Things have really been bothering me lately...

[The Dark Lord]

School has started about 2 weeks ago. Since then, I've had a tight schedule and it's hard to do anything enjoyable and still get my homework done, keep my room tidy, bathe myself, and all of the other essentials. In the end, I always sacrifice my free-time. I go to bed as early as possible (11PM) and wake up at 6:30AM. I face school and another repeated routine.

 

 

 

On top of that, I'm also a feminized guy. Effeminate males obviously have feminine minds or they wouldn't be considered effeminate. My behavior is like that of a female. Even though I'm not gay, I still get made fun of. People at my local church (My father forces me to go.) even act strangely around me and treat me like I freak them out or something. People try to suggest that I do things that a very masculine person would do, to the point that I feel uncomfortable around them. I feel like they're trying to make me do something unnatural and stupid. I'm a sophomore in high school and some people ridicule me. "Why do you sit like a girl? Are you gay?!?! Ha! John carries his books across his chest ~ LIKE A GIRL!" It makes me feel bad about myself. For some reason, my mind seems to think that I look different from what I actually look like. I feel feminine. I hate my body hair, but I can't shave it all off because it is "socially-unacceptable."

 

 

 

It's not like I'm weird or anything? I'm a shy, quiet kid. A friend told me I wasn't super-feminine. Hell, I can't even control the fact that I'm feminine and always will be. If I just pretended to be a masculinized guy, I would feel like I'm doing something unnatural and stupid. (I've already tried before.)

 

 

 

Am I disgusting? Am I a freak? Do I deserve to continue to exist? How come I couldn't have a natural masculine mind? How come if I had to have a feminine mind, I couldn't just have the body as well? I find it hard to fit in with more masculine crowds. It's horrible. Often I get extremely depressed and pessimistic.

 

 

 

What can I do to make myself feel better? How can I make myself cope with my predicament and get over it? How can I fit in without making myself feel like I'm doing something unnatural? How can I enjoy life?

[Bubsa]

All you have to ask yourself is this question:

 

Would you be happier being what they want and sacrifice yourself, or be what you want despite what others think?

 

 

 

Pick what would make you happier and believe in it 100%. I know what I'd pick, and I think you know really what you prefer. Your job, in that case, is to make people accept who you are, not to be afraid of you, or judge you, but to accept you.

 

 

 

That, I'm afraid, can only be done by the person themselves. Good luck.

[Lionheart_0]

You are who you are. This cannot be changed. Thus, the only way to help yourself is to change your environment. Tell the other people about yourself, make them see your normal like them, yet unique like everyone else is.

 

 

 

At the same time, you might need some reworking of how you think. Ask yourself, Am I acceptable to myself? If you say yes, then that means you must work on letting people know who you are and letting them all you are normal.

 

 

 

If you don't like who you are, change it. It might be hard, but if you work at it hard enough, you can make the most unnatural thing become your natural being. I don't suggest this though as you should be able to live the way you are without changing your being.

 

 

 

Also, I know its probably part of your female mind, but just stop caring what others think. If someone makes a comment, shrug it off. They opinion of you doesn't have to matter if you don't want it to.

[WutangFlu]

^^What he said^^ (bubsa)

 

 

 

Also, I'm pretty femmy myself.

 

I have more girl-friends than male.

 

not to mention I wear girl pants, and i'm not even emo.

 

 

 

Also i like the way they fit.. and of you decide to bad mouth tight pants...

 

F-you, Robert plant, and Jimmy page wore em' along with almost every other bad [wagon] musician.

 

 

 

I'm also not masculine because I'm an artist and not a jock who plays sports.

[Adam007]

For starters, thinking you have a feminine rather than masculine mind is pretty limiting. By thinking you can't act masculine, you're setting yourself up for awkwardness. Rather thinking that you have a girl's mind trapped in a guy's body, just acknowledge that you're different in the sense that you don't like how society expects a male to act. Right now you're setting yourself up for a victimized by society defensive type act, which I'd try to drop. Just be yourself, but don't categorize your mind that way.

[look_its_rob]

well theres nothing really wrong with being an effeminate guy and obviously if you like doing things that may be considered "girly" by some people you should continue to do them anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

but why not also take steps like crossing your legs different and carrying your books down by your side. i mean its not really a life changing alteration and it wont change who you are at all, but maybe it will help you avoid ignorant people's taunts?

[WutangFlu]

oh, also this day in age.... a lot of chicks dig femmy guys.

 

though i'd throw that out there :P

[The Real ET]

oh, also this day in age.... a lot of chicks dig femmy guys.

 

though i'd throw that out there :P

 

 

 

He makes a point. Overall, people are stupid and many thrive on insulting others. Ignore them because they're just trying to make up for their own insecurities (cliche, but true). You'll meet plenty of people who accept you for who you are and they're the ones you should care about. Stay true to yourself and forgot the rest.

