"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[muggiwhplar]

ummm...kk...sooo

 

 

 

my "ex" was my gf during the school year.... and then it went down hill.... and i need help from... you guys....

 

 

 

so we were bf gf, good couple and when school got out, she got extremely po'd at me for no reason. she "said" it was cause i wasnt texting her, when i told her that my phone broke (which is true) and i was waiting to get a new one.. now she doesn't want to talk to me and is trying to date other guys.... what should i do....

 

 

 

summary: girlfriend mad at me for no specific reason, want to get her back and make her understand what happened.

 

 

 

Depending on her personality type, it sounds like she's either trying to control you, or she's genuinely upset because she doesn't trust you for whatever reason. You should be able to know which one it is depending on if she's a sweet girl or not. If you two fought often then you need to talk to her about that. Though, if you weren't too serious for very long, it'd probably just be best to cut your losses and find another girl.

 

 

 

Summary: talk to her and try to understand her then figure out how to improve the situation. If she won't respond then it's probably best just to forget about it.

[JeremyM]

 

JeremyM, lighten up man, anyone who needs help can get help around here.

 

 

 

sorry, getting tired of his "witty" comments.

[Powman3]

I really would like some help with this.

 

 

 

My crush is already dating someone, and I'm on Myspace and whatever just hanging out, when he requests me as a friend (mind you I've never met the guy so I got real suspicious). I asked him why he requested me as a friend and you know what he answered me?

 

 

 

"idk y"

 

 

 

I tell him that there's gotta be a reason. So then I posted a bulletin, asking to talk to someone because I'm feeling somewhat miserable and just wanna talk and stuff, get my mind off things. He then replies to it and says "ur gay".

 

 

 

I don't care about being called gay because I get called that as a joke everyday, and even if they mean it I just don't care. But what ticked me off was that I was looking for someone to talk to and just ya know, get my mind off stuff (like I said earlier), so even if it was a joke or not I was not in the mood for it.

 

 

 

I dunno. But I really don't seem to like this kid and though I've never met him I don't think he's a real nice guy.

 

 

 

I think it's jealousy, but I would still like advice.

[Zierro]

My crush is already dating someone, and I'm on Myspace and whatever just hanging out, when he requests me as a friend (mind you I've never met the guy so I got real suspicious). I asked him why he requested me as a friend and you know what he answered me?

 

 

 

"idk y"

 

 

 

I tell him that there's gotta be a reason. So then I posted a bulletin, asking to talk to someone because I'm feeling somewhat miserable and just wanna talk and stuff, get my mind off things. He then replies to it and says "ur gay".

 

 

 

Check his list. If he has like 1000+ friends then he is obviously just adding people he barely knows for a higher friend count. If it's a low number, then there probably is a good reason he wanted to add you.

 

 

 

I don't care about being called gay because I get called that as a joke everyday, and even if they mean it I just don't care. But what ticked me off was that I was looking for someone to talk to and just ya know, get my mind off stuff (like I said earlier), so even if it was a joke or not I was not in the mood for it.

 

 

 

I dunno. But I really don't seem to like this kid and though I've never met him I don't think he's a real nice guy.

 

 

 

Well, you could possibly have had a bad first impression... but he honestly just doesn't sound like a nice guy. You'd be best off completely forgetting about him than taking the risk of trying to give him another chance. Also, you said he is dating your crush. Even if you did became friends, that's not a very good situation to get yourself into because of the jealousy factor you've talked about.

 

 

 

My advice: Just move on and forget about him. Try talking to another good friend to take your mind off of it. You said the "ur gay" didn't bother you so that's a good thing. It really shouldn't bother you - after all, he's shown you what type of person he is - does his opinions really matter at all? You'll run into [puncture]s your whole life and it's best to not dwell on what they say. Every time you start thinking about someone saying something rude to you - counter it: think about a time when someone said something nice to you instead. :P

[Sumpta]

Only one road to take, Powman. Ignore him. He's dating your crush, so, bluntly put, no matter if he's the nicest guy on earth (doubtful seeing his behaviour, he sounds like a twit), he's a complete bastard and you don't want to have anything to do with him.

 

 

 

So don't let him tick you off, ignore him, and definitely don't let him know if you're ticked off anyway. Show him you're the better guy, with a lot more dignity. Reacting to his sillyness will only make you look bad with your crush anyway.

[Powman3]

Thanks guys, I'll just ignore him.

 

 

 

And yeah, that is true isn't it Sumpta? >_<

[Solidus_77]

If he's the one dating your crush, isn't that an indication of it being time to move on? You're feeling miserable, could that be a side effect of you having a crush on a girl? I know it's 10 times more painful when the girl you had feelings for starts dating someone else.

 

 

 

As others have said, ignore him. He doesn't matter and what he thinks of you is not important, he's just an idiot looking for a cheap laugh. I'll help by showing you what went wrong.

 

 

 

The might have acted like a jerk but he reacted to what you said and frankly I'm not all that surprised. You see, whilst girls act through emotions, guys act through logic (of course there are exceptions). Thus, if a guy acts through emotions, he act effeminate (in this case he said 'gay', which is basically the same thing just more immature on his part). towards another guy that's frowned upon. It's the same reason Dr Cox, from Scrubs, calls JD by girls' names.

 

 

 

Now, keeping these feelings bottled up is not going to help you a bit, but spilling emotions towards a guy is just going to embarrass you or worse. So you have two options: Spill out your emotions towards a friend who's a girl, or talk to guys using logic instead of emotions. Spilling your emotions towards a girl might be more comfortable and will get a good response for you but it runs the risk of reinforcing the effeminate image. Also, this girl has to be pretty close and in the "let's just be friends" zone. The other option is talking about your problems with guys (and not the ones you just met like this guy) but communicating in a totally logical or "manly" way. Focus more on what happened rather than how miserable you feel.

[Powman3]

I was feeling miserable from a whole bunch of different things, and I'm still ticked off because I made a move before he did, and she just met this guy.

 

 

 

I don't see much of an indication, but I just won't worry about it now.

 

 

 

I honestly have a real bad feeling about this guy.

[Solidus_77]

That kind of stuff happens. Just forget about this girl and forget about this guy. Neither one is making you happy right now.

[Tim]

before i begin: shocker, i have a girlfriend after being single for over a year which sucks btw.

 

 

 

it seems all attempts i make to meet up with my girlfriend end up with her father saying i cant either visit her or her visit me, i can spend time with her due to him, her work and school. and it seems as the weeks go on im actully feeling like for once in my life: is this a relationship that just wasnt ment to be?

 

 

 

we liked each other 8 months back but failed to ever see eah other during then due to her "work" and dad, and i feel like i've just lost all feelign for her. how do i go about this without hurting her and having her friends threaten me because the last thing i will stand for is be in a relation where im threatened that if i hurt someone they will hurt me back. which in my opinion is "mind your own [cabbage] business."

 

 

 

help pl0x.

[muggiwhplar]

before i begin: shocker, i have a girlfriend after being single for over a year which sucks btw.

 

 

 

it seems all attempts i make to meet up with my girlfriend end up with her father saying i cant either visit her or her visit me, i can spend time with her due to him, her work and school. and it seems as the weeks go on im actully feeling like for once in my life: is this a relationship that just wasnt ment to be?

 

 

 

we liked each other 8 months back but failed to ever see eah other during then due to her "work" and dad, and i feel like i've just lost all feelign for her. how do i go about this without hurting her and having her friends threaten me because the last thing i will stand for is be in a relation where im threatened that if i hurt someone they will hurt me back. which in my opinion is "mind your own [cabbage] business."

 

 

 

help pl0x.

 

 

 

Talk to her dad about it with her. Though if you think she's lost feelings for you too or anything, it's probably best to just find someone else

[blackaddy65]

basicly all u gotta do is get to know em well then tell em gradually how u feel and see if they feel the same way if they dont then ya still m8's arnt ya? :lol: :lol: :lol:

[deloriagod]

 

deloriagod, what's DNR supposed to mean? Driving Naked with Rabies?... I give up. Anyways, too bad you had to lose the Jager, that's good stuff. As for the relationship stuff, less thinking and more action is usually the best thing to do.

