"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Dupin]

Self-improvement over the summer. Then when I go back to school, I'll be a new person. And get women.

I already run, play the piano, play the gutiar, and am fit. Protip: It takes a bit more than that :P

 

Actually, it takes none of that.

 

 

No girl would want you because you do or are these things, and no girl would disqualify you on the basis of not doing or being these things.

 

 

@ I'm happy for you harrinator :).

As much as I want to agree with you on this point, romy, and I know you have insider info and such, I have to disagree. Though 'tis true that while one would not be attracted or disqualified by these qualities, one with them is more generally desirable than one without them, all other things being equal. As much as so many people would like to deny it, some things can be attractive, and these are some of these things.

 

I believe you to be correct in that it is not a causal relationship though. Just because you do a particular activity does not do anything. Something about the execution of that activity though... I don't think I'm being quite clear. I suppose I should let the self-proclaimed attraction experts talk about this, as much as I hate them scientififying it.

 

 

It *may* be true that these activities or qualities are a plus, but not any more than other qualities.

 

 

Trust me when I say this- none of these activities and qualities would ever tilt a girl's decision this way or that way. Ever.

 

I call bs. The music leads to being musical, which may not be extremely important, but it's better than not being musical. Running and being in good shape definitely influence people's opinions, if only because not running or being in good shape will discourage people. In addition, as harrinator pointed out, it inspires confidence, which is very important in terms of attraction.

[Romy]

Self-improvement over the summer. Then when I go back to school, I'll be a new person. And get women.

I already run, play the piano, play the gutiar, and am fit. Protip: It takes a bit more than that :P

 

Actually, it takes none of that.

 

 

No girl would want you because you do or are these things, and no girl would disqualify you on the basis of not doing or being these things.

 

 

@ I'm happy for you harrinator :).

As much as I want to agree with you on this point, romy, and I know you have insider info and such, I have to disagree. Though 'tis true that while one would not be attracted or disqualified by these qualities, one with them is more generally desirable than one without them, all other things being equal. As much as so many people would like to deny it, some things can be attractive, and these are some of these things.

 

I believe you to be correct in that it is not a causal relationship though. Just because you do a particular activity does not do anything. Something about the execution of that activity though... I don't think I'm being quite clear. I suppose I should let the self-proclaimed attraction experts talk about this, as much as I hate them scientififying it.

 

 

It *may* be true that these activities or qualities are a plus, but not any more than other qualities.

 

 

Trust me when I say this- none of these activities and qualities would ever tilt a girl's decision this way or that way. Ever.

 

I call bs. The music leads to being musical, which may not be extremely important, but it's better than not being musical. Running and being in good shape definitely influence people's opinions, if only because not running or being in good shape will discourage people. In addition, as harrinator pointed out, it inspires confidence, which is very important in terms of attraction.

 

 

You can call BS all you want, but check me on this. Being musical is a plus, but isn't going to affect decisions, being fit is a plus, but isn't going to affect decisions, and that can be said about any other quality/activity.

 

 

As for the confidence part, that's another thing. It's not the musicality, or fit body, that create the attraction, it's the confidence itself.

[Omar]

As for the confidence part, that's another thing. It's not the musicality, or fit body, that create the attraction, it's the confidence itself.

Confidence is feeling good about yourself, and knowing you're apt to take on certain things. Dressing well, having a nice body, being talented at something, all of those things elevate your self-esteem. If that doesn't inspire confidence, then I don't know what will.

[helpmeownlife]

I'm with the calling BS. There's obviously a reason I'm doing all of that. Have you been to high school? Who do girls chase after? The kid who sits and plays WoW on his Friday nights, or the guy who's in a band with a six-pack? I know it's stereotypical, but you think of that situation and tell me it doesn't change things even a tiny bit.

[tripsis]

I'm with the calling BS. There's obviously a reason I'm doing all of that. Have you been to high school? Who do girls chase after? The kid who sits and plays WoW on his Friday nights, or the guy who's in a band with a six-pack? I know it's stereotypical, but you think of that situation and tell me it doesn't change things even a tiny bit.

Screw the band boy and the WoW boy. I chase after the man who plays TF2 :P

[BlindBaker]

It's not about getting girls to go after you because you have musical talent, it's the confidence that comes from the feeling that you've done something with your life instead of being WoW boy.

 

Speaking of self-improvement, whaddya know, I actually tanned.

[Orpheus]

I'm with the calling BS. There's obviously a reason I'm doing all of that. Have you been to high school? Who do girls chase after? The kid who sits and plays WoW on his Friday nights, or the guy who's in a band with a six-pack? I know it's stereotypical, but you think of that situation and tell me it doesn't change things even a tiny bit.

