Meh... if she's enough of a doormat to settle for FwB despite clearly not being happy with just that, go for it. Can't guarantee it's going anywhere nice, though... but it don't bother me at the end of the day and it's your choice.

 

I kind of got the impression RPG isn't bothered about being friend zoned here. Maybe I read it wrong.

Meh... if she's enough of a doormat to settle for FwB despite clearly not being happy with just that, go for it. Can't guarantee it's going anywhere nice, though... but it don't bother me at the end of the day and it's your choice.

 

I kind of got the impression RPG isn't bothered about being friend zoned here. Maybe I read it wrong.

 

So if she's emotionally damaged enough to put herself out there in a relationship that's obviously unhealthy he should just take advantage of it?

 

No. I was making that statement sarcastically.

 

I know if I was in that situation, and let's say I'm her friend, and she offered herself to be FwB with someone else when that's clearly not in her interest because she's still pining away for something more substantial than that, I'd be telling her to get the heck out of that relationship as quickly as possible, because it's only going to bring more pain.

 

In any case, RPG gave no indication in his post that she'd even be willing to go for FwB in the first place, so we're arguing a false point in a purely hypothetical scenario here.

To clear things up:

 

I've known her since I was 12 (9 years)

I've been hooking up with her off and on for the past few weeks (though it started in like November, there was a huge gap where neither of us gave a crap)

She told me she wants more than the FwB thing we've kind of been dancing around

I considered asking her officially to be a FwB not long ago, but never acted on it

I have not had sex with her yet

I don't have any romantic feelings toward her, but I feel attached to her as a mate (like really close, open friends)

She's been "dying for a relationship"

 

While I don't know what I want relationship wise in general (not just this case) I'm fairly certain I'm going to tell her I'm not super awesome boyfriend material at the moment. I like hooking up with random girls, and she's sort of the jealous type (which is weird because she pretty much got me and our mutual friend to hook up last night literally on top of her). So there's some significant question marks raised toward everything involved. Relationship-wanting girl is really cool. Decent looking, low maintenance, free spirited, easy going and can keep up with me in the art of drinking. She's just a lot of fun to be around, but that's the thing. I like being around her in a friendly setting (campfires, singing together, beer pong, yadda) but I can't imagine what the tone change would be like if we were to actually date. If it were a completely open relationship, it really wouldn't be super different from FwB, but that's what I imagine working out best. I see it as we're two good friends of opposite gender being forced under a label society created to promote commitment. And I am not ready to commit to anyone right now.

 

So I'll likely just explain all this to her and see where she takes it. She's one of my favorite drinking buddy's, and one of my best wing(wo)men, so losing her as a friend would suck pretty hard.

 

Why do I have to be suhdamn likeable haha

 

Edit:

Muggiw, I've read the article before, and I've long since modified my dating/judging techniques to more closely emulate it. The dilemma becomes - "what do I define as '***able' ". After rereading though, I've come to the conclusion of - I don't know til I try. And I'm not one to knock what I've not experienced yet.

Thats a good point. Hell I had a girl on my lap the other night and I basically friendzoned her because I didnt feel anything for her-- both emotionally and physically. BUT. keyword there is physically. I dont expect anyone to feel an emotional connection w/ girls within a few encounters w them. Thats irrelevant. If theres no physical connection then she's not worth your [sexual] time. So in other words, if youre not horny for her then dont worry about it. But if you wanna bang her (whether or not you "feel" a connection) then bang her! The connection often will come later anyway. And if not, then she's just an FB. And if she's not cool w that, then it's up to her to go find someone else.

 

In other words, if she was hot but you didnt feel attracted to her for w/e reason, thats cool. But if you were attracted to her then YOU [bleep]ED UP!!! :P

 

But good job on not banging w/o a condom :P Much more important!

@RPG, unless YOU want a relationship, dont even have sex with her. you turn into [bleep] buddies, she'll just grow more infatuated to have a relationship, and it'll be you she goes for because you've already got the physical chemistry going.

