"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[EdgedThesis]

What do morals have to do with wanting sex?

 

Not entirely sure. I guess I could see sex as a creator of sentimental bonds, and casually having it can be seen as a callous breaking and making of such bonds.

Perhaps people may get hurt if sex is treated without respect?

 

I don't see a problem if both parties agree to have a fling or something, though.

 

Though this is a thread for specific relationship problems, I'm interested on the broader scale:

What scenarios with casual sex (protected, etc.) could lead to someone being hurt?

[Giordano]

What do morals have to do with wanting sex?

 

Not entirely sure. I guess I could see sex as a creator of sentimental bonds, and casually having it can be seen as a callous breaking and making of such bonds.

Perhaps people may get hurt if sex is treated without respect?

 

I don't see a problem if both parties agree to have a fling or something, though.

 

Though this is a thread for specific relationship problems, I'm interested on the broader scale:

What scenarios with casual sex (protected, etc.) could lead to someone being hurt?

It's an interesting question... I'm personally not very fond of people who have sex very often. But logically there's nothing wrong with it. So until I think of something to believe in, I'll just keep my mouth shut.

 

Though one possibly with constant sex would be the degrading of the character. You would like them just for the sex, not for being THEM. Being too lustful and all that. *place old thinking smile here*

[RpgGamer]

What do morals have to do with wanting sex?

 

Not entirely sure. I guess I could see sex as a creator of sentimental bonds, and casually having it can be seen as a callous breaking and making of such bonds.

Perhaps people may get hurt if sex is treated without respect?

 

I don't see a problem if both parties agree to have a fling or something, though.

 

Though this is a thread for specific relationship problems, I'm interested on the broader scale:

What scenarios with casual sex (protected, etc.) could lead to someone being hurt?

 

If they don't expect you to be there when they wake up, they won't get hurt. Make the girl attracted to you, not in love with you. Force the point taht you're not looking for anything serious.

[EdgedThesis]

 

It's an interesting question... I'm personally not very fond of people who have sex very often. But logically there's nothing wrong with it. So until I think of something to believe in, I'll just keep my mouth shut.

 

Though one possibly with constant sex would be the degrading of the character. You would like them just for the sex, not for being THEM. Being too lustful and all that. *place old thinking smile here*

 

 

I don't understand why we must deny our urges if no harm comes of it.

 

I don't have any definite views, but I believe character stays intact even if you've been with multiple partners. Being a good person is being a good person, and self-sacrifice to no end wouldn't change that, right?

 

I believe in restraint for the sake of others, and that limits must be placed upon the self so you can make other people happy.

But I can't see that being applied to sex, just yet.

 

 

If they don't expect you to be there when they wake up, they won't get hurt. Make the girl attracted to you, not in love with you. Force the point taht you're not looking for anything serious.

 

This is ideal. But are you sure the intimacy and closeness of sex won't spark some long-term attraction (essentially a love)?

[Amaranth_GTO]

EDIT: I'm just gonna stay out of this one.

But lets please not start a religious debate here. Please.

Ok, so I have this huge problem.

The other day, the girl I liked asked me who I liked, and knowing that she had a boyfriend, I tried to avoid saying that I liked her (I'm not exactly sure why, but I did). After she had asked me several times, I gave in. But I still didn't want to say that I liked her yet, so I said the name of a random girl. So the girl I like told the girl I said I liked, now she is all flirty with me, and thinks that I like her.

So, what do I do?

Never give in. NEVER. But you should really try things out with this random girl. Especially since the other girl has a boyfriend. Who knows, it could turn out to be something good. If not, what do you have to lose? And just curious, but how old are you?

She's unattractive though. And I'm 14.

I see. Well, you should tell the girl that you're not interested in but she thinks you like her that you're just not into her. Wait for the girl you like to break up with her boyfriend, and maybe pursue some other girls while you're waiting. And try not to end up in the friend zone, because that would be bad.

[Iamdan]

What do morals have to do with wanting sex?

Though this is a thread for specific relationship problems, I'm interested on the broader scale:

What scenarios with casual sex (protected, etc.) could lead to someone being hurt?

 

The only one I can think of would be one of the 2 getting too attached and wanting more.

