All jokes and such here please!

[Fudgepuppy]

Ok i got a couple:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1) What is green, has four legs, and would kill you if it fell on you out of a

 

 

 

tree?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Pool Table

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) Theres two muffins in an oven. One muffin says, "Oh boy, is it hot in

 

 

 

here or what?" The other muffin says, "Holy Crap! A talking muffin!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought they were pretty funny...

 

 

 

I hope you think so too...

[shadowshow]

gotta give props to Dane Cook for these next few ones

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1) Everyone in Amerika has violent tendancies, you all know that when you see a guy walking down the street in a "Superman" T-Shirt you just want to shoot him in the chest and when he starts to bleed say "I guess not"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2) Every man wants a monkey, but in any group of people there is that one that is a "monkey expert" and starts listing the reasons you cant have a monkey "They poop in their hands and trow it around in a festive maner, they make faces that are unacceptable in society" i hear these things and i say "thats why i want a monkey" i dont want some nice monkey, i want an evil monkey, i will dress him in armor, give him a sword and battle him, how pumped would you be coming home from work knowing somewhere in your house is a monkey your going to battle?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

this one is a little Warhammer 40k humor: Last words of an Imperial Guradsman "Man bainets" (i know i misspelled that) ((that is funny to me cuz im chaos space marines, and i so totaly pwn the imperials in hand to hand))

[bulch]

Best blone joke i've ever read> http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog ... lond_joke/

[cocacolabottle]

Pmg this one made me rofl irl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What's green and if u swallow it, you die?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

- A pooltable

[Fabricant]

ok heres one here to use against a type of people, NOT TO BE USED FOR RACISM

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ok, theres 4 people from and they are in a trip in america. they are on a 40m.p.h. highway and they are going 5m.p.h. so a police officer pulls them over and asks the driver why he is going so slow. they driver says "the sign there says 7". the police officer looks over and says "thats the highway number!". so the police officer is about the go off and look in the back. the 3 other people were shaking and pale so he asks the driver "why are they shaking?". the driver replies "we just got off highway 203"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

its long but its good. heres another:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

two people from are at a building and theres a sign up saying "shirts - $10, trousers - $10, socks - $6". the first person says to the second person "we can buy them and sell them at a higher price at home and dont talk because you tell people from " so they enter...the first person says "we will buy 20 shirts, 20 trousers and 40 socks" the shopkeeper says "ye must be from ". the people ask why. the shopkeeper replies "because this is a dry cleaner".

[Guest AshKaYu]

What do you call a black guy that went through med school?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A doctor, what are you, rascist?

[12bigo12]

what do u call cheese thats not yours?

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

nocho cheese *da da chee!*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

heres another one i dont know if it was taken:

 

 

 

Theres 3 girls, a blonde a red-head and a burnett. The 3 girls are being chased by the cops so they hide in a potatoe sack. The cops look at the first sack and see some red hair and say "its a dog", so the red says "woof woof", the cops look in the second bag and see the burnetts hair so they say "it's a cat", so the burnett says "meow, meow". The cops go to the last sack and see some blonde hair and before they could say anything the blond says, "potatoe potatoe."

[cocacolabottle]

 

 

 

Theres 3 girls, a blonde a red-head and a burnett. The 3 girls are being chased by the cops so they hide in a potatoe sack. The cops look at the first sack and see some red hair and say "its a dog", so the red says "woof woof", the cops look in the second bag and see the burnetts hair so they say "it's a cat", so the burnett says "meow, meow". The cops go to the last sack and see some blonde hair and before they could say anything the blond says, "potatoe potatoe."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Fabricant]

what do you call a cow with no legs?

 

 

 

ground beef!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

what do you call fly that cant fly?

 

 

 

a walk!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

what goes tick-woof-tick-woof?

 

 

 

a watchdog!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i know, they are rubbish! :cry:

[Corvus]

i know 2 jokes(actually one joke and a funny quote)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

this is the last words of some military man(dont remember who): they couldn't hit a elephant at this dist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

there are 3 football(northameican football) fans in some country. there is a greenbay packers fan, a minisota vikings fan, and add whatever team you want the 3rd person doesn't matter. they are watching a game and drinking beer. then the police ram the door down and arrest the for drinking beer. in court they get sentanced to 50 lashes. the man who is to give the 50 lashes says "i'll be nice to you because it is my wife's birthday today. you can have anything but getting out of having 50 lashes" the ____ fan wants a pillow straped to his back but after 25 lashes the pillow is torn up. then the minisota vikings fan asks for 2 pillows but the pillows are torn up after 35 lashes. then the man says "i like the greenbay packers so i'll give you 2 things" the packers fan asks for 100 lashes. the man says"why do you want 100 lashes?" then the packers fan says he wants the minisota vikings fan straped to his back

