"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Kalphite]

You know, I hadn't actually thought about it that way, lol. If she says she's still too sick tomorrow then I'll try doing that. Just... Id feel weird inviting myself over to her house, especially without having really hung out with just her before, lol. Nor...would I really know how to do that without being awkward for that matter, not something I'm used to doing, as weird as that might sound. But yeah I'll try that, especially cause at this rate it seems really unlikely that she'll actually be better for tomorrow. Thanks.

[RpgGamer]

You know, I hadn't actually thought about it that way, lol. If she says she's still too sick tomorrow then I'll try doing that. Just... Id feel weird inviting myself over to her house, especially without having really hung out with just her before, lol. Nor...would I really know how to do that without being awkward for that matter, not something I'm used to doing, as weird as that might sound. But yeah I'll try that, especially cause at this rate it seems really unlikely that she'll actually be better for tomorrow. Thanks.

 

You've never hung out with her alone before?

 

I feel this is a good opportunity to impress her

[Kalphite]

You know, I hadn't actually thought about it that way, lol. If she says she's still too sick tomorrow then I'll try doing that. Just... Id feel weird inviting myself over to her house, especially without having really hung out with just her before, lol. Nor...would I really know how to do that without being awkward for that matter, not something I'm used to doing, as weird as that might sound. But yeah I'll try that, especially cause at this rate it seems really unlikely that she'll actually be better for tomorrow. Thanks.

 

You've never hung out with her alone before?

 

I feel this is a good opportunity to impress her

 

Nope, I've just hung out with her a lot at drama stuff. The concert friday and the thing at my house saturday were the first times I had even hung out with her outside of a school function. Does that change anything? I'm just afraid of her thinking its creepy because it's too fast or something, lol. I worry too much >.>.

[RpgGamer]

You know, I hadn't actually thought about it that way, lol. If she says she's still too sick tomorrow then I'll try doing that. Just... Id feel weird inviting myself over to her house, especially without having really hung out with just her before, lol. Nor...would I really know how to do that without being awkward for that matter, not something I'm used to doing, as weird as that might sound. But yeah I'll try that, especially cause at this rate it seems really unlikely that she'll actually be better for tomorrow. Thanks.

 

You've never hung out with her alone before?

 

I feel this is a good opportunity to impress her

 

Nope, I've just hung out with her a lot at drama stuff. The concert friday and the thing at my house saturday were the first times I had even hung out with her outside of a school function. Does that change anything? I'm just afraid of her thinking its creepy because it's too fast or something, lol. I worry too much >.>.

nah, like i said it's a chance to impress her. Your goal is to always outdo any other guy that may come along down the road. You could be that guy that cared enough to visit her while she was ill [or offer to whatever] even after just meeting her

[miracleman58]

You know, I hadn't actually thought about it that way, lol. If she says she's still too sick tomorrow then I'll try doing that. Just... Id feel weird inviting myself over to her house, especially without having really hung out with just her before, lol. Nor...would I really know how to do that without being awkward for that matter, not something I'm used to doing, as weird as that might sound. But yeah I'll try that, especially cause at this rate it seems really unlikely that she'll actually be better for tomorrow. Thanks.

 

You've never hung out with her alone before?

 

I feel this is a good opportunity to impress her

 

Nope, I've just hung out with her a lot at drama stuff. The concert friday and the thing at my house saturday were the first times I had even hung out with her outside of a school function. Does that change anything? I'm just afraid of her thinking its creepy because it's too fast or something, lol. I worry too much >.>.

nah, like i said it's a chance to impress her. Your goal is to always outdo any other guy that may come along down the road. You could be that guy that cared enough to visit her while she was ill [or offer to whatever] even after just meeting her

 

And you will be definatley giving off the right signals that your interested by doing this.

[Kalphite]

Well, I texted her today and asked her how she was doing, and she said she was still really sick and wouldn't be able to make it to our groups plans for the night. we talked for a little while, and she mentioned that she hadn't seen any of her friends all week and hadn't even left her couch since tuesday. I then offered to stop by for a while, and she sent back "aww thanks dom :) but no its cool, i dont rlly feel like talkin to anyone anyways. plus i'm prolly going to the doctors soon. but thanks anyway :)".

 

So,, guess I was freaking out over nothing, but at least I offered and she seemed to like that enough at least, lol. Guess I'll just see her when school gets back in.