[Lenticular_J]

I'll be blunt... Am I attractive (at all)? I honestly have no idea and I can't ask anybody in real life or judge myself >.>

Shave and get a haircut, I know that much. Go to a nice salon, as "girly" as it is they can do magic with unruly hair.

Or go to the barber and shave your head if you want cheaper and less hassle. Either way is really good, but be sure to ask for advice at the girly salon. Hair ladies give fantastic advice to guys.

[RpgGamer]

If they don't expect you to be there when they wake up, they won't get hurt. Make the girl attracted to you, not in love with you. Force the point taht you're not looking for anything serious.

 

This is ideal. But are you sure the intimacy and closeness of sex won't spark some long-term attraction (essentially a love)?

 

Well, if you happe nto be very bad at sex, you're in luck :D

Potentially, yes sex can lead to a spark. But from what I can tell that is usually inherited from pasionate "love making". "Dirty sex" (I'm sure you know what I mean) would probably not lead to such a connection. Probably. But if you're good at it, she may call you again anyway for more. Not nesesarily for love.

 

I think before having sex, if you stress the point that you aren't looking for a relationship or a liability, and she still wants to have sex with you, all will be fine.

[Craiglowery]

So I've got a situation. Anyways, I met this girl in August, we clicked immediately and started hanging out all the time, well anyways back then I saw her as a friend type only, but I knew that she liked me and wanted to be more than friends but I never really felt attracted to her. So about a month ago, all of a sudden these feelings for her started developing, so much as to where I'm pretty much infatuated with her now. The thing is that we've become best friends and now I'm not too sure that she still likes me in a more than friends way. I told her that I like her but she didn't really respond, just kept quiet. So now I want to ask her out, but I'm afraid of the outcome. I really don't think she will say yes, but I also don't want her to feel weirded out by the situation and stop talking to me. We talk every night and hang out all the time and she means alot to me, but idk what to do. :???:

 

Any suggestions?

[Jacks0n]

DO IT

[Tim]

I really don't think she will say yes, but I also don't want her to feel weirded out by the situation and stop talking to me. We talk every night and hang out all the time and she means alot to me, but idk what to do. :???:

If you really Value your friendship and you personally think she'll say no, I would advise putting that question on hold for the time being.

[aquariusman]

Either ask her if she still has feelings for you, or just ask her out. The worst that's going to happen is things might be awkward between you two for a week. I mean, you know what it's like when one of you has feelings for the other already, so clearly it can't be that bad.

[RpgGamer]

(why the sudden change in heart?)

 

If you straight up ask her, it might be awkward. But if you hang out with her, act like yourself, but more flirty (throw yourself at her if it comes to it) something might click in her head that you're into her. If she follows suit, then ask. If she seems awkward or secluded in your suduction attempts, you best leave it be.

[sparky1_2007]

So, um short story, but ive been talking with this girl lately mostly over facebook, because i havent gotten her number yet.

 

anyways, it always seems to me that most of my conversations with her are one-way with me doing most of the talking.

 

I mean, i'll ask her what's up whenever i first talk with her, and she'll say nm, and i'll try and make an effort and talk about something interesting, like school or whatever, but it always ends up with me running out of stuff to talk about, and just stop talking with her.

 

Is there something that i can do to get her talking, i mean, i think i've got a pretty good chance with her, but i'm a firm believer of you shouldn't have to try and have a good conversation, it'll just flow.

 

any tips on subjects to talk about too? I mean, i want to get to know her a bit more before i go and start hanging out with her.

[Iamdan]

talk about something interesting, like school

:wall:

 

but i'm a firm believer of you shouldn't have to try and have a good conversation, it'll just flow.

 

any tips on subjects to talk about too? I mean, i want to get to know her a bit more before i go and start hanging out with her.

 

That's [cabbage], the conversation will only 'flow' unless you have built comfort and she is interested in talking to you, you need to earn those by fighting against the current that is short answers.

 

If anyone ever decides to go through my posts on here could you copy and paste them and send them to me so I can put them in 1 spot?

 

Would anyone be interested in a bit about last minute resistance? (getting her comfortable with getting physical, and getting past her hardwired hesitation before sex for the first time)

[sparky1_2007]

talk about something interesting, like school

:wall:

 

but i'm a firm believer of you shouldn't have to try and have a good conversation, it'll just flow.