[cardsfan]

i know 2 jokes(actually one joke and a funny quote)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

this is the last words of some military man(dont remember who): they couldn't hit a elephant at this dist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

there are 3 football(northameican football) fans in some country. there is a greenbay packers fan, a minisota vikings fan, and add whatever team you want the 3rd person doesn't matter. they are watching a game and drinking beer. then the police ram the door down and arrest the for drinking beer. in court they get sentanced to 50 lashes. the man who is to give the 50 lashes says "i'll be nice to you because it is my wife's birthday today. you can have anything but getting out of having 50 lashes" the ____ fan wants a pillow straped to his back but after 25 lashes the pillow is torn up. then the minisota vikings fan asks for 2 pillows but the pillows are torn up after 35 lashes. then the man says "i like the greenbay packers so i'll give you 2 things" the packers fan asks for 100 lashes. the man says"why do you want 100 lashes?" then the packers fan says he wants the minisota vikings fan straped to his back

i like that one, lol

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

heres mine:

 

 

 

what food is famous in each country?

 

 

 

Mexico:Mexican food

 

 

 

China:Chinese Food

 

 

 

Italy:Italian food

 

 

 

Korea:Korean food

 

 

 

Japan:Japanese food

 

 

 

United States:fast food

[Fabricant]

burn!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Boy: Miss, can i go to the toilet?

 

 

 

Teacher: Only if you say the alphabet.

 

 

 

Boy: A B C D E F G H I J L K M O N....Q R S T U V W X Y Z

 

 

 

Teacher: What happened to the P?

 

 

 

Boy: Its going my trousers right now.....

[godsfearme]

There are two muffins in an oven. The first muffin turns to the other one and says "is it hot in here or is it just me." So the second turns to the first one and screams "om my gosh it is a talking muffin."

[irule]

Speical Report From Channel 4 News

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"The United States has sent a probe to Ur anus

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

nice joke man. is that what you did last night? :twisted: :lol:

[teh_soldier]

four people are on an exploding aeroplane in mid-air with 3 parachutes, a doctor, a film star, a corner shop worker and a genius from lancashire

 

 

 

the flim star says "i entertain people, and am well known to millions of people, so i need a a parachute"

 

 

 

the genius says "im right proper smart me, and im the smartest guy in bury, so i need to live for the gene-pool an all that" grabs a parachute and jumps.

 

 

 

the doctor says to the corner shop worker "well mate, i guess this is goodbye"

 

 

 

then the corner shop worker pulls out a parachute and says "not for now"

 

 

 

the doctor asks him "but there were 3 parachutes? where did that one come from"

 

 

 

and the corner shop worker replys "its been here all along, that idiot took my lunch"

 

 

 

(that isnt racist, im from bury and it arent a right smart place)

 

 

 

what do you call a chav in an igloo?

 

 

 

inuinnit

 

 

 

what do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?

 

 

 

sorted

 

 

 

what do you call a chav in a box?

 

 

 

innit

 

 

 

what do you call a vauxhall nova full of chavs falling of a cliff into a pit of lava?

 

 

 

a good start

 

 

 

what do you call a chav in a metalworking factory?

 

 

 

wellard

 

 

 

whats a normal chavs name?

 

 

 

johnny b. banged.

[12bigo12]

four people are on an exploding aeroplane in mid-air with 3 parachutes, a doctor, a film star, a corner shop worker and a genius from lancashire

 

 

 

the flim star says "i entertain people, and am well known to millions of people, so i need a a parachute"

 

 

 

the genius says "im right proper smart me, and im the smartest guy in bury, so i need to live for the gene-pool an all that" grabs a parachute and jumps.

 

 

 

the doctor says to the corner shop worker "well mate, i guess this is goodbye"

 

 

 

then the corner shop worker pulls out a parachute and says "not for now"

 

 

 

the doctor asks him "but there were 3 parachutes? where did that one come from"

 

 

 

and the corner shop worker replys "its been here all along, that idiot took my lunch"

 

 

 

(that isnt racist, im from bury and it arent a right smart place)

 

 

 

what do you call a chav in an igloo?

 

 

 

inuinnit

 

 

 

what do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?

 

 

 

sorted

 

 

 

what do you call a chav in a box?

 

 

 

innit

 

 

 

what do you call a vauxhall nova full of chavs falling of a cliff into a pit of lava?

 

 

 

a good start

 

 

 

what do you call a chav in a metalworking factory?

 

 

 

wellard

 

 

 

whats a normal chavs name?

 

 

 

johnny b. banged.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i dont get it.....

[bull912000]

Whats a dear with no eyes?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have No - I - deer

[Kielmccaul75]

 

there was to cows sitting in a tree steaking waffles, then another horse came and he hadnt seen a airplane to.

