"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[RpgGamer]

Truthfully, it's because men never know what they want, and they always want to dance around these things, that messes us up.

From personal experence, it's the total opposite for me. (especially the messed up part, which most here will agree on about me) :mellow:

Women know what they want. They know when they aren't getting it. Some become dependent on the person they are with, and if their feelings start to disappear, they have a lot of trouble figuring out what to do; this is not the same as not knowing what they want. It's just the inability of doing it in an uncomplicated manner. The two should not be confused. Women are complicated. And often times portrayed as irrational because unless you have a woman's hormones you will not understand our rationale. I am usually able to explain mine; and because of this have more of a man's personality and get along better with guys. I really can't stand girls.

 

Please continue posting on this thread. 3 posts and I already love you. Also, we need more female perspective. My criticism in this case being that you are comparing all girls to yourself than saying that you yourself don't connect well to women, which questions the integrity of your comment.

[tripsis]

My criticism in this case being that you are comparing all girls to yourself than saying that you yourself don't connect well to women, which questions the integrity of your comment.

Yeah that is a very good point. For instance, I'll comment on this:

 

Men always seem to think us girls are these fragile, delicate emotional balls of issues.

 

In my experience, a lot of women are that way, so I think it's oftentimes a fair assumption. However I do think that if he failed to be straight forward with her and continued leading her on and making her think he may want a relationship, she would get hurt more in the long run than if he was just honest with her upfront.

[RpgGamer]

My criticism in this case being that you are comparing all girls to yourself than saying that you yourself don't connect well to women, which questions the integrity of your comment.

Yeah that is a very good point. For instance, I'll comment on this:

 

Men always seem to think us girls are these fragile, delicate emotional balls of issues.

 

In my experience, a lot of women are that way, so I think it's oftentimes a fair assumption. However I do think that if he failed to be straight forward with her and continued leading her on and making her think he may want a relationship, she would get hurt more in the long run than if he was just honest with her upfront.

 

Upfront dead honesty is the best way to go from the get-go when you're trying to be[or trying hard not to be] in a serious relationship just in general.

[tripsis]

Definitely agreed :P It'll keep both parties happy and make your life much easier.

[Surprise]

But upfront honesty is hard to come across, scared of hurting, damaging and lossing what they have puts a lot of people off it. Oh and the friends of the partner, both girl and boy, also hinder honesty a lot as they usually persuade them away from it.

It is usually in only very serious relationships do you get that but even then you don't always get it.

[foursideking]

But without honesty, you have a hard time finding out what you want from a relationship and if that's what your partner wants too. Lieing and bullsh't only leads to failed relationships. It's like that one saying...'You catch more butterflies with honey, and more flies with dung'

[TTanT]

So, I decided to repost this ehre from the Real life help and advice thread because I think it has mroe relvance here.

 

[hide=Long post]

So, not to drop anoher family issue here, but I'm going to drop another family issue here.

 

My girlfriend's still in a rough situation at home. I'll just give a list of the issues:

 

-Her parents are constantly disagreeing, but her mom has a bully mentality, and ratehr than challenging ehr husband, takes it out on ehr daughter.

-Her fatehr is a step father, who never really accepted her. He often falsely accuses ehr, and if she argues with him, even if she's right, she'll just be put in worse trouble.

-Her parents aren't true to their words, and will make a new rules, along with a promise then break the promise. "You can't go over to his house, but he can come over ehre once a week." I've been allowed to her house once in three plus months since then.

-Nothing she does counts. Her dad does absolutely no chores, but often screams at her if she doesn't get hers done on time. Her mom does chores, but is still nasty about her doing chores. Also, her mom or dad will happily tear up her room to look for something, then make her clean it up, or even ground her for it being messy.

-Her sisters are allowed to steal her things, and she gets screamed at if she tries to take them back. One time they got in trouble, but that was because they stole a scented hand sanitizer and made a mess with it. They were punished for making a mess.