 

 

 

 

Haha DNR means Department of Natural Resources. We like to call them "Ranger Rick" and wannabe cops for the most part though. Meh, the Jager tasted like [cabbage] (I don't like black licorice) but it messed me up pretty quick ;) And the relationship stuff, that's what I'm going. I apologized to her for being an [wagon] in the past and things are moving along smoothly ;)

[OldJoe]

Internet-relationships

 

Damn them!

 

 

 

I'm not really seeking advice in the following post, i just need to get some steam of me. But if you got an advice, go ahead. But please, something more than "well, you should tell her what you feel".

 

 

 

How should i start... There's two different relationships i want to talk about.

 

 

 

1: I think in uhm.. 2004, i met this girl "Sandra" in some chat somewhere. We became pretty good friends quickly, and took the train to meet eachother. Continued to talk every now and then. The turning point when i started suspecting that internet-relationships are not to trust too much, was at a time after a concert.

 

We both are fans of this band called "Opeth", and they played in 2005 or 2006 (i think) a gig in Stockholm, which we went to see with each other. Was great fun (i even gave her a present in the afternoon... Some drawing i made when i was a little kid, don't know why i gave it tho...). A problem occurred after the gig, because Opeth ended late, at about 00.30 and the last train for me had gone, and her friend she was supposed to sleep at didn't answer her phone. So i had to call my mother in the middle in the night asking her to come pick us up (which she did, very kind). Well, Sandra took the train home the next day. And then i waited for her to speak to me (we hadn't "done" anything during the night), but never heard from her, so after a month or two i mailed her saying "blah blah... Why haven't i heard from you? Blah blah...". I got some excuse.

 

Continued to keep in-contact with her. Then in.. uhm... 2006 or 07 there was this mini-festival in Stockholm (great bands playing, Opeth/Bolt Thrower/Amon Amarth/Satyricon.. etc.), which we both decided to go to and share a hotel room (to cut down the cost!) during the festival days. Well... I can't remember how our relationship was after that.

 

But we maybe talked once every month or two.

 

And last year, in November or so, i mailed her saying basically "do you still want to be friends or what?" (because i really had stopped contacting her, because she never contacted me... I always had to do it so the relationship wouldn't die out. So, in may-june last year, i stopped contacting her, and i NEVER heard from her). I only heard from her after i mailed her. Amongst other things, she said that she would try to improve on contacting me. It happened once, after a month she strook up a conversation with me on msn. But that was that. And this year, we've maybe mailed each other 2 times (last time in april or may)...

 

Last week i removed her from my friends list on this "heavy metal community" site. I haven't heard a single f'ing word from her! Not even a "why?"!

 

So i guess, this relationship really is down the drain. She used to live closer to me, 1h train time, but last year she moved to gothenburg... Which is about a 5h train-ride from me.

 

I really like her, but it seems she doesn't have enough energy to care about this relationship.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

 

Damn... Writing much.

 

 

 

2: This is maybe more of a "what do i do?" question.

 

I'll summarize this quickly.

 

I met these two really sweet "friends" on a Unreal Tournament 2004 server back in 2004. Became really good friends (especially with one of them) as the time progressed. And in 2007 in june, i went down to meet them for 5 days. Was great fun and i had a really good time.

 

The server started to "degrade"... Less people playing in august and onwards. And those two that i knew best, started playing another game called "Dofus" on some German server (they are germans). They both stopped playing at the server (one of them is the owner of the server). And i started seeing less of them on msn and didn't hear much from them. And the server was put offline in.. february or march this year. And a couple of weeks ago, i asked them if they would like if i came down to visit them.

 

One of them, a guy, who i was staying at last year, i asked him if i could stay at him again if i were to visit them ("the 2" know each other, but lives in different cities). But he said no, because he felt that i and him had "lost contact". Well, he hasn't mailed me or anything... So am i to blame for the no-contact? But i said ok, if you say so.

