"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[MightyMuddy]

If someone would like to shed some light on my current situation it'd be appreciated.

First of all some context I guess, I'm 18 and it's my first year at uni, she's in the same boat and she's living at a hall with one of my friends from high school.

 

Okay, so I've met her three times in total over the course of about a month, the first time we met my friend was introducing me to everyone at his hall and we got along really well, it was really natural and easy and throughout this first meeting I teased her a little which she took really well. We basically just spent a few hours with a few people just talking and it was pretty sweet.

 

Second time, one week later, nothing really happened, no real conversation or progression between us because I wasn't there too long and I was mostly playing pool and bball with some guys.

 

Okay, so a couple weeks later I come over and visit my friend again, we spend the first few hours just messing around getting drinks for the night (it was a saturday) and I got a pretty flirtatious feeling from her, like I'd teaser her and she'd laugh and smile and took it really well and she'd often come and talk to me and tell me I should come over more often and how she liked how I made fun of her even though we didn't know each other for that long. Anyway, we kept talking and she was joking about how she could be pretty intimidating and I kind of laughed and said "you're far too adorable to be intimidating" and she said something along the lines of "woah, I like it better when you're mean to me" so I kind of covered by saying "yeah, well you're like a 10 year old, they told me you cried when you lost a debating match when you were in high school" and things seemed fine after that, but when she said I should come over more often again I replied with "I would but you're awful company".

 

Anyway, that night we went to a flat party with all the people from their hall and on the way we passed a far larger one which a few of my other friends were at. So I spent a few hours with her and the people from her hall but truthfully I felt a little "left out" since they all knew each other so well so I decided I'd head out and see what my other friends were up to and basically ended up spending the entire night with the boys ( who she doesn't know) and I didn't really see her at the party other than a brief meeting when she went up to me and showed me what a hand hug was, lol. Which, is adorable, ha.

 

So, I sent her a message a few days later on facebook because I figured I'd probably kept too much distance (I figured last girl I didn't keep enough) and it was awful, the conversation went something like this.

 

Me: "Hey, (her name) what's Rob's last name?

Her: (last name)

Me: Okay sweet, what're you up to these holidays?

Her: Going to (city) then (home city)

 

So, did I just distance myself too much? Cause that was just cold, ha. I'm pretty certain we had a nice flirtatious relationship up to that point too, after the first meeting another friend I had at the hall warned me about her being a Christian telling me she probably wouldn't have sex before marriage, in reference to how well we got along the first time around. Another theory I've heard is that I didn't get physical enough with her, and in that case where exactly do I stand? Could I just make up for it next time I meet her by touching her face or something while asking, jokingly, what happned?

 

Any help/criticism would be welcome, thanks. And sorry for the disgusting amount of text.

[The_Gabe]

I'm not really asking for advice with this post, but I'm just updating my situation.

Today is the last day of spring break. Every single day of it I spent most of it with my girl, with 3 nights leaving her house at midnight and last night at 1am. We've gotten incredibly close now. There are no secrets. From around 10 to midnight when her parents went to sleep we'd just put on pandora on the tv and cuddle while talking. Last night I told her I loved her. She said she's been wanting to say it to me to and that she loved me. It's been maybe 2 weeks under 2 months but it's been truly incredible. I just can't believe it finally happened.

[Leik]

How do you ask someone out, seriously?

 

There's this girl at work that I really like, and I can talk to her just fine (although a bit nervously, can talk to other girls I don't like just perfectly fine). But when I try to ask her out, I just freak the [bleep] out.

 

Yesterday at work, I nearly had a goddamn breakdown because I was so determined on trying to ask her out. Obviously I didn't + the rest of the day was awful.

 

So any advice on not panicking? I'd like to believe she might like me back. She seemed kinda nervous when I was talking to her, and laughed at my stupid jokes (they were stupid because I was nervous as [bleep] as well).

 

halp.

[The_Gabe]

How do you ask someone out, seriously?

 

There's this girl at work that I really like, and I can talk to her just fine (although a bit nervously, can talk to other girls I don't like just perfectly fine). But when I try to ask her out, I just freak the [bleep] out.

