February 21, 200917 yr well it probably isnt as bad as this: http://www.fmylife.com/top now post any FML experiences you've had :D
February 21, 200917 yr Today, the girl I love and I went to visit my parents out of state for the first time. My father grinned and acknowledged that she was a "keeper", at which she laughed and said we were "just friends". I was going to propose to her next week. From the site. :XD: Pureprayer, you're awesome.
February 21, 200917 yr Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML Ouch. :?Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FMLToday, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
February 21, 200917 yr Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML Oof.
February 21, 200917 yr My french teacher told our class about that site on Thursday, I probably spend two hours reading through the site. There is a lot of hilarious stuff to be read ha.
February 21, 200917 yr Today, I was complaining to my sister about how jealous I was of her looks. Her response was "Sometimes it's okay to be the ugly sister. Like, you have less of a chance of getting raped." FML It is true. Today, I found out that my parents can see a screen-by-screen of everything I say and do on my computer. FML I'd die. Funny eventhough they're fake :lol: ☢ CAUTION ☢ CAUTION ☢ CAUTION ☢ CAUTION ☢
February 21, 200917 yr Whoa. Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FMLDon't do this.
February 21, 200917 yr Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." Hilarious :P Thanks for this site :D Quit Runescape 30th May 2006.Thanks to Hawkxs for my signature :)
February 21, 200917 yr Today, My mom walked in on me and my 2 year crush about to have sex. When she saw us she said "oh I'll just wait outside, I know it wont be long anyway." Hilarious :P Thanks for this site :D How would she know? Incest!? These are quite amusing. Beer
February 21, 200917 yr Today, a child sitting next to me on the bus pointed at me and asked: "Mommy, when it's not a man and it's not a woman, what is it then?" FML LOL. =D> Cenin pân nîd, istan pân nîd, dan nin ú-cenich, nin ú-istach.Ithil luin eria vi menel caran...Tîn dan delu.
February 21, 200917 yr Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of WarCraft." FML :lol:
February 21, 200917 yr Some funny ones : Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML Today I was hooking up with a girl in my apartment and I told her I didn't have a condom. She responded by laughing in my face and upon realizing my look of confusion said "Oh, you actually thought I'd have sex with you?" FML Today, I took a friend out for what I thought was date. After dinner was over and I paid, she pulled the bill out and wrote her name phone number on it for the waiter. FML Today, my religious girlfriend of 8 months finally lets me have sex with her. She invites me over, and just when we are about to do it, her dad comes home from work 3 hours early. She said it is a sign from God that we have to wait. FML Today, I wanted to seduce my boyfriend so I put on my sexiest lingerie and started playing mood music. As he was eating dinner, I climbed up on the table and started seductively crawling across to him. The table collapsed under my weight. FML Today, I was hooking up with a guy for the first time and he told me I was in luck. When I asked why he replied, "I like little boobs." FML Signature by LittleboyRunescape and impatient people are like ying and yang, they exist as one, they need each other
February 21, 200917 yr It's very twisted, but VERY funny. I just read through all of the sex stories on there. You never know which rabbit hole you jump into will lead to Wonderland. - Ember3579Aku Soku Zan. - ShinsengumiYou wanna mess with me or my friends? Pick your poison.If you have any complaints about me, please refer to this link. Your problems are important to me.Don't talk smack if you're not willing to say it to the person's face. On the same line, if you're not willing to back up your opinions no matter what, your opinion may as well be nonexistent.
February 21, 200917 yr Author Today, I was doing a strip tease for my husband. He asked me to stop. FML thats just brutal.
February 21, 200917 yr Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". Today, I turned on my camera to find pictures of my dad's secretary giving him a [bleep]. Minutes later, I hear a scream from another room as my 12-year-old sister discovers similar pictures on HER camera. Mom and dad say it's no big deal. Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. : :thumbup: 99 Firemaking 30-5-2010 | 99 Fletching 13-7-2014 TET-AU member:6-10-2010 - 21-10-2011
February 21, 200917 yr Haha, these are great. Fortunately I have had nothing close to any I've read happen to me.
February 21, 200917 yr 'nother one: Today, I took my friend to buy a pregancy test. She took it and it came out negative. I decided to re-pee on it to be funny...it turned to positive. 99 Firemaking 30-5-2010 | 99 Fletching 13-7-2014 TET-AU member:6-10-2010 - 21-10-2011
February 21, 200917 yr Part of me wonders if this website would help those who are suicidal, they may have enough of a laugh to not bother :thumbup:. That's why you're on the TZDF blackdawn. Even your balls can tear zombies to shreds.
February 21, 200917 yr Haha, was shown this a couple of weeks ago. Is brilliant. Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML :mrgreen:
February 21, 200917 yr Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the [bleep] up!". Today, my group of friends, my girlfriend, and I were playing 'never have I ever.' My girlfriend's turn came up and she went with, 'Never have I ever had an orgasm.' Today, it was my first day working at a milking parlor. As I crouched behind a cow to put on an udder cluster, I looked up and gasped just in time for the cow to crap on my face. 99 Firemaking 30-5-2010 | 99 Fletching 13-7-2014 TET-AU member:6-10-2010 - 21-10-2011
February 21, 200917 yr Today, I got an email from the local D&D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad... that the group is meeting on valentines day or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML :lol:
February 21, 200917 yr Today, I was at a fraternity party, and one of the hosts said over the loudspeaker "turn to the person next to you and picture them naked, then drink a beer if the mental image disturbs you". I turned, only to be face-to-face with my ex-boyfriend. He drank two beers. 99 Firemaking 30-5-2010 | 99 Fletching 13-7-2014 TET-AU member:6-10-2010 - 21-10-2011
February 21, 200917 yr Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML Owned. So don't let anyone tell you you're not worth the earth, These streets are your streets, this turf is your turf, Don't let anyone tell you that you've got to give in, Cos you can make a difference, you can change everything, Just let your dreams be your pilot, your imagination your fuel, Tear up the book and write your own damn rules, Use all that heart, hope and soul that you've got, And the love and the rage that you feel in your gut, And realise that the other world that you're always looking for, Lies right here in front of us, just outside this door, And it's up to you to go out there and paint the canvas, After all, you were put on the earth to do this, So shine your light so bright that all can see, Take pride in being whoever the [bleep] you want to be.
February 21, 200917 yr Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML Today, I received a box in the mail from my mom which I assumed was a care package. It was a scale to encourage me to lose weight. FML Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said "Yeah, horizontally." FML
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