"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Orpheus]

I just need a few tips and pointers for getting a girlfriend, since I'm 16 and haven't had one yet.

 

 

 

People see me as a bit of both sides. Either I'm nice, or the next day i'm a complete arse who doesn't give a [cabbage] about what anyone thinks. If i want something, I will get it, no matter what happens. I simply just want a girlfriend because of the company and the fact I'd have fun, which is all I ask. Now whether I'm cool, this could go both ways. Mostly everyone either is my friend, or some idiot I'd rather have dead. I have a bit of a sense of humor, although mine is kinda tended toward sexuality and a darker sense, as in someone's pain makes me laugh. I just don't know how to create that "sexual tension" as Solidus stated a page back. As for my personality, I'm a very dark individual, as in my sense of humor, and I see the darker side of things. I personally don't play sports, because I simply tried and failed to get on any team whatsoever. I truly don't understand what it is I'm doing wrong, maybe it's that I haven't found the right one for me yet? I have had a lot of girls who were my friends, but if I did have a girlfriend, someone got in the way and took them from me, which drove me to try to get rid of them, whether it be through force or messing with them mentally.

 

 

 

I recall you saying something about some girl in the "Ever Caught Them?" thread. What happened to her?

 

 

 

Uhh, I was drunk :P

[Gilformen]

well,

 

 

 

im trying to quit rs and pull my life together. the last year has been really rough, family problems, and i moved 3 time zones away from where i grew up. ive wasted the past three years escaping in rs, and im angry it took me this long to see it was a problem.

 

 

 

so.

 

 

 

i now live in san diego with some relatives. i plan on staying in the area for a while, but i dont want to be here permanently. i have difficulty meeting people and opening up/talking with those i have met. i moved here two months ago, and i havent made any actual friends outside of work. yeh, sad i know. ive been this way for a while, through hischool i gradually became a loner and once i got into college and gaming i just didnt care about people. i need to change that -.-

 

 

 

so, any ideas on general ways to get out and make some friends?

 

i basically cant deal with being completely alone 90% of the time.

 

 

 

and yeh, i can just imagine the flames and "nerd" rants that will crop up about this post.

 

 

 

[hide=think i need a haircut too?]

 

yeh, pretty much average imo.[/hide]

[Chianess]

Erm,here's something for you.I'm attached,but there's this girl,she works near me and she goes to the same school as me...We've talked,and we talk a lot each day,the thing is,I dream about HER,not the one I have.But there is no good way to end a relationship,especially with a reason such as a dream,and without good confirmation of getting the other girl,its not really good...

 

 

 

Know what I mean?

 

 

 

If you like the person, then don't end the relationship. It's quite simple.

 

If you like someone else, just tell the person you want to break up/not get together (confused if your dating a person or not). It might be hard at first, but you'll both get over it.

 

Then go for the other person and if you come out short, look for someone else/go back to the first person.

 

Just remember, the average person dates 7 people before they find the right one.

 

I agree with everything you said, except the going back to the old gf. No girl wants to know she's second best. And what kind of a guy are you if you say "O. I fail, I'll go back to what I know is easy" that's crap. If you fail with the new one, find someone else, don't put the old gf through that. :

[Chianess]

well,

 

 

 

im trying to quit rs and pull my life together. the last year has been really rough, family problems, and i moved 3 time zones away from where i grew up. ive wasted the past three years escaping in rs, and im angry it took me this long to see it was a problem.

 

 

 

so.

 

 

 

i now live in san diego with some relatives. i plan on staying in the area for a while, but i dont want to be here permanently. i have difficulty meeting people and opening up/talking with those i have met. i moved here two months ago, and i havent made any actual friends outside of work. yeh, sad i know. ive been this way for a while, through hischool i gradually became a loner and once i got into college and gaming i just didnt care about people. i need to change that -.-

 

 

 

so, any ideas on general ways to get out and make some friends?

 

i basically cant deal with being completely alone 90% of the time.

 

 

 

and yeh, i can just imagine the flames and "nerd" rants that will crop up about this post.

 

 

 

[hide=think i need a haircut too?]

 

yeh, pretty much average imo.[/hide]

 

Oh, My Gilfyyy. :

 

 

 

Well, who says you can't still be yourself and meet new people? You're in quite a large city so I'm sure they have some sort of cafe/coffee shop/wifi/gaming hang out. See if you can find one in your area..go there, take your laptop, and just be very friendly..SMILE. You have a gorgeous smile. If you notice someone talking about something you know about, don't be scared to comment on it. And if you do happen to find a freaky little nerdy gamer chick, 1. tell her I said "Sup? ;) " 2. Take the initiative, if she mentions being bored ask her what kind of games she's into..then go from there. Most girls hate having to take the initiative.. :?