On the other hand sometimes not having sex with a clingy person (the type who will accept the terms thinking they can change your mind) is the best idea, lest you end up with a psycho stalker or something.

for the nth time: http://blackdragonbl...ead-categorize/

2. It tricks you into passing over perfectly cool, perfectly attractive women who will [bleep] you. I’m simply amazed when I talk to a guy and the converstaion goes like this:

Guy: “Oh yeah, she was nice, but I didn’t like her that much. She wasn’t that smart.”

BD: “So you didn’t [bleep] her?”

Guy: “Nah. I didn’t bother. She was too dumb.”

BD: “Was she hot?”

Guy: “Oh yeah. She was really cute.”

BD: “Then dude, WHAT THE [bleep]?”

Refusing to [bleep] a perfectly [bleep]able woman because she’s not this perfect fantasy woman who would make a “great girlfriend” or whatever IS [bleep]ING INSANE. If she’s hot and she’s not a complete [bleep] to you, STOP WITH THE SCREENING SHIT AND HAVE SEX WITH HER.

 

Why is it expected of women to find wit hot, but not of men? It's possible to be less sexually attracted to a girl because she's stone cold dumb.

for the nth time: http://blackdragonbl...ead-categorize/

2. It tricks you into passing over perfectly cool, perfectly attractive women who will [bleep] you. I’m simply amazed when I talk to a guy and the converstaion goes like this:

Guy: “Oh yeah, she was nice, but I didn’t like her that much. She wasn’t that smart.”

BD: “So you didn’t [bleep] her?”

Guy: “Nah. I didn’t bother. She was too dumb.”

BD: “Was she hot?”

Guy: “Oh yeah. She was really cute.”

BD: “Then dude, WHAT THE [bleep]?”

Refusing to [bleep] a perfectly [bleep]able woman because she’s not this perfect fantasy woman who would make a “great girlfriend” or whatever IS [bleep]ING INSANE. If she’s hot and she’s not a complete [bleep] to you, STOP WITH THE SCREENING SHIT AND HAVE SEX WITH HER.

 

Why is it expected of women to find wit hot, but not of men? It's possible to be less sexually attracted to a girl because she's stone cold dumb.

Then I guess you would categorize her as a next.

I don't get why you always have to accept the sex. The only time somebody should you tell you "you should of banged her" is when you [bleep] about missing the opportunity.

for the nth time: http://blackdragonbl...ead-categorize/

2. It tricks you into passing over perfectly cool, perfectly attractive women who will [bleep] you. Im simply amazed when I talk to a guy and the converstaion goes like this:

Guy: Oh yeah, she was nice, but I didnt like her that much. She wasnt that smart.

BD: So you didnt [bleep] her?

Guy: Nah. I didnt bother. She was too dumb.

BD: Was she hot?

Guy: Oh yeah. She was really cute.

BD: Then dude, WHAT THE [bleep]?

Refusing to [bleep] a perfectly [bleep]able woman because shes not this perfect fantasy woman who would make a great girlfriend or whatever IS [bleep]ING INSANE. If shes hot and shes not a complete [bleep] to you, STOP WITH THE SCREENING SHIT AND HAVE SEX WITH HER.

 

Why is it expected of women to find wit hot, but not of men? It's possible to be less sexually attracted to a girl because she's stone cold dumb.

 

If youre not sexually attracted, then dont feel obligated to try banging her

Well I guess the point stands, but then I don't see what doesn't count as a legitimate reason to refuse sex.

Meh... if she's enough of a doormat to settle for FwB despite clearly not being happy with just that, go for it. Can't guarantee it's going anywhere nice, though... but it don't bother me at the end of the day and it's your choice.

 

I kind of got the impression RPG isn't bothered about being friend zoned here. Maybe I read it wrong.

 

So if she's emotionally damaged enough to put herself out there in a relationship that's obviously unhealthy he should just take advantage of it?

If he didn't care for her well-being, yes. But considering how tormented this alone caused him to be, I doubt that to be true. She'd probably be so emotionally unstable he'd suffer along with her.

Well I guess the point stands, but then I don't see what doesn't count as a legitimate reason to refuse sex.

 

Being sexually attracted to a woman, yet refusing to have sex with her because she doesn't fit your mould of the "perfect girl" or "girlfriend-material"

And if you've chosen not to take the liberty of having sex outside of a formal relationship (or at least something that's heading that way)? Is the reason still illegitimate then?