 

The one i know better, we can call her "mini", said she'd be very happy if i came down to Germany. But she hasn't really showed much interest... She hasn't been asking "when you ordering tickets?" or those questions.

 

I take it, that neither of them are truly interested in me visiting them.

 

So at the moment, I'm not going down there. (some irl friends and i have thought of going to Amsterdam later in autumn, so i guess i can take a flight there instead).

 

It is a bit hard to explain this relationship... And it wasn't a quick summarize.

 

So does anyone have an advice on this?

 

 

 

I now understand that internet-relationships can't be trusted. Even if you think they are rock-solid, they aren't. And this pisses me off. If people don't want to have contact with me, and i almost always have to contact them... I've grown to "ok, if they don't contact me, i won't contact them... F-it.". Maybe I'm a bit lazy saying that, or just ego.

 

 

 

If anyone still reads, have a free cookie of your own choice.

 

 

 

Bye.

[Necrobean]

You've alienated to both the two germans as well as the girl. Probably because you never see them, internet-relationships don't really work (Most of the time). Get out and get to know some people that you can meet every day. No point in trying because clearly the girl isn't interested at all and besides you haven't even told her you felt anything for her, you did two things with her. You went to a metal concert with her, you really think that's romantic (No offence, quite the metal fan myself, nice line up btw) or something that could create a 'spark' between you two? Well ofcourse it is possible but you barely even know the girl! Either way you should meet up with her a little bit more or just go on (Which I strongly advise). Go out with some friends, go to a party, check out some girls ;) !

[OldJoe]

Nono, i was never trying to get her to be my girlfriend.

 

The concerts were because we both liked the bands and if you both are going you might as well hang out before the gig.

 

And yes, i go out with friends to the pub once a month... more or less. Problem is when you meet a girl who is too drunk... They do weird things lol.

 

Well, i mean i'm just mostly a bit pissed about it since you spend so much time building up some sort of relationship.

 

But well, more time for fishing!

[Necrobean]

Wait... Drunk girls? Where? I don't see your problem. Enough people out there, you can't possibly say that you were really good friends with her anyway, you've only met her like what? Twice? Alright, maybe you've wasted a lot of time with her on the internet but is that a solid base for a good friendship?

[MotherBrainII]

Just because I feel like being overpedantic, I'm gonna go ahead and point out that the word 'girlfriend' in the title is spelt wrong.

[Aidos Drakon]

Just because I feel like being overpedantic, I'm gonna go ahead and point out that the word 'girlfriend' in the title is spelt wrong.

 

 

 

wow after 28 pages I didnt notice that! :lol:

[The Dark Lord]

[hide=]

Internet-relationships

 

Damn them!

 

 

 

I'm not really seeking advice in the following post, i just need to get some steam of me. But if you got an advice, go ahead. But please, something more than "well, you should tell her what you feel".

 

 

 

How should i start... There's two different relationships i want to talk about.

 

 

 

1: I think in uhm.. 2004, i met this girl "Sandra" in some chat somewhere. We became pretty good friends quickly, and took the train to meet eachother. Continued to talk every now and then. The turning point when i started suspecting that internet-relationships are not to trust too much, was at a time after a concert.

 

We both are fans of this band called "Opeth", and they played in 2005 or 2006 (i think) a gig in Stockholm, which we went to see with each other. Was great fun (i even gave her a present in the afternoon... Some drawing i made when i was a little kid, don't know why i gave it tho...). A problem occurred after the gig, because Opeth ended late, at about 00.30 and the last train for me had gone, and her friend she was supposed to sleep at didn't answer her phone. So i had to call my mother in the middle in the night asking her to come pick us up (which she did, very kind). Well, Sandra took the train home the next day. And then i waited for her to speak to me (we hadn't "done" anything during the night), but never heard from her, so after a month or two i mailed her saying "blah blah... Why haven't i heard from you? Blah blah...". I got some excuse.

