"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Sevestia]

I would say go for it, but be aware that it might not work out. The reason I'm saying you should is.... well, you never know unless you try, pretty much. Maybe she has changed, or maybe your friends are right. Better you make the effort because if not, you might always be wondering what could've been. If it doesn't go as planned, then as said above, you'll (hopefully) learn from it. You take a risk with any relationship. People change, and I know that from experience, so yeah, I would say give her another chance. But only one.

[alwaysonholiday]

When RL fails, come to my old favorite online community...this alias turned out to be handy after all...

 

I usually post really vague questions on here to avoid recognition, fell less shameless... However, I'm at crossroads, and I figured I could entertain you guys with a nice, long trip into my past.

 

About a year ago, I became best friends with this girl, and we became really close. We gradually started to flirt...she told me that she liked me, and I told her that I had felt the same way for a while. Things, for once in my (retrospectively pathetic) life, started to look up. Although, there was another guy she liked, too. He was a jerk, a pervert, and he just wanted in her pants. That wasn't just my judgment behind my blind eyes, either, but that was what he was known for. After a few more weeks of thinking about her all the time, feeling different about her than any other girl I'd liked, she told me she didn't like me, that I was more of a brother to her. (Imagine that!) And she started dating Jerkguy. It really hurt me.

 

That, along with other things, made me fall into a period of (serious, not attention-seeking) depression for a while...but I managed. While they were happy, I tried to move other another girl, but then failed in the friendzone again. That led to the end of the school year. That summer, I basically just punched life in the face. Sick of depression, sick of always failing, sick of being pathetic. And I matured and changed really fast. I'm not the pathetic, chubby, weird kid I once was a year ago. This year, I'm popular, I have girls going after me, and overall, I turned out to be pretty awesome. And, after a year of Jerkguy pressuring her to do things she didn't want to, eventually leading to a lot of controlling, and emotional strain, they broke up. Now, the girl, who has still, throughout that time, always been my best friend, and the one girl in my life that I can honestly say I unconditionally love, has now fallen for me.

 

I really don't know what to do. We're even closer this year, and she hates herself for the decision she made. I've forgiven her, and we've talked about it so much...I don't doubt her, don't doubt that I would be a rebound, or that she would screw me over again. We're so close, beyond just talking...and I want it to go somewhere.

 

As I've posted before, after the change, although being very success, I kinda lost faith in relationships. Couldn't imagine being with anyone on an intimate level, just because of being screwed over so much. I guess it was a learned self-defense, after never having a successful relationship. I dunno.

 

In my circle of really close friends, every single one of them are just telling me that this is a bad idea. Every single one of them. They say I'm being blind, that she's a flirt, she'll screw me over again, that I'll believe anything she says, that I need to find another girl, now that I'm a changed person. That I'm already in too deep. Get out now, because they don't want to see me get hurt again.

 

From my point of view, I would really rather just be with my best friend. Because I do love her, and because we both make each other really happy, and we have a connection I can't picture being able to share with anyone else. I don't think she'll screw me over again. I don't doubt her. I want to give her a second chance and be with her. When it comes down to it, I would really, really rather have her, then just throw all of it away to chase after some random girl that probably wouldn't work out anyways, which all of my close friends want me to do.

 

I'm at crossroads. What should I do?...

 

It doesn't sound like you've really changed. You lost some weight and have some girls after you. She knew you before you were depressed and she passed you up for this guy who's known as a jerk. It doesn't sound like you've had some metamorphosis. She decided to date the jerk over the pudgier, less popular you. She wants a relationship now. Ask yourself what's really changed? If she wants a relationship she passed up on a year ago with you now because you lost weight and got popular, that's no basis for a healthy relationship. Ask yourself why all your friends think she's a flirt? If you think about it objectively for a moment, you might realize she's just the flirt who chose the jerk over you when she had the chance.

[Dupin]

When RL fails, come to my old favorite online community...this alias turned out to be handy after all...

 

I usually post really vague questions on here to avoid recognition, fell less shameless... However, I'm at crossroads, and I figured I could entertain you guys with a nice, long trip into my past.

 

About a year ago, I became best friends with this girl, and we became really close. We gradually started to flirt...she told me that she liked me, and I told her that I had felt the same way for a while. Things, for once in my (retrospectively pathetic) life, started to look up. Although, there was another guy she liked, too. He was a jerk, a pervert, and he just wanted in her pants. That wasn't just my judgment behind my blind eyes, either, but that was what he was known for. After a few more weeks of thinking about her all the time, feeling different about her than any other girl I'd liked, she told me she didn't like me, that I was more of a brother to her. (Imagine that!) And she started dating Jerkguy. It really hurt me.

