"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[tripsis]

Furah, it honestly seems like there are some issues you need to work out. From what you've described, all of the arguments got started because something really small annoyed you. For instance, sorry but kicking your girlfriend out at 2:30am in the morning is pretty low.. You should have just slept with her or slept on the sofa. One not-amazing night of sleep wouldn't have killed you. And as for the second point, again, it's a case of "it just annoyed me" but it was something really small. And this:

 

I'm also finding her dependencies on me for emotional support, such as when she is having a rough day, to be annoying and stressful for me.

 

This is what relationships are about. One of the whole points of having a relationship is to depend on each other (for emotional support and other things). If that's not something you're interested in, you might need to seriously consider whether you actually want to be in a long-term relationship.

 

You need to take a step back and think about what you actually want. Do you want to be with this girl? If so, why? And if you do, you need to exercise patience. Think before you blow up at her.

[Furah]

I can't have her stay the night, she knows that. I've been in major shit because of it in the past. I did start trying at 12:30.

[tripsis]

I can't have her stay the night, she knows that. I've been in major shit because of it in the past. I did start trying at 12:30.

Even if you slept on a sofa in a completely different room?

[obfuscator]

Sofa or no sofa, if she knows that, it's her responsibility to see herself out.

[Furah]

I'm now completely calm and everything is back to normal. I think I was just having a panic attack, it's not the first time I've had one and I might add it to the list of things to bring up next time I see my doctor

I can't have her stay the night, she knows that. I've been in major shit because of it in the past. I did start trying at 12:30.

Even if you slept on a sofa in a completely different room?

 

The only times she has been allowed to stay over on what gets called a work night is when she is incapable of driving, such as the one time she had a fever and couldn't stand up. Under no circumstances are we allowed to sleep in the same room either. I can respect that but I find the fact that my parents come up with a bullshit reason to be unacceptable. They say because they don't want my younger sisters to think that's acceptable. They never look up to me and even saying that it's because it's offensive to my mother's religious beliefs would have been acceptable to me, as I try my best to not offend her.

 

Luckily her parents, despite the fact that I was banned from her house for like 7-8 months for giving her mum advice, don't care. I think her mum is at the stage where sex is ok as long as they can't hear. I'm not game to ask though, even though I'm 99% sure I heard them doing it at least once when they knew I was over.

[tripsis]

That doesn't quite answer the question :P I get that you're not allowed to sleep in the same room. That's pretty normal with parents. But if she fell asleep on your bed, could you not have slept on a sofa in a different room?

 

If she fell asleep in your bed (literally like "Okay I'm going to sleep now") knowing that she couldn't do that, that's bad on her. But it's also kind of on you since you should have had her leave the second she got into bed with the intention to go to sleep. If she was just really tired and happened to fall asleep, that's not something you should rage at her for. It happens. People get exhausted.

[Furah]

It'd be the fact that she had slept over without their ok on the matter.

She has pernicious anemia, which is a form of B12 deficiency, and so she can sometimes fall asleep immediately if she lies down. This can occur even when she just slept for a good number of hours and isn't even sleepy. Usually I can get her to leave when it gets late, and I did give her some time to sleep, so it wasn't like she slept for 30 minutes before I tried waking her. She would have slept like 3-4 hours before I woke her.

[sarg1010]

Couldn't you have just told your parents that she has that condition, and that there wasn't much you could do without being rude to her?

[Assume Nothing]

They may or may not be very understanding. They may see Furah's aspirations taking precedence over his girlfriend's welfare. It's unfortunately true in many cases.

 

EDIT - I thought so.

[Furah]

They'd just tell me not to have her over on those nights.

[miracleman58]

Parents gonna parent.

[muggiwhplar]

Furah you should break up with her.

 

I'm also finding her dependencies on me for emotional support, such as when she is having a rough day, to be annoying and stressful for me.

 

This is what relationships are about. One of the whole points of having a relationship is to depend on each other (for emotional support and other things). If that's not something you're interested in, you might need to seriously consider whether you actually want to be in a long-term relationship.

 

That's not what relationships should be about. Relationships based on such a concept are doomed.

[tripsis]

Furah you should break up with her.

 

I'm also finding her dependencies on me for emotional support, such as when she is having a rough day, to be annoying and stressful for me.

 

This is what relationships are about. One of the whole points of having a relationship is to depend on each other (for emotional support and other things). If that's not something you're interested in, you might need to seriously consider whether you actually want to be in a long-term relationship.

 

That's not what relationships should be about. Relationships based on such a concept are doomed.

If you're in a long-term/serious relationship and you're not interested in helping or supporting your S.O. when he/she is having a rough day, your relationship is doomed.

[obfuscator]

Are we seriously back to this again?

[muggiwhplar]

If you're in a long-term/serious relationship and you're not interested in helping or supporting your S.O. when he/she is having a rough day, your relationship is doomed.

 

I partially agree-- but that's not the same thing as "depending" on your SO. Point being, yes it's good to have a significant other for reassurance/consolation. But for the love of god, don't depend on them for that consolation-- you should be mature enough to handle that stuff on your own before getting into a relationship.

[tripsis]

If you're in a long-term/serious relationship and you're not interested in helping or supporting your S.O. when he/she is having a rough day, your relationship is doomed.

 

I partially agree-- but that's not the same thing as "depending" on your SO.

If you are in a serious/long-term relationship - and I know you're against those but the point is IF YOU ARE in one - you should be able to rely on your SO for emotional support. You should be able to come home after a bad day and expect your SO to comfort you and help you through it. They shouldn't be thinking "God it annoys me when they get upset and have a bad day and expect me to comfort them." That just suggests that the person doesn't care about their problems.. and that leads to serious problems in a relationship.

 

If the person expects their SO to actually solve their issues - that's a problem. But support should always be given.

[muggiwhplar]

If you're in a long-term/serious relationship and you're not interested in helping or supporting your S.O. when he/she is having a rough day, your relationship is doomed.

 

I partially agree-- but that's not the same thing as "depending" on your SO.

If you are in a serious/long-term relationship - and I know you're against those but the point is IF YOU ARE in one - you should be able to rely on your SO for emotional support. You should be able to come home after a bad day and expect your SO to comfort you and help you through it. They shouldn't be thinking "God it annoys me when they get upset and have a bad day and expect me to comfort them." That just suggests that the person doesn't care about their problems.. and that leads to serious problems in a relationship.

 

If the person expects their SO to actually solve their issues - that's a problem. But support should always be given.

 

I agree... more or less :P

[miracleman58]

If you're in a long-term/serious relationship and you're not interested in helping or supporting your S.O. when he/she is having a rough day, your relationship is doomed.

 

I partially agree-- but that's not the same thing as "depending" on your SO.

If you are in a serious/long-term relationship - and I know you're against those but the point is IF YOU ARE in one - you should be able to rely on your SO for emotional support. You should be able to come home after a bad day and expect your SO to comfort you and help you through it. They shouldn't be thinking "God it annoys me when they get upset and have a bad day and expect me to comfort them." That just suggests that the person doesn't care about their problems.. and that leads to serious problems in a relationship.

 

If the person expects their SO to actually solve their issues - that's a problem. But support should always be given.

 

I agree... more or less :P

 

 

:shock: I expected at least 2 pages from you two :thumbup:

[muggiwhplar]

:shock: I expected at least 2 pages from you two :thumbup:

 

Lol it wouldn't be anything that hasn't been said already :P

[RpgGamer]

She used to load it between friends and myself, now it seems to only be me as she doesn't seem to associate with her friends as much any more.

 

Edit: She pretty much forces me out of the bed in her sleep, a single is too small, and as I also still live at home, we can't share the bed anyway. She wasn't even allowed to stay the night on top of that.

 

I'm thinking you need some space from her, so you don't continue to blow up on her [sounds to me like you feel smothered with her sleeping over when she shouldn't and such] and she needs to reconnect with her friends a bit [ you mentioned she dumps everything on you now instead of what used to be divided between you and her friends]

 

doesn't sound like a super hard problem to solve, but maybe there's something I'm missing. Def worth talking about with her

[RpgGamer]

I've spent upwards of 6 years fawning over the same girl. Dated her 17 maybe even 18 times. Proposed to her, planned a family with her, and had the time of my life with her. She's broken me, beat me, ripped my heart in more pieces then days I've known her...but she'll still be that girl. I have 2 lessons for everyone on this thread. For the safety of your own well being emotionally, and physically at times...

 

1) NEVER. and I mean NEVER. Stick your dick in crazy. I don't care how mind blowing the sex is 3 times a day everyday for years.

2) Move on with your damn life. Don't even bother with ex drama. Delete their number. Unfriend them. Change your tumblr UR. Block them. AND MOVE THE [bleep] ON WITH YOUR LIFE

 

 

and maybe, with all hope and prayer - you won't end up like me. A grown man that still bawls his eyes out over some girl he met in highschool. Who drinks just to forget. Who can't go a day without remembering the horrors one crazy girl put you through.