[Chianess]

I've been reading through a lot of these for about 2 hours now, haha. And I just have one small request..Solidus..You're a genius..MARRY ME, PL0X?! Haha.

[Zierro]

I've been reading through a lot of these for about 2 hours now, haha. And I just have one small request..Solidus..You're a genius..MARRY ME, PL0X?! Haha.

 

 

 

If I were the type to put TIF quotes in my sig, this would definitely be the winner. It fits perfectly with my avatar too. \

[Powman3]

well,

 

 

 

im trying to quit rs and pull my life together. the last year has been really rough, family problems, and i moved 3 time zones away from where i grew up. ive wasted the past three years escaping in rs, and im angry it took me this long to see it was a problem.

 

 

 

so.

 

 

 

i now live in san diego with some relatives. i plan on staying in the area for a while, but i dont want to be here permanently. i have difficulty meeting people and opening up/talking with those i have met. i moved here two months ago, and i havent made any actual friends outside of work. yeh, sad i know. ive been this way for a while, through hischool i gradually became a loner and once i got into college and gaming i just didnt care about people. i need to change that -.-

 

 

 

so, any ideas on general ways to get out and make some friends?

 

i basically cant deal with being completely alone 90% of the time.

 

 

 

and yeh, i can just imagine the flames and "nerd" rants that will crop up about this post.

 

 

 

[hide=think i need a haircut too?]

 

yeh, pretty much average imo.[/hide]

 

 

 

Nobody will ever call you a nerd here, seriously. Everyone here (or a huge majority of) the people here play/have played Runescape in the past. We're all nerds deep down inside. It's not a bad thing.

 

 

 

Go out, go to a coffee shop, and meet new people. Or if you're still in college, talk to anybody, boys or girls, and make friends. It's not hard (at least, for some people who have higher self-esteem it isn't).

 

 

 

You need better self-esteem. If you think you need a haircut, go get one. If you're content with your hair, screw the barber!

 

 

 

You don't have to quit Runescape. But start going outside more. Even Jagex recommends it. Go run, build endurance. Get a membership to a gym (a simple one, no need to go to Gold's right off the bat).

 

 

 

I hope I have helped (somewhat).

[zdavenz]

I've been reading through a lot of these for about 2 hours now, haha. And I just have one small request..Solidus..You're a genius..MARRY ME, PL0X?! Haha.

 

 

 

If I were the type to put TIF quotes in my sig, this would definitely be the winner. It fits perfectly with my avatar too. \

 

 

 

Soz i got bad vision wut does ur avatar say?

[PizzaMan94]

well,

 

 

 

im trying to quit rs and pull my life together. the last year has been really rough, family problems, and i moved 3 time zones away from where i grew up. ive wasted the past three years escaping in rs, and im angry it took me this long to see it was a problem.

 

 

 

so.

 

 

 

i now live in san diego with some relatives. i plan on staying in the area for a while, but i dont want to be here permanently. i have difficulty meeting people and opening up/talking with those i have met. i moved here two months ago, and i havent made any actual friends outside of work. yeh, sad i know. ive been this way for a while, through hischool i gradually became a loner and once i got into college and gaming i just didnt care about people. i need to change that -.-

 

 

 

so, any ideas on general ways to get out and make some friends?

 

i basically cant deal with being completely alone 90% of the time.

 

 

 

and yeh, i can just imagine the flames and "nerd" rants that will crop up about this post.

 

 

 

[hide=think i need a haircut too?]

 

yeh, pretty much average imo.[/hide]

 

 

 

first off, you look quite a bit like me (but i don't wear glasses and from a shoulder up view, you look a bit scrawny - no offense)... its almost scary.

 

also, just use smalltalk. talk about anything on your mind thats recent. even talking about the weather works (it may seem cliche, but it usually starts a conversation pretty good). and don't be afraid of being you. i've seen too many people give up who they are to fit in, and its a terrible mistake. also you don't have to quit RS, just go outside more, work out etc. and if you go on a vacation or a cruise or something, there are ALOT more lines to say to start a conversation. And if you get nervous, just remember that theres more girls in the world, and get practice on girls that you know as friends or on some of your friend's friends (that are girls, and don't try in on their girlfriends... that could end very badly). Good luck and don't forget to be yourself.