[Sam]

Girls love surprises. Don't always ask for permission, as such. Being spontaneous makes girls rather intrigued.

[Assume Nothing]

If by surprises, you mean 'unexpected, but pleasant event', you would be correct. If by surprises, you mean something rather different... then maybe not.

[Sam]

I thought that would go without saying, but yes - that is what I meant.

[Kalphite]

I thought about that too when talking to a friend about this the other day, but I don't even know where she lives yet - remember, we haven't even hung out alone yet. If I just showed up at her house, that would seem creepy as all hell, lol.

[miracleman58]

I thought about that too when talking to a friend about this the other day, but I don't even know where she lives yet - remember, we haven't even hung out alone yet. If I just showed up at her house, that would seem creepy as all hell, lol.

 

Yeah it would dont do that.

[Bonez899]

Alright not to jack any people from Kalphite's disscussion but, I'm 14, in Middle School/Junior High, and I like a girl (obviously) and I think she may like me aswell. I think she might like me because she will make semi-sarcastic jabs at me and when I somewhat try to play through (look hurt or make a comeback or whatever) she is super quick to say something along the lines of "I was just joking" or something like that.

Also, I was texting someone who knows her and hangs out with some of her closer friends and told her that I liked the girl that I do and her next text was "hahahahaha" and when I asked what she said that I wouldn't understand so I replied "mayb, try me" she wouldn't. (I can be very stubborn so for 20 minutes she still wouldn't tell me so I changed subject and tried again in around a half hour)

Now my main things are that I'm not sure how to tell if she does like me, and also I am a serious fraidy cat when it comes to any of this stuff with girls, I mean I'm fine texting on that is my friend for a while and holding conversations with then but when it comes to things such as this I completly chicken out at the thought of asking/telling or whatever. Now, I've tried to figure out ways to see if she likes me (I'm kind of a complete noob at relationships, I've never had a girlfriend) so I went on a couple of websites from google and linked from this subject, and most of the things that the sites told me wouldn't work because,

A- She is in my class, and most classes have her having to look in my direction to see the teacher or me having one of her friends close enough that I can't tell if she is looking at me.

B- Her locker is less than 5 away from mine so I can't tell that way.

C- As I said I am a complete noob in relationship areas.

 

Also, if it makes a difference at all, I'm pretty sure she has never been in a relationship as well.

[RpgGamer]

ah, lockers. I miss having lockers to meet girls at...

 

you're 14 dude. She's also inexperienced, even if you do something wrong it's unlikely either of you will notice. Just ask her if she's interested in dating/being in a relationship, then make it more specific to your desires :P

[Bonez899]

Disregard post... Made mistake, will try above's suggestion, if nothing else.

[Furah]

I'm starting to think my relationship is falling apart, and it's really messing with my head. Anyone got advice on figuring out what I want to do? I don't have a clue right now and it's really [bleep]ing with me.

[Assume Nothing]

Please, precisely identify the issue if you would like a meaningful response. A vague, equivocal post that states 'anxiety of potential mishaps in relationship' doesn't tell us much at all.

[Furah]

Sorry man, I was just panicking. I grabbed something to eat and watched some tv and I've calmed down a lot now.

 

Basically, over the past few days we've started arguing, something that we haven't done in the 14 months I've been dating this girl. With my temperament this means that the two times I've blown up at her while she was at mine has meant that she left crying. I'm not too good in the emotions department so I can't figure out what to do after something like that happens. I'm also finding her dependencies on me for emotional support, such as when she is having a rough day, to be annoying and stressful for me.

 

[Tim]

Welcome to THE OTHER SIDE of Adult Relationships.

 

has it been over anything in particular? keeping in mind the shit you've been through physically and mentally with that Epilepsy attack which, imo, would have given your emotions a right-hook to the face.

 

If it's only been like 3-4 days argument, don't fret too much, it does happen. if its something like arguments all the time for 2 weeks+, THEN I'd be a bit concerned.

 

Also, YOU REALLY NEED TO RESPOND ON STEAM WHEN I MESSAGE YOU SOMETIMES. >:C

 

 

Not to mention this is the first serious relationship for you both, which (and I personally hate, but thats me and my jealousy) lasted well over a year so far to my measly 4 months.