 

Tonight she got literally screamed at for asking for a ride from a friends house. Keep in mind she'd gone over to that friend's house to help her study chemistry, and it would be a walk through a bad neighboirhood in the dark to get home. (Not to mention that she has back and knee problems, and therefore wouldn't be able to run away from someone effectively.)

 

 

So we then were ranting toe ach other about ehr aprents on Facebook chat to cheer her up. (Normally I just bury her in compliments, but this time I was more ticked off than usual.

 

Then she sends this message: "ok amber its time to get off the computer your failure of parents want to talk to you."

This message isn't in her stressed typing style, which is what she was using at the time. (It isn't her normal typing style either, mind.) Also, it sounds like something her parents would send as a message. Her parents have hacked her Facebook before.

 

Basically, due to the fact that I was railing on them, if they read that, they'll probably try to force her to break up with me. Which won't happen, but.... It'll make life really difficult.

 

Do you guys have any clue at all how to save this situation? She was already on a form of probation from me from when I stupidly gave her a hickey a few months ago. (Yes, a single hickey deserves many months of punishment according to them.)

 

OTL

[/hide]

[foursideking]

@ttant: check the help and advice thread where you first posted your thing for my answer...you deleted it after I replied...

[catie]

So, I decided to repost this ehre from the Real life help and advice thread because I think it has mroe relvance here.

 

[hide=Long post]

So, not to drop anoher family issue here, but I'm going to drop another family issue here.

 

My girlfriend's still in a rough situation at home. I'll just give a list of the issues:

 

-Her parents are constantly disagreeing, but her mom has a bully mentality, and ratHER than challenging HER husband, takes it out on HER daughter.

-Her fatHER is a step father, who never really accepted her. He often falsely accuses HER, and if she argues with him, even if she's right, she'll just be put in worse trouble.

-Her parents aren't true to their words, and will make a new rules, along with a promise then break the promise. "You can't go over to his house, but he can come over HERe once a week." I've been allowed to her house once in three plus months since then.

-Nothing she does counts. Her dad does absolutely no chores, but often screams at her if she doesn't get hers done on time. Her mom does chores, but is still nasty about her doing chores. Also, her mom or dad will happily tear up her room to look for something, then make her clean it up, or even ground her for it being messy.

-Her sisters are allowed to steal her things, and she gets screamed at if she tries to take them back. One time they got in trouble, but that was because they stole a scented hand sanitizer and made a mess with it. They were punished for making a mess.

 

Tonight she got literally screamed at for asking for a ride from a friends house. Keep in mind she'd gone over to that friend's house to help her study chemistry, and it would be a walk through a bad neighborhood in the dark to get home. (Not to mention that she has back and knee problems, and therefore wouldn't be able to run away from someone effectively.)

 

 

So we then were ranting toe ach other about HER PARENTS on Facebook chat to cheer her up. (Normally I just bury her in compliments, but this time I was more ticked off than usual.

 

Then she sends this message: "ok amber its time to get off the computer your failure of parents want to talk to you."

This message isn't in her stressed typing style, which is what she was using at the time. (It isn't her normal typing style either, mind.) Also, it sounds like something her parents would send as a message. Her parents have hacked her Facebook before.

 

Basically, due to the fact that I was railing on them, if they read that, they'll probably try to force her to break up with me. Which won't happen, but.... It'll make life really difficult.

 

Do you guys have any clue at all how to save this situation? She was already on a form of probation from me from when I stupidly gave her a hickey a few months ago. (Yes, a single hickey deserves many months of punishment according to them.)

 

OTL

[/hide]

 

 

Um, that's nothing. It sounds like she just needs to grow up and so do you.

My parents did far worse to me, and I guarantee she's doing something to provoke at least some of this seemingly over exaggerated behavior.. Her situation truly isn't that rough. Every teenager goes through something at least semi similar. Your solution is to grin and bear it until you're both 18.

Period.

