Yeah if he genuinely didn't give a [bleep], he wouldn't have even bothered to post that lol

Yeah if he genuinely didn't give a [bleep], he wouldn't have even bothered to post that lol

Yeah, or be a douche next time he sees her. People who don't care don't bother about being petty, generally.

I dunno, I thought Duffs plan was fairly solid haha

i'm gonna go with the crazy suggestion that the dude just wanted to say something funny on the internet and he used elements of hyperbole to that effect and succeeded pretty well

You're right, dudes.

 

help me

.

Drop him. If he's worth keeping around he'll show it soon afterward

How boss is that that I have managed to make 2 girls hate me so much that they can't stand being within like 15 metres with me?

Granted, I take the blame for one, I was an [wagon]. Twice.

But with the other, it takes two to tango and I hate that [bleep] aswell.

 

In other news, when finally me and this one new girl who I met at a birthday party will ever get to the same town at same time I think I will have my first ever proper date. Which might happen as soon as on Monday. So I think I could say things are going pretty fine right now.

So... I like someone. *Really* like them, been trying to shake it off for a good month and it ain't going.

 

We're close friends. She's already in a relationship, and she's really happy in it. Which I'm genuinely happy for her about, and he's a good bloke. So I'm not going to tell her, be totally unfair. But at the same time, it makes me feel pretty bad about things because I can't tell her.

 

The way I usually deal with this problem is to run a mile away until it just goes. I can't though. She's been going through a tough time, her boyfriend is about as useful as a chocolate fireguard when it comes to feelings. She sometimes needs someone to talk to and sometimes I end up being that person. She'd pick up very quickly if I was trying to shut her out.

 

So... I can't deal with it, and I can't hide. I don't really know what other options I have...

So... I like someone. *Really* like them, been trying to shake it off for a good month and it ain't going.

 

We're close friends. She's already in a relationship, and she's really happy in it. Which I'm genuinely happy for her about, and he's a good bloke. So I'm not going to tell her, be totally unfair. But at the same time, it makes me feel pretty bad about things because I can't tell her.

 

The way I usually deal with this problem is to run a mile away until it just goes. I can't though. She's been going through a tough time, her boyfriend is about as useful as a chocolate fireguard when it comes to feelings. She sometimes needs someone to talk to and sometimes I end up being that person. She'd pick up very quickly if I was trying to shut her out.

 

So... I can't deal with it, and I can't hide. I don't really know what other options I have...

Pretending not to like someone you actually like is one of the hardest things to do. But you need to remember that you have to put yourself before others in situations like these. You say that telling her how you feel would be unfair to her, but are you really being fair to yourself by not telling her?

I understand she's in a relationship, but that really should stop you from being truthful to yourself.

There are a few ways of approaching this, but all of them are basically a big risk and might completely ruin any sort of friendship you have with her. But at the end of the day you can take comfort in knowing that you took a risk for something (or someone) worth taking a risk for.

 

I felt like this when i was in highschool and i "fell in love" with a girl dating my best friend. I knew her better than he did, but because i didn't want to ruin a friendship, even though they started dating AFTER he already knew i liked her.

So... I like someone. *Really* like them, been trying to shake it off for a good month and it ain't going.

 

We're close friends. She's already in a relationship, and she's really happy in it. Which I'm genuinely happy for her about, and he's a good bloke. So I'm not going to tell her, be totally unfair. But at the same time, it makes me feel pretty bad about things because I can't tell her.

 

The way I usually deal with this problem is to run a mile away until it just goes. I can't though. She's been going through a tough time, her boyfriend is about as useful as a chocolate fireguard when it comes to feelings. She sometimes needs someone to talk to and sometimes I end up being that person. She'd pick up very quickly if I was trying to shut her out.

 

So... I can't deal with it, and I can't hide. I don't really know what other options I have...

You have to:

1. Tell her you have feelings for her and tell her you can no longer be friends with her.

2. Cut off ALL contact with her (no texting, no visiting her FB page, no thinking about her) until the feelings are gone. Expect this to take at least 6 months.

3. Get other women in your life and/or pour ALL of your energy into a big life mission/long-term goal. In other words, something more important than her.

 

When you've gone several months without missing her, then you can consider inviting her back into your life.

 

 

That's how I did it and it worked very well for me. It's not easy though.

 

You have to:

1. Tell her you have feelings for her and tell her you can no longer be friends with her.

2. Cut off ALL contact with her (no texting, no visiting her FB page, no thinking about her) until the feelings are gone. Expect this to take at least 6 months.

3. Get other women in your life and/or pour ALL of your energy into a big life mission/long-term goal. In other words, something more important than her.

 

When you've gone several months without missing her, then you can consider inviting her back into your life.

 

 

That's how I did it and it worked very well for me. It's not easy though.