[Assume Nothing]

Brief questions for clarification - what's the topic for argument; is it over the relationship, or is it over something more frivolous (e.g. gaming habits or whatever)? How does she seek comfort after crying - does she go home and confide with her parents, or does she 'get over it' quickly? We need to know what she's being upset by - that's one of the first steps for understanding where to go.

 

I think one of the best things you can do in these kinds of situations would be to have a good, long discussion over what you and your partner envision the relationship to be - and what's wrong with the relationship right now.

 

Don't just talk, either - really listen to her. Try and work on being empathetic - she's the one feeling hurt here.

 

Question of curiosity - could she also be hiding something that has recently upset/traumatized her, and you're merely worsening the situation at home? It's not too uncommon for that to happen, especially when unexplained arguments seemingly emerge out of nowhere.

 

EDIT - I'm not sure what you could do for the emotional support bit. I'm pretty sure that part of the role of being a partner is to be someone to confide one's secrets/insecurities/confessions with. I think you need to work on that personally - not the other way around.

 

I'll safely assume that it's not a frequent occurrence, and she's not exclusively dependent on you. Do correct me if I'm wrong.

[Furah]

The first time I snapped it was because she was asleep on my bed, and I had to get up early the next day to get an MRI scan, and she had to work the next day anyway. I tried for two hours to get her to wake up, she'd just go off at me and fall asleep straight away. In the end I basically told her I'm [bleep]ing sick of the fact that she won't get up when she needs to and so she pretty much ran out the door and drove straight off. It was 2:30 in the morning so I just went to sleep. The second time she was helping me make a resume, and she kept getting halfway through asking me a question before just going silent, and it kept bugging me, and I eventually just snapped. It was a sudden change from how we've been up until this point, and it's starting to resemble the relationship with her mother. They're usually yelling at each other and she only talks to her mum because she still lives at home.

 

If I don't reply on Steam I'm either not on the computer, someone else is around, or replying to others.

[miracleman58]

Sorry man, I was just panicking. I grabbed something to eat and watched some tv and I've calmed down a lot now.

 

Basically, over the past few days we've started arguing, something that we haven't done in the 14 months I've been dating this girl. With my temperament this means that the two times I've blown up at her while she was at mine has meant that she left crying. I'm not too good in the emotions department so I can't figure out what to do after something like that happens. I'm also finding her dependencies on me for emotional support, such as when she is having a rough day, to be annoying and stressful for me.

 

Sounds like youve got a one year itch going on a bit.

 

If you make her cry everytime you argue she isnt going to hang around for long, keep it calm.

 

And girls always run to thier boyfriend if thier having a rough day or week thats part of your job, should make you feel good that they want to come to you to help them and listen.

 

EDIT: Saw this.

The first time I snapped it was because she was asleep on my bed, and I had to get up early the next day to get an MRI scan, and she had to work the next day anyway. I tried for two hours to get her to wake up, she'd just go off at me and fall asleep straight away. It was 2:30 in the morning so I just went to sleep.

 

 

What? Unless you both weigh 300lbs each im sure you could fit in a bed together, even a single? They both seem like very small issues that you have blown out of proportion for no apparent reason. And the mom arguing thing shouldn't really mean anything or make comparisons to.

[Furah]

She used to load it between friends and myself, now it seems to only be me as she doesn't seem to associate with her friends as much any more.

 

Edit: She pretty much forces me out of the bed in her sleep, a single is too small, and as I also still live at home, we can't share the bed anyway. She wasn't even allowed to stay the night on top of that.

[Assume Nothing]

I think you're overreacting with snapping at your girlfriend. You need to give her the chance to explain and improve herself - snapping at her doesn't achieve either. It may be emotionally gratifying for you, for a short moment, but in the long term - you're at a loss. I understand why you snapped at her for not waking up - that's reasonable as she's occupying your living area. I do think you overreacted in the brief resume encounter.

 

Given your relatively young age, you may have changed so much mentally that you're no longer in a viable relationship - it may or may not be time to move on. This needs addressing, and the first thing that could identify whether this is the case would be a good, long discussion.

 

This seems complex.

[Furah]

The most likely cause for the relationship to no longer be viable would be conflict of interests on a few counts, mainly children and marriage. One thing I missed from a previous post from you is whether she talks with her parents about it, she does not as they usually are the cause of her being upset. I cannot, however, determine any recent changes in either of our lives that might cause the sudden change.

[Shiny]

Women, eh? Can't live with them, can't live without them.