[Tim]

I've been reading through a lot of these for about 2 hours now, haha. And I just have one small request..Solidus..You're a genius..MARRY ME, PL0X?! Haha.

 

 

 

If I were the type to put TIF quotes in my sig, this would definitely be the winner. It fits perfectly with my avatar too. \

 

 

 

Soz i got bad vision wut does ur avatar say?

 

An ugly Monkey saying:

 

"Looking for hot gf pl0x."

[Zierro]

An ugly Monkey saying:

 

"Looking for hot gf pl0x."

 

 

 

Yep, sad business to be honest. After all this time, that poor monkey is still single. :cry: Maybe he should start reading this thread more often.

[Sumpta]

Meh, general remark I need to make after reading most of this thread and learning about the cult of the sensitive jerk.

 

 

 

I'm most definitely not denying the fact that you can have a lot of success being this sensitive jerk, but quite frankly, I believe you guys are attaching too much value to it.

 

 

 

With all due humility, I seem to be a sort of a magnet for men for some mysterious reason (really, I don't consider myself pretty by far, but I hear I've got a cold goddess-thing going for me/going against me). I usually have a few suitors around, and they just don't give up :roll:. And every time someone tries to pull the arrogant, brimming of self-confidence method on me, I become so cross-grained that nothing will give me more pleasure than bringing the guy down.

 

 

 

I've met this man who's the epitome of the sensitive jerk. Self-confident, tall, the right clothes, open-hearted, humorous, ridiculously popular with women, feeling, understanding, intelligent, a musician, you name it. But he's so damn smooth that I can think of no greater treat than to rip his arm out and club him on the head with the wet end. I actually like him, or the him beneath the irritating cover, but I will drop dead rather than giving him his way. That only works the other way on him, obviously, the less I want him, the more he wants me. Now, if he'd simply be the him that I've seen on rare occasions and grown to like, things might be different. As it is, I absolutely loathe and ignore him. In a romantic comedy or a screwball comedy, yes, I know, we'd end up together after a few months of witty bantering. Life, however, is different.

 

 

 

Just a side-note. Being yourself > being a successful sensitive jerk. It can blow up in your face.

[blacksurge]

Hey guys, recently i've been having a little trouble, but I think I sorted it out and I just want to know if you guys think I did the right thing.

 

 

 

So basically back around March, I joined a new band (a drummer in my history class invited me). There was me, a drummer, a bassist, and then another rhythm guitarist. The rhythm guitarist was named Kylie. Somehow she got my AIM before we had the first practice (I knew no one but the drummer at first; our school is huge) so we were able to talk a little and get to know each other before we practiced together. She was a load of fun to talk to and a good guitarist at that. When we met for practice she turned out to be very pretty. Not the insane pretty all the popular girls have, but the modest kind of pretty. Practice was fun and we would talk on aim for hours and hours a day. I think I had more fun talking to her than anyone else i've ever met. Hell, I failed a fire cape attempt because I was trying to talk to her and prayer switch at the same time #-o But then I started to notice things.

 

 

 

Basically this past year I moved to a new state and had to make new friends. And most of my buddy list on aim consisted of friends from my old school. And somehow kylie and some of my other friends got in contact with some of my old friends (I think it was via buddy info). But most importantly kyle. Kyle and I weren't great friends in my old school but weren't anywhere near enemies. But this year we've become much better friends over AIM and I talk to him often. He's a musician as well, mainly playing piano and a little guitar. Well, having liked kylie a LOT (more than i've liked any other girl btw) I ended up getting this jealousy i've never experienced before. I'm usually not a jealous person but this was...something else. She would often photoshop pictures of kyle (kyle's a ladies man btw and gets much more of "teh womenz" than me -.- ) into like supermodel bodies (and fat ones too). But she photoshopped him often. This really didn't bother me. But then kyle wrote a song (he doesn't do this often) and uploaded it to his youtube page. Kylie found out and said something along the lines of "*OMG kyle made a song!!! *drooooool*" and then she also commented on the video "have my babies please?". I don't want to sound harsh but imo that's one of the [bleep]tiest things a woman could say :|

 

 

 