 

That, along with other things, made me fall into a period of (serious, not attention-seeking) depression for a while...but I managed. While they were happy, I tried to move other another girl, but then failed in the friendzone again. That led to the end of the school year. That summer, I basically just punched life in the face. Sick of depression, sick of always failing, sick of being pathetic. And I matured and changed really fast. I'm not the pathetic, chubby, weird kid I once was a year ago. This year, I'm popular, I have girls going after me, and overall, I turned out to be pretty awesome. And, after a year of Jerkguy pressuring her to do things she didn't want to, eventually leading to a lot of controlling, and emotional strain, they broke up. Now, the girl, who has still, throughout that time, always been my best friend, and the one girl in my life that I can honestly say I unconditionally love, has now fallen for me.

 

I really don't know what to do. We're even closer this year, and she hates herself for the decision she made. I've forgiven her, and we've talked about it so much...I don't doubt her, don't doubt that I would be a rebound, or that she would screw me over again. We're so close, beyond just talking...and I want it to go somewhere.

 

As I've posted before, after the change, although being very success, I kinda lost faith in relationships. Couldn't imagine being with anyone on an intimate level, just because of being screwed over so much. I guess it was a learned self-defense, after never having a successful relationship. I dunno.

 

In my circle of really close friends, every single one of them are just telling me that this is a bad idea. Every single one of them. They say I'm being blind, that she's a flirt, she'll screw me over again, that I'll believe anything she says, that I need to find another girl, now that I'm a changed person. That I'm already in too deep. Get out now, because they don't want to see me get hurt again.

 

From my point of view, I would really rather just be with my best friend. Because I do love her, and because we both make each other really happy, and we have a connection I can't picture being able to share with anyone else. I don't think she'll screw me over again. I don't doubt her. I want to give her a second chance and be with her. When it comes down to it, I would really, really rather have her, then just throw all of it away to chase after some random girl that probably wouldn't work out anyways, which all of my close friends want me to do.

 

I'm at crossroads. What should I do?...

 

It doesn't sound like you've really changed. You lost some weight and have some girls after you. She knew you before you were depressed and she passed you up for this guy who's known as a jerk. It doesn't sound like you've had some metamorphosis. She decided to date the jerk over the pudgier, less popular you. She wants a relationship now. Ask yourself what's really changed? If she wants a relationship she passed up on a year ago with you now because you lost weight and got popular, that's no basis for a healthy relationship. Ask yourself why all your friends think she's a flirt? If you think about it objectively for a moment, you might realize she's just the flirt who chose the jerk over you when she had the chance.

 

The mix of advice you are getting is rather comical.

 

While she may be this terrible person that the last two posts have illustrated, it is possible she made a mistake. You probably shouldn't take advice from me, but what I would do, is take a step back and look at it. Make sure you notice all of your other options, and don't act fall into this "oneitis" thing. If you can date her without being obsessed, it could be fun. Just be wary - they aren't wrong when they say she could mold you like silly putty then discard you like store-brand playdough.

[l0l0lpur34]

When RL fails, come to my old favorite online community...this alias turned out to be handy after all...

 

I usually post really vague questions on here to avoid recognition, fell less shameless... However, I'm at crossroads, and I figured I could entertain you guys with a nice, long trip into my past.

 

About a year ago, I became best friends with this girl, and we became really close. We gradually started to flirt...she told me that she liked me, and I told her that I had felt the same way for a while. Things, for once in my (retrospectively pathetic) life, started to look up. Although, there was another guy she liked, too. He was a jerk, a pervert, and he just wanted in her pants. That wasn't just my judgment behind my blind eyes, either, but that was what he was known for. After a few more weeks of thinking about her all the time, feeling different about her than any other girl I'd liked, she told me she didn't like me, that I was more of a brother to her. (Imagine that!) And she started dating Jerkguy. It really hurt me.

 

That, along with other things, made me fall into a period of (serious, not attention-seeking) depression for a while...but I managed. While they were happy, I tried to move other another girl, but then failed in the friendzone again. That led to the end of the school year. That summer, I basically just punched life in the face. Sick of depression, sick of always failing, sick of being pathetic. And I matured and changed really fast. I'm not the pathetic, chubby, weird kid I once was a year ago. This year, I'm popular, I have girls going after me, and overall, I turned out to be pretty awesome. And, after a year of Jerkguy pressuring her to do things she didn't want to, eventually leading to a lot of controlling, and emotional strain, they broke up. Now, the girl, who has still, throughout that time, always been my best friend, and the one girl in my life that I can honestly say I unconditionally love, has now fallen for me.

 

I really don't know what to do. We're even closer this year, and she hates herself for the decision she made. I've forgiven her, and we've talked about it so much...I don't doubt her, don't doubt that I would be a rebound, or that she would screw me over again. We're so close, beyond just talking...and I want it to go somewhere.

