Okay quick question:

 

Does the three second rule applicable when you meet people on a social networking site (in this case Facebook)?

 

This really hot (I hate using that a descriptive adjective, but whatever) girl added me on Facebook a few days ago, because we are both attending a party that was posted on Facebook. The host is a mutual friend of ours (her friend, my friend's girlfriend). Now every instinct in my head shouted at me "comment on her page, say something" but I wasn't sure how awkward that would have been. So I'm kind of wondering if the 3 second approach would even apply considering its online. I plan on making a major move when I meet her in a few days to compensate my ignorance, but i'm wondering how big a msktake I just made if I made one at all. I'm already kicking myself for not doing anything immidiatly. Maybe I should wait until I meet her in person?

Does the three second rule applicable when you meet people on a social networking site (in this case Facebook)?

Hmm. I was thinking about this not long ago actually.

 

I'd say yes, because "taking advantage" of the time you have to think of something to say could maybe lead to bad habits? But that's only if you're going to meet her on Facebook in the first place. It's probably better that you're waiting to meet her in person.

The 3 second rule is to make cold approaches appear spontaneous, and to help reduce approach anxiety. Nether are applicable online, so no.

How many times does oneitus "work" ? Women don't have sex with people they see as friends, simple as that.

 

I beg to differ. (Last Wednesday night)

Then odds are either she doesn't see you as a friend, she had sex with you vicariously, or it was Christmas sex.

we've been friends for 5 years, just sorta happened after the movies. (and I have no idea wth vicariously means)

 

EDIT: Am I the only one who's never been added by a random on Facebook/Myspace?

Then odds are either she doesn't see you as a friend, she had sex with you vicariously, or it was Christmas sex.

None of which I would have a problem with to be honest.

If fruit's in love/has oneitis with that person, I don't think that would satisfy him.

 

And dark, vicariously means for lack of a better choice.

Ok guys I'm only writing here because I'm desperate. There is this girl I'm totally in love with I think of her all the time and I can hardly sleep and stuff like that. She seems to like me too but only looks at me as a friend. Is there anything I can do?? I thought I'd never be in this situation and I don't know what do except talking to her because it hurts so much =(( Maybe someone can give me some advice

Then odds are either she doesn't see you as a friend, she had sex with you vicariously, or it was Christmas sex.

None of which I would have a problem with to be honest.

If fruit's in love/has oneitis with that person, I don't think that would satisfy him.

 

And dark, vicariously means for lack of a better choice.

 

 

Where did you hear that? It's a substitute, not nesesarily a downgrade. (cite: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vicarious )

 

Oh and @Lordcannicus

Expect a lot of "gftog" answers. It really does help, but its probably not what you were looking for as a solution.

Where did you hear that? It's a substitute, not nesesarily a downgrade. (cite: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/vicarious )

 

For lack of a better choice doesn't involve a downgrade. It just means your first wish wasn't fulfilled.

You know, I'm starting to wonder what the percentage of posts in this thread relate to the friendzone.

Ok guys I'm only writing here because I'm desperate. There is this girl I'm totally in love with I think of her all the time and I can hardly sleep and stuff like that. She seems to like me too but only looks at me as a friend. Is there anything I can do?? I thought I'd never be in this situation and I don't know what do except talking to her because it hurts so much =(( Maybe someone can give me some advice

Yeah. There's not a whole lot you can do in this situation. There's basically no way to get the girl, and definitely the best way to get over her is to find another girl. If that's not an immediate option, I'd try finding flaws in the existing girl. It's hard, as in crush mode people tend to idealize the girl they like, making it hard to find flaws, but start small, they're there. Think of times you've disagreed with her about something, or she's done something you don't like, or something like that. It takes time, but it definitely reduces crush symptoms, of which you have plenty. But, like I and RPG have already said, the best answer is probably to find another girl or something.

