Granted, they just open the door and let themselves in...

 

I wish that sleep time was longer without subtracting from awake time.

Granted, you sleep for longer and stay awake for the same amount of time every day, thus screwing up your body clock and sleeping pattern to the point where you can't follow a 24 hour cycle anymore.

 

I wish my work hours meant I could get home slightly earlier.

Granted, you now get home exactly 1 minute earlier than before.

 

I wish that I had a never ending supply of perfectly cooked bacon.

Granted. You get really bored of eating bacon after a couple of days and just stop eating it.

 

I wish people had recognized my last three wishes as being from the Monkey's Paw

Granted, they all go canon on the wishes making that much more awesome, but predictable.

 

I wish that I had never used the disclaimer now while answering Tyler's monkey paw question.

Granted. It doesn't change anything about your answer, so it's still pretty lame.

 

I wish I would stop forgetting to make wishes.

Granted, you now have so many wishes you make a mega post wherein you make and grant your own wishes to speed up the process.

 

I wish that I had a lot more motivation/will power.

Granted, but you don't have the resources to complete any project.

 

I wish I knew what to wish for

Granted, the next person to post after me will wish for you.

 

I wish someone would throw a pie in my face, seems like a funny gimmick.

Granted, a cream pie filled with razors and dirty needles.

 

I wish that steph's defence level was 99.

Wow.

 

Granted but it's on my Summoning tank.

 

c:

 

I wish I had time to work on my Summoning tank.

I wish I had time to work on my Summoning tank.

Granted, but RuneScape has stopped working on your computer.  It would be about time, as that site's evil anyway. :twss:

 

 

I wish there were shorts for girls and ladies, which they could wear under their skirts, that had "If you remove this, you will die." printed on them in a very readable manner. :XD:

 

~D. V. "It would work even better in anime." Devnull

Granted, it turns out to be a quasi false label with only 1 in 10 dieing. Most take the risk anyway, therefore they stop printing the labels to save ink and it becomes a surprise to every 1 in 10.

 

I wish that DVD would make a maniacal wish.

I wish that DVD would make a maniacal wish.

<*Laughs Hard :XD: ...*> Granted, but before I can even state it, the Genie stops me and says "You're NOT breaking the fabric of reality again in such a deep manner as you have been. :shame: ... Honestly, you already break reality's fabric too much as the immortal, indestructible, infinitely-protected virtual avatar which you wander the internet as. :notalk: ..." ... Oh, and the genie glares at both me and you! :ugeek:

 

 

And so, for my next wish... I wish I could once again play some of the games that I used to around 11 years ago, on a modern computer... but they can't cause a problem, run far too fast, and/or crash due to being overly persnickety. :pray:

 

~D. V. "And yes, that's a real word!" Devnull

I just granted the opposite of this wish last page wow.

Granted, your computer is rewired to play those games at a natural speed, but now modern games run at the supernaturally fast speeds of 90s games on 2010 machines.

 

I wish I had pizza at home.

 

Granted, but it's barbecue pizza.

 

I wish I wasn't eating barbecue pizza.

 

Granted, now you're just eating barbecue sauce.

 

I wish I had something to put this barbecue sauce on.

 

Granted, yow you have some ice cream. With barbecue sauce on it.

 

I wish my ice cream didn't have barbecue sauce on it.

 

Granted. It's now pizza.

 

I wish for no more barbecue sauce.

Granted, the Genie gets angry and shouts, "NEVER FORGET TO WISH!!!!!"

 

I wish that Tyler would make a wish.

Granted.

 

I wish that Bonez had granted my final wish.

Granted. He still got to see you mess up, though.

 

I wish that I hadn't messed up and forgotten to wish.

Granted, but it wasn't very good.

 

It wasn't very good anyway. I wish that I had the best wishes.

Granted. It's a monkey's paw, so you know how that turns out.

 

I wish for world peace.

Granted. The world becomes at peace by destroying all life.

 

I wish that I wasn't dead.

Granted, you're alive, everyone else is dead.

 

I wish everyone else was alive.

Granted, you're now dead.

 

I wish everyone was alive.

Granted. Everyone from the beginning of time is alive. Most of them don't have bodies. Incorporeal consciousnesses start to emerge as ghosts.

 

I wish people could die if they want to.

Granted. That wasn't ever a thing that wasn't true.

 

Why aren't all the old people dying? I wish to know.

Granted. You know that they don't want to die. Never really did, they just weren't given the choice.

 

I wish the ghosts had their own plane of existence.

Granted. They do. It's yours.

 

I wish that they could find rest and go away!

Granted. The massive number of consciousnesses start to fade away into mental white noise.

 

I wish that- that- that I could find my daugher. What? I don't have a daughter...

Granted. She's here with you. Everyone's here with you. All of everyone who ever was and who is, and those who are becoming, are here, and there, and everywhere, vying for the space to make their voices heard millenia and generations beyond their times on earth. You're here with everyone. Maybe, Mr. Tyler, since you make the best wishes, you can confer with the rest to decide what to wish for.

 

...

 

We wish to know. What does this mean. What does everything, and what is our purpose on this world. And who are we asking but ourselves. Tell us this. Grant our wish - we wish for the meaning of life!

Granted: but you've forgotten it already.

 

I wishi didn't work so early

Granted, you now work so early that you are considered to be working late.

 

I wish that Tyler would explain himself.

Granted, you now work so early that you are considered to be working late.

 

I wish that Tyler would explain himself.

 

He does, and the explanation drives you insane

 

I wish I was a baller

Granted, you are now the best t-baller in the world. All 7 year olds bow down to your skill.

 

I wish that I could survive on much less sleep without feeling tired

I wish that I could survive on much less sleep without feeling tired

Granted, you end up never needing sleep again.  Unfortunately, you also lose your sanity and turn into a raving menace that has to be locked up in a padded room in an insane asylum. :boohoo:

 

 

I wish there was something that you could spray onto a dirty windshield, and it would keep the windshield clean forever. :wall:

 

~D. V. "...so sick of dirty windshields..." Devnull

Granted, unfortunatley this spray also eats the windshield requiring you to purchase a new one.

 

I wish that I had the will of a (minor) god.

Granted. All the major gods bully you and you end up rocking in a corner crying

 

I wish I had some plutonium

Granted, you have some plutonium for an hour, then the FBI show up.

 

I wish that I had a spork.