Screw the band boy and the WoW boy. I chase after the man who plays TF2 :P

Haha.

 

I always seem to see a very blurred line between "confidence" and "arrogant jerk". I honestly can't explain why, they seem to fall into the same vein in my opinion.

[Mirror]

I know what you mean Ultimania, but my 'confident' attitude hasn't failed me yet.

 

Back to the point of comparing whether you should have x body or do y thing, what matters that I've seen in relationships is trust. I'm not your best looking man, but by golly, if I give my word, it happens. I have a 'can-do' attitude that sometimes people think is stuck up and arrogant but mostly people just think of me as the guy who can get the job done and people are confident it will get done and therefore can trust me and look at where we are, trust is core in any relationship.

 

You don't have to join a band or start doing massive amounts of push ups. Just take care of your body, enjoy life and be confident in who you are. And if you ever need tips on how to be confident, just ask. There is no shame in asking, heck that's why this topic exists. :P

[rangeor]

There are obviously a large number of girls in the world, especially at the teen ages, that are attracted to those traits. Guys notice that and the guys that actively seek those traits are trying to get "those" types of girls. It's amusing when guys try to get those traits to impress a girl like romy who could care less about those particular traits. It's really best to just be yourself; you'll find girls that like the traits you have one day. Just realize that certain traits appeal to certain types of girls, e.g. a bioengineer might not find a frequent clubber with a substantial interest in sports very attractive.

 

There are always exceptions, though! :lol:

[RpgGamer]

Self-improvement over the summer. Then when I go back to school, I'll be a new person. And get women.

I already run, play the piano, play the gutiar, and am fit. Protip: It takes a bit more than that

 

Actually, it takes none of that.

 

 

No girl would want you because you do or are these things, and no girl would disqualify you on the basis of not doing or being these things.

 

 

@ I'm happy for you harrinator .

As much as I want to agree with you on this point, romy, and I know you have insider info and such, I have to disagree. Though 'tis true that while one would not be attracted or disqualified by these qualities, one with them is more generally desirable than one without them, all other things being equal. As much as so many people would like to deny it, some things can be attractive, and these are some of these things.

 

I believe you to be correct in that it is not a causal relationship though. Just because you do a particular activity does not do anything. Something about the execution of that activity though... I don't think I'm being quite clear. I suppose I should let the self-proclaimed attraction experts talk about this, as much as I hate them scientififying it.

 

 

lets face the facts. Musicians [especially famous ones] get an instant +2 on their ranking of sexiness, simply for being musicians. Being fit, overall just helps out your attraction. And Confidense is boosted by an innumerable amount. So, let him get all self improved. It couldn't hurt after all ;)

[Iamdan]

With those kinds of activities, you're going to have a small percentage who find it a turn on, a small percentage who find it a turn off, a small percentage who like it, and a large percentage who don't really care. (it works with all kinds of things, like fashion styles)

 

The important thing is to keep busy. Someone who has a busy life and does things is always more attractive than someone who doesn't. Not only is it a dhv in itself, but it means your time is precious and that you can't just hang with her whenever it suits her which goes back to the 'hard to get' thing.

 

Speaking of which, I just went on my first date. It was a blasting success. Thanks especially to Lent and Iamdan.

 

Glad I helped (Y)

[Romy]

As for the confidence part, that's another thing. It's not the musicality, or fit body, that create the attraction, it's the confidence itself.

Confidence is feeling good about yourself, and knowing you're apt to take on certain things. Dressing well, having a nice body, being talented at something, all of those things elevate your self-esteem. If that doesn't inspire confidence, then I don't know what will.

 

I never ever said it doesn't inspire confidence. What I meant is, that the attraction is a result of confidence, and not musicality or fit body. I completely agree that having a fit body could give a boost to confidence, but the two are not strictly related.

 

 

Confidence is probably the #1 thing needed when you want to "hit" on girls, absolutly. But that confident musician, is attractive because he's confident, not because he's a musician.

 

 

 

(As for succesful people, that's attraction that is a result of success, not a result of being a musician.)

[Iamdan]

(As for succesful people, that's attraction that is a result of success, not a result of being a musician.)

 

tell that to comedians :P

 

If anyone is interested in why comedians don't get anywhere near the amount of success with women that musicians do, I think it's because everyone gets to know the comedian too well, and musicians are more of a mystery.

[Romy]

I'm with the calling BS. There's obviously a reason I'm doing all of that. Have you been to high school? Who do girls chase after? The kid who sits and plays WoW on his Friday nights, or the guy who's in a band with a six-pack? I know it's stereotypical, but you think of that situation and tell me it doesn't change things even a tiny bit.