 

Yesterday at work, I nearly had a goddamn breakdown because I was so determined on trying to ask her out. Obviously I didn't + the rest of the day was awful.

 

So any advice on not panicking? I'd like to believe she might like me back. She seemed kinda nervous when I was talking to her, and laughed at my stupid jokes (they were stupid because I was nervous as [bleep] as well).

 

halp.

 

Just ask her if she wants to grab a cup of coffee after work or something. You can't just get over that nervousness. You just have to do it before that feeling kicks in and you hesitate.

[nine naked men]

How do you ask someone out, seriously?

 

There's this girl at work that I really like, and I can talk to her just fine (although a bit nervously, can talk to other girls I don't like just perfectly fine). But when I try to ask her out, I just freak the [bleep] out.

 

Yesterday at work, I nearly had a goddamn breakdown because I was so determined on trying to ask her out. Obviously I didn't + the rest of the day was awful.

 

So any advice on not panicking? I'd like to believe she might like me back. She seemed kinda nervous when I was talking to her, and laughed at my stupid jokes (they were stupid because I was nervous as [bleep] as well).

 

halp.

 

Don't throw up on her, around her, in her general vicinity, etc.

 

get a friend to help you with some cue cards, do some roleplaying with the cue cards, be sensual to the cue cards, seduce the cue cards

 

realise you don't need her, the cue cards were really what you needed all along, like in the rom com movie where seth rougan sees it was his next door neighbour he loved all along

 

live happily ever after

[Sam]

It sounds silly.. but literally - just do it. You've already escalated to a level where you're thinking you want to ask her out, just do it - the longer you entertain the thought in your head and not taking any action, the more nervous you will be. If she says yes, great - if she says no, it doesn't matter; you're in control, think of it as a loss for the girl and leave it at that. What have you got to lose? If she says no, all she'll think of you as is just another normal guy.

 

After all, you don't need a girlfriend to feel validated or successful. Girls are much more attracted to guys who only answer to themselves in the sense of validation, and it's stuff they will pick up on, in the way you carry yourself and how you project your persona.

[Randox]

For me, the trick is generally to not plan it out or even think about it overly much when I actually speak the invitation. I trust my brain to put together a short coherent sentence without sounding weird or spouting giberish, and once the ball is rolling I can take it form there. Works best if you eaither lead off with that, or wait for pause long enough to mentally take a deep breath and take the plunge, so to speak.

[muggiwhplar]

I'm not really asking for advice with this post, but I'm just updating my situation.

Today is the last day of spring break. Every single day of it I spent most of it with my girl, with 3 nights leaving her house at midnight and last night at 1am. We've gotten incredibly close now. There are no secrets. From around 10 to midnight when her parents went to sleep we'd just put on pandora on the tv and cuddle while talking. Last night I told her I loved her. She said she's been wanting to say it to me to and that she loved me. It's been maybe 2 weeks under 2 months but it's been truly incredible. I just can't believe it finally happened.

 

Wait, you told a girl you've been seeing for less than two months and haven't slept with that you love her? >_>

[obfuscator]

I'm not really asking for advice with this post, but I'm just updating my situation.

Today is the last day of spring break. Every single day of it I spent most of it with my girl, with 3 nights leaving her house at midnight and last night at 1am. We've gotten incredibly close now. There are no secrets. From around 10 to midnight when her parents went to sleep we'd just put on pandora on the tv and cuddle while talking. Last night I told her I loved her. She said she's been wanting to say it to me to and that she loved me. It's been maybe 2 weeks under 2 months but it's been truly incredible. I just can't believe it finally happened.

 

Wait, you told a girl you've been seeing for less than two months and haven't slept with that you love her? >_>

 

he's only 17 dude, relax

 

(not condoning anything. I'm just saying that once again this thread is trying to force teenagers to act too much like adults.)

[The_Gabe]

I'm not really asking for advice with this post, but I'm just updating my situation.

