"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Flyingjj]

imo, calling drunk sex rape is demeaning to the people who actually have been raped. It's a serious and horrible crime, not something that should be thrown about.

 

Also, http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1546789/Drunk-women-can-consent-to-sex-judges-rule.html

First of all, I'm not saying all or even most drunk sex is rape, I'm saying it can be. Second, I don't really know how to argue against that thought wave effectively, but I've contacted someone who does. Hopefully he'll have an adequate response to offer, even if you still end up believing what you do, which I'm sure you will, but at least an alternative argument will be present.

[Scorcheddd]

Well Scorched, if she is weirded out by physical contact then it would heavily support the possibility that she sees you only as a friend. In which case, don't play it off as a joke, but more of just being playful. If she still seems awkward about it, then sure pull the "I was just kidding" card. But realize that using that phrase denounces most build up you've had for the situation.

 

If she does like you and she's weirded out by the physical contact, that could be her "old fashioned" mentality. I don't know how old fashioned she really is, so I have no way of telling.

 

And to Blindbaker...congrats! (I think).

 

Alright, thanks!

[RpgGamer]

imo, calling drunk sex rape is demeaning to the people who actually have been raped. It's a serious and horrible crime, not something that should be thrown about.

 

Also, http://www.telegraph...udges-rule.html

 

I agree completely, however raping a drunk girl is still rape. Alcohol justifies nothing.

 

And you're ever so welcome Scorched. Don't forget to report back later ;). I like knowing how these things turn out.

[Jeffwilson99]

imo, calling drunk sex rape is demeaning to the people who actually have been raped. It's a serious and horrible crime, not something that should be thrown about.

 

Also, http://www.telegraph...udges-rule.html

 

I agree completely, however raping a drunk girl is still rape. Alcohol justifies nothing.

 

 

Dan wasn't justifying drunk rape... And of course alcohol doesn' justify rape, nothing does.

[RpgGamer]

If you can laugh at this, you know you are over her:

http://www.darcomic.org/2004/02/19/the-foundation-of-friendship/

[Iamdan]

I finally figured out why I can't get that girl out of my head. She uses a lot of the same damn techniques I do :lol:

 

Alcohol justifies nothing, including a girl consenting and later regretting it because of society.

 

First of all, I'm not saying all or even most drunk sex is rape, I'm saying it can be. Second, I don't really know how to argue against that thought wave effectively, but I've contacted someone who does. Hopefully he'll have an adequate response to offer, even if you still end up believing what you do, which I'm sure you will, but at least an alternative argument will be present.

 

I know that's what you meant, what you said just reminded me of it and I had a bone to pick with people who think that way.

 

Anyway I need to keep my promise of explaining LMR. Last minute resistance obviously doesn't apply to virgins but the techniques generally work the same with the other stuff. I'm well aware a couple people will probably have a go at me and that's fine, hopefully it helps others. I'm happy to say this is a topic I fully understood from experimenting and didn't learn anything new after I discovered pua material.

 

Basically there is a hardwired switch in the brains of women that makes her freak out the first time before she has sex with someone. It's different for everyone, the switch might trigger when you take off her shirt in naive girls. It might not switch until you reach for a condom for others.

 

It's there because in the tribal days, sex meant a baby. A baby means she needs protection and resources or both her and the baby's life are at risk.. She needs to know (technically think :-w ) that you will stick around and protect her and the baby because she has 'high jacked your brain' as mystery puts it. This brain high jacking is a trigger in the male brain, which basically means he likes her, cares about her and wants to see her again. The first line of defense against LMR is to let her know she has high jacked your brain.

 

In the qualification stage you could say something like "You're going to have to justify something for me, it's kinda weirding me out. Beauty is common, why the hell and I drawn to you?" If you've already attracted her and gotten her to jump through a couple smaller 'hoops' (mentioned in a previous post and in turn on my blog) then she will start qualifying herself killing 2 birds with 1 stone.

 

A text I use a lot is "You just popped into my head so hi. Now stay out of there."

 

I'm sure you've gotten the gist of it.

 

The second is an obvious one - distraction. Kiss her while you undo her button etc.