 

It does. That kid who plays WoW (by stereotype) usually has a low self-esteem, and is very inconfident, while the six-pack guy in a band is (by stereotype) more confident, knows what he has to offer on social events, and doesn't feel nervous near people, etc.

 

 

[hide]

I remember saying that somewhere on Tip.It, but I'll repeat it here. Me and my brother together (over years of research) developed a method for guys to hit on girls. That method works with every guy (granted he uses it properly) and on every girl (regardless of who she is, unless she's a lesbian etc), as long as the guy meets the girl (and not a 5 minute meeting...).

 

That method was lectured to people by me and by my brother, and every single guy that wanted girl X, got her. It has a 100% success rate.

 

The method is based on some psychological principles, that both boost the guy's confidence (by explaining to him why he's inconfident if that's the case, and helping him, through certain exercises, build his confidence) and help attract girls.

 

When me and my brother figured out the method entirely, we both noticed guys using that method, without ever being taught about it. At some point we realised that straight guys (We're yet to figure out what happens with gays) are simply "born with the knowledge" of the method, some just lose it along the way- After being told by parents and society how much they have to invest to get the girls, or watching movies that encourage certain behaviours (that are the opposite of our method), and simply "lost it".[/hide]

[Romy]

There are obviously a large number of girls in the world, especially at the teen ages, that are attracted to those traits. Guys notice that and the guys that actively seek those traits are trying to get "those" types of girls. It's amusing when guys try to get those traits to impress a girl like romy who could care less about those particular traits. It's really best to just be yourself; you'll find girls that like the traits you have one day. Just realize that certain traits appeal to certain types of girls, e.g. a bioengineer might not find a frequent clubber with a substantial interest in sports very attractive.

 

There are always exceptions, though! :lol:

 

Except no girl is after those traits, even if she tells you otherwise, and you can take my word for it.

 

 

For the third time- No girl's decision over a guy (whether it be completely dsiqualifying him, or going as far as deciding "he's the one"), is based on certain traits.

Yes, most girls would consider it a plus when her guy has a six-pack, or is a phenomenon guitar player, but that's not nearly enough to tilt her decision. Period.

[Tim]

So does this throw out Brad P's "Stereotype's attract women" theory? Because so far that lousy Fashion Bible book hasn't been the slightest bit accurate here.

[Romy]

Self-improvement over the summer. Then when I go back to school, I'll be a new person. And get women.

I already run, play the piano, play the gutiar, and am fit. Protip: It takes a bit more than that

 

Actually, it takes none of that.

 

 

No girl would want you because you do or are these things, and no girl would disqualify you on the basis of not doing or being these things.

 

 

@ I'm happy for you harrinator .

As much as I want to agree with you on this point, romy, and I know you have insider info and such, I have to disagree. Though 'tis true that while one would not be attracted or disqualified by these qualities, one with them is more generally desirable than one without them, all other things being equal. As much as so many people would like to deny it, some things can be attractive, and these are some of these things.

 

I believe you to be correct in that it is not a causal relationship though. Just because you do a particular activity does not do anything. Something about the execution of that activity though... I don't think I'm being quite clear. I suppose I should let the self-proclaimed attraction experts talk about this, as much as I hate them scientififying it.

 

 

lets face the facts. Musicians [especially famous ones] get an instant +2 on their ranking of sexiness, simply for being musicians. Being fit, overall just helps out your attraction. And Confidense is boosted by an innumerable amount. So, let him get all self improved. It couldn't hurt after all ;)

 

Franky, I'm surprised by the amount of guys here that have no idea how to attract girls.

 

That famous musician is sexier because he's succesful, because he's confident, because like Dan said he may be mysterious, etc. NOT BECAUSE HE'S A MUSICIAN.

 

 

You can look at 2 examples-

Example one- an unbelieveably great musician, able to create wonderful sounds with every music tool he lays his hands on, with a great voice, etc. He's also incredibly beautiful and fit and works out regularly. This guy is also very incofident, has a low self-esteem, is shy, and can't stick to one opinion. Do you know a girl that would want him?

Example two- a chubby guy, who has no idea what a flute is, and had never seen a guitar in his life. This guy is also very confident, knows what he's doing, is witty and a little assertive, and can actually present a challenge to girls. Do you know a girl that would say no to him? (This question is kind of tricky, because the guy's description would probably turn-off some girls, but I can gurantee that if those girls met such a guy, and he tried to hit on them, he'd almost definitely get them.)

[obfuscator]

The problem is that a lot of the time confident = cocky+arrogant. Still, some girls seem to love that.

 

And I do know for a fact that musical ability in itself is an attraction, but yes made more potent by confidence and social skill.

