Jump to content

Celebrity Deathmatch


sees_all1

Fight 10 - Jesus vs Santa  

35 members have voted

  1. 1. Who would win in a fight to the death?

    • Jesus
      16
    • Santa
      19


Recommended Posts

  • Replies 142
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Sorry no update, I've got two exams tomorrow and another the day after. Darn thing about real life is it just keeps getting in the way.

99 dungeoneering achieved, thanks to everyone that celebrated with me!

 

♪♪ Don't interrupt me as I struggle to complete this thought
Have some respect for someone more forgetful than yourself ♪♪

♪♪ And I'm not done
And I won't be till my head falls off ♪♪

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fight #4 Aftermath:

I wish I could say it was a close fight, but then I'd be lying.

Three seconds after the opening bell rang, Tesla started hand-cranking a box clockwise. This box made a loud whirling noise; it became apparent that it was a mind control device. Edison walked to the center of the ring, and sat down. Tesla then started making a cooing noise, and thousands upon thousands of pidgeons began flooding the arena. They all started defecating on Edison. Tesla made a different cooing noise, and the birds flew away. Finally, Tesla began spinning the crank on his box counter-clockwise, it began to vibrate at the exact resonant frequency of pidgeon feces. The feces on Edison began to boil and explode. This happened precisely three minutes and three seconds after the match began - Edison was obliverated.

 

Winner: Tesla 21-3.

 

 

Fight #5, Chuck Norris versus Jackie Chan

 

Wikipedia pages here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackie_chan

 

Remarks about the pre-fight:

Hopefully the universe doesn't explode from the sheer awesomeness of this fight. While both are famous actors, there are some key differences. Jackie Chan is most noted for doing his own stunts, while Chuck Norris was a competitive karate fighter (183-10-2) before getting into film.

 

Pages of interest here:

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com

http://cinemassacre.com/2008/05/06/top-ten-jackie-chan-fights/

 

Who will win?

99 dungeoneering achieved, thanks to everyone that celebrated with me!

 

♪♪ Don't interrupt me as I struggle to complete this thought
Have some respect for someone more forgetful than yourself ♪♪

♪♪ And I'm not done
And I won't be till my head falls off ♪♪

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jackie all the way. Sure Chuck was Super Karate Master, but Jackie was trained in the China Drama Academy; where he learned martial arts and acrobatics (from wikipedia). Many martial arts + acrobatics > one martial art. Plus if there just so happens to be any props within the general vicinity Jackie would find a way...

[hide=Drops]Dragon: Spear x1, Med helm x3, legs x2, pickaxe x1, skirt x3, scimitar x1

Barrows: DH helm x1, Verac Brassy x2, Karil Skirt x1, Ahrim Hood x2, Guthan Spear

GWD: Arma Helm x1

Other: Handcannon x4, Leaf Bladed Sword x3[/hide]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This isn't a fair fight. For one we don't know the setting. If it's at a construction site, Jackie Chan wins. If not, I'd give it to Chuck Norris. I guess.

I was going to eat hot dogs for dinner tonight. I think I will settle for cereal.

 

OPEN WIDE HERE COMES THE HELICOPTER.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmVVpwaG408

 

I look at Chuck's record and have to think, "How can anyone beat this guy?"

Anyhow, I always envisioned the arena to look similar to a "pro" wrestling ring, complete with bungie sides. As far as props go, anything goes.

99 dungeoneering achieved, thanks to everyone that celebrated with me!

 

♪♪ Don't interrupt me as I struggle to complete this thought
Have some respect for someone more forgetful than yourself ♪♪

♪♪ And I'm not done
And I won't be till my head falls off ♪♪

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Jackie Chan is 57, Chuck Norris is 71.

 

Right, but we get to assume otherwise. I'm assuming its the Chuck Norris that just retired from competitive Karate, the young punk. Although I have to admit, he probably was most famous during Walker, Texas Ranger.

 

 

Another point I'd like to make - Jackie Chan does movies. For every kick-ass sequence of moves, there were probably 10 or more outtakes where he messed up.