 

Thirdly if she says something non direct like 'we shouldn't be doing this,' agree with her. Then keep going. Use your common sense, if she gives an obvious "no" or "stop" then do so. Check out the first minute of season 3 episode 13 of 2 and a half men. Perfect example.

 

Lastly is a technique coined the freeze out. From what I understand, most guys will 'skip backwards' upon hearing 'stop' and try to push the boundary later. I have never heard of this working. Instead, agree that you should stop and 'freeze out.' Turn off the music, blow out the candles, flick the lights back on and go watch tv. She's enjoying the intimate moment and if you take it away she will miss it.

 

(On that note, a small freeze out is one of my favourite kiss close techniques. Wait until you're both on a high, then tell her "I/you should go." Hesitate, and then kiss her.)

 

You don't care if you have sex (the first time with her anyway) or not, even if you do, you don't. Let her know that.

[RpgGamer]

Informative and educational, but oh my lord dude, that was bad timing right after a rape debate!

[muggiwhplar]

Wow I haven't visited this topic in ages. . . I see that everybody is aware of "seduction" now :rolleyes:

 

I'm sort of disappointed, to be honest. Because the title of this (stickied) topic is "I want a girlfriend [. . .]" I really don't advocate the use of seduction tactics in pursuit of a girlfriend. To me, the only time one should be using seduction is if they want a friend with benefits (also known as an "FB" to the seduction-junkies) or a one night stand (ONS). For those of you who actually want a girlfriend or female companion, then DO NOT USE SEDUCTION - BE YOURSELF! Why do I say this? It's pretty simple. . .

 

In order to be a successful seductionist, you basically have to have all of the personality traits and desires of one. Think of your personality as a toolbox, and seduction teachings as a manual. If you don't have the same tools which the manual states are required, then you are bound to fail. It's like trying to assemble a model ship with a hammer and some screws. Similarly, if you're an awkward, anti-social nerd who wishes wants to become a "pickup artist" via seduction teachings, you're also bound to fail. Why? Because if you try being "cocky and funny," you aren't being yourself; you are being very "incongruent," and girls will see that. It's more than a "practice until you master it" sort of thing - it's going against the [insert age] years of your life which have shaped your current personality.

 

So what should you do, then? It's pretty simple, actually. Take a good look at the tools in your toolbox. Ask yourself, "what tools do I have that make me successful? What tools am I missing? Which tools aren't helping me?"

 

For your favorite personality trait(s): learn to develop and use those as much as possible.

For missing personality trait(s): do you absolutely, positively, require them to get what you desire? If so, then by all means find them and develop them. Otherwise, focus on more important matters (because chances are, you really don't need them).

For personality traits which get in your way (flaws): This requires its own little section, rather than a broad, vague description. . .

 

We all have our flaws. Some are painfully obvious, some are very subtle. Now, when it comes to this delicate topic, I think a lot of people fit these criteria (I know I sure used to...): They are lonely. They are insecure with themselves. They want to be validated by their peers. They think that becoming a pickup artist will validate them and make them happy.

 

These people are failing to realize the real way to solve their problems. Being validated by your peers will not solve your problems! If you seek validation, you must first validate YOURSELF!

 

Let's take a look at The Game. I apologize for referencing this so much, but it's the primary reason why "pickup artists" are no longer an underground society. Anyways, The Game is an autobiography/nonfiction novel written by a man whose PUA name was "Style." He tells the story of how he transformed into a PUA who was able to sleep with hundreds of women, after being taught seduction by a man named "Mystery." Mystery had slept with hundreds (thousands?) of women, and so he was idolized by Style. Despite his apparent "success," Mystery still frequently battled depression and could not maintain a relationship to save his life. Fortunately for Style (and those who interpret The Game as an autobiography, rather than a manual), Style realized that the reason why they couldn't maintain relationships was because they weren't being themselves. They were being incongruent and fake. Sure you can act cocky and funny and get laid with a girl, but then what? When you two start getting to know each other better, you'll frequently have to ask yourself "How am I supposed to act in this situation? How am I supposed to look cool or assert my dominance? What can I do to make her like me or stay interested in me?" When you start asking yourself these questions and start fighting your natural instincts, you have a problem- the same problem that Mystery has. Sure you'll be great at meeting girls and getting them into bed, but after that you're never going to be able to maintain a relationship with her. At the end of the novel, Style realizes this and finally drops all of his seduction teachings and manages to get a girlfriend which he can actually hold onto.[/book Report]