 

any tips on subjects to talk about too? I mean, i want to get to know her a bit more before i go and start hanging out with her.

 

That's [cabbage], the conversation will only 'flow' unless you have built comfort and she is interested in talking to you, you need to earn those by fighting against the current that is short answers.

 

If anyone ever decides to go through my posts on here could you copy and paste them and send them to me so I can put them in 1 spot?

 

Would anyone be interested in a bit about last minute resistance? (getting her comfortable with getting physical, and getting past her hardwired hesitation before sex for the first time)

 

haha, sorry, we go to the same college, but different hours.

 

and yes, i'd be interested in this ;)

[Iamdan]

I have an idea.. If somebody copy and pastes all my posts from this thread and sends it to me, I'll post what I know about last minute resistance, plus a topic of the person's choice :thumbup:

[bedman]

Huh what is going on here? Is Dan supposed to be the relationship guru and eveyrone else his slafe doing jobs for him?

 

And to sparky, yeah I know the feeling when you want to have a good conversation but it just isn't working. To me that is a sign that it just doesn't really click. I've been there before, and thinking that in the end it would work out, but really, mostlly it doesn't. You have these girls where it is so easy to talk with, and you have others where you run out of talk after 2 min. I'd say to stick to the first group.

[fruitdisc00]

Hmm, well, here I am again, on a random alias again, for advice on a thread I read all the time. Meh. Anyways,

 

My past relationship history hasn't really been all that great...a few months ago, after I underwent a great personality and physical change (which is awesome, I went from depressed nerdy socially inadapt kid -> cool, popular guy)...but I didn't really feel like picking up a relationship right off the bat. I couldn't really feel or imagine dating anyone, mostly because of just the fact that dating has never really worked out before. Well, there's this girl that I've taken interest in. It seems almost perfect. She's great, cool, etc. The first few weeks, I was too much of a ... to say anything. Well, not really only that, but also the fact I never really had a chance in my busy life. I did catch her staring sometimes...but instead of being coolcat and smiling, I just looked away =/. Well, I joined theater, which coincidentally she's in. The first practice, we basically just talked the whole time. She seems cool, and I made her laugh a couple times, although there were a couple of awkward silences here and there. I don't really know if she likes me, or even if she thinks I'm weird or not...(it's hard to get out of one conversation)...I've already added her on MySpace once at the beginning of the year before I'd even said anything to her, and she declined my request...so...that might be a bit weird to her...

 

My question is, what do I do now? Talk with her more when I can, and see where that goes? Become friends with her, or just start suggesting dates right off the bat? When I mention my past bad experiences, they've pretty much all ended up in the friendzone. I used to have nice guy syndrome bad. Now, I'm perfectly capable of scoring an awesome girl for once, but...I don't know for sure what to do...any help?

[sparky1_2007]

Huh what is going on here? Is Dan supposed to be the relationship guru and eveyrone else his slafe doing jobs for him?

 

And to sparky, yeah I know the feeling when you want to have a good conversation but it just isn't working. To me that is a sign that it just doesn't really click. I've been there before, and thinking that in the end it would work out, but really, mostlly it doesn't. You have these girls where it is so easy to talk with, and you have others where you run out of talk after 2 min. I'd say to stick to the first group.

 

thats exactly what i thought.

 

to both statements.

 

anyways, we have had past conversations where it just kind of clicked, but with other's it hasn't.

 

i think it's just a barrier between me and her, i mean, she's a "model" or w/e she said since she was 9, and i'm just her brother's friend to her, though she say's she's not superficial, im not so sure, but we'll see when i ask for her number soon so that i can really talk with her.

 

oh yea, and guy's here still in highschool, learn from my mistakes please, i passed up on maybe 3-4 good relationships with people who acctually liked me for who i was, nerdy, quiet and whatever else back in the day. Now that i'm 20, and out of highschool for a few years, im regretting that, because we don't have any tight knit cliche's in college, so there's really no one for me to socialize with on a regular basis, and the only friends i really have now are the people that i've met in class that i've kept in touch with, or my old friends from back in highschool that go to my college.

 

So, if a girl that likes you, but you don't like them back, because they aren't the girl you like now, just give it a shot, i spent my whole highschool career chasing around girls that i knew would never like me, but i was too caught up with them leading me on that i looked away at a girl that liked me for me. I mean, i even took this said girl out to a movie and didn't really think anything of it and just went on and chased after other said girl that barely knew me.