 

 

 

Off-Topic: I hate girl pants (on me), it's just so... confining. It doesn't help I'm a semi-nudist though. =P

[hellbellz]

Be who you are.

[meol]

You are not disgusting, and you are not a freak. You'd be a freak if you had a third eye in your forehead, but not because you are somewhat effeminate. It's just the way you are. : Hey, it's not your fault they're so close-minded that they can't accept that anyone falls out from the "big, muscled, hairy dumb football player" {jock} stereotype, it's theirs. Don't try and force yourself to "fit in", that's not healthy, and as you said, it's not natural. You just need to gain some self-esteem, and feel more comfortable with yourself.

[kelem_ryu]

Don't compare yourself to others. It doesn't matter if something could be considered rather female or male. Just do what you want. Associating behaviour or anything to a gender is just stereotyping. Forget the clicḫ̩̉̉s! Most of all you are human, not male. Just do whatever feels comfortable and forget about people, who want to fit anything into little boxes.

 

 

 

Another thing. Sometimes i also think body hair, beard growing and such isn't particular attractive. When i look into the mirror i'm just too male for my taste. I'd definitely find myself more attractive, if i was a woman.

 

I guess if you are hetero, you'll always find other people way more attractive - namely those of the opposite gender. At the end of the day this little imperfection of being male is pretty positive, because most girls like males =P (...and they don't necessarily prefer male males.)

[Led-Zeppelin]

F-you, Robert plant, and Jimmy page wore em' along with almost every other bad [wagon] musician.

 

 

 

Haha, yuss!

 

 

 

Who cares what they think bro, don't lie to yourself as a person just to fit in with the crowd.

[The Dark Lord]

All you have to ask yourself is this question:

 

Would you be happier being what they want and sacrifice yourself, or be what you want despite what others think?

 

 

 

Pick what would make you happier and believe in it 100%. I know what I'd pick, and I think you know really what you prefer. Your job, in that case, is to make people accept who you are, not to be afraid of you, or judge you, but to accept you.

 

 

 

That, I'm afraid, can only be done by the person themselves. Good luck.

 

 

 

Yes, I would rather be who I am, feminine.

 

 

 

I also live in the Deep South. There is very little tolerance here.

 

 

 

[hickish accent]Hai Jed, iz dat one of 'em queer folk over der? Le'z get some pitchforks and torches and straighten 'im out![/hickish accent]

 

 

 

At the same time, you might need some reworking of how you think. Ask yourself, Am I acceptable to myself? If you say yes, then that means you must work on letting people know who you are and letting them all you are normal.

 

 

 

Yes, I do accept myself. However, I care too much about what others think of me. When some people give me a weird glance or ridicule me, it makes me feel unwanted and they wouldn't care if I die.

 

 

 

Fortunately, I have tolerant friends. One friend is a strong Liberal and supports gay rights, etc. He is very tolerant, so I don't see why he wouldn't be tolerant toward an effeminate male.

 

 

 

Also, I'm pretty femmy myself.

 

I have more girl-friends than male.

 

not to mention I wear girl pants, and i'm not even emo.

 

 

 

I absolutely LOVE tight jeans! I don't wear girls' pants though. It's hard enough slipping by with a few pairs of tight jeans from Aeropostale because my dad calls form-fitting clothes "something a San Franciscan queer would wear." Yes, my father is a bigot. That's why I never will tell them that I'm effeminate. They see my feminine behavior, but they ignore it because they want me to be something else. Anyway, I like the tightness from the jeans. I like how it is tight in the [wagon], hips, and crotch. I have slightly bigger hips than most guys and I have a healthy BMI.

 

 

 

You are not disgusting, and you are not a freak. You'd be a freak if you had a third eye in your forehead, but not because you are somewhat effeminate. It's just the way you are. Hey, it's not your fault they're so close-minded that they can't accept that anyone falls out from the "big, muscled, hairy dumb football player" {jock} stereotype, it's theirs. Don't try and force yourself to "fit in", that's not healthy, and as you said, it's not natural. You just need to gain some self-esteem, and feel more comfortable with yourself.

 

 

 

Thanks.

 

 

 

Yes, it is very hard to get used to having a masculine body when I have fully given in to my behavior. This would possibly be the first time in years. I remember playing dress-up, picking flowers, and playing with a few female toys when I was little. lol. :XD:

 

 

 

oh, also this day in age.... a lot of chicks dig femmy guys.

 

though i'd throw that out there

 

 

 

Really?

 

 

 

--------

 

 

 

Thanks for the comments, guys. Normally, I would just try to see a counselor about something like this, but that would involve telling my parents that I'm effeminate. They don't want to have to look at me as a feminine person because they want me to be someone else. They just won't admit it.