There are no second (or tenth) chances or redo's in competitive karate, so Chuck legitimately won each and every match.

99 dungeoneering achieved, thanks to everyone that celebrated with me!

 

♪♪ Don't interrupt me as I struggle to complete this thought
Have some respect for someone more forgetful than yourself ♪♪

♪♪ And I'm not done
And I won't be till my head falls off ♪♪

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Fight #5 Aftermath:

Fortunately for us, the universe did not explode at the speed of light. Jackie Chan and Chuck Norris bowed to each other, the bell rang and the fight began. Even the fastest cameras could not capture the blur of fists and feet, intense hand to hand combat. Steadily both Chan and Norris fought their way forward and back, pushing Chan near the ropes. Suddenly Chan jumped onto the ropes, bungied up, grabbed the ceiling and started jungle-jmming through the rafters faster than a monkey. Chuck Norris used his roundhouse kick against the rope to propel himself up to Chan, who jabbed him in the eye. Norris twisted, fell back to the ring, only to land on both feet. He gave a mighty kick to a pillar, crumbling the entire building. Chan landed on Norris, in a twisted heap of steel and debris. Both bleeding badly, it was clear that neither had the upper hand.

 

Finally after more intense hand to hand combat, Norris threw a kick. Jackie Chan's fist collided mid air with Norris' foot; splitting the atoms between them. A nuclear explosion ensued, consuming both fighters.

 

Winner: Neither, 11-11.

 

 

Fight #6, George Washington versus Abraham Lincoln

 

Wiki:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_washington

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln

 

Remarks about the pre-fight:

These two are probably the most respected Presidents ever to serve the United States of America. Washington played a pivotal role in helping to establish the new country, while Lincoln fought through a bloody civil war only to reunite and heal a broken nation.

 

POI:

http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/thepresidentandcabinet/a/gwtheman.htm

http://www.toptenz.net/facts-about-abraham-lincoln.php

99 dungeoneering achieved, thanks to everyone that celebrated with me!

 

♪♪ Don't interrupt me as I struggle to complete this thought
Have some respect for someone more forgetful than yourself ♪♪

♪♪ And I'm not done
And I won't be till my head falls off ♪♪

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My vote normally would have gone to Abe...but, George is just far too badass to go unrecognized. First he's in a decent position in the British army, then he changes the color of his jacket and becomes a general of the continental army. Then it's Christmas and he's like [bleep] you, crosses the Delaware and defeats the Hessians stationed there. Fast forward to the end of the war, he's offered leadership of new country. He says, "Haha lol noes I gotta check my farmville" and leaves to go farming. Then after the Articles of Confederation fails he's like, "Fear no more my children for I am here" and becomes the first president of the United States under the Constitution.

 

I DARE YOU TO DENY THAT'S HOW IT WENT.

 

Edit: I am satisfied with the results of the last match.

[hide=Drops]Dragon: Spear x1, Med helm x3, legs x2, pickaxe x1, skirt x3, scimitar x1

Barrows: DH helm x1, Verac Brassy x2, Karil Skirt x1, Ahrim Hood x2, Guthan Spear

GWD: Arma Helm x1

Other: Handcannon x4, Leaf Bladed Sword x3[/hide]

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm going for Lincoln.


"Imagine yourself surrounded by the most horrible cripples and maniacs it is possible to conceive, and you may understand a little of my feelings with these grotesque caricatures of humanity about me."

- H.G. Wells, The Island of Doctor Moreau

Link to comment
Share on other sites

God damn it sees, I want more fights. :-D


"Imagine yourself surrounded by the most horrible cripples and maniacs it is possible to conceive, and you may understand a little of my feelings with these grotesque caricatures of humanity about me."

- H.G. Wells, The Island of Doctor Moreau

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'll update this later today then. :shades:

99 dungeoneering achieved, thanks to everyone that celebrated with me!

 

♪♪ Don't interrupt me as I struggle to complete this thought
Have some respect for someone more forgetful than yourself ♪♪

♪♪ And I'm not done
And I won't be till my head falls off ♪♪

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.