 

#3 sounds very attractive. :)

 

I'm working full-time in addition to normal university assignments, plus doing voluntary work anyway. I've got plenty to keep myself busy with. I know breaking off contact is the easiest and most effective way, but I think I could manage better if I just saw her less. We see each other once a week at the moment, maybe just drop that down to meeting once a month-ish instead. The other 30 days I can focus on developing myself, meeting new people and facing new challenges.

 

My opinion is even when you're in a relationship, you should be following the latter part of #3 anyway. I don't think it's ever healthy for one person to take over a majority of your focus and attention.

 

Also examine your reasoning for why you are so helpful to her anyways. Are you an intrinsically helpful person who would help an annoying guy with his problems if he opened up to you the same way or are you especially helpful to her problems because you were hoping it would lead to a relationship?

Last month I was waiting at train station for half an hour, and this homeless guy comes to talk to me... unkempt appearance and two-litre bottle of cheap cider in hand. I'm not one to talk to strangers, but in this conversation I practically held a talking therapy session about his alcoholism and convinced him he needed to register with a community centre so he can have a permanent address for correspondence so he can start claiming social support and getting his life back on track. So, I'd like to think I'd help anyone.

 

I obviously care for her a great deal more, but only because we're friends. I'd offer the same amount of help to my housemates, coursemates and work colleagues if they needed it. When I first started getting myself involved with her personal problems and got "close" it was a total accident, she just broke down in tears one day about something. I saw someone who was feeling very vulnerable and wanted to fix it. She responded in kind when I faced my own difficulties. Things kind of fell from there. It was never intentional for things to wind up this way.

Yet another example that men and women can't really be just platonic friends. I agree with muggi, cutting her out completely is probably best

Yet another example that men and women can't really be just platonic friends. I agree with muggi, cutting her out completely is probably best

Well they can, as long as they're both extremely unattractive. Whether it's physical or otherwise.

 

Yet another example that men and women can't really be just platonic friends. I agree with muggi, cutting her out completely is probably best

Well they can, as long as they're both extremely unattractive. Whether it's physical or otherwise.

 

Completely untrue. Two unattractive people will inevitably become attracted to each other.

 

The only way a cross-sex relationship can be truly platonic is if both the people are homosexual.

Platonic cross sex relationships aren't worth bothering with in my opinion.

 

 

Yet another example that men and women can't really be just platonic friends. I agree with muggi, cutting her out completely is probably best

Well they can, as long as they're both extremely unattractive. Whether it's physical or otherwise.

 

 

I think you mean unnattracted to each other. And I can definitely be wrong to say this, but from my experience women seem to be able to take unrequited attraction better than men. 

 

 

That's probably because women also seem to generally have more options than men do.

I don't think its remotely true that both parties need to be homosexual (in the case of cross-sex) or hetero (in the case of same-sex) friendships for them to be platonic friends in the longterm.

 

I have plenty of perfectly platonic friendships that fall in to such categories that have lasted for years on end. It's more of a problem for kids/teens I think but once you reach a certain age and the hormones calm down you don't find yourself developing feelings for everyone of the gender your attracted to just because you spend a lot of time together.

Well one of them is my best friend of about 7 1/2 years now who is like a sister to me where we got close late in high school, but were sort of within the same friend group for ~4 years prior to that.

 

The others are friends picked up throughout college and university that I've known for 6-4 years and have equally close relationships with many of them; some of them I literally talk to for hours a day nearly everyday; others have shared in some of the deepest parts of me rarely shared through being writers together and discussion such things.

 

It's never been an issue with any of them what our friendship is or either party having extra feelings in any of these friendships.

Oddly enough you need both a man and a woman for a platonic cross-sex relationship, so if one has a problem, they both do :)

How sexy are your friends sy?

In age we get less attractive

I wouldn't have said I'm attracted to all of my female friends, for what it's worth. A few of the people I call friends are post-menopausal and twice my age, although we don't necessarily hang out with each other obviously.

 

Moving away from physical attraction, some of them have qualities I like about them as friends, but also problems that I'd find difficult to overlook as partners.

I think the root of Ginger's problem was that he was friends with a girl he would bang the hell out of or love the hell out of if she let him, and I really think theres just one thing any guy in that situation needs to consider its that you should not be close friends with a girl unless you would be willing to nonchalantly decline any offer of sex or relationship from her. If you fail that test then I think you owe it to yourself and your friend to be upfront with your real feelings or to back out of a sufficiently close relationship.

 

Seems like a good rule to me. At least to me, there is a pretty huge gap between 'finds attractive' and 'wants to have sex with'. If you could turn down the offer to date/have sex with without second thought, then all good. If you can't, then perhaps you shouldn't be their best friend, because that seems like the sort of thing that would, at the very least, eat at you over time.

How sexy are your friends sy?

In age we get less attractive

Unless of course you're an older guy dating a young guy/girl because they want a sugar daddy.

I didn't start out wanting to "bang the hell out of her", nor did I think of a relationship.

 

The first time we met I actually turned down her invite to join her on a night out. That's how much I apparently wanted to "bang her".