Today is the last day of spring break. Every single day of it I spent most of it with my girl, with 3 nights leaving her house at midnight and last night at 1am. We've gotten incredibly close now. There are no secrets. From around 10 to midnight when her parents went to sleep we'd just put on pandora on the tv and cuddle while talking. Last night I told her I loved her. She said she's been wanting to say it to me to and that she loved me. It's been maybe 2 weeks under 2 months but it's been truly incredible. I just can't believe it finally happened.

 

Wait, you told a girl you've been seeing for less than two months and haven't slept with that you love her? >_>

 

Neither of us knew what love was before we went into it. I'm usually the type that hates to use the word love in a light manner when it comes to people, and it truly felt right. I don't feel that having to sleep with someone relates to love in anyway.

[muggiwhplar]

I'm not really asking for advice with this post, but I'm just updating my situation.

Today is the last day of spring break. Every single day of it I spent most of it with my girl, with 3 nights leaving her house at midnight and last night at 1am. We've gotten incredibly close now. There are no secrets. From around 10 to midnight when her parents went to sleep we'd just put on pandora on the tv and cuddle while talking. Last night I told her I loved her. She said she's been wanting to say it to me to and that she loved me. It's been maybe 2 weeks under 2 months but it's been truly incredible. I just can't believe it finally happened.

 

Wait, you told a girl you've been seeing for less than two months and haven't slept with that you love her? >_>

 

he's only 17 dude, relax

 

(not condoning anything. I'm just saying that once again this thread is trying to force teenagers to act too much like adults.)

 

Not freaking out or trying to force anything. Just pointing out his mistakes for his future reference. The younger people can learn these things, the better.

 

Neither of us knew what love was before we went into it. I'm usually the type that hates to use the word love in a light manner when it comes to people, and it truly felt right. I don't feel that having to sleep with someone relates to love in anyway.

 

Sex and love are unrelated. My point was that generally speaking, the sooner you tell a girl you love her and the longer you wait to have sex, the shorter/worse the relationship will be.

[obfuscator]

 

Not freaking out or trying to force anything. Just pointing out his mistakes for his future reference. The younger people can learn these things, the better.

 

Except it's not necessarily a mistake.

 

 

Sex and love are unrelated. My point was that generally speaking, the sooner you tell a girl you love her and the longer you wait to have sex, the shorter/worse the relationship will be.

 

Sex and love can often be related, and your second point is not always true either.

[muggiwhplar]

That's why I said "generally speaking," as opposed to "always." Though I suspect you don't agree with that, either. :D

[The_Gabe]

Its working fine for me. Im not in a rush for sex. We've spoken about it before and we know where we are.

[obfuscator]

That's why I said "generally speaking," as opposed to "always." Though I suspect you don't agree with that, either. :D

 

Not necessarily. But when you give that advice you're basically encouraging him to pressure her for sex and not say that he loves her...which probably isn't good advice in his situation.

[muggiwhplar]

Fair enough

[nine naked men]

Y_guy's argument is so damning that muggi fell into a deep coma, unable to finish punctuating his sentence

[obfuscator]

Y_guy's argument is so damning that muggi fell into a deep coma, unable to finish punctuating his sentence

 

this would have been much more clever if you said 'deep "comma"'

[RpgGamer]

I need to rant, so allow me to copy paste my today post: [hide=Today... post]I fell hard for this girl. Things started great. Messaging her now, and she's putting me off to watch game of thrones. Clearly little respect for me. She's now claiming she doesn't want a boyfriend and yadda yadda which to me just sounds like "you made an ass of yourself, later dude". Dm;hs? Still sucks. I was really really into her. But she did say she's willing to revert to pre-relationship so there's a good chance I'll still end up casually dating her. Let's set the story:

• Wednesday
  

Had school. Talked about BDSM in class. Got all riled up. Went to see her (which is a day earlier than planned). Best day of the week in my opinion. Went to see the Incredible Burt Wonderstone which was eh, but we fooled around a bit in the theater and almost got caught. Super fun. Took her to her favorite pizza place before that, then went back to her house. Played a little COD together, then ended up banging on her couch. And her floor. It was a little awkward, as neither of us had done anything like that in so long. Went to bed.