 

As I've posted before, after the change, although being very success, I kinda lost faith in relationships. Couldn't imagine being with anyone on an intimate level, just because of being screwed over so much. I guess it was a learned self-defense, after never having a successful relationship. I dunno.

 

In my circle of really close friends, every single one of them are just telling me that this is a bad idea. Every single one of them. They say I'm being blind, that she's a flirt, she'll screw me over again, that I'll believe anything she says, that I need to find another girl, now that I'm a changed person. That I'm already in too deep. Get out now, because they don't want to see me get hurt again.

 

From my point of view, I would really rather just be with my best friend. Because I do love her, and because we both make each other really happy, and we have a connection I can't picture being able to share with anyone else. I don't think she'll screw me over again. I don't doubt her. I want to give her a second chance and be with her. When it comes down to it, I would really, really rather have her, then just throw all of it away to chase after some random girl that probably wouldn't work out anyways, which all of my close friends want me to do.

 

I'm at crossroads. What should I do?...

 

It doesn't sound like you've really changed. You lost some weight and have some girls after you. She knew you before you were depressed and she passed you up for this guy who's known as a jerk. It doesn't sound like you've had some metamorphosis. She decided to date the jerk over the pudgier, less popular you. She wants a relationship now. Ask yourself what's really changed? If she wants a relationship she passed up on a year ago with you now because you lost weight and got popular, that's no basis for a healthy relationship. Ask yourself why all your friends think she's a flirt? If you think about it objectively for a moment, you might realize she's just the flirt who chose the jerk over you when she had the chance.

 

The mix of advice you are getting is rather comical.

 

While she may be this terrible person that the last two posts have illustrated, it is possible she made a mistake. You probably shouldn't take advice from me, but what I would do, is take a step back and look at it. Make sure you notice all of your other options, and don't act fall into this "oneitis" thing. If you can date her without being obsessed, it could be fun. Just be wary - they aren't wrong when they say she could mold you like silly putty then discard you like store-brand playdough.

He ALREADY HAS oneitis and the girl knows it. She will cause drama/ withhold sex from him/use him as an emotional tampon while shagging "jerk guys" behind his back.

[l0l0lpur34]

When RL fails, come to my old favorite online community...this alias turned out to be handy after all...

 

I usually post really vague questions on here to avoid recognition, fell less shameless... However, I'm at crossroads, and I figured I could entertain you guys with a nice, long trip into my past.

 

About a year ago, I became best friends with this girl, and we became really close.

really close FRIENDS

 

We gradually started to flirt...she told me that she liked me, and I told her that I had felt the same way for a while. Things, for once in my (retrospectively pathetic) life, started to look up. Although, there was another guy she liked, too. He was a jerk, a pervert, and he just wanted in her pants. That wasn't just my judgment behind my blind eyes, either, but that was what he was known for. After a few more weeks of thinking about her all the time, feeling different about her than any other girl I'd liked, she told me she didn't like me, that I was more of a brother to her. (Imagine that!) And she started dating Jerkguy. It really hurt me.

That's because to you, she is another friend she has no sexual interest in - whereas "jerkguy" didn't cover up his true intentions with a "nice guy" act.

 

That, along with other things, made me fall into a period of (serious, not attention-seeking) depression for a while...but I managed. While they were happy, I tried to move other another girl, but then failed in the friendzone again. That led to the end of the school year.

Were you ever diagonosed with anything? Attempting to replace being obsessed with one girl with being obsessed with another helps nothing. There's probably something really wrong with the way you treat women if you are having this "instant friendzone" problem.

 

That summer, I basically just punched life in the face. Sick of depression, sick of always failing, sick of being pathetic. And I matured and changed really fast. I'm not the pathetic, chubby, weird kid I once was a year ago. This year, I'm popular, I have girls going after me, and overall, I turned out to be pretty awesome.

Why not go after some of them rather than continuing your obsession with this one girl? Really?

 

And, after a year of Jerkguy pressuring her to do things she didn't want to, eventually leading to a lot of controlling, and emotional strain, they broke up. Now, the girl, who has still, throughout that time, always been my best friend, and the one girl in my life that I can honestly say I unconditionally love, has now fallen for me.

She tried to control him by causing drama but he was having none of it. Stop it with this "love" stuff, you are OBSESSED. She hasn't "fallen for you", your oneitus is reframing the reality (that she wants to use you as an emotional tampon for a bit) as "falling for you".

 

I really don't know what to do. We're even closer this year, and she hates herself for the decision she made. I've forgiven her, and we've talked about it so much...I don't doubt her, don't doubt that I would be a rebound, or that she would screw me over again. We're so close, beyond just talking...and I want it to go somewhere.

She just wants to take advantage of your oneitus for a bit then leave you.

 

As I've posted before, after the change, although being very success, I kinda lost faith in relationships. Couldn't imagine being with anyone on an intimate level, just because of being screwed over so much. I guess it was a learned self-defense, after never having a successful relationship. I dunno.