 

/end life story.

[RpgGamer]

So, um short story, but ive been talking with this girl lately mostly over facebook, because i havent gotten her number yet.

 

anyways, it always seems to me that most of my conversations with her are one-way with me doing most of the talking.

 

I mean, i'll ask her what's up whenever i first talk with her, and she'll say nm, and i'll try and make an effort and talk about something interesting, like school or whatever, but it always ends up with me running out of stuff to talk about, and just stop talking with her.

 

Is there something that i can do to get her talking, i mean, i think i've got a pretty good chance with her, but i'm a firm believer of you shouldn't have to try and have a good conversation, it'll just flow.

 

any tips on subjects to talk about too? I mean, i want to get to know her a bit more before i go and start hanging out with her.

 

 

(not directed at Sparky) Okay first off, keep your cool when posting here. There's no need to call each other out. Just because Dan posted first, doens't mean he's the guru of the thread. He just happens to post here alot (as do I).

 

(directed at Sparky)

One word answer girls are a pain to converse with. But like Dan said you gotta build some comfort with her. How does one do that? Honestly, I'm pretty bad at it, but I've noticed that the harder it is to get a girls confort, the more loyal a girlfriend they'll be. No lie. I suggest talking to her in real life, not just over facebook. Talk about things that she's interested in (look on her profile, its not too hard). And physical touching works wonders. Don't be a creep about it, but when engaging her in conversation, give her a nice hug. The more bright/happy/smiley you are, the quicker she'll warm up to you.

 

(directed at Fruitdisc)

You've made a second account before for this purpose haven't you? It's not nesesary, man. No ones judging you. This is a forum for goodness sake, its pretty anonymous as it is. I like that you see yourself as the cool popular guy. Thats a good positiion to be in. About this chick though. She's "almost perfect". Don't get a head of yourself here. But you mentioned that you can score any chick you want. I like that confidense, that's a good start. I know your a busy guy, but if you want to get anywhere with this girl, you're going to have to have time for her. Otherwise, this isn't going to go anywhere. I saw talk to her when you can, awkward silences are sometimes unavoidable. BUt if she's really staring at you, stare back! Make her be the one to break eye contact. The faster she does it, the more embarrased she is. That'd be a good indicator that she likes you. And don't take the Myspace rejection personally. Some people don't like being friends with people they don't know well.

[Iamdan]

Huh what is going on here? Is Dan supposed to be the relationship guru and eveyrone else his slafe doing jobs for him

 

Relationship guru? No. Guru on getting a relationship in the first place? I'd say I am, on the theory at least. I do well irl but I'm far from a guru.

 

It's not really doing a job for me, the only purpose of getting all my posts in 1 spot is so those who want to read them, can easily. I just thought I'd do something in return for doing a favor for whoever wants to read the posts. Almost all of these questions (so there's this girl...) have been answered at least once earlier in the thread.

[RpgGamer]

Huh what is going on here? Is Dan supposed to be the relationship guru and eveyrone else his slafe doing jobs for him

 

Relationship guru? No. Guru on getting a relationship in the first place? I'd say I am, on the theory at least. I do well irl but I'm far from a guru.

 

It's not really doing a job for me, the only purpose of getting all my posts in 1 spot is so those who want to read them, can easily. I just thought I'd do something in return for doing a favor for whoever wants to read the posts. Almost all of these questions (so there's this girl...) have been answered at least once earlier in the thread.

 

 

'tis true. But the only guru that I recognize that has ever posted on this thread is IgoddessI for having a legitimate background in psychology (and being my inspiration to do the same). I'd say you (IamDan) and Lent are probably the most likely to respond to the "so there's this girl" problem. I try my best to respond to every problem, but gettnig the girl is my weak point. Keeping the girl is my strong suit.

[Tim]

@ fruitdisc00, I can understand physical, but how can someone completely change their personality in just a few months? I've tried for years and its at that point where I can say impossible without wiping my memory.

[Hobgoblinpie]

@ fruitdisc00, I can understand physical, but how can someone completely change their personality in just a few months? I've tried for years and its at that point where I can say impossible without wiping my memory.

 

My personality has completely changed in a month, though I expect it's different for everyone.