(I had to correct some of the spelling here.. drove me nuts..)

[Surprise]

So, I decided to repost this ehre from the Real life help and advice thread because I think it has mroe relvance here.

 

[hide=Long post]

So, not to drop anoher family issue here, but I'm going to drop another family issue here.

 

My girlfriend's still in a rough situation at home. I'll just give a list of the issues:

 

-Her parents are constantly disagreeing, but her mom has a bully mentality, and ratHER than challenging HER husband, takes it out on HER daughter.

-Her fatHER is a step father, who never really accepted her. He often falsely accuses HER, and if she argues with him, even if she's right, she'll just be put in worse trouble.

-Her parents aren't true to their words, and will make a new rules, along with a promise then break the promise. "You can't go over to his house, but he can come over HERe once a week." I've been allowed to her house once in three plus months since then.

-Nothing she does counts. Her dad does absolutely no chores, but often screams at her if she doesn't get hers done on time. Her mom does chores, but is still nasty about her doing chores. Also, her mom or dad will happily tear up her room to look for something, then make her clean it up, or even ground her for it being messy.

-Her sisters are allowed to steal her things, and she gets screamed at if she tries to take them back. One time they got in trouble, but that was because they stole a scented hand sanitizer and made a mess with it. They were punished for making a mess.

 

Tonight she got literally screamed at for asking for a ride from a friends house. Keep in mind she'd gone over to that friend's house to help her study chemistry, and it would be a walk through a bad neighborhood in the dark to get home. (Not to mention that she has back and knee problems, and therefore wouldn't be able to run away from someone effectively.)

 

 

So we then were ranting toe ach other about HER PARENTS on Facebook chat to cheer her up. (Normally I just bury her in compliments, but this time I was more ticked off than usual.

 

Then she sends this message: "ok amber its time to get off the computer your failure of parents want to talk to you."

This message isn't in her stressed typing style, which is what she was using at the time. (It isn't her normal typing style either, mind.) Also, it sounds like something her parents would send as a message. Her parents have hacked her Facebook before.

 

Basically, due to the fact that I was railing on them, if they read that, they'll probably try to force her to break up with me. Which won't happen, but.... It'll make life really difficult.

 

Do you guys have any clue at all how to save this situation? She was already on a form of probation from me from when I stupidly gave her a hickey a few months ago. (Yes, a single hickey deserves many months of punishment according to them.)

 

OTL

[/hide]

 

 

Um, that's nothing. It sounds like she just needs to grow up and so do you.

My parents did far worse to me, and I guarantee she's doing something to provoke at least some of this seemingly over exaggerated behavior.. Her situation truly isn't that rough. Every teenager goes through something at least semi similar. Your solution is to grin and bear it until you're both 18.

Period.

(I had to correct some of the spelling here.. drove me nuts..)

 

God you're blunt Catie.

Regarding the question, you really cannot do anything without making the situation worse. As bad as this sounds, don't get involved. You will only further damage your relationship.

[Giordano]

Where you're weong Catie, is that this [cabbage] won't stop when she's 18. As long as she lives in that house, until she moves out, she will have to put up with her parents. I am not one to sit passivly through conflicts, so "Just suck it up" really irks me.

 

To give you advice Tan, I'm going to guess she already tried to 'reason' with her parents and discussing the situation. Have you ever tried talking to them about it? What would be the punishment to her if her boyfriend tried to talk about their parenting?

[foursideking]

@ttant: ever thought about getting your parents to talk to them too? Invite her parents over to dinner one night, and make sure your parents are there too. Then, excuse yourself and her from the table, and just let your parents talk to them. Chances are, they'll either agree/become friends (making it better for you), or slowly dislike eachother (which will still take the hatred off you and onto them).

[viralaether]

Oh today is a glorious day, I've gotten a date with a cute nerdy girl who tried to steal my car and drive to subway alone.