You need to overcome this

 

In my circle of really close friends, every single one of them are just telling me that this is a bad idea. Every single one of them. They say I'm being blind, that she's a flirt, she'll screw me over again, that I'll believe anything she says, that I need to find another girl, now that I'm a changed person. That I'm already in too deep. Get out now, because they don't want to see me get hurt again.

They recognise your oneitus (obsession) and realise how dangerous it is. Also, never pick girls over your mates.

 

From my point of view, I would really rather just be with my best friend. Because I do love her, and because we both make each other really happy, and we have a connection I can't picture being able to share with anyone else. I don't think she'll screw me over again. I don't doubt her. I want to give her a second chance and be with her. When it comes down to it, I would really, really rather have her, then just throw all of it away to chase after some random girl that probably wouldn't work out anyways, which all of my close friends want me to do.

You don't "love" her, you're OBSESSED with her, and she knows you are! WHAT is so special about this girl apart from that you've projected the image of this perfect woman onto her, when she clearly thinks of you as one of her girl mates?

 

I'm at crossroads. What should I do?...

Start talking to other girls, and try to get over this obsession ASAP rather than wasting your time on this one person, you're better than that - really what is special about this girl to that you're willing to let her disrespect you so much yet still go crawling back to her? Do you really think she finds you being obsessed with her to the point you're willing to ignore your mates, and ignore the existance of other girls attractive?

[Iamdan]

^ my thoughts exactly

 

Girls do not go out with their best friends, regardless of what happens in romantic comedies. She's a girl, good friends are harder to come by than alpha males. If you like playing the therapist and torturing yourself by all means go ahead and keep doing what you're doing. Otherwise break contact with her until you are over her, at the very least start talking to other girls.

[RpgGamer]

When RL fails, come to my old favorite online community...this alias turned out to be handy after all...

 

I usually post really vague questions on here to avoid recognition, fell less shameless... However, I'm at crossroads, and I figured I could entertain you guys with a nice, long trip into my past.

 

About a year ago, I became best friends with this girl, and we became really close. We gradually started to flirt...she told me that she liked me, and I told her that I had felt the same way for a while. Things, for once in my (retrospectively pathetic) life, started to look up. Although, there was another guy she liked, too. He was a jerk, a pervert, and he just wanted in her pants. That wasn't just my judgment behind my blind eyes, either, but that was what he was known for. After a few more weeks of thinking about her all the time, feeling different about her than any other girl I'd liked, she told me she didn't like me, that I was more of a brother to her. (Imagine that!) And she started dating Jerkguy. It really hurt me.

 

That, along with other things, made me fall into a period of (serious, not attention-seeking) depression for a while...but I managed. While they were happy, I tried to move other another girl, but then failed in the friendzone again. That led to the end of the school year. That summer, I basically just punched life in the face. Sick of depression, sick of always failing, sick of being pathetic. And I matured and changed really fast. I'm not the pathetic, chubby, weird kid I once was a year ago. This year, I'm popular, I have girls going after me, and overall, I turned out to be pretty awesome. And, after a year of Jerkguy pressuring her to do things she didn't want to, eventually leading to a lot of controlling, and emotional strain, they broke up. Now, the girl, who has still, throughout that time, always been my best friend, and the one girl in my life that I can honestly say I unconditionally love, has now fallen for me.

 

I really don't know what to do. We're even closer this year, and she hates herself for the decision she made. I've forgiven her, and we've talked about it so much...I don't doubt her, don't doubt that I would be a rebound, or that she would screw me over again. We're so close, beyond just talking...and I want it to go somewhere.

 

As I've posted before, after the change, although being very success, I kinda lost faith in relationships. Couldn't imagine being with anyone on an intimate level, just because of being screwed over so much. I guess it was a learned self-defense, after never having a successful relationship. I dunno.

 

In my circle of really close friends, every single one of them are just telling me that this is a bad idea. Every single one of them. They say I'm being blind, that she's a flirt, she'll screw me over again, that I'll believe anything she says, that I need to find another girl, now that I'm a changed person. That I'm already in too deep. Get out now, because they don't want to see me get hurt again.

 

From my point of view, I would really rather just be with my best friend. Because I do love her, and because we both make each other really happy, and we have a connection I can't picture being able to share with anyone else. I don't think she'll screw me over again. I don't doubt her. I want to give her a second chance and be with her. When it comes down to it, I would really, really rather have her, then just throw all of it away to chase after some random girl that probably wouldn't work out anyways, which all of my close friends want me to do.

 

I'm at crossroads. What should I do?...