 

I sincerely doubt that you can actually end up being with her at this point. If you're in the obsession stage, it only makes it harder to actually approach her about it. That is your other option, however. Be honest. Talk to her about it, basically tell her how you feel, expect rejection. In fact, I would recommend almost asking for it. Some girls like giving "I'll think about it" answers in those situations, but those are almost always false hopes. They don't want to hurt your feelings, but it really only ends up hurting you more. Basically, if you go with this option, simply be like "Hey, this is how I feel. I understand you probably don't feel this way, but I needed to get it off my chest. If you don't feel that way, let me hear it from you straight so I can start to get over you. It'll save me a lot of trouble if you be honest with me without trying not to hurt me."

 

Personally, however, I'm a conflict avoidance person, so I'd go with either the "gftog" (as it's so crudely put on this thread) option or the self-help method of fixating on flaws rather than perfection.

I'd go for the first method too because the second isn't really going to help you (unless you turn out to be in luck, but from what I read the odds are low).

You know, I'm starting to wonder what the percentage of posts in this thread relate to the friendzone.

 

It makes sense, most guys build comfort before (or often instead of) attraction because nice guy syndrome is so common.

After reading through part of this thread, I feel that perhaps this thread can help me as well.

 

I have 4 problems:

 

1. I feel like one of my best [guy] friends is an a-hole. PS: I am male as well.

2. I live with him. In the same room to be exact. No, I am not gay, it's called college, and my friend is called my roommate.

3. I feel as if I have no other friends close enough to me to share my feelings.

4. Not really sure how to know someone is really a "good" friend. As in someone who actually cares for you and not someone that just likes hanging out with you.

 

Some history:

I don't think that I am anti-social in anyway.

I've been to 3 different high schools(1 Over seas, 1 in Texas and 1 in California), so meeting people isn't really that hard for me. However, keeping a [close] friend is sort of challenging since I keep moving.

I tend to over think things. For example: sometimes I stop talking to people because I feel that I message them to much. Or I act cold to girls after talking to them for a while because I am afraid

that they will think that I like them (Kind of weird).

I tend to take some things personally. Fine, maybe not some, ALOT of things personally lately.

 

VERY SUSPICIOUS LATELY (OR JUST NOT TRUSTING PEOPLE), I feel that people are leaving me out of things on purpose.

 

^The above has been driving me nuts lately, and I feel as if I am not being myself.

 

 

Any help is appreciated. (Especially for the best friend issue)

 

Will add more details when needed.

If you feel people are leaving you out, you can try to tag along. Chances are if they don't want you there, they'll get rid of you one way or another.

Ok guys I'm only writing here because I'm desperate. There is this girl I'm totally in love with I think of her all the time and I can hardly sleep and stuff like that. She seems to like me too but only looks at me as a friend. Is there anything I can do?? I thought I'd never be in this situation and I don't know what do except talking to her because it hurts so much =(( Maybe someone can give me some advice

Yeah. There's not a whole lot you can do in this situation. There's basically no way to get the girl, and definitely the best way to get over her is to find another girl. If that's not an immediate option, I'd try finding flaws in the existing girl. It's hard, as in crush mode people tend to idealize the girl they like, making it hard to find flaws, but start small, they're there. Think of times you've disagreed with her about something, or she's done something you don't like, or something like that. It takes time, but it definitely reduces crush symptoms, of which you have plenty.

 

I did that. I thought about how she was way (WAYWAYWAYWAY) too nice, and it got to the point where it pissed me off to no end. Which is good.

You know, I'm starting to wonder what the percentage of posts in this thread relate to the friendzone.

 

It makes sense, most guys build comfort before (or often instead of) attraction because nice guy syndrome is so common.

 

 

You have to keep in mind that this is infact a Rnuescape Fansite's forum ;)

 

After reading through part of this thread, I feel that perhaps this thread can help me as well.

 

I have 4 problems:

 

1. I feel like one of my best [guy] friends is an a-hole. PS: I am male as well.

2. I live with him. In the same room to be exact. No, I am not gay, it's called college, and my friend is called my roommate.

3. I feel as if I have no other friends close enough to me to share my feelings.

4. Not really sure how to know someone is really a "good" friend. As in someone who actually cares for you and not someone that just likes hanging out with you.

 

Some history:

I don't think that I am anti-social in anyway.

I've been to 3 different high schools(1 Over seas, 1 in Texas and 1 in California), so meeting people isn't really that hard for me. However, keeping a [close] friend is sort of challenging since I keep moving.