 

Continued to keep in-contact with her. Then in.. uhm... 2006 or 07 there was this mini-festival in Stockholm (great bands playing, Opeth/Bolt Thrower/Amon Amarth/Satyricon.. etc.), which we both decided to go to and share a hotel room (to cut down the cost!) during the festival days. Well... I can't remember how our relationship was after that.

 

But we maybe talked once every month or two.

 

And last year, in November or so, i mailed her saying basically "do you still want to be friends or what?" (because i really had stopped contacting her, because she never contacted me... I always had to do it so the relationship wouldn't die out. So, in may-june last year, i stopped contacting her, and i NEVER heard from her). I only heard from her after i mailed her. Amongst other things, she said that she would try to improve on contacting me. It happened once, after a month she strook up a conversation with me on msn. But that was that. And this year, we've maybe mailed each other 2 times (last time in april or may)...

 

Last week i removed her from my friends list on this "heavy metal community" site. I haven't heard a single f'ing word from her! Not even a "why?"!

 

So i guess, this relationship really is down the drain. She used to live closer to me, 1h train time, but last year she moved to gothenburg... Which is about a 5h train-ride from me.

 

I really like her, but it seems she doesn't have enough energy to care about this relationship.

 

Thoughts?

 

 

 

Damn... Writing much.

 

 

 

2: This is maybe more of a "what do i do?" question.

 

I'll summarize this quickly.

 

I met these two really sweet "friends" on a Unreal Tournament 2004 server back in 2004. Became really good friends (especially with one of them) as the time progressed. And in 2007 in june, i went down to meet them for 5 days. Was great fun and i had a really good time.

 

The server started to "degrade"... Less people playing in august and onwards. And those two that i knew best, started playing another game called "Dofus" on some German server (they are germans). They both stopped playing at the server (one of them is the owner of the server). And i started seeing less of them on msn and didn't hear much from them. And the server was put offline in.. february or march this year. And a couple of weeks ago, i asked them if they would like if i came down to visit them.

 

One of them, a guy, who i was staying at last year, i asked him if i could stay at him again if i were to visit them ("the 2" know each other, but lives in different cities). But he said no, because he felt that i and him had "lost contact". Well, he hasn't mailed me or anything... So am i to blame for the no-contact? But i said ok, if you say so.

 

The one i know better, we can call her "mini", said she'd be very happy if i came down to Germany. But she hasn't really showed much interest... She hasn't been asking "when you ordering tickets?" or those questions.

 

I take it, that neither of them are truly interested in me visiting them.

 

So at the moment, I'm not going down there. (some irl friends and i have thought of going to Amsterdam later in autumn, so i guess i can take a flight there instead).

 

It is a bit hard to explain this relationship... And it wasn't a quick summarize.

 

So does anyone have an advice on this?

 

 

 

I now understand that internet-relationships can't be trusted. Even if you think they are rock-solid, they aren't. And this pisses me off. If people don't want to have contact with me, and i almost always have to contact them... I've grown to "ok, if they don't contact me, i won't contact them... F-it.". Maybe I'm a bit lazy saying that, or just ego.

 

 

 

If anyone still reads, have a free cookie of your own choice.

 

 

 

Bye.

[/hide]

 

 

 

Well, OJ, why not be more assertive in starting conversations? Maybe that's what she was waiting for you to do all along, or she simply didn't know what to talk about, or she was perhaps busy? I have a pretty decent friendship with an old RS friend that has lasted about 2 years and we only talk when one of us starts up a conversation. She is the type that waits for someone to talk to her on MSN or Facebook. So when I talk to her, she is usually good at responding and we have a nice chat for a while, even if we talk for 20 minutes and then can't think of anything to say and we get distracted by something else.

 

 

 

Anyway I can sympathize to anyone who feels heartbroken, or even someone who feels bad for breaking someone else's heart, or even people who seem to have no luck with getting relationships. I used to go through a real angsty stage that lead to typical teenage depression and anxiety. I got over that as I matured over the timespan of a year. I'm going to be 17 before terribly long. Anyway I've had bad experiences with all relationships I've had. (3 total) My first girlfriend turned out to be a pervert and she was using me to try to get some sexual gratification from me. When she realized that it would never happen, she cheated on me and we broke up. My second girlfriend wasn't as bad. She never cheated on me, yet we got in a fight that she started (she was immature, which showed I had a poor taste) and then we broke up. She told her mom lies about me and now we don't talk anymore. My first boyfriend, he got serious with me. We had a 2 month relationship, until I did something bad. The aforementioned girl (second one) was introduced to me by him. I had some bad experiences with my boyfriend. He would brag about sexual things that he convinced me to do with him. He would also make me a target because of our homosexual relationship. I lost a friend over it. Anyway his personality seemed fake (he was nothing in public as he was in his personal life) He would act hyper-feminine in public (basically he believed that all gay men should act like stereotypes) and then he would act dominatingly masculine in private life. Well the girl he introduced me to found out what he did to unwittingly cause some complications in my school life, and the fact that I was keeping an obvious relationship confidential and passed it off as a mere friendship with my parents. Well she convinced me to date her and let me try a "breath of fresh air." Well I fell for it. I told him the complications that have arisen and that they weren't his fault, but they were enough to impede our relationship. He was upset and became bitter. I felt bad, and I still feel so to this day. Anyway we just weren't compatible with each other. We had different hobbies and different personalities, one fake and the other real.

 

 

 

Now I'm just going to wait for a serious and long-term relationship. Besides I have some major hurdles to jump over before I can even have the time for a relationship.

 

 

 

Just my little contribution to this thread. Basically it might be better just to not let it be on your mind, even though I know the angsty stage of adolescence is very hard to shake off. Just wait and build serious friendships first. Sometimes good relationships start off as close friendships. Maybe someone will take an interest in you first and then they'll ask you out.

[Tim]

just an update from last page, broke up with her. i couldnt be [cabbaged] putting effort into a relationship (and wasting money on fuel to see her) if she couldnt put in 1% effort. what a bloody waste of time that was. -.- goes to show Australia truely has [cabbage] all in the small towns.

[dragoonson]

just an update from last page, broke up with her. i couldnt be [cabbaged] putting effort into a relationship (and wasting money on fuel to see her) if she couldnt put in 1% effort. what a bloody waste of time that was. -.- goes to show Australia truely has [cabbage] all in the small towns.

 

 

 

So still a...?I dunno what to say,man.Good luck finding a new one though.

[Infi]

I fell in love with my best friend.

 

Broke up 2 days after we had shared our first kiss.

 

I gave her back our promise ring while she had tears in her eyes.

 

I lost both a girlfriend and a best friend. Essentially I had thrown away everything I had, defending her and losing friends for spending too much time with her - and now that she's gone I don't have a purpose.

 

Words cannot describe how apathetic and heart-ripping loneliness I feel right about now...

 

 

 

In the mean time, I've been listening to this song on loop:

 

[Powman3]

I fell in love with my best friend.

 

Broke up 2 days after we had shared our first kiss.

 

I gave her back our promise ring while she had tears in her eyes.

 

I lost both a girlfriend and a best friend. Essentially I had thrown away everything I had, defending her and losing friends for spending too much time with her - and now that she's gone I don't have a purpose.

 

Words cannot describe how apathetic and heart-ripping loneliness I feel right about now...

 

 

 

 

May I know why you two broke up?

 

 

 

I'm just curious, it's not something you have to tell me.

[Infi]

I basically waited for the right one to come, and when she did come - I already knew too much about her. Her past, what she likes/dislikes so while it may be an advantage, it was also my downfall. I thought I fell in love with that great friend, but when we got into a relationship I was overlooked and unappreciated. I saved myself from future pain and just painfully cut it off before it hurt any further. She said she has too much going on at the moment, but I cannot help her when she does not help me help her, I wanted to be by her side - but instead she took it out on me the wrong way. I'm using this as some time between us so she realizes what she has been missing all along, but I'm also trying to pick up the pieces at the same time.