 

Learning seduction will make you awesome at meeting girls and possibly getting them into bed. But after that point if you try and form a relationship, it's probably not gonna work out so well for you. However if you start being genuine instead of calculating to every girl you meet, chances are it'll be a lot harder to first get to know her or get her into bed, however maintaining a relationship becomes effortless and natural. It's also important to notice that it takes anywhere from one night to a couple of weeks to meet a girl and get her into bed. However, a healthy, meaningful relationship lasts significantly longer than just one night. I'd rather be genuine and have the brief, first meeting with a girl be spontaneous and maybe even uncomfortable, followed by a long healthy relationship... rather than a cocky and funny night of seduction, followed by a depressing attempt to be someone I'm not for as long as the ill-fated relationship lasts.

 

Post summary:

 

If you just wanna get laid or are looking for a friend with benefits or a one night stand, then by all means practice seduction to your hearts content. But if you're actually looking for a girlfriend or you're having problems with your current relationship, don't turn to seduction. It will send you down the wrong path and only get in your way.

 

Also, while my argument is against seduction, if you're a seduction advocate who uses seduction simply as a tool to satisfy their sex drive, then I applaud you and I'm proud of you. However, if you're someone who still thinks seduction is the magic pill to make all your troubles go away, then take a good look in the mirror and drop the charade.

[Tim]

someone remind me why we're giving sex advice on a RELATIONSHIP thread with kids about the age of 13-15 on it? -.-

[Flyingjj]

someone remind me why we're giving sex advice on a RELATIONSHIP thread with kids about the age of 13-15 on it? -.-

Because not all of us are 13-15. :roll: In fact, I'd say most of the questions on the thread are from 15-18 year olds while some of us are even older (18-25?)

[BlindBaker]

someone remind me why we're giving sex advice on a RELATIONSHIP thread with kids about the age of 13-15 on it? -.-

 

It's aimed at people 16+, sure, but it's not like people ages 13-15 don't know what sex is, so how is it bad that we read it? Besides, it might help us later in life.

[RpgGamer]

For those younger than 16, I say you should be reading the advice and learning from other peoples mistakes. For those 15 and up, those are going to be the people asking the questions. But just because you're younger doesn't mean you can't/should read it, or have questions on anything. I'm sure we all know what sex is. And I'm sure we all realize how important it is in a relationship. Bottom line, I love muggi's post :)

[justcallmedaddy]

Muggi is wise.

 

I'm not a baby 13 year old and this isn't a problem, but I would like to know what this means.

 

I keep having dreams where this one girl I know is always in m bed. It is nighttime and I am going to sleep and she is right there lying down with me. We don't bone, but she's not lifeless and just lay there, in my dream we talk and I can feel her if I want. Again, we don't bone eachother and in my dream I don't want to, but it's weird because I like having her there.

 

Then I wake upin real life and it's quite awkward and don't know what to take from it.

[Wisp]

Muggi is wise.

 

I'm not a baby 13 year old and this isn't a problem, but I would like to know what this means.

 

I keep having dreams where this one girl I know is always in m bed. It is nighttime and I am going to sleep and she is right there lying down with me. We don't bone, but she's not lifeless and just lay there, in my dream we talk and I can feel her if I want. Again, we don't bone eachother and in my dream I don't want to, but it's weird because I like having her there.

 

Then I wake upin real life and it's quite awkward and don't know what to take from it.

I'm guessing it's because you have some feelings for her, and your subconsciously afraid that you're not ready for sex, or you're not sure if you want to yet, or something along those lines.

[muggiwhplar]

Muggi is wise.

 

I'm not a baby 13 year old and this isn't a problem, but I would like to know what this means.

 

I keep having dreams where this one girl I know is always in m bed. It is nighttime and I am going to sleep and she is right there lying down with me. We don't bone, but she's not lifeless and just lay there, in my dream we talk and I can feel her if I want. Again, we don't bone eachother and in my dream I don't want to, but it's weird because I like having her there.