 

It doesn't sound like you've really changed. You lost some weight and have some girls after you. She knew you before you were depressed and she passed you up for this guy who's known as a jerk. It doesn't sound like you've had some metamorphosis. She decided to date the jerk over the pudgier, less popular you. She wants a relationship now. Ask yourself what's really changed? If she wants a relationship she passed up on a year ago with you now because you lost weight and got popular, that's no basis for a healthy relationship. Ask yourself why all your friends think she's a flirt? If you think about it objectively for a moment, you might realize she's just the flirt who chose the jerk over you when she had the chance.

 

The mix of advice you are getting is rather comical.

 

While she may be this terrible person that the last two posts have illustrated, it is possible she made a mistake. You probably shouldn't take advice from me, but what I would do, is take a step back and look at it. Make sure you notice all of your other options, and don't act fall into this "oneitis" thing. If you can date her without being obsessed, it could be fun. Just be wary - they aren't wrong when they say she could mold you like silly putty then discard you like store-brand playdough.

He ALREADY HAS oneitis and the girl knows it. She will cause drama/ withhold sex from him/use him as an emotional tampon while shagging "jerk guys" behind his back.

 

 

I'm sorry l0l0l, but I had to facepalm after reading your post. Do you really have no faith in humanity or human relationships? I understand the whole teenage mentality thing (actually I don't, no one does, not even the girl if we're really going to get into it) but don't you think you're over reacting with the "Cut off all contact with her" bit? You know what that will do? Drive her away from him. She's a flirt. It's not like there aren't 1000 other guys she can use to fill the void with. Strike now or forever hold your peace, fruitdisc.

[fruitdisc00]

Lot of advice, uh, thanks, I guess. I'm trying to be careful with my opinions regarding these replies, trying not to bias them with my own views...and as much as I often admire Iamdan for his advice...I feel kind of offended by your post, l0l0l. You automatically assume that my best friend, just because she's a girl, wants nothing but sex from guys, and that because I am her best friend, from her point of view, I could never be more than someone to confide in. If that's the case, then I really should just give up, because I honestly don't understand what true friendship is. Perhaps you have some cloudiness in that area. When I say she's my best friend, I don't mean that she only talks to me about her guy problems. She is my best friend.

 

Second, I dislike the fact that it's assumed that I'm obsessed with her (uber formatting included). I've reread my post and I can't pick up any sign that I'm obsessed with her. The strength of any feeling I have with her is mutual, and I know that, because we've talked about it. We've talked about how it is when we're together. I highly doubt that I'm just store-brand playdoh that she's going to mold into a crude image, spit on, then throw away.

 

The 'go for it' and 'GTFO OMG SHES THE DEVIL BOBBY YOU CANT PLAY FOSSBALL ANYMOAR' advice count is tied here. I'm open for more advice, but I suppose for now I'll just see where things go. Thanks for the advice everyone, Iamdan, Rpggamer, and l0l0l0. Even if I may not like your advice, it helps.

[Kiriyama]

Fruitdisc, I'd say she was trouble too.

 

Your love is pretty much obsession, you'll refuse to see any faults with her, your love is unconditional, etc..

 

GET OVER HER!

[l0l0lpur34]

Lot of advice, uh, thanks, I guess. I'm trying to be careful with my opinions regarding these replies, trying not to bias them with my own views...and as much as I often admire Iamdan for his advice...I feel kind of offended by your post, l0l0l. You automatically assume that my best friend, just because she's a girl, wants nothing but sex from guys, and that because I am her best friend, from her point of view, I could never be more than someone to confide in. If that's the case, then I really should just give up, because I honestly don't understand what true friendship is. Perhaps you have some cloudiness in that area. When I say she's my best friend, I don't mean that she only talks to me about her guy problems. She is my best friend.

 

Second, I dislike the fact that it's assumed that I'm obsessed with her (uber formatting included). I've reread my post and I can't pick up any sign that I'm obsessed with her. The strength of any feeling I have with her is mutual, and I know that, because we've talked about it. We've talked about how it is when we're together. I highly doubt that I'm just store-brand playdoh that she's going to mold into a crude image, spit on, then throw away.

 

The 'go for it' and 'GTFO OMG SHES THE DEVIL BOBBY YOU CANT PLAY FOSSBALL ANYMOAR' advice count is tied here. I'm open for more advice, but I suppose for now I'll just see where things go. Thanks for the advice everyone, Iamdan, Rpggamer, and l0l0l0. Even if I may not like your advice, it helps.

It's not about "wanting nothing more than sex from guys", it's about that she sees you as one of her girlfriends and nothing more, and never will. I got the idea that you are obsessed from that you "unconditionally love" someone you aren't even with, and that you seem to be ignoring your friends/all other females in order to chase after one girl.

[l0l0lpur34]

When RL fails, come to my old favorite online community...this alias turned out to be handy after all...

 

I usually post really vague questions on here to avoid recognition, fell less shameless... However, I'm at crossroads, and I figured I could entertain you guys with a nice, long trip into my past.