And eventually this developed more. I think in total she photoshopped kyle around 6 or 7 times, would always tell me about similarities they had, and eventually she told me how they named their genitalia after each other. TMI much? :wall: So here I am with this girl that I liked a LOT who apparently liked my best friend who lived 800 miles away a lot. And barely payed any attention to me when she started talking to him. Honestly the jealousy was so much I started to feel depressed (i'm not sure if it was actual depression; it probably wasn't, it only lasted a few weeks). I ended up telling her I liked her, she made the assumption that I was asking her out (which I WASN'T, I was just telling her how I felt) and she responded with something along the lines of "I don't want a bf right now" and later said something along the lines of "i fail at relationships". I was fine with that, since things at least didn't get awkward between us. But I kept wanting us to be more than friends, that maybe there was a small chance of hope sometime in the future, but it became more and more obvious that it wouldn't happen. When she would make chats were me and her and kyle would talk, they would sit there flirting away and I would be sitting there having to read it all and eventually get a "you there?". I told them how I felt about all of this and asked if they even liked each other. They said "no >:|". It was hard to buy, but I believed it. I mean they're my friends, I should trust them right? They haven't lied to me yet.

 

So I asked them if they could lighten up on the flirting while in chats and asked them if they could at least not mention when they do flirt either. That didn't work :| if anything they seemed to flirt more. Like putting convos in their buddy info saying things like "brb i'm gonna go dream about you" and "if you were my sister i'd have sex with you" (I don't really get the last one..). But it just got too hard to bare, so I decided to write a song about it (instrumental mind you; i'm not good with lyrics). I put more emotion into that song than i've ever done, and the song itself took a total of around 20 hours to make. It was 7 and a half minutes and had 6 instruments. I uploaded it to youtube, and hoped to at least get credit considering the amount of work I put into it. People didn't really like it, I mean they were at least construcive showing I had potential as a musician etc. but I also didn't even get a comment from Kyle or Kylie, and they avoided the question when i'd ask them about it over aim. So kyle got a "have my babies please?" for a minute and a half song that's only piano and I get nothing for a 7 and a half minute song with 6 instruments. I'm also at this point starting to wonder why I even care, I mean the chances of her going out with me were slim to begin with.

 

 

 

I also started finding out she wasn't who I thought she was; she told me she'll probably try drugs in college just for the heck of it (we're in high school atm), she said when she's 18 she's going to get a tattoo just to say she's done it, and her goal is to be skinny. Not medium weight, but skinny. These are probably the biggest turn offs in the world to me, but for some reason I still liked her. Eventually one day she made a chat saying she had "important news". I was curious so I entered. Her and kyle and one of her friends were in the chat. She promptly announced that she had been knocked up by Pete, our bassist. At first I was like "lolwut" and thought she was joking, but she kept insisting that it was true, so I trusted her and believed her. Eventually her friend and kyle were like "sorry kylie I can't talk to you anymore". I was the last one in the chat with her and she was like "what do i do??" and i said "idk. sorry but i'm not sure if I can really talk to you either.." There was a long pause and she said "jk." and left the chat, then messaged me saying "omg you think i'm a [bleep]?? you think I would actually do pete??" :| I didn't know what to say and there was a pause and she said something like "you DO think i'm a [bleep]. ugh. everyone does.". I said I didn't, and I really meant it but she didn't buy it -.- eventually I asked her why she did that and she ignored the question. For around the next 30 minutes we had a casual conversation and just talked, then she randomly said "well maybe YOU'RE the [bleep]." and signed out. She's never really mentioned anything about this since then, and it's really turned me off that she would actually be one of the girls that use cheap tricks like that to assume what a guy thinks of her. Also turned out her friend and kyle were part of the plan too.

 

 

 

So I just didn't know what to think. She had all these things running against her but for some reason I still liked her. I wondered why I liked her, maybe it was because we're still young and it's possible she might change over time? Idk, I couldn't figure it out but I just gave up. I had a really hard time handling my emotions and wouldn't really talk to people or respond to them on aim because nearly everything kyle or kylie said only got me sadder. They continued to show their flirty side and it was just hard to handle, so I just decided that I don't want to talk to anyone when i'm not happy so there was a period of about a week where i'd rarely sign on aim and when I did I really wouldn't talk much. Eventually (a few days ago) I decided that i'll just ignore it. There's no way I could like a girl with those qualities. We're just friends and I should just accept that. So now i'm back to my cheerful self (which I haven't been in about 2 months; i'm usually very optimistic but that's been hard to be lately) and enjoying life the way it is, not caring about what happens.

 

 

 

So do you guys think I made the right choice? Or did I do something wrong? If so is it fixable?

[Rebdragon]

Yay, sumpta's on my side on this. Sweet.

 

[hide=think i need a haircut too?]