 

Then I wake upin real life and it's quite awkward and don't know what to take from it.

 

Sounds like you simply enjoy cuddling with that girl :) Sometimes cuddling sounds like more fun/enjoyable than sex

[Omar]

Muggi, it's been said before and I'll say it now, it's not about being someone else, it's about being a better you.

[muggiwhplar]

Muggi, it's been said before and I'll say it now, it's not about being someone else, it's about being a better you.

 

I'm well aware, but if self-improvement is your goal, then seduction only complicates things.

[RpgGamer]

Muggi, it's been said before and I'll say it now, it's not about being someone else, it's about being a better you.

 

I'm well aware, but if self-improvement is your goal, then seduction only complicates things.

 

Bingo.

 

Very wise words. Self improvement is often the goal of a PUA in training. And that's perfectly reasonable, but don't be throwing the seduction around too much or you'll be digging yourself into all sorts of trouble. Being alone isn't the end of the world, infact it can be used as a healing period.

 

And as much as I'd like to believe that dreams mean something, quite frankly they are just brain synapses triggering false memories. It's actually "bad" for your psyche to focus on remembering what one is. There's potential to a dream having meaning, but very subtle things. I've studied dreams and their practical uses as well as "meanings" for a few years now. I'm still not convinced they have any real reason behind them. I think of them like cable TV I don't have to pay for...plus they're entertaining. I imagine heaven to be an eternal dream so to speak.

[Iamdan]

Muggi, it's been said before and I'll say it now, it's not about being someone else, it's about being a better you.

 

I'm well aware, but if self-improvement is your goal, then seduction only complicates things.

 

That all depends on the person. Some will take the easy way and just recite lines, others will get excited about their results and take it too far. Others will get more of a benefit from it.

 

Guns don't kill, people do.

 

Also, style only left the community because he met a girl he wanted to keep. He wouldn't have gotten her without all his experience, and he became a pua again after they broke up until he found the next girl he wanted to stay with.

[RpgGamer]

Muggi, it's been said before and I'll say it now, it's not about being someone else, it's about being a better you.

 

I'm well aware, but if self-improvement is your goal, then seduction only complicates things.

 

Also, style only left the community because he met a girl he wanted to keep. He wouldn't have gotten her without all his experience, and he became a pua again after they broke up until he found the next girl he wanted to stay with.

 

 

and THAT is the reason why I approve of all this PUA behavior and talk. Because its a pathway to happiness. Sure it can be abused, but Style found the true and good application of the talent.

[muggiwhplar]

Muggi, it's been said before and I'll say it now, it's not about being someone else, it's about being a better you.

 

I'm well aware, but if self-improvement is your goal, then seduction only complicates things.

 

Also, style only left the community because he met a girl he wanted to keep. He wouldn't have gotten her without all his experience, and he became a pua again after they broke up until he found the next girl he wanted to stay with.

 

 

and THAT is the reason why I approve of all this PUA behavior and talk. Because its a pathway to happiness. Sure it can be abused, but Style found the true and good application of the talent.

 

There's really only a few important things that are universally beneficial from seduction, and that is basically learning what women generally want, and what general qualities will make you more successful with women. Everything else like gimmicks, lines, rules, etc. are unnecessary. Style got his girlfriend because he knew generally what to do and what not to do - when he tried doing routines and negging and all that BS, he failed. As soon as he abandoned that stuff, he got her. Like I said, seduction's only useful for meeting girls and getting them into bed. If you try and form/maintain a relationship via seduction, you're screwed.

 

But again it's difficult to generalize these things - everybody has different needs and desires. Most people don't even know what they want. A lot of people just wanna be cool and fit in (such as by showing off their pickup skills or apparent knowledge of women). When a guy comes on here and asks something like, "There's a girl I like - how do I get her to like me?" chances are he'd rather date her than just [bleep] her. In which case, I don't really see how seductionists help him by telling him to do things which he wouldn't normally do. After a while the girl will realize he's not who she thinks he is.

 

Everybody's different - Mystery and Style are completely different people with different needs and desires. Until the self-proclaimed "gurus" and the followers are both aware of what their needs and desires are, I really don't see any practical applications for seduction here.