 

About a year ago, I became best friends with this girl, and we became really close. We gradually started to flirt...she told me that she liked me, and I told her that I had felt the same way for a while. Things, for once in my (retrospectively pathetic) life, started to look up. Although, there was another guy she liked, too. He was a jerk, a pervert, and he just wanted in her pants. That wasn't just my judgment behind my blind eyes, either, but that was what he was known for. After a few more weeks of thinking about her all the time, feeling different about her than any other girl I'd liked, she told me she didn't like me, that I was more of a brother to her. (Imagine that!) And she started dating Jerkguy. It really hurt me.

 

That, along with other things, made me fall into a period of (serious, not attention-seeking) depression for a while...but I managed. While they were happy, I tried to move other another girl, but then failed in the friendzone again. That led to the end of the school year. That summer, I basically just punched life in the face. Sick of depression, sick of always failing, sick of being pathetic. And I matured and changed really fast. I'm not the pathetic, chubby, weird kid I once was a year ago. This year, I'm popular, I have girls going after me, and overall, I turned out to be pretty awesome. And, after a year of Jerkguy pressuring her to do things she didn't want to, eventually leading to a lot of controlling, and emotional strain, they broke up. Now, the girl, who has still, throughout that time, always been my best friend, and the one girl in my life that I can honestly say I unconditionally love, has now fallen for me.

 

I really don't know what to do. We're even closer this year, and she hates herself for the decision she made. I've forgiven her, and we've talked about it so much...I don't doubt her, don't doubt that I would be a rebound, or that she would screw me over again. We're so close, beyond just talking...and I want it to go somewhere.

 

As I've posted before, after the change, although being very success, I kinda lost faith in relationships. Couldn't imagine being with anyone on an intimate level, just because of being screwed over so much. I guess it was a learned self-defense, after never having a successful relationship. I dunno.

 

In my circle of really close friends, every single one of them are just telling me that this is a bad idea. Every single one of them. They say I'm being blind, that she's a flirt, she'll screw me over again, that I'll believe anything she says, that I need to find another girl, now that I'm a changed person. That I'm already in too deep. Get out now, because they don't want to see me get hurt again.

 

From my point of view, I would really rather just be with my best friend. Because I do love her, and because we both make each other really happy, and we have a connection I can't picture being able to share with anyone else. I don't think she'll screw me over again. I don't doubt her. I want to give her a second chance and be with her. When it comes down to it, I would really, really rather have her, then just throw all of it away to chase after some random girl that probably wouldn't work out anyways, which all of my close friends want me to do.

 

I'm at crossroads. What should I do?...

 

It doesn't sound like you've really changed. You lost some weight and have some girls after you. She knew you before you were depressed and she passed you up for this guy who's known as a jerk. It doesn't sound like you've had some metamorphosis. She decided to date the jerk over the pudgier, less popular you. She wants a relationship now. Ask yourself what's really changed? If she wants a relationship she passed up on a year ago with you now because you lost weight and got popular, that's no basis for a healthy relationship. Ask yourself why all your friends think she's a flirt? If you think about it objectively for a moment, you might realize she's just the flirt who chose the jerk over you when she had the chance.

 

The mix of advice you are getting is rather comical.

 

While she may be this terrible person that the last two posts have illustrated, it is possible she made a mistake. You probably shouldn't take advice from me, but what I would do, is take a step back and look at it. Make sure you notice all of your other options, and don't act fall into this "oneitis" thing. If you can date her without being obsessed, it could be fun. Just be wary - they aren't wrong when they say she could mold you like silly putty then discard you like store-brand playdough.

He ALREADY HAS oneitis and the girl knows it. She will cause drama/ withhold sex from him/use him as an emotional tampon while shagging "jerk guys" behind his back.

 

 

I'm sorry l0l0l, but I had to facepalm after reading your post. Do you really have no faith in humanity or human relationships? I understand the whole teenage mentality thing (actually I don't, no one does, not even the girl if we're really going to get into it) but don't you think you're over reacting with the "Cut off all contact with her" bit? You know what that will do? Drive her away from him. She's a flirt. It's not like there aren't 1000 other guys she can use to fill the void with. Strike now or forever hold your peace, fruitdisc.

Yes, she does have other guys to "fill the void" - just like if he snapped out of his obsession, he would have other girls to "fill the void" with. The sooner contact is cut, the sooner the obsession will be cured and the sooner he will be able to find a girl who doesn't see him as just one of their girlfriends. It's suprisingly common how often people get obsessed with one person they have no chance with, and are willing to ignore everything to try and get them, and also scary the way it sometimes ends up.

[Iamdan]

fruitdisc00 I've been down this path, and I didn't have anyone to tell me to break contact. That single girl and the train wreck of our 'relationship' (me being in love with her, and her keeping me around as a therapist and a self esteem boost for a couple years before going out with my best friend) is a huge part of the reason why I'm so [bleep]ed up.

 

I still get depression relapses, I still have depersonalization disorder, I'm emotionally numb, (which in turn could be the cause of my panic disorder) and unable to be attracted to any other girl other than on a physical level. This is years and years later. Though it is the reason why I made myself learn to attract women so I have something to be thankful for it.

 

I'm not saying it will end the same for you, but just keep it in mind. Love is a damn powerful emotion.

 

Girls just don't go out with their best friends. Ask any girl who knows what she is talking about. (19+ probably) They think differently to guys, I'd bet my car that she looks at you in a completely different way than you look at her.

[l0l0lpur34]

I've suffered from oneitus twice, once when I was like 9 and once about a year ago (both ended up hating me - and the repurcussions (her being fairly popular means she can turn people against me fairly easily...) from the one about a year ago will probably keep affecting me until I move away from my hometown and go to university) and I now often get paranoid that I'm becoming too close to people even as friends, causing me to end up acting cold with people for no rational reason (the people I'm close friends understand though thankfully). Just really really glad I discovered certain things I did a few months ago or I'd probably still be obsessing over the girl/ would probably end up making the same mistakes again and again.

[RpgGamer]

fruitdisc00 I've been down this path, and I didn't have anyone to tell me to break contact. That single girl and the train wreck of our 'relationship' (me being in love with her, and her keeping me around as a therapist and a self esteem boost for a couple years before going out with my best friend) is a huge part of the reason why I'm so [bleep]ed up.

 

I still get depression relapses, I still have depersonalization disorder, I'm emotionally numb, (which in turn could be the cause of my panic disorder) and unable to be attracted to any other girl other than on a physical level. This is years and years later. Though it is the reason why I made myself learn to attract women so I have something to be thankful for it.

 

I'm not saying it will end the same for you, but just keep it in mind. Love is a damn powerful emotion.

 

Girls just don't go out with their best friends. Ask any girl who knows what she is talking about. (19+ probably) They think differently to guys, I'd bet my car that she looks at you in a completely different way than you look at her.

 

Dude, I've been down a very simiar road. I think all of the "gurus" of this thread have. But I still have faith in the unconditional love, friend -> boyf4riend transition. I still believe its possible. It worked out for me (atleast for a while) and I see that you and l0l0l have both been through similiar. Oneitis sucks. But only when it doesn't work out. If it works, it's the most blissful experience tin the world. All you need is faith and the confinedsne that it won't be the end of the world if things don't go your way. How can you expect to have a romantic relationship without hope?

 

You even admit to being emotionally numb. Some girl screwed you up. Bad. We all (or will) have a girl like that. Its who we come out as at the end of the road that matters. Don't spread the cynaicism - Inspire Hope!

[Tim]

fruitdisc00 I've been down this path, and I didn't have anyone to tell me to break contact. That single girl and the train wreck of our 'relationship' (me being in love with her, and her keeping me around as a therapist and a self esteem boost for a couple years before going out with my best friend) is a huge part of the reason why I'm so [bleep]ed up.

 

I still get depression relapses, I still have depersonalization disorder, I'm emotionally numb, (which in turn could be the cause of my panic disorder) and unable to be attracted to any other girl other than on a physical level. This is years and years later. Though it is the reason why I made myself learn to attract women so I have something to be thankful for it.

Wait, what happened to the Dan who picked up a-plenty of women and his stories of his mates?

[RpgGamer]

fruitdisc00 I've been down this path, and I didn't have anyone to tell me to break contact. That single girl and the train wreck of our 'relationship' (me being in love with her, and her keeping me around as a therapist and a self esteem boost for a couple years before going out with my best friend) is a huge part of the reason why I'm so [bleep]ed up.

 

I still get depression relapses, I still have depersonalization disorder, I'm emotionally numb, (which in turn could be the cause of my panic disorder) and unable to be attracted to any other girl other than on a physical level. This is years and years later. Though it is the reason why I made myself learn to attract women so I have something to be thankful for it.

Wait, what happened to the Dan who picked up a-plenty of women and his stories of his mates?

 

 

Wait, you didn't realize that half of being a pick up artist is being an illusion? I'd say the vast majority of them are highly emotionally disturbed (but that makes them more attractive to women). It's really a vicious cycle. The emotionally unstable turn to people like Niel Strauss to regain their balance in life and seek revenge on the female kind. If they can break one heart, it will make up for their foresaken fate. They seek women to fill a whole in their heart caused by one specific girl, using the tools to hopefully find a replacement. You can claim you're over your first all you want...no one ever truly does.

 

Not that I'm implying thats what happened to you, Dan.

[l0l0lpur34]

fruitdisc00 I've been down this path, and I didn't have anyone to tell me to break contact. That single girl and the train wreck of our 'relationship' (me being in love with her, and her keeping me around as a therapist and a self esteem boost for a couple years before going out with my best friend) is a huge part of the reason why I'm so [bleep]ed up.

 

I still get depression relapses, I still have depersonalization disorder, I'm emotionally numb, (which in turn could be the cause of my panic disorder) and unable to be attracted to any other girl other than on a physical level. This is years and years later. Though it is the reason why I made myself learn to attract women so I have something to be thankful for it.

 

I'm not saying it will end the same for you, but just keep it in mind. Love is a damn powerful emotion.

 

Girls just don't go out with their best friends. Ask any girl who knows what she is talking about. (19+ probably) They think differently to guys, I'd bet my car that she looks at you in a completely different way than you look at her.

 

Dude, I've been down a very simiar road. I think all of the "gurus" of this thread have. But I still have faith in the unconditional love, friend -> boyf4riend transition. I still believe its possible. It worked out for me (atleast for a while) and I see that you and l0l0l have both been through similiar. Oneitis sucks. But only when it doesn't work out. If it works, it's the most blissful experience tin the world. All you need is faith and the confinedsne that it won't be the end of the world if things don't go your way. How can you expect to have a romantic relationship without hope?

 

You even admit to being emotionally numb. Some girl screwed you up. Bad. We all (or will) have a girl like that. Its who we come out as at the end of the road that matters. Don't spread the cynaicism - Inspire Hope!

How many times does oneitus "work" ? Women don't have sex with people they see as friends, simple as that. You watch too many films

[RpgGamer]

I do believe I watch too many films. But what's wrong with hope and faith (both implicated by religion)? So what if it's "against our nature"? Isn't it about time we evolved just a bit past the purpose of breeding, and to the purpose of hapiness?

[Iamdan]

Dude, I've been down a very simiar road. I think all of the "gurus" of this thread have. But I still have faith in the unconditional love, friend -> boyf4riend transition. I still believe its possible. It worked out for me (atleast for a while) and I see that you and l0l0l have both been through similiar. Oneitis sucks. But only when it doesn't work out. If it works, it's the most blissful experience tin the world. All you need is faith and the confinedsne that it won't be the end of the world if things don't go your way. How can you expect to have a romantic relationship without hope?

 

You even admit to being emotionally numb. Some girl screwed you up. Bad. We all (or will) have a girl like that. Its who we come out as at the end of the road that matters. Don't spread the cynaicism - Inspire Hope!

How old were you when it worked? I'm guessing not much older than 16. As I said, gaming girls in high school is like looking for sand on a beach. Once they get older they fit more and more into my 'model' of how attraction works. I'm not telling him to break contact because of my experience, while my emotional side needs work my logical side is fine.

I haven't lost faith and I'm working on my issues, it's not a conscious decision to be how I am.

 

I'm not saying it because of what I've gone through, it's because it's true. Girls just don't date their best friends, guys who want to have faith are the ones keeping gurus like style in business.

 

As for evolving past the point of breeding, evolution takes a long time and it probably won't ever catch up to society. Attraction isn't a choice.

 

Wait, what happened to the Dan who picked up a-plenty of women and his stories of his mates?

 

Oh he's still here. When I'm not losing touch with reality or having a panic attack I'm a party animal :thumbup:

[fruitdisc00]

Damn. And there's the reason I keep coming back to TIF. Thanks for the advice. I don't think I could of gotten a better setting-forward third perspective anywhere else in this situation. There is another girl that I've been starting to meet that I'm interested in, that I've been getting to know 'the right way'...with stuff I've learned from here such as attraction switches and the like. I'll see what there goes. Again, thanks.

[RpgGamer]

The real world and high school are two very different places, I agree. What does that mean to the majority of the people that ask for advice? I'm not entirely sure. The only base rule there is, is that there is no universal anything. And for the record, yes my example revolved around the 16th year of my life. and then some. And partially prior to.

[deathdrow]

I got myself a new girlfriend. o:

[Tim]

I got myself a new girlfriend. o:

OOOooh. Grats. :D

 

How many times does oneitus "work" ? Women don't have sex with people they see as friends, simple as that.

 

I beg to differ. (Last Wednesday night)

[Omar]

How many times does oneitus "work" ? Women don't have sex with people they see as friends, simple as that.

 

I beg to differ. (Last Wednesday night)

Then odds are either she doesn't see you as a friend, she had sex with you vicariously, or it was Christmas sex.

[RpgGamer]

How many times does oneitus "work" ? Women don't have sex with people they see as friends, simple as that.

 

I beg to differ. (Last Wednesday night)

Then odds are either she doesn't see you as a friend, she had sex with you vicariously, or it was Christmas sex.

 

None of which I would have a problem with to be honest.

 

and grats on the new girl, Deathdrow! :D

so...whats she like? :)