 

 

 

:?

 

 

 

If tip.it awards go ahead, the above post wins for best use of an emotion. I actually laughed out loud because that was the exact look I had on my face atfter reading that post ;)

[dabestkillas]

 

 

there was to cows sitting in a tree steaking waffles, then another horse came and he hadnt seen a airplane to.

 

 

 

:?

 

 

 

If tip.it awards go ahead, the above post wins for best use of an emotion. I actually laughed out loud because that was the exact look I had on my face atfter reading that post ;)

 

 

 

I swear that joke made me laugh my a** off after i read it , my mother even thought i went crazy lmao and the more you think about it the more u laugh ur head off

[Kielmccaul75]

Speical Report From Channel 4 News

 

 

 

"The United States has sent a probe to Ur anus

 

 

 

nice joke man. is that what you did last night? :twisted: :lol:

 

Wow, that was soo much funnier than his joke. :roll: TIF really needs the twisted emote removed.

 

This is another of those random jokes, that have no real meaning. If you ask people you can get some hilarious replies.

 

Q. A canoe is moving upstream, and the wheels fall off. So how many pancakes can you fit into a dog kennel?

 

A. No, icecream doesn't have bones.

[remigo]

1 blond girl, 1 brown girl, and 1 red girl are being executed

 

the first 1 (brown girl) the general says .. ready ! aim !!! than the girl says realy fast: tsunami !!!!! tsunami !!

 

al the soldiers look after them .. nothing

 

girl = gone

 

 

 

2nde the red girl

 

general says: ready, aim and than she says realy fast tornado !! tornado !!

 

soldiers look behind them ..

 

girl = gone

 

 

 

3the girl (blond) general says: ready, aim and ...

 

girl says realy fast= fire! fire ! fire !!!!

[yo_sup_keen]

Ouch. I just learned something: Don't fall out of your chair laughing. Right under that joke was his sig :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

 

 

 

 

ya i just got the joke and fell out of me chair to (just cus u sed that) :evil: :evil: :evil: ow your pay for the 1

 

 

 

:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :twisted: :evil: :evil: :evil: :twisted: :twisted: :evil:

 

 

 

 

 

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: :oops: :oops: sry nvm dont kill me :cry: :cry:

[dragonst0rm]

32 WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE:

 

 

 

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

 

 

 

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

 

 

 

3. Insist that your drive-through order is "to go."

 

 

 

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."

 

 

 

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

 

 

 

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.

 

 

 

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

 

 

 

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

 

 

 

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

 

 

 

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

 

 

 

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

 

 

 

12. Sniff incessantly.

 

 

 

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

 

 

 

14. Name your dog "Dog."

 

 

 

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

 

 

 

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

 

 

 

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

 

 

 

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."

 

 

 

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

 

 

 

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

 

 

 

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

 

 

 

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss.

 

 

 

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

 

 

 

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

 

 

 

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

 

 

 

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

 

 

 

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

 

 

 

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more at any moment.

 

 

 

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

 

 

 

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

 

 

 

31. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.

 

 

 

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

[king_duffman]

my official list of "yo momma" jokes

 

 

 

enjoy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she gets stuck in her dreams

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she uses the swimming pool as a toilet

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she uses a basketball as a hackey sack

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she keeps her extra change in one of her folds

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when yo' daddy makes love to her, he never makes love to the same fold twice

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, NASA hauls her to the top of a tower, pushes her off, she falls 300 feet, hits a board and launches the space shuttle...

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she says her job title is Spoon and Fork Operator

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she put on a gray dress, and an admiral boarded her

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she can lay down and stand up, and her height doesn't change

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she's taller lying down

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she works at the theater, she works as the screen

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, her belly jiggle is the first perpetual motion machine

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she gets in an elevator, it HAS to go down

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when I said I wanted 'pigs in a blanket', she got back in bed

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she was diagnosed with the flesh eating disease, the doctor gave her five YEARS to live

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she's got smaller fat women orbiting around her

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she could sell shade

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she puts mayonnaise on aspirin

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, I ran around her twice and got lost

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, I gotta take three steps back just to see all of her

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, her *ss has its own congressman

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she stepped on a train track, the warning lights went on

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she shops for clothes in the local tent shop

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to the circus, she sees the big top and asks, "Where can I try that on?

