I chose Edison, simply because Edison 1-up'd Tesla many times in real life, and did a very good job of destroying him. We learn about Edison in 1st grade, not Tesla.

But when you become old enough to read Cracked, that changes :razz:

Tesla was also tinkering with vibrational patterns, and learned how he could take down cities with vibrations alone... my money is on him

Sorry no update, I've got two exams tomorrow and another the day after. Darn thing about real life is it just keeps getting in the way.

Fight #4 Aftermath:

I wish I could say it was a close fight, but then I'd be lying.

Three seconds after the opening bell rang, Tesla started hand-cranking a box clockwise. This box made a loud whirling noise; it became apparent that it was a mind control device. Edison walked to the center of the ring, and sat down. Tesla then started making a cooing noise, and thousands upon thousands of pidgeons began flooding the arena. They all started defecating on Edison. Tesla made a different cooing noise, and the birds flew away. Finally, Tesla began spinning the crank on his box counter-clockwise, it began to vibrate at the exact resonant frequency of pidgeon feces. The feces on Edison began to boil and explode. This happened precisely three minutes and three seconds after the match began - Edison was obliverated.

 

Winner: Tesla 21-3.

 

 

Fight #5, Chuck Norris versus Jackie Chan

 

Wikipedia pages here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jackie_chan

 

Remarks about the pre-fight:

Hopefully the universe doesn't explode from the sheer awesomeness of this fight. While both are famous actors, there are some key differences. Jackie Chan is most noted for doing his own stunts, while Chuck Norris was a competitive karate fighter (183-10-2) before getting into film.

 

Pages of interest here:

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com

http://cinemassacre.com/2008/05/06/top-ten-jackie-chan-fights/

 

Who will win?

http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/499

 

It'll probably be a draw. They'll get into their fighting stances and everything within 5 miles will be leveled by a wave of badass.

Jackie Chan all day. HE GETS STRONGER WITH AGE!!

Eh, Jackie Chan's recent stuff has sucked. I mean really, The Spy Next Door and The Karate (Kung Fu) Kid?

 

Chuck Norris however is still an internet god.

Jackie all the way. Sure Chuck was Super Karate Master, but Jackie was trained in the China Drama Academy; where he learned martial arts and acrobatics (from wikipedia). Many martial arts + acrobatics > one martial art. Plus if there just so happens to be any props within the general vicinity Jackie would find a way...

This isn't a fair fight. For one we don't know the setting. If it's at a construction site, Jackie Chan wins. If not, I'd give it to Chuck Norris. I guess.

This isn't a fair fight. For one we don't know the setting. If it's at a construction site, Jackie Chan wins. If not, I'd give it to Chuck Norris. I guess.

I think any open area/ring with no obstacles gives the fight to Norris.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmVVpwaG408

 

I look at Chuck's record and have to think, "How can anyone beat this guy?"

Anyhow, I always envisioned the arena to look similar to a "pro" wrestling ring, complete with bungie sides. As far as props go, anything goes.

Close, but I have to go with chuck.

Chuck Norris hands down. Nothing and no one can beat the Chuck.

Chuck Norris hands down. Nothing and no one can beat the Chuck.

 

Except for Jackie Chan.

Chuck. I don't think Jackie Chan is all that but maybe that's because I despise his soul.

Jackie Chan is 57, Chuck Norris is 71.

Jackie Chan is 57, Chuck Norris is 71.

 

Right, but we get to assume otherwise. I'm assuming its the Chuck Norris that just retired from competitive Karate, the young punk. Although I have to admit, he probably was most famous during Walker, Texas Ranger.

 

 

Another point I'd like to make - Jackie Chan does movies. For every kick-ass sequence of moves, there were probably 10 or more outtakes where he messed up.

There are no second (or tenth) chances or redo's in competitive karate, so Chuck legitimately won each and every match.

Fight #5 Aftermath:

Fortunately for us, the universe did not explode at the speed of light. Jackie Chan and Chuck Norris bowed to each other, the bell rang and the fight began. Even the fastest cameras could not capture the blur of fists and feet, intense hand to hand combat. Steadily both Chan and Norris fought their way forward and back, pushing Chan near the ropes. Suddenly Chan jumped onto the ropes, bungied up, grabbed the ceiling and started jungle-jmming through the rafters faster than a monkey. Chuck Norris used his roundhouse kick against the rope to propel himself up to Chan, who jabbed him in the eye. Norris twisted, fell back to the ring, only to land on both feet. He gave a mighty kick to a pillar, crumbling the entire building. Chan landed on Norris, in a twisted heap of steel and debris. Both bleeding badly, it was clear that neither had the upper hand.

 

Finally after more intense hand to hand combat, Norris threw a kick. Jackie Chan's fist collided mid air with Norris' foot; splitting the atoms between them. A nuclear explosion ensued, consuming both fighters.

 

Winner: Neither, 11-11.

 

 

Fight #6, George Washington versus Abraham Lincoln

 

Wiki:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_washington

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abraham_Lincoln

 

Remarks about the pre-fight:

These two are probably the most respected Presidents ever to serve the United States of America. Washington played a pivotal role in helping to establish the new country, while Lincoln fought through a bloody civil war only to reunite and heal a broken nation.

 

POI:

http://usgovinfo.about.com/od/thepresidentandcabinet/a/gwtheman.htm

http://www.toptenz.net/facts-about-abraham-lincoln.php

My vote normally would have gone to Abe...but, George is just far too badass to go unrecognized. First he's in a decent position in the British army, then he changes the color of his jacket and becomes a general of the continental army. Then it's Christmas and he's like [bleep] you, crosses the Delaware and defeats the Hessians stationed there. Fast forward to the end of the war, he's offered leadership of new country. He says, "Haha lol noes I gotta check my farmville" and leaves to go farming. Then after the Articles of Confederation fails he's like, "Fear no more my children for I am here" and becomes the first president of the United States under the Constitution.

 

I DARE YOU TO DENY THAT'S HOW IT WENT.

 

Edit: I am satisfied with the results of the last match.

I agree with Junkmutt. Very few can even contest with good ol' Washington's badassery.

I'm going for Lincoln.

Washington's going to cut Abe down like a cherry tree.

This may be worth a read: http://www.mrlincolnandfriends.org/inside.asp?pageID=32&subjectID=2

God damn it sees, I want more fights. :-D

I'll update this later today then. :shades: