"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Kalphite]

Ugh. The friend I was talking about is now turning out to be even more of a drama queen, and apparently she told Stacey and one of my other friends (who I found this out from) that I was interested in her. Ah well, should have expected as much seeing how easily she said the same about me. Guess this is the last time I'm trusting her with something of this nature, lol. But I'll still keep trying. Hanging out with her and some other people tonight at a concert, should be pretty fun.

 

Is it likely that this turn of events is really going to change anything though? I was planning on ignoring all this drama that sprung up and carrying on as I was going to, or is this some way I should use this to my advantage or something?

[Assume Nothing]

I'm unsure why it appears to be so difficult to simply sit back and make observations of potential partners - it should be easy to decipher whether someone has a brash personality or whether they're prone to melodrama. I honestly do wonder - how did you not know?

 

I don't personally interact with or approach drama-queens often, unless it's in a very satirical way. I think you'll probably regret hooking up with her if you do - my personal advice would be to stay clear.

[Surprises]

Ugh. The friend I was talking about is now turning out to be even more of a drama queen, and apparently she told Stacey and one of my other friends (who I found this out from) that I was interested in her. Ah well, should have expected as much seeing how easily she said the same about me. Guess this is the last time I'm trusting her with something of this nature, lol. But I'll still keep trying. Hanging out with her and some other people tonight at a concert, should be pretty fun.

 

Is it likely that this turn of events is really going to change anything though? I was planning on ignoring all this drama that sprung up and carrying on as I was going to, or is this some way I should use this to my advantage or something?

 

Does she (the girl you after) value/trust/listen to the advice from your friend who told her? If so I would be more on a forward footing, Stacey may get annoyed or move on if you she is now convinced that there is some feeling on your behalf but be careful, don't go to completely the other end of the scale and swamp her or you'll likely end up in the relationship where she is there to merely out of pity.

 

However, I agree with Skeptic... She seems trouble.

[RpgGamer]

Of course, trouble makes things fun and interesting

[muggiwhplar]

Not everybody enjoys drama :P

[Kalphite]

Sorry if there was any confusion, but Stacey isn't being the drama queen, her friend Sam is. And while I know that Stacey and Sam are close friends, I don't know how much she actually takes her advice - she certainly ignored it last time, as she had been telling Stacey to break up with her last ex- for two months before he finally broke it off. So I don't know.

 

And yeah, I have seen it coming. Sam manages to find all sorts of drama to talk about all the time when she only really talks to like six people, but I've just always figured that because I didn't interact with any of them or her boyfriend that I'd be able to keep out of that aspect. But I guess now that I've become interested in one of her friends, I should have seen it coming. Ah well.

 

Or if you did understand all of that out of it, why are you saying Stacey is trouble when she hasn't really done anything wrong and it's been Sam causing the issues..that I see anyways? I'm not close minded, I just want to know what makes you think that, lol.

[RpgGamer]

Sorry if there was any confusion, but Stacey isn't being the drama queen, her friend Sam is. And while I know that Stacey and Sam are close friends, I don't know how much she actually takes her advice - she certainly ignored it last time, as she had been telling Stacey to break up with her last ex- for two months before he finally broke it off. So I don't know.

 

And yeah, I have seen it coming. Sam manages to find all sorts of drama to talk about all the time when she only really talks to like six people, but I've just always figured that because I didn't interact with any of them or her boyfriend that I'd be able to keep out of that aspect. But I guess now that I've become interested in one of her friends, I should have seen it coming. Ah well.

 

Or if you did understand all of that out of it, why are you saying Stacey is trouble when she hasn't really done anything wrong and it's been Sam causing the issues..that I see anyways? I'm not close minded, I just want to know what makes you think that, lol.

 

I think you should know girl's friend's usually suck, and you should go for Stacey regardless because it's obvious you want to.

[Riku3220]

After 17 years, I'm no longer single. <3:

[tripsis]

Congratulations! :thumbsup:

[Ouchy]

After 17 years, I'm no longer single. <3:

 

I know that feel bro. 17 too, first hook up and first proper girl friend, as of last night.

 

Congrats bud :thumbup: :thumbup: :thumbup:

[Riku3220]

I thought I'd leave some advice for anyone nervous about asking a friend out. Don't fear the friendzone. The message that Lydia sent me before I asked her out was: "If you guys are really friends, you'll definitely stay friends. It might be awkward for a little while but it wouldn't last long at all. And if you didn't ask her out, any girl awesome enough to be the object of your affection would probably get asked out by someone else, and that would suck if she said yes to some jerk."

[Sam]

Not everybody enjoys drama :P

 

Yeah, screw drama.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I thought I'd leave some advice for anyone nervous about asking a friend out. Don't fear the friendzone. The message that Lydia sent me before I asked her out was: "If you guys are really friends, you'll definitely stay friends. It might be awkward for a little while but it wouldn't last long at all. And if you didn't ask her out, any girl awesome enough to be the object of your affection would probably get asked out by someone else, and that would suck if she said yes to some jerk."

I'm not casting any judgement on you and her, since you're the best judge of that. However, you do realise the vast majority of people who break up don't stay in contact afterwards, don't you? Even if they were friends before dating. There's good reasons for it, closure being the biggest one.

 

In fact, from experience, break ups between two people who were friends before dating tend to be the messiest. There's definitely a tension between both people just wishing the other would disappear, but neither person wanting to let the friendship element fall apart. In the end, you can't have both; you either have to go seperate ways, or just swallow up all the hurt and 'gloss over' it for friendship's sake, even if that means standing by while the other person finds a new relationship.

 

I've only ever seen one such friendship actually stay in tact following a relationship. The rest have gone down in a plume of smoke.

[RpgGamer]

I thought I'd leave some advice for anyone nervous about asking a friend out. Don't fear the friendzone. The message that Lydia sent me before I asked her out was: "If you guys are really friends, you'll definitely stay friends. It might be awkward for a little while but it wouldn't last long at all. And if you didn't ask her out, any girl awesome enough to be the object of your affection would probably get asked out by someone else, and that would suck if she said yes to some jerk."

I'm not casting any judgement on you and her, since you're the best judge of that. However, you do realise the vast majority of people who break up don't stay in contact afterwards, don't you? Even if they were friends before dating. There's good reasons for it, closure being the biggest one.

 

In fact, from experience, break ups between two people who were friends before dating tend to be the messiest. There's definitely a tension between both people just wishing the other would disappear, but neither person wanting to let the friendship element fall apart. In the end, you can't have both; you either have to go seperate ways, or just swallow up all the hurt and 'gloss over' it for friendship's sake, even if that means standing by while the other person finds a new relationship.

 

I've only ever seen one such friendship actually stay in tact following a relationship. The rest have gone down in a plume of smoke.

 

agreed - provided the relationship ended on less than mutual terms. 99% of ended relationships, it's best for the 2 participants to just stay the hell away from each other. There is one girl i dated for 3 weeks however, and her and I are still cool. There's an awkward moment here and there, but the relationship wasn't really long enough to even call it that, so given the circumstances our friendship kind of works. ...But it's not like I'm going out of my way to hang out with her. She has a lot of the same friends as me, and we just kind of get along if we ever end up at the same parties.

[Riku3220]

I thought I'd leave some advice for anyone nervous about asking a friend out. Don't fear the friendzone. The message that Lydia sent me before I asked her out was: "If you guys are really friends, you'll definitely stay friends. It might be awkward for a little while but it wouldn't last long at all. And if you didn't ask her out, any girl awesome enough to be the object of your affection would probably get asked out by someone else, and that would suck if she said yes to some jerk."

I'm not casting any judgement on you and her, since you're the best judge of that. However, you do realise the vast majority of people who break up don't stay in contact afterwards, don't you? Even if they were friends before dating. There's good reasons for it, closure being the biggest one.

 

In fact, from experience, break ups between two people who were friends before dating tend to be the messiest. There's definitely a tension between both people just wishing the other would disappear, but neither person wanting to let the friendship element fall apart. In the end, you can't have both; you either have to go seperate ways, or just swallow up all the hurt and 'gloss over' it for friendship's sake, even if that means standing by while the other person finds a new relationship.

 

I've only ever seen one such friendship actually stay in tact following a relationship. The rest have gone down in a plume of smoke.

 

agreed - provided the relationship ended on less than mutual terms. 99% of ended relationships, it's best for the 2 participants to just stay the hell away from each other. There is one girl i dated for 3 weeks however, and her and I are still cool. There's an awkward moment here and there, but the relationship wasn't really long enough to even call it that, so given the circumstances our friendship kind of works. ...But it's not like I'm going out of my way to hang out with her. She has a lot of the same friends as me, and we just kind of get along if we ever end up at the same parties.

This is where it gets kind of twisted around. We haven't seen each other in almost four years and we communicate entirely through texts. In addition to already being in a long distance relationship, she plans on going to study in London for three years. Of course, we talked about all of this shortly after becoming boyfriend and girlfriend and while we acknowledge the fact that it will be hard, we agreed that we'd both be able to handle it.

 

I know this sounds like it's set up for failure and if it were anyone else, I'd be inclined to agree, but we both went into the relationship knowing full well what our challenges would be and we accepted them.

[Assume Nothing]

In almost any relationship, one (or both) parties would almost inevitably face extraordinary problems that can be highly taxing on the relationship. The ones who succeed are usually the ones who are tenacious enough to overcome these obstacles cooperatively.

[Kalphite]

Alright well things were going pretty well with Stacey for those first two days after I posted. The concert ended up being a lot of fun, and the group we were with all hung out for a couple hours afterward. The next day we all came back to my place and hung out and watched a movie before going our separate ways. Everything went really well; it was a lot of fun and she was laughing at like everything I said and responded well to touching, etc.

 

When we were all at my house, I had noticed she started getting sick though, and when I sent out a mass text about a get together at my house this Wednesday (when I asked her about it Friday night she said yes before I even finished my question, lol) she said that she was getting a lot worse and didn't know. I didn't talk to her at all Monday, and on Tuesday we only talked on Facebook for like 15 minutes, when she said she had to leave because her sister made her soup and was forcing her to eat it (side note: We have the week off school because of president's day, so it's not like that's part of the forthcoming issue either. Doesn't really fit here but I didn't know where to fit this fact in, lol).

 

Well she ended up getting food poisoning from the soup. >_<. As such, she wasn't able to go to a movie with my group Tuesday (I threw it together to see Chronicle last minute, still ended up going and everything lol), nor was she able to go to the thing last night either. Just hoping she gets better before my group goes to a skating rink Friday and the cast party Saturday...meh.

 

Now, I'm not posting here because she's been not going to things, I know she's really been sick. Just the problem is, I'm barely able to hold a conversation with her texting; any time I try the conversation dies after like five texts. It's not like she's one wording me, I can tell she's putting thought into the texts, but they're all just really short lived, though that may be because most of the time they've started off with an invitation to something and I'd try to keep something going after that, which hasn't worked, lol. She hasn't really started any either when not in person. The sole conversation we've had on Facebook hasn't been much longer either. I guess what I'm asking is, does it seem like I'm trying to talk to her/invite her to things too frequently, or should I be making an effort to try to talk to her more so as to get an actual conversation out of her?

[Furah]

Not everybody enjoys drama :P

 

Trust me, if my hundreds of hours of playing games with console commands and multiple saves has taught me anything, it's that if you don't have to invest too much time and effort in something within about 2 hours you'll get bored and just [bleep]ing kill everyone and loot their corpses. A small amount of drama keeps my relationship alive and healthy.

[Ginger_Warrior]

In almost any relationship, one (or both) parties would almost inevitably face extraordinary problems that can be highly taxing on the relationship. The ones who succeed are usually the ones who are tenacious enough to overcome these obstacles cooperatively.

Agreed, although it should be noted that tenacity itself isn't a solution to the original problem. It just makes people more resilient against its consequences, which itself can be a good thing or a bad thing--namely, when 'tenacity' turns into 'pig-headedness' or 'stubbornness'.

[muggiwhplar]

Not everybody enjoys drama :P

 

Trust me, if my hundreds of hours of playing games with console commands and multiple saves has taught me anything, it's that if you don't have to invest too much time and effort in something within about 2 hours you'll get bored and just [bleep]ing kill everyone and loot their corpses. A small amount of drama keeps my relationship alive and healthy.

 

Thank you for proving one of the points I've been trying to make these past couple of weeks, whether you realize it or not :P

[miracleman58]

Alright well things were going pretty well with Stacey for those first two days after I posted. The concert ended up being a lot of fun, and the group we were with all hung out for a couple hours afterward. The next day we all came back to my place and hung out and watched a movie before going our separate ways. Everything went really well; it was a lot of fun and she was laughing at like everything I said and responded well to touching, etc.

 

When we were all at my house, I had noticed she started getting sick though, and when I sent out a mass text about a get together at my house this Wednesday (when I asked her about it Friday night she said yes before I even finished my question, lol) she said that she was getting a lot worse and didn't know. I didn't talk to her at all Monday, and on Tuesday we only talked on Facebook for like 15 minutes, when she said she had to leave because her sister made her soup and was forcing her to eat it (side note: We have the week off school because of president's day, so it's not like that's part of the forthcoming issue either. Doesn't really fit here but I didn't know where to fit this fact in, lol).

 

Well she ended up getting food poisoning from the soup. >_<. As such, she wasn't able to go to a movie with my group Tuesday (I threw it together to see Chronicle last minute, still ended up going and everything lol), nor was she able to go to the thing last night either. Just hoping she gets better before my group goes to a skating rink Friday and the cast party Saturday...meh.

 

Now, I'm not posting here because she's been not going to things, I know she's really been sick. Just the problem is, I'm barely able to hold a conversation with her texting; any time I try the conversation dies after like five texts. It's not like she's one wording me, I can tell she's putting thought into the texts, but they're all just really short lived, though that may be because most of the time they've started off with an invitation to something and I'd try to keep something going after that, which hasn't worked, lol. She hasn't really started any either when not in person. The sole conversation we've had on Facebook hasn't been much longer either. I guess what I'm asking is, does it seem like I'm trying to talk to her/invite her to things too frequently, or should I be making an effort to try to talk to her more so as to get an actual conversation out of her?

 

Seems to me that you are the 'organiser' in your group of friends arranging get togethers and outings and such and you said that normally text conversations begin with an invitation. She may be thinking that you are only talking to her because you are inviting her to something with everyone else, She might be thinking that you do the same to everyone else and not feel as 'special', girls like to feel special. Try and strike up conversations in texts and FB that dont start or end with an invitation anywhere more often. Just see what shes up to and stuff and see how it goes and then maybe she if she wants to go somewhere with you ALONE.

 

Just see where that goes and if that doesnt work just ignore her for a few days if possible, if she likes you im sure she'll come and talk to you somehow then you know where you stand.

[RpgGamer]

Alright well things were going pretty well with Stacey for those first two days after I posted. The concert ended up being a lot of fun, and the group we were with all hung out for a couple hours afterward. The next day we all came back to my place and hung out and watched a movie before going our separate ways. Everything went really well; it was a lot of fun and she was laughing at like everything I said and responded well to touching, etc.

 

When we were all at my house, I had noticed she started getting sick though, and when I sent out a mass text about a get together at my house this Wednesday (when I asked her about it Friday night she said yes before I even finished my question, lol) she said that she was getting a lot worse and didn't know. I didn't talk to her at all Monday, and on Tuesday we only talked on Facebook for like 15 minutes, when she said she had to leave because her sister made her soup and was forcing her to eat it (side note: We have the week off school because of president's day, so it's not like that's part of the forthcoming issue either. Doesn't really fit here but I didn't know where to fit this fact in, lol).

 

Well she ended up getting food poisoning from the soup. >_<. As such, she wasn't able to go to a movie with my group Tuesday (I threw it together to see Chronicle last minute, still ended up going and everything lol), nor was she able to go to the thing last night either. Just hoping she gets better before my group goes to a skating rink Friday and the cast party Saturday...meh.

 

Now, I'm not posting here because she's been not going to things, I know she's really been sick. Just the problem is, I'm barely able to hold a conversation with her texting; any time I try the conversation dies after like five texts. It's not like she's one wording me, I can tell she's putting thought into the texts, but they're all just really short lived, though that may be because most of the time they've started off with an invitation to something and I'd try to keep something going after that, which hasn't worked, lol. She hasn't really started any either when not in person. The sole conversation we've had on Facebook hasn't been much longer either. I guess what I'm asking is, does it seem like I'm trying to talk to her/invite her to things too frequently, or should I be making an effort to try to talk to her more so as to get an actual conversation out of her?

 

Go visit her, she's got food poisoning, not the plague.

"I'd bring you soup, but the last person to do that kept us apart for a week"

 

Bring her updates on how fun it was hanging with everyone and how you cant wait for her to get better.

 

or watch a movie with her, since you were cool with doing that before. whatever, your girl not mine.

[Ginger_Warrior]

She was feeling sick before she had the soup though... you can't put that down to food poisoning, can you?

 

^ Not relationship advice, more a medical observation

[Kalphite]

Seems to me that you are the 'organiser' in your group of friends arranging get togethers and outings and such and you said that normally text conversations begin with an invitation. She may be thinking that you are only talking to her because you are inviting her to something with everyone else, She might be thinking that you do the same to everyone else and not feel as 'special', girls like to feel special. Try and strike up conversations in texts and FB that dont start or end with an invitation anywhere more often. Just see what shes up to and stuff and see how it goes and then maybe she if she wants to go somewhere with you ALONE.

 

Just see where that goes and if that doesnt work just ignore her for a few days if possible, if she likes you im sure she'll come and talk to you somehow then you know where you stand.

 

Yeah, I ended up talking to her on FB for a while after I made this post and finally got a conversation to last for a bit, lol. But yeah, I generally try to do that, even with the invitations I invite her separately from the mass text so I can make it more personal, lol. I was going to wait until these next couple group things have passed (if she ends up being healthy enough to come to any of them >.>) before trying to do something alone though, just because those two days last weekend are the only times I've hung out with her outside of school so I was going to see how those went first. Seeing if the time is right I guess, didn't want to make it awkward lol. But thanks!

 

 

Go visit her, she's got food poisoning, not the plague.

"I'd bring you soup, but the last person to do that kept us apart for a week"

 

Bring her updates on how fun it was hanging with everyone and how you cant wait for her to get better.

 

or watch a movie with her, since you were cool with doing that before. whatever, your girl not mine.

 

She was feeling sick before she had the soup though... you can't put that down to food poisoning, can you?

 

^ Not relationship advice, more a medical observation

 

Yeah she still has her sinus infection from sunday, plus she has food poisoning on top of that now. And like, she was still puking yesterday, I'd rather stay away from that for now, lol. Also I like i said previously I want to see how these next two outing things go before hanging out with her alone, and if she's too sick to want to do anything then I doubt she'd want me there xD.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I think you're making that decision for her. If she hasn't specifically said "I want to be left alone", I would assume she would appreciate someone dropping by, keeping her company and making sure she's OK. Just don't be so touchy touchy and wash your hands.

 

You want to prove to her you're boyfriend material, yet you're avoiding her when she might just want somebody to give two thoughts about her. As RPG said, your choice, but for what it's worth I think it's a stupid one.