The reasoning is that you'd be better off letting go of this archaic inhibition. It's not making you happier.

The reasoning is that you'd be better off letting go of this archaic inhibition. It's not making you happier.

 

Unless it actually does make you happier. Something muggi disagrees with obviously :)

You've got to admit, at least he's given both propositions a shot.

I can't remember if this has been posted here before or not, and if it has then just ignore me I guess, but an interesting video on the friendzone and friendship in general if you have 10 minutes.

 

 

(and if this has been posted here before, then a fantastic example of how the human brain is quite lazy about remembering where information comes from)

Muggiw's point was indeed valid in my case, and contributed to a thought process I needed to take. I've also reviewed the circumstances with a couple of my friends, and with the help of the clarity brought to me by posting here, I've got a good grasp on what I want out of the scenario. So thanks ya'll. Will update when updating becomes relevant.

I may or may not have totally, completely [bleep]ed up with that girl who I mentioned was unseduceable. Friday, there was this one small party. Where I got so wasted that I can't remember a thing. Like, almost completely blank other than one moment when I apparently jumped off the stage and slipped and landed on my back with my head taking a proper hit.

One small tip: NEVER drink shots of Jäger, rum and vodka straight without anything to drink between or after. Only beer afterwards. I must have tried like 15 different sorts of alcohol that night and absolutely none of anything without alcohol. I drank vodka with cider, 50% Minty with beer and Jäger straight from the bottle without anything... NEVER again.

 

But, as I was trying to find out what I did, have asked about it from 20 people already, and some of them I can't remember seeing at the party. Whereas I had apparently spoken over an hour with one such person... I have gotten 20 different replies, with some saying I was the soul of the party, dancing, flying around, joking, talking with everyone. And others have said that I was really out of myself, really feeling down about something.

 

Well, as I asked that one girl aswell, she first said she wanted to apologize for something. But then she heard that I can't remember a thing she was all like never mind. Have tried to ask, what have I or her done that night and she has ALL the times lead the subject away on a different topic. She was one of the people who said I was really out of myself, seemingly really sad and morbid.

Stop getting so hammered. You don't even remember what happened. You might as well just have slept through that party. I'm not saying this just to criticize you, you'll seriously enjoy parties a lot more. Have just enough shots that you're drunk but not sloppy, and then stick to slow beers.

I don't get so hammered usually. Only gotten so hammered twice in 2 years.

 

And I remember something that happened, mainly the parts that I don't want to remember.

And I saw something there, which made me drink so much. I don't get so hammered without a reason. I didn't want to remember that night for some reason, and apparently I succeeded. But I don't know, what that reason was...

Saqprets drinks no beers.

 

(okay I have to give you some constructive advice now...)

 

One trigger drinker to another, if you wanted to forget it, you wanted to forget it. Don't be digging around looking for answers you don't want to find. Let it go. If you needed to know, someone would have informed you by now. Maybe it'll come up again randomly down the line. But don't sweat it. Let it go. It's over, it's done. Let it go. As for cute girl you were talking to? It's not over til you give up. I'm not saying stalk her, but I don't see a reason why anything's changed. You got drunk, big deal. If she can't accept that people do this, that's on her. If you tell yourself it's over, it'll be over. If you learn to move on with your life, the negative connotations will disappear.

 

And if you ever find yourself trigger drinking again, come PM me. It's a fairly deep issue that I can help you stop acting on, but it does require a certain personal knowledge.

Wtf is trigger drinking?

 

This whole party was a bit weird... Someone cut his hand and bled onto my shirt, some dudes were dancing naked, I was supposedly dancing on the stage, which is something I NEVER do, and I ended up at my friend's house 2 km's from the party.

You go out with intention of having a fun time, standard stuff, run into something that upsets you and triggers you to get WAY drunker than you intended and usually makes you far more emotional than normal. Some may say you weren't acting "like your normal self" or "a bit off". Also leads to loss of memory and blacking out.

 

Of course, it's only trigger drinking if you didn't premeditate getting as drunk as you did. Literally you get "triggered" to do so. And it's essentially the toxin version of cutting yourself.