 

Now i'm the one who will drive her to subway tomorrow and all i have to ask is:

 

HOW DO I NOT SCREW THIS UP I MEAN I FREAKING PLAY RS I'M A SAD NERD

 

1: what can i order in subway to make me seem like not a froob at life? so much stuff their that is messy as hell to eat

 

2: how do i seem like a nice guy without seeming like a friend-zone nice guy?

 

3: physical contact, poking tickling or is that too far? i thought i remembered a guide on in somewhere in here

 

4: this girl loves omelets, how do i acquire a taste for eggs?

 

that is all thank you hugs and kisses

Viral Aether

[tripsis]

Well of all of the above, this one stood out to me:

 

4: this girl loves omelets, how do i acquire a taste for eggs?

 

Just because she loves omelettes does not mean you have to as well. Don't try to be exactly like her. That's boring and fake. Differences are often what make relationships interesting. And something as trivial as food preferences certainly won't make or break a relationship anyway. Besides, if you don't like omelettes and she knows that, then it will feel extra special if you go out of your way to take her to a great omelette place or make her an omelette, etc.

[Surprise]

Well of all of the above, this one stood out to me:

 

4: this girl loves omelets, how do i acquire a taste for eggs?

 

Just because she loves omelettes does not mean you have to as well. Don't try to be exactly like her. That's boring and fake. Differences are often what make relationships interesting. And something as trivial as food preferences certainly won't make or break a relationship anyway. Besides, if you don't like omelettes and she knows that, then it will feel extra special if you go out of your way to take her to a great omelette place or make her an omelette, etc.

 

Plus if she insults, criticises or just doesn't like your opinions/attitudes/likes you should move on elsewhere.

 

Basically, just be yourself and let things happen naturally. Don't force across a persona which isn't completely you.

[catie]

Where you're weong Catie, is that this [cabbage] won't stop when she's 18. As long as she lives in that house, until she moves out, she will have to put up with her parents. I am not one to sit passivly through conflicts, so "Just suck it up" really irks me.

 

To give you advice Tan, I'm going to guess she already tried to 'reason' with her parents and discussing the situation. Have you ever tried talking to them about it? What would be the punishment to her if her boyfriend tried to talk about their parenting?

kid, don't call me wrong unless you've been in that situation which i have. she can suck it up and move out like i did or she can deal with it. any "problem solving" such as talking it out will make it worse. gf.

[Surprise]

Where you're weong Catie, is that this [cabbage] won't stop when she's 18. As long as she lives in that house, until she moves out, she will have to put up with her parents. I am not one to sit passivly through conflicts, so "Just suck it up" really irks me.

 

To give you advice Tan, I'm going to guess she already tried to 'reason' with her parents and discussing the situation. Have you ever tried talking to them about it? What would be the punishment to her if her boyfriend tried to talk about their parenting?

kid, don't call me wrong unless you've been in that situation which i have. she can suck it up and move out like i did. gf.

 

Have you given a peice of constructive help/advice/criticism without insulting somebody yet? Your arrogance is becoming irritating.

[viralaether]

Well of all of the above, this one stood out to me:

 

4: this girl loves omelets, how do i acquire a taste for eggs?

 

Just because she loves omelettes does not mean you have to as well. Don't try to be exactly like her. That's boring and fake. Differences are often what make relationships interesting. And something as trivial as food preferences certainly won't make or break a relationship anyway. Besides, if you don't like omelettes and she knows that, then it will feel extra special if you go out of your way to take her to a great omelette place or make her an omelette, etc.

 

Plus if she insults, criticises or just doesn't like your opinions/attitudes/likes you should move on elsewhere.

 

Basically, just be yourself and let things happen naturally. Don't force across a persona which isn't completely you.

 

thanks guys, im not trying to be fake or anything lol (as it was i was obviously writing a somewhat comical post) ill just go with the flow and see what happens :S

[Surprise]

Well of all of the above, this one stood out to me:

 

4: this girl loves omelets, how do i acquire a taste for eggs?