[Tim]

Exactly What year was that "The Game" book published anyway?

[muggiwhplar]

Exactly What year was that "The Game" book published anyway?

 

2005. While the Mystery and Style were major pioneers of seduction, the Mystery Method is considered nowadays to be obsolete :mellow:

[RpgGamer]

Muggi, it's been said before and I'll say it now, it's not about being someone else, it's about being a better you.

 

I'm well aware, but if self-improvement is your goal, then seduction only complicates things.

 

Also, style only left the community because he met a girl he wanted to keep. He wouldn't have gotten her without all his experience, and he became a pua again after they broke up until he found the next girl he wanted to stay with.

 

 

and THAT is the reason why I approve of all this PUA behavior and talk. Because its a pathway to happiness. Sure it can be abused, but Style found the true and good application of the talent.

 

There's really only a few important things that are universally beneficial from seduction, and that is basically learning what women generally want, and what general qualities will make you more successful with women. Everything else like gimmicks, lines, rules, etc. are unnecessary. Style got his girlfriend because he knew generally what to do and what not to do - when he tried doing routines and negging and all that BS, he failed. As soon as he abandoned that stuff, he got her. Like I said, seduction's only useful for meeting girls and getting them into bed. If you try and form/maintain a relationship via seduction, you're screwed.

 

But again it's difficult to generalize these things - everybody has different needs and desires. Most people don't even know what they want. A lot of people just wanna be cool and fit in (such as by showing off their pickup skills or apparent knowledge of women). When a guy comes on here and asks something like, "There's a girl I like - how do I get her to like me?" chances are he'd rather date her than just [bleep] her. In which case, I don't really see how seductionists help him by telling him to do things which he wouldn't normally do. After a while the girl will realize he's not who she thinks he is.

 

Everybody's different - Mystery and Style are completely different people with different needs and desires. Until the self-proclaimed "gurus" and the followers are both aware of what their needs and desires are, I really don't see any practical applications for seduction here.

 

Yes well, without knowing the girls personally, or even the guy (or in some cases, visa versa) basic seduction tips is all we can really give. The most common problem among the folk here is lack of understanding as to when to pull the trigger, and accidentally being friendzoned. Obviously spitting routines isn't going to help too many people, but the general idea remains the same - attracting the chick that you are attracted to. It's kind of hard to hook a buddy up when all we can do is post on a forum, when in reality we live on oposite ends of the earth. y'know?

[fruitdisc00]

Well...I'm back again. This is the main thing I wanted to post, but didn't.

 

After I came out of my depression, life was good. I'd learned a lot, and was taking the summer as a fresh start. New appearance, new personality...I went from socially awkward nerd to cool geek socially win guy. There's a problem...of course. This isn't really much of a 'omg guyz i got friendzoned wtf shuld i do' but I think it might be a bit serious.

 

Like mentioned in my previous posts in this thread, I've never before had a relationship work out (as in, never started dating)...always got bleep'ed with. Things are different now. I have tons of confidence, I know how to flirt very skillfully.

 

This problem I've pondered almost every day, talked to my close friends about, with no help. I simply just don't feel that emotion you get when you like someone anymore. I've tried going after girls, now I'm going after a special one that also, did, screw me over before. That sort-of-magical, happy, nervous feeling you get? Well, I felt it all the time last year...now, after my recovery, I simply don't. I've considered that maybe this is just a childhood feeling dying off, maybe it happens to everyone...but my friends have said it's never happened to them. The odd thing though, is that...as smell is the sense most directly linked to memory...whenever I smell a certain perfume that a girl I used to really, really, really like...the feeling briefly rushes back to me...the first time this occurred, it overpowered me...but I don't know what happened to me...I just can't feel it anymore. My theory, that I've lamely come to the conclusion to...is that with all the failure I've had in relationships...it just did something to me, psychologically. The thought even crossed my mind on a date recently that maybe I'm just in my current (first actually working relationship) just for the kisses, and all that 'other hormonal stuff' that happens...I really don't know. I want to feel it again. Is this just a childhood feeling that happens to everyone? Or am I just screwed up?