[Iamdan]

So does this throw out Brad P's "Stereotype's attract women" theory? Because so far that lousy Fashion Bible book hasn't been the slightest bit accurate here.

 

Girls don't spend their time trying to attract other girls, plus they think differently to guys. I stopped listening to women for advice on women at about the same time I started switching from failing measurably to success and haven't looked back.

 

Its accurate. I know girls who will do a guy just for a certain piercing/style.

 

Its a small percentage, but the idea is to be 'in' with some, rather than 'neutral' with all.

[BlindBaker]

Eh, being a musician is something that should be done because you want to, not to get girls, and this...

 

Self-improvement over the summer. Then when I go back to school, I'll be a new person. And get women.

 

...makes it seem like you're only doing it for women. I might be reading it wrong (which I tend to do a lot), but I don't see anything in that post that says you're doing it because you want to.

[Romy]

So does this throw out Brad P's "Stereotype's attract women" theory? Because so far that lousy Fashion Bible book hasn't been the slightest bit accurate here.

 

Girls don't spend their time trying to attract other girls, plus they think differently to guys. I stopped listening to women for advice on women at about the same time I started switching from failing measurably to success and haven't looked back.

 

Its accurate. I know girls who will do a guy just for a certain piercing/style.

 

Its a small percentage, but the idea is to be 'in' with some, rather than 'neutral' with all.

 

Not all women are bad at giving advice about girls :D.

[helpmeownlife]

Sorry for taking so long to respond, but I enjoyed the nice debate. Very thought-provoking.

 

Anyways, I'm already confident and a musician. I've played multiple instruments for 9 years or so, I'm just picking up guitar, learning how to sing and refining my piano skills. I'm working out to become stronger, healthier, and overall just more awesome (I'd like to take up parkour/free running). I've been in relationships before (although most of them have failed), I'm very confident and very social. I'm just picking up these things and improving others to become a better person. There's more to it than just that too. I've been closely observing this thread and other resources to get tips on flirting, I'm researching how to efficiently read body language, and much more. I'm not doing this for women at all, I'm doing it for myself. But women are a benefit.

[Omar]

Franky, I'm surprised by the amount of guys here that have no idea how to attract girls.

 

That famous musician is sexier because he's succesful, because he's confident, because like Dan said he may be mysterious, etc. NOT BECAUSE HE'S A MUSICIAN.

If learning music (or any other self improvement) is what boosts his confidence, then, learning is indirectly what gets him the girls. Being a little more muscular helps too, it's known that just standing up straight can help people feel more confident, I don't see why working out doesn't follow that rule.

[Romy]

Franky, I'm surprised by the amount of guys here that have no idea how to attract girls.

 

That famous musician is sexier because he's succesful, because he's confident, because like Dan said he may be mysterious, etc. NOT BECAUSE HE'S A MUSICIAN.

If learning music (or any other self improvement) is what boosts his confidence, then, learning is indirectly what gets him the girls. Being a little more muscular helps too, it's known that just standing up straight can help people feel more confident, I don't see why working out doesn't follow that rule.

 

Umm.... you can be fit and incofident, you can be confident and not fit, the two are not strictly related.

 

 

If you're fit and thus confident and thus attractive, that doesn't mean that yourself being fit is what's attractive, your confidence is the attrative part.

 

 

What I'm saying here, is not that being fit is bad (if that's what you got from what I said), being fit can't be bad, especially if it's a confidence boost. My point is that your fitness is not that attractive, you can be an ugly, chubby, bold guy, and still "score" with girls regularly or be a love-guru or whatever.

[Omar]

Franky, I'm surprised by the amount of guys here that have no idea how to attract girls.

 

That famous musician is sexier because he's succesful, because he's confident, because like Dan said he may be mysterious, etc. NOT BECAUSE HE'S A MUSICIAN.

If learning music (or any other self improvement) is what boosts his confidence, then, learning is indirectly what gets him the girls. Being a little more muscular helps too, it's known that just standing up straight can help people feel more confident, I don't see why working out doesn't follow that rule.

 

Umm.... you can be fit and incofident, you can be confident and not fit, the two are not strictly related.

 

 

If you're fit and thus confident and thus attractive, that doesn't mean that yourself being fit is what's attractive, your confidence is the attrative part.

 

 

What I'm saying here, is not that being fit is bad (if that's what you got from what I said), being fit can't be bad, especially if it's a confidence boost. My point is that your fitness is not that attractive, you can be an ugly, chubby, bold guy, and still "score" with girls regularly or be a love-guru or whatever.

 

So we agree. I was saying that if that's how he's going to get confident, then it's just as good as any other way.