 

 

 

My only two options would be A) to talk to some friends about it OR B) to post about it on a forum site in which no one knows me personally and I have a kind of "barrier" between me and the people I'm talking to. Thus, it's easier for me to tell everything that I need to tell.

[Kashi]

I'd rather date a sensitive guy than a narcissistic, self-absorbed, "hey baby wanna' feel

 

my muscles?" kind of guy. Some girls go for that, but I think eventually most realize that,

 

no matter how sculpted they are, a pair of arms isn't very good company compared to someone

 

who actually cares about you.

[Babyswifty]

I bassicly have the same problem.. know how you feel m8. :?

[WutangFlu]

oh, also this day in age.... a lot of chicks dig femmy guys.

 

though i'd throw that out there :P

 

 

 

He makes a point. Overall, people are stupid and many thrive on insulting others. Ignore them because they're just trying to make up for their own insecurities (cliche, but true). You'll meet plenty of people who accept you for who you are and they're the ones you should care about. Stay true to yourself and forgot the rest.

 

 

 

Off-Topic: I hate girl pants (on me), it's just so... confining. It doesn't help I'm a semi-nudist though. =P

 

 

 

It's like someone is hugging your legs..

 

the confinement is wonderful.

[hellbellz]

Other than the fact that the legs ride up your crotch sometimes. :-$

[Tbfgraphx14]

But it is probably hard to flex :-$

 

 

 

And oh, When they say stuff ignore them. They probably do it to make them selves feel better with laughter, but don't give them that :-k

[forsaken]

As mentioned, do not categorise yourself, be yourself.

 

 

 

By categorising yourself you only make yourself more conscious of the 'apparent' differences between yourself and the mainstream, thus exacerbating the situation.

 

 

 

Also, be above them. Don't let their comments get to you. By doing so, it serves almost as an irresistible bait which they just have to bite on.

[Intriguing]

I'm a rather effeminate guy. I hate sports, I care about the way I look, I'm interested in fashion, I have no muscles (I'm incredibly skinny though), among other things. I think maybe 9 in 10 of the people I know (excluding older friends, as in, people 20+), have at one point asked me seriously whether or not I'm gay. It really pissed me off the first few times, but I got over it. It's not only because I've gotten used to it though. It's because I've become a more confident person as of late, and along with that, I'm quite comfortable and assured of my sexuality (straight). Just be confident in who you are, and become oblivious to the words of those trying to harm you. It may take some work, but as soon as you realise that you don't care what people think about you (if that's not true, put some work in and make it true), nothing they say will matter anymore.

[Zonorhc]

Why are you complaining about your schedule?

 

 

 

Do you have to worry about uni and work?

[warri0r45]

Your personailty and tendancies towards masculinity or femininity are biologically based. Anyone who thinks you're wierd is ignorant of two things: 1) That you are not 'wierd' or a 'freak' because your femininity is not some sort of disease and; 2) That there is no such thing as normal when it comes to people. The societal mind-rape of making you think you ought to fit into what the 'median person' should look like is an utter [rooster]suck. It's an aspiration to fit physical people into a conceptual archetype.

 

 

 

But what can you do about the discrimination of sorts and wierd looks? Sorry, not much apart from grin and bare it. The collective conditioning program we call society is a powerful beast influenced only by itself (short of a gentle nudge by many of the great minds over time) or anything bigger than it, which is nothing.

 

 

 

If we think collectively, we make a permanent change through society. If we think individually, the change only lasts in those who think. Society dosen't think or no one makes it think, society remains ignorant and dosen't change.

[sour_tacos]

I'd rather date a sensitive guy than a narcissistic, self-absorbed, "hey baby wanna' feel

 

my muscles?" kind of guy. Some girls go for that, but I think eventually most realize that,

 

no matter how sculpted they are, a pair of arms isn't very good company compared to someone

 

who actually cares about you.

 

 

 

Couldn't of put it better myself! :

[champion]

There's a kid like that at my school. Light blue Aeropostale shirt, skinny jeans, etc. But when the jocks make fun of him he just says, "Shut up idiots!" and swears. Not a good way to defend yourself.

 

 

 

But just ignore them. Responding to them will just make them want to tease you for.

[IGoddessI]

I'd like to challenge what you have to say.

 

 

 

Do you need to please others in order to be happy?

 

 

 

Have you tried to organise yourself with a diary and slot your activities in?

 

 

 

You could have done something productive for the 15 mins that it probably took to write that?

 

 

 

Is it going to change your life if other people call you names?

 

 

 

When other people call you names why should you feel hurt by it?

 

 

 

Why should you let it affect you?

 

 

 

Why should you act differently?

 

 

 

Why is it so drastic that you're busy?