I tend to over think things. For example: sometimes I stop talking to people because I feel that I message them to much. Or I act cold to girls after talking to them for a while because I am afraid

that they will think that I like them (Kind of weird).

I tend to take some things personally. Fine, maybe not some, ALOT of things personally lately.

 

VERY SUSPICIOUS LATELY (OR JUST NOT TRUSTING PEOPLE), I feel that people are leaving me out of things on purpose.

 

^The above has been driving me nuts lately, and I feel as if I am not being myself.

 

 

Any help is appreciated. (Especially for the best friend issue)

 

Will add more details when needed.

 

Well growing uo in 3 different highschools has certainly taken its toll on you. You have no loyal friends to really fall back on, because you've never known anyone long enough. You lack of trust for people is understandable. Trust is a difficult thing to earn, but the more time you spend with someone, the more likely you are to trust them. Maybe you and your roomate just aren't connecting on a very personal level. There's plenty of ways to change that (like asking for advice, meeting his family/friends). Or maybe he's just one of those guys that you can't really get close to. They exist believe it or, not but it usually poses a larger problem to women then it does guys. Some guys like just hanging out and having a good time. And that's the extent of their existance. There is no deep, personal relationship available. You said you are good at meeting people, which is a good tool to have. You should stop acting cold towards people out of paranoia though. You gotta start letting things ride. Smoetimes it ends up messy, other times you'll find yourself with a very close friend.

You know, I'm starting to wonder what the percentage of posts in this thread relate to the friendzone.

 

It makes sense, most guys build comfort before (or often instead of) attraction because nice guy syndrome is so common.

 

 

You have to keep in mind that this is infact a Rnuescape Fansite's forum ;)

 

After reading through part of this thread, I feel that perhaps this thread can help me as well.

 

I have 4 problems:

 

1. I feel like one of my best [guy] friends is an a-hole. PS: I am male as well.

2. I live with him. In the same room to be exact. No, I am not gay, it's called college, and my friend is called my roommate.

3. I feel as if I have no other friends close enough to me to share my feelings.

4. Not really sure how to know someone is really a "good" friend. As in someone who actually cares for you and not someone that just likes hanging out with you.

 

Some history:

I don't think that I am anti-social in anyway.

I've been to 3 different high schools(1 Over seas, 1 in Texas and 1 in California), so meeting people isn't really that hard for me. However, keeping a [close] friend is sort of challenging since I keep moving.

I tend to over think things. For example: sometimes I stop talking to people because I feel that I message them to much. Or I act cold to girls after talking to them for a while because I am afraid

that they will think that I like them (Kind of weird).

I tend to take some things personally. Fine, maybe not some, ALOT of things personally lately.

 

VERY SUSPICIOUS LATELY (OR JUST NOT TRUSTING PEOPLE), I feel that people are leaving me out of things on purpose.

 

^The above has been driving me nuts lately, and I feel as if I am not being myself.

 

 

Any help is appreciated. (Especially for the best friend issue)

 

Will add more details when needed.

 

Well growing uo in 3 different highschools has certainly taken its toll on you. You have no loyal friends to really fall back on, because you've never known anyone long enough. You lack of trust for people is understandable. Trust is a difficult thing to earn, but the more time you spend with someone, the more likely you are to trust them. Maybe you and your roomate just aren't connecting on a very personal level. There's plenty of ways to change that (like asking for advice, meeting his family/friends). Or maybe he's just one of those guys that you can't really get close to. They exist believe it or, not but it usually poses a larger problem to women then it does guys. Some guys like just hanging out and having a good time. And that's the extent of their existance. There is no deep, personal relationship available. You said you are good at meeting people, which is a good tool to have. You should stop acting cold towards people out of paranoia though. You gotta start letting things ride. Smoetimes it ends up messy, other times you'll find yourself with a very close friend.

 

Oops, I forgot to mention that I knew him from my last high school. So I've known him for 2 years already. So I know his family, I'm actually great friends with his brother.

So yeah...help!?

You're his room mate, and long time friend then. I'm fairly sure that anything he leaves you out of wasn't done to intentionally hurt you. I'd say its more your lack of trust/paranoia. Its possible that he wants some space, but it sounds to me like you are already fairly close. Do you feel like you can talk about anything? Share thoughts? Share feelings?

