Driver

 

i wish for to be a looney tune character

Granted. You're a tree.

 

I wish I had a little sister.

Granted. I'm your little sister now.

 

I wish that I had a big bowl of ice-cream to eat.

E: Double post - mod can delete

Granted. It's goat dung flavored.

 

I wish I had a goat trained to chase people that isn't me.

Granted. You turn into a ewe. (read that out loud.. hehe)

 

I wish that 321 Ownage was Comical's goat.

Granted, but one day while being milked 321 becomes enraged and kicks Comical in the chest, stopping his heart.

 

I wish my cat had a blog too.

Granted. But then the cat becomes the next Justin Bieber and an angry mob kills you and your cat.

 

I wish I had ice cream.

Granted, it's acid flavored.

 

I wish my car got 5000 mpg.

Granted, but Silva rips your car to pieces.

 

I wish my computer could run like greased soap.

Granted, but literally, and your computer grows legs and runs away from you, with greased soap.

 

I wish I could retain information forever.

Granted. You retain all the memories of the pain and anguish by every living creature in this world forever. NO exceptions.

 

I wish I was specially magnetized so money automatically comes to me.

Granted, you get [cabbage] loads of some sort of worthless Monopoly money

 

I wish I was a sociopath

Granted, your shenanigans get you banned from Tif.

 

I wish I worked tomorrow.

Wish granted, you get run over by a truck on your way to work.

 

I wish for someone to smile.

Granted, the smiling person is a mad man who smiles as he pulls the trigger of a gun aimed at your head.

 

I wish I was back home in Philly right now, hanging with my friends in the park and enjoying a fine cigar.

Granted. You die of cancer from smoking your cigar.

 

I wish I had a can o' soda.

Granted. *spits in his soda*

 

 

I wish that more people would comment on my cat blog....

Granted, they all comment wishing him death and suffering.

 

I wish I could read minds.

Granted... you can't turn off that power.. and you stay at home.. because the minds of the world just overpower you and leave you unconscious.. and you have to stay at home.. with the honest, uncensored thoughts of your parents leaking out and into your mind.. thoughts of them doing bad things!

:unsure:

 

I wish that I had a nice glass of clean mango juice.