 

yeh, pretty much average imo.[/hide]

 

 

 

Dude, you look fine. Give it time, you'll get taller, and lifting a few weights'll help. You've got a great face and a good cut for it, and I'd put my money on you growing up to be a very good lookin' guy.

[Zierro]

I'm most definitely not denying the fact that you can have a lot of success being this sensitive jerk, but quite frankly, I believe you guys are attaching too much value to it.

 

 

 

I think a lot of it has to do with the mentality you get from the self-perpetuation of trying to be this "sensitive jerk". A lot of people on here are lacking confidence, and that is essentially their downfall. Telling them to be a "sensitive jerk" is a step in the right direction, mainly for their own ego - not for directly making girls like them, but in the long run (by having confidence) the guys will become successful. Sort of like a placebo effect.

[Gilformen]

Yay, sumpta's on my side on this. Sweet.

 

[hide=think i need a haircut too?]

 

yeh, pretty much average imo.[/hide]

 

 

 

Dude, you look fine. Give it time, you'll get taller, and lifting a few weights'll help. You've got a great face and a good cut for it, and I'd put my money on you growing up to be a very good lookin' guy.

 

 

 

thanks, i seriously dont want to grow any taller tho...im 6' 1" atm...and yeh im pretty thin, been starting an exercise routine.

 

thats another reason why i hate rs....so much time i could i have used to do something constructive, or get in better shape.

 

:wall:

[Rebdragon]

Basically Zierro, you need to be a sensitive jerk, not just act like one.

 

 

 

Dang, I estimated your height wrong based on the angle^. Ya, that's a good height; just bulk up a bit :P.

[Zierro]

Wait, what's the difference? Are you saying some people just aren't fit for being stud masters?

 

 

 

Maybe I just misunderstand. :|

[syal_antilli]

gilforman could be my brother...

 

seriously...

[blacksurge]

Does anyone have anything to say about my situation? :\

[Zierro]

She had all these things running against her but for some reason I still liked her.

 

 

 

It seems like you haven't been exposing yourself to enough women. If you are only around one woman all the time and have fun talking to her, then of course you'll fall in love. I feel you made the right choice. In that situation, a friendship with her only meant pain for you. It was a good thing to move on. Just remember there are plenty of women in the sea, and I assure you there will always be better ones than Kylie.

[Rebdragon]

Wait, what's the difference? Are you saying some people just aren't fit for being stud masters?

 

 

 

Maybe I just misunderstand. :|

 

I'm agreeing with you more or less.

 

 

 

But yes, I suppose I'm also saying that some people shouldn't try too hard to be someone they're not. Improvement is good. Building confidence is good. Trying to do a complete 180 on who you are, however, may not always be a well thought out plan. Just depends on the person.

[tzone92]

 

You don't have to quit Runescape. But start going outside more. Even Jagex recommends it. Go run, build endurance. Get a membership to a gym (a simple one, no need to go to Gold's right off the bat).

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can second the idea of joining a gym, even if it's just thirty minutes to an hour a day twice a week, working out can really help your energy and self esteem. It turned my friend's life around.

[Sumpta]

Wait, what's the difference? Are you saying some people just aren't fit for being stud masters?

 

 

 

Maybe I just misunderstand. :|

 

 

 

Well, I'm afraid you hit the nail... I think we're talking about the very thin line between being irresistible and obnoxious. A guy needs a lot of flair to pull off the sensitive jerk thing and not make a complete fool of himself.

 

 

 

A characteristic trait of a real sensitive jerk is that he doesn't really care - he's an egotistical and somewhat immature man who will nevertheless make some girl very, very happy in the far future. And in his earlier phase, if a girl reacts like I do, he goes "oh well" and goes his merry way or insists, with the same result in the end. But if he's a guy like so many who come for aid here, who is basically looking for a nice girl and is a nice guy himself, then I'm not sure you should encourage him so much to be this strange creature y'all adore. With the exception of the ever sensible Rebdragon apparently :.

 

 

 

The theory is sound, and incorporating parts of the sensitive jerk won't do that much harm, but it's best to be aware of the pitfalls. Especially if you aren't one by nature.

[Zierro]

The theory is sound, and incorporating parts of the sensitive jerk won't do that much harm, but it's best to be aware of the pitfalls. Especially if you aren't one by nature.

 

 

 

Okay, I see what you're getting at now. In a nutshell, you really want to take only a few steps in the direction of the "sensitive jerk" and not more than you can handle.