• Thursday
  

Woke up. Don't remember a portion of it. Went to a DJ's studio apartment in search of drugs and DJ availability. Happened along both and ended up doing some coke while she learned how to spin on the vinyl turn tables. Smoked a little weed. I passed out at some point, partially on purpose to avoid having to do more drugs. She got all coked up with her DJ friend and they went off to talk about whatever. Went home late and frazzled.

• Friday
  

Started nice, she was super hungover from all the drinking and drugs the night before, but we decided to get a hotel to get away from everything. Hung out in the bed for most of the day, little more sexual activity, lot of recovering. Then headed up to this ganky ass urban rave in the dark corner of center city. Sketchy as hell. 250 people packed into a house that was lucky if it could fit 100. The bathroom looked like a cesspool of herpes, puke everywhere, drinks spilled, no room to dance, DJs were iffy, not a good seen. My girl found someone else's hair in her ass crack. Ratchet.

• Saturday
  

Woke up kinda late, went to her club to meet with her boss, picked up her headlining DJ, chilled with her a bit (DJ Sc@r if you know the hardstyle scene, she's cool as hell). Had a decent time until trying to get to my girl's rave where parking sucked and traffic was ass. She was stressing hard.

 

But this where the story gets less fun. Basically, I'd planned to ask her out on stage at the rave, but the timing was wrong, i was drunk, I didn't fit in well with her crowd, I was having the worst trip ever and it was just real awkward. Oh, not to mention she thought I was hitting on this super model that was chilling at the bar who I was only having a conversation with because she slept with someone I knew from a band that I grew up around. She was plastered, and I wasn't much more sober so it looked a lot like we were flirting. That's fair, but I was honestly just trying to promote my girl's next party. I just happened to fall into a real conversation.

 

But yeah, now she's acting all distant, and I'm starting to feel like I got used for drug money and sex. Which would be all fine and dandy if she didn't tell me she loved me.

 

So...I had a full blown relationship from beginning to end in about a week. Pretty weird. Kinda hurt, but only because I don't want to get over it yet. I want to fight for her. If I can win her back, that'd be great. If there's no chance, then I'll get over it and it'll all just have been part of some crazy college boy weekend.

 

I met the best dudes in the mens room of this club though, weirdly enough. Also my nails are black and my hair is straightened, I wear skinny jeans and I shaved. I'm pretty sure most people thought I was gay that night haha[/hide]

 

I knew this would happen, and while I'm fully capable of getting over it, I don't want to. What can I do to win her back? She said she wants to start back at the "kissing/cuddling/holding hands" stage. Should I just take it from there or should I continue to go for broke? She's told me before she wants to be fought for.

[muggiwhplar]

I don't even know where to begin >_>

[RpgGamer]

Don't give me the shpiel of I told you so, or tell me what I should have done to avoid it. I knew all along it would come to something like this, but I didn't want it to happen so soon. Where's the romantic thinkers of this thread? Where's the people actually pushing for relationships, and not just self development?

[nine naked men]

my thoughts as a romantic casanovaran thinker: don't [bleep] with someone's game of thrones time

[RpgGamer]

your goofball answer isn't outside the lines of reason, I just feel I've been bending over backward for her, and she can't miss an episode of a show she'll have all week to watch anyway.

[muggiwhplar]

I knew all along it would come to something like this, but I didn't want it to happen so soon.

 

Often times, the longer a relationship lasts, the harder it is to recover from a breakup. In other words, you'd be even more distraught if this "relationship" lasted longer than it did, so think of this as a blessing in disguise and try to learn something from it.

 

I'll just leave it at that since you and I are on completely different wavelengths when it comes to this sort of thing :P

[Omar]

Oh, [bleep] off, this isn't about romance. You fell for a chick who told you she loved after you met her after, like, one week. I was all about that drug-fuelled hedonism, but you weren't thinking. The girl doesn't know what she wants, or if she does she doesn't want to tell you. She's not putting any effort into this; she doesn't respect you enough to pay attention to what you're saying. Pick yourself up.