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said, "Sorry, we don't do curtains

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to the circus, she takes up all the rings

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she's got Amtrak tattooed on her leg

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she leaves the beach, everybody shouts, "The coast is clear

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she went on a light diet...as soon as it's light, she starts eating

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food, she ate it

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she bends over, we go into daylight savings time

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she's half Indian, half Irish, and half French

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when I climbed up on top of her, I burned my *ss on the light bulb

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion

 

 

 

Yo' momma' so fat, she's moving the Earth out of its orbit

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, I gain weight just by watching her eat

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she takes a shower, her feet don't get wet

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she comes down the stairs, she measures on the Richter scale

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she walks down the street, everyone yells "Earthquake

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she fills up the tub, she FILLS UP the tub

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, they're going to use her to fill that hole in the ozone layer

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she looks like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man on steroids

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she has 48 midnight snacks

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she walks down the street, you can hear her hips saying to each other "If you let me by, I'll let you pass

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, she jumped in the ocean, and the whales started singing, "We are family

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, she plays pool with the planets

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, the only thing she can fit into at the clothing store is the dressing rooms

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she uses the carpet as a blanket

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she wears corduroy pants, the ridges don't show

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she made Richard Simmons cry

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, kids think it's the school bus

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she wears a purple sweater, people call her "Barney"

 

 

 

Yo' momma is so fat, when she sits in a chair, the rolls on her legs cover her feet like a blanket

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she went to get a water bed, they put a blanket across Lake Michigan

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she don't know whether she's walking or rolling

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she wore a shirt with an AA on it, people thought she was American Airlines' biggest jet

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, if she were an airplane, she'd be a jumbo jet

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she was lifting up her rolls, and a car fell out

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill three cows just to make her a pair of shoes

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she can't stay on a basketball court for three seconds without getting called for a key violation

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, all the chairs in her house have seat belts

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, her belly-button's got an echo

 

 

 

Yo' momma's got so many rings around her belly, she screws her underwear on

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she roller skates on busses

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she uses bowling balls for earrings

 

 

 

Yo' momma lost at hide n' seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she backs up, she beeps

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she has to use a VCR as a beeper

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she has a refrigerator strapped to her waist, and it looks like a pager

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, her nickname is "DAMN

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, people jog around her for exercise

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, I have to take a plane, a train, and an automobile just to get on her good side

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when you get on top of her, your ears pop

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she has sex, she has to give directions

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, yo' daddy's idea of foreplay is setting up the on-ramps

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, you haveta roll over twice to get off her

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, "Okay

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she orders everything on the menu, including "Thank You, Come Again"

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to an all-you-can-eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, the sign outside one restaurant says 'Maximum occupancy, 512, or YO' MOMMA

 

 

 

' Yo' momma's so fat, when she wore a yellow raincoat, people said, "Taxi

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, the highway patrol made her wear a sign that said, "Caution

 

 

 

Wide Turn

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, when she stands in a left-turn lane, it gives her the green arrow

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for their new world

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when Scorpion did the harpoon throw on her, he got arrested for whaling

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, whenever she goes to the beach, the tide comes in

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, her shoes have to have license plates

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she went to Sea World, she came out with a paycheck

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, they use her underwear elastic for bungee jumping

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she fell in love and broke it

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, the last time she saw 90210, it was on a scale

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she gets on the scale, it says, "We don't do livestock

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it said, "Please step out of the car

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, when she plays hopscotch, she goes "New York, L.A., Chicago..." Yo' momma's so fat, even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, her legs are like spoiled milk - white and chunky

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she rolled over four quarters and it made a dollar

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, her senior pictures had to be aerial views

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she left the house in high heels and when she came back, she had on flip flops

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she hauls *ss, she has to make two trips

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she hauls *ss, she has friends come help

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, even her clothes have stretch marks

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she has a wooden leg with a kick stand

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she dances at a concert, the whole band skips

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she runs, she makes the CD player skip...at the radio station

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she sets off car alarms when she runs

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist, they spelled out "boulevard

 

 

 

" Yo' momma's so fat, instead of Levi's 501 jeans, she wears Levi's 1002's

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she has her own brand of jeans: FA - Fat *ss Jeans

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, when she was walking in her jeans, I swear I smelled something burning

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse

 

 

 

Yo' momma's so fat, they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it

[nickeley102]

Their once was a indian tribe trekking across the rockies in order to exact some revenge on cowboys that disrespected their burial ground

 

 

 

The indian cheif was told by one of his clairvoyants that a monster would attack his camp that night.

 

So he set up his number 1 indian warriors to gaurd him while he sleeps but when he wakes up in the morning they are all dead.

 

The next morning he sets up all his second tier indian warriors to try and protect him but once again when he wakes up they are all dead.

 

So on the third night he sets up all of his tribe to gaurd him thinking that their is no way that one monster could kill his whole tribe. But he awoke to his entire tribe being slaughtered.

 

The cheif continued the trwek anyway and set up camp on the fourth night but he was awoken that same night by heaviy breathing. He opened his eyes to see an enourmous monster leaning menicingly over him. "ahhhhhhh" he screamed "you must be the monster".

 

 

 

"no, im not" said the monster