The difference between your girlfriend and your best friend is usually the sexual activity. Other than your paranoia, I don't see much of a problem here. If you feel like he's leaving you out, make an effort to hang out with him, and he'll probably return the favor. If he doesn't, bring it up that you don't see him as much as you used to.

 

It's also possible for friends to grow apart, which majorly sucks, but it happens all the time. But just like girls, theres millions of other guys out there just waiting to make a new friend. You could be that friend.

You're his room mate, and long time friend then. I'm fairly sure that anything he leaves you out of wasn't done to intentionally hurt you. I'd say its more your lack of trust/paranoia. Its possible that he wants some space, but it sounds to me like you are already fairly close. Do you feel like you can talk about anything? Share thoughts? Share feelings?

The difference between your girlfriend and your best friend is usually the sexual activity. Other than your paranoia, I don't see much of a problem here. If you feel like he's leaving you out, make an effort to hang out with him, and he'll probably return the favor. If he doesn't, bring it up that you don't see him as much as you used to.

 

It's also possible for friends to grow apart, which majorly sucks, but it happens all the time. But just like girls, theres millions of other guys out there just waiting to make a new friend. You could be that friend.

 

Yeah, I know I'm feeling paranoid. But I just feel like he back stabs me sometimes, or he is messing with me. Despite moving through some many areas, I am still quite naive in the ways of the world due to over protective parents.

 

Here are 2 examples of him "messing" with me:

 

1. About a year back there was some drama in our group, sort of a split where the "core" group kind of became a-holes and alienated the rest. Told him about it, and told him how I felt about those people. Maybe a month ago, he started saying that I brain washed him about the the "a-holes" and turned him against them just because I didn't like them. He said quote " I was being to dramatic".

 

2. Just this weekend we were chatting, talking about girls and stuff and he was like "Yeah Susie (not real name) seems like a girl you would really like. She's athletic and out going...blah blah blah blah blah..." And then he goes on telling me how she likes him...-.-.

 

 

Is it just my imagination? or is he messing with my head.

Well, he might be a bit pushy, and possibly self absorbed, but I don't think that sounds too bad. No, it wasn't cool of him to blame you for a group split. I guess he just doesn't realize how often that happens, especially right before college. But you shouldn't dig up old dirt either (assuming you brought it up after the fact). No one likes reliving old drama. And maybe you were acting dramatic at the time. Even if you were, it makes no difference, it's a normal reaction when you see your circle fall apart. I'd say you're buddy's problem is that he isn't sensitive enough. And I say your problem is a lack of trust. Perfectly understandable, and normal character flaws. There's nothing really wrong with either of you.

 

But I reitterate the point that he might not be the kind of guy you get close with. Doesn't sound like the type of person I'd want as my best friend (but that's also judging on the handful of facts you have presented me, not his entire personallity).

 

My advice?

Chill. If you want a closer relationship, you may have to do things his way every now and then and put up with his BS. If you want a closer relationship with someone other than him, then by all means meet someone! You aren't limited to just your one buddy.

Yeah, it sounds to me as if he's not a particularly clever guy, especially from example 2. I don't think he meant to hurt you.

I suffer from nice guy syndrome. It's a problem to be sure. But, I do try to turn it around quite quickly (within a week, if not a day or two). Even so, I'd rather have a good friend who is a girl than a girlfriend.

Haha thanks RPG and everyone else who answered.

Yeah I guess self absorbed is the right word. He wasn't like this in high school. I guess I'll just have to move on.

By the way, about the group split, he just brought it up randomly one night, so I was kind of lost for words and let him get away with it.

 

I am too nice to confront people and it's hard for me to say no.

I am too nice to confront people and it's hard for me to say no.

Suck it up cupcake. ;)

I suffer from nice guy syndrome. It's a problem to be sure. But, I do try to turn it around quite quickly (within a week, if not a day or two). Even so, I'd rather have a good friend who is a girl than a girlfriend.

 

 

Hey, if you're okay with that, good for you :thumbup:

 

Very empowering. And you will win many friends this way.