 

Just because she loves omelettes does not mean you have to as well. Don't try to be exactly like her. That's boring and fake. Differences are often what make relationships interesting. And something as trivial as food preferences certainly won't make or break a relationship anyway. Besides, if you don't like omelettes and she knows that, then it will feel extra special if you go out of your way to take her to a great omelette place or make her an omelette, etc.

 

Plus if she insults, criticises or just doesn't like your opinions/attitudes/likes you should move on elsewhere.

 

Basically, just be yourself and let things happen naturally. Don't force across a persona which isn't completely you.

 

thanks guys, im not trying to be fake or anything lol (as it was i was obviously writing a somewhat comical post) ill just go with the flow and see what happens :S

 

Good luck and have fun driving to subway.

[foursideking]

@catie: I'm actually gonna have to agree with you disagreeing with giordano on this one. The girl needs lady-balls, badly kinda. Rather than move out though, she should try to confront her parents about this, and try to make herself seem independant/not needing these childlike punishments. As for the subway one, I hope it goes well, oh, and if you haven't tried it already, the footlong pizza sub is to die for...

[Orpheus]

Where you're weong Catie, is that this [cabbage] won't stop when she's 18. As long as she lives in that house, until she moves out, she will have to put up with her parents. I am not one to sit passivly through conflicts, so "Just suck it up" really irks me.

 

To give you advice Tan, I'm going to guess she already tried to 'reason' with her parents and discussing the situation. Have you ever tried talking to them about it? What would be the punishment to her if her boyfriend tried to talk about their parenting?

kid, don't call me wrong unless you've been in that situation which i have. she can suck it up and move out like i did or she can deal with it. any "problem solving" such as talking it out will make it worse. gf.

You know, you really are an arrogant b***h. And I don't think we have the entire story yet, down to the entire backstory, so I really can't say what to do to fix this. And IIRC, Giordano is legally an adult, so don't call anyone a kid if they aren't.

 

Problem solving can work, it's just difficult to really pull off correctly, as from what we've heard, TTan's girlfriend's parents aren't open to listen to reason. The odds of it working are bad enough to where it might make things worse.

[Giordano]

I was reading that post very seriously, until I read the 'gf' part. That destroyed your creditability from me completely. Troll, RuneScape lingo? Come now, it's not her fault for trying to change her parents, something you in your fictions life story, as I believe it to be, wouldn't do. Now only if you can explain why talking would make it worse ('cuz it could) I'm going to ignore that little post.

 

Parents should always treat all their kids equally, no favoritism. To make clear, equals amongst the kids...e.g Little brother should get same attention and respect as the older sister (so no one misquotes me).

 

Just a little repeat so Tan can read my post way up there he might miss:

Have you ever tried talking to them about it? What would be the punishment to her if her boyfriend tried to talk about their parenting?

[TTanT]

[hide=Well, here's an update.]

 

He parents did read our messages, and they now hate me.

So yeah, we're not allowed to hang out outside of school anymore. (Although that's easily avoided using clubs and mutual friends, luckily.)

 

But I basically am not even allowed to call her anymore. Her aprents also changed ehr Facebook password so she can't use it. (She has several other accounts, though, so....) The main problem about this is that Mid-Winter break starts this Saturday, and if it weren't for the fact that her parents don't know she can go on the internet with her Kindle, we'd be compeltely devoid of methods of communication. (I somehow doubt they'll let me call her when they're doing their best to make us break up.)

 

I've also talked to my parents about it, and they think I shouldn't apologize. Yes, I said I thought their parenting skills suck, but that was in a private conversation caused by them being total asses. And I was right about most of the things I said. Also, by spying on our conversation, they definitely commited the greater crime in my eyes.[/hide]

 

And for replies:

@catie:

Simply standing up to them won't work. For one, her parents consider any challenge to their authority to be a cardinal sin, and would severely punish her just for speaking against them. Also, she has anxiety issues and self-image problems. [Luckily, her parents have finally agreed to let her see a counselor. But regardless, standing up to them isn't really an option for her.