 

If I can serve one purpose in life, i want it to be the spread of these two messages. No one should suffer this fate ever again. As much as you try to convince yourself it was worth it, you'll always question yourself.

[muggiwhplar]

I've spent upwards of 6 years fawning over the same girl. Dated her 17 maybe even 18 times. Proposed to her, planned a family with her, and had the time of my life with her. She's broken me, beat me, ripped my heart in more pieces then days I've known her...but she'll still be that girl. I have 2 lessons for everyone on this thread. For the safety of your own well being emotionally, and physically at times...

 

1) NEVER. and I mean NEVER. Stick your dick in crazy. I don't care how mind blowing the sex is 3 times a day everyday for years.

2) Move on with your damn life. Don't even bother with ex drama. Delete their number. Unfriend them. Change your tumblr UR. Block them. AND MOVE THE [bleep] ON WITH YOUR LIFE

 

 

and maybe, with all hope and prayer - you won't end up like me. A grown man that still bawls his eyes out over some girl he met in highschool. Who drinks just to forget. Who can't go a day without remembering the horrors one crazy girl put you through.

 

If I can serve one purpose in life, i want it to be the spread of these two messages. No one should suffer this fate ever again. As much as you try to convince yourself it was worth it, you'll always question yourself.

 

As a friendly reminder, you can disregard Rule #1 as long as you don't promise her exclusivity :P

[RpgGamer]

I've spent upwards of 6 years fawning over the same girl. Dated her 17 maybe even 18 times. Proposed to her, planned a family with her, and had the time of my life with her. She's broken me, beat me, ripped my heart in more pieces then days I've known her...but she'll still be that girl. I have 2 lessons for everyone on this thread. For the safety of your own well being emotionally, and physically at times...

 

1) NEVER. and I mean NEVER. Stick your dick in crazy. I don't care how mind blowing the sex is 3 times a day everyday for years.

2) Move on with your damn life. Don't even bother with ex drama. Delete their number. Unfriend them. Change your tumblr UR. Block them. AND MOVE THE [bleep] ON WITH YOUR LIFE

 

 

and maybe, with all hope and prayer - you won't end up like me. A grown man that still bawls his eyes out over some girl he met in highschool. Who drinks just to forget. Who can't go a day without remembering the horrors one crazy girl put you through.

 

If I can serve one purpose in life, i want it to be the spread of these two messages. No one should suffer this fate ever again. As much as you try to convince yourself it was worth it, you'll always question yourself.

 

As a friendly reminder, you can disregard Rule #1 as long as you don't promise her exclusivity :P

 

I wouldn't risk it to be honest haha.

[Tim]

I've spent upwards of 6 years fawning over the same girl. Dated her 17 maybe even 18 times. Proposed to her, planned a family with her, and had the time of my life with her. She's broken me, beat me, ripped my heart in more pieces then days I've known her...but she'll still be that girl. I have 2 lessons for everyone on this thread. For the safety of your own well being emotionally, and physically at times...

 

1) NEVER. and I mean NEVER. Stick your dick in crazy. I don't care how mind blowing the sex is 3 times a day everyday for years.

2) Move on with your damn life. Don't even bother with ex drama. Delete their number. Unfriend them. Change your tumblr UR. Block them. AND MOVE THE [bleep] ON WITH YOUR LIFE

 

 

and maybe, with all hope and prayer - you won't end up like me. A grown man that still bawls his eyes out over some girl he met in highschool. Who drinks just to forget. Who can't go a day without remembering the horrors one crazy girl put you through.

 

If I can serve one purpose in life, i want it to be the spread of these two messages. No one should suffer this fate ever again. As much as you try to convince yourself it was worth it, you'll always question yourself.

 

As a friendly reminder, you can disregard Rule #1 as long as you don't promise her exclusivity :P

 

I wouldn't risk it to be honest haha.

I would, but I have an insanely curious mind and dated women with more trust issues then a Bible Basher accepting Christians into their home (I couldn't think of a good compare)

 

WHICH IS ALSO THE REASON WHY I HATE EVERYONE ELSE GETTING IN ON IT. >:C

(Go ahead, say it. but you know damn well this is simply what's hardwired into my mind)

[tripsis]

I wouldn't risk it either. Even if you say "This is just sex, I don't want to be exclusive and I don't want a relationship," that doesn't guarantee that she'll take it like that. It could start off that way, she might develop feelings, she might go crazy and get possessive, she might rage text you and spam call you, etc. I can think of a million times people have posted that they started out just as "friends with benefits" or a pure sex relationship and someone ended up getting attached, despite the agreement.