Oh, and as for the typoes, I'm a two finger typer, and I was in such a mood as to not want to spellcheck when I made my last post. Anyways, I've never concidered the occasional "ehre" to be a huge issue communication-wise.

 

@Giordano:

Unfortunately, her dad believes that teenagers can't make valid points. So he'd just dismiss anything I said. Also, her parents have never even made an attempt to meet mine. (Mine have made a couple of attempts, but gave up when none worked.)

 

 

Oh today is a glorious day' date=' I've gotten a date with a cute nerdy girl who tried to steal my car and drive to subway alone.

 

Now i'm the one who will drive her to subway tomorrow and all i have to ask is:

 

HOW DO I NOT SCREW THIS UP I MEAN I FREAKING PLAY RS I'M A SAD NERD

 

1: what can i order in subway to make me seem like not a froob at life? so much stuff their that is messy as hell to eat

 

2: how do i seem like a nice guy without seeming like a friend-zone nice guy?

 

3: physical contact, poking tickling or is that too far? i thought i remembered a guide on in somewhere in here

 

4: this girl loves omelets, how do i acquire a taste for eggs?

 

that is all thank you hugs and kisses

Viral Aether

[/quote']

 

Well, for one just avoid overloading your sub and don't put anything that'll make your breath smell on it. After all, bad breathe is no-one's friend. (Bring gum if you're really worried about it.)

 

As for two and three, Dan has an awesome guide in his blog, I think. But basically, be yourself, and don't show too much interest. "Push pull' as they call it. You want to be interesting especially. Don't just go on and on about something. Try to pick topics that she'll rant about, as if you listen more than talk, she should love it.

 

And it physical contact depends on you and on the girl. There're girls who'll kiss on the first date, and girls who aren't even comfortable with hugging on it. Pay attention, annd go for something small at first, and if she was fine with that, escalate. If you want anything more in-depth though, you'll have to wait for a guru to post.

[Giordano]

3: physical contact, poking tickling or is that too far? i thought i remembered a guide on in somewhere in here

This made me chuckle. That touching guide you mention was written by Dan, and I'm pretty sure he'll have sex on the first date....so there's no, going to far.

 

I found that funny, dunno if you guys did. :mellow:

 

 

Anyway...Tan I really don't know what to do. Now that they just absolutely hate you even the slightest discussion is gone. Its hard to think of logical steps against the unlogical.

 

I dunno, if I were you I would just talk to them, somehow get in their house and refuse to leave until I get some words across to them. Of course this is what I would do and not something you should do because your girlfriend is going to get seriously [bleep]ed over. But damn I really just want to jump into that house and do that for you.

[catie]

I was reading that post very seriously, until I read the 'gf' part. That destroyed your creditability from me completely. Troll, RuneScape lingo? Come now, it's not her fault for trying to change her parents, something you in your fictions life story, as I believe it to be, wouldn't do. Now only if you can explain why talking would make it worse ('cuz it could) I'm going to ignore that little post.

 

Parents should always treat all their kids equally, no favoritism. To make clear, equals amongst the kids...e.g Little brother should get same attention and respect as the older sister (so no one misquotes me).

 

Just a little repeat so Tan can read my post way up there he might miss:

Have you ever tried talking to them about it? What would be the punishment to her if her boyfriend tried to talk about their parenting?

you're all kids IMO.

18 isn't very mature.

and fictious? you wanna see the scars on my body from being beaten by my mother? or how about the police records where i ran away 3 times? or how about the hospital records from 3 suicide attempts? lol.

i know what i'm talking about.

 

haters gon' hate.

 

done with this convo; can take my advice or leave it. fact is im the only one here whos been in a situation like this girl. and mine was worse. and i dealt with it. if she cant, shes a pansy. last post here.