Its Payback Time Guys...

[sour_tacos]

You have your rules for women, we have our rules for men. :P I did not make these, I got them from http://www.brightrays.com

 

 

 

Women's Rules for Men

 

 

 

1. Call.

 

 

 

2. Don't lie.

 

 

 

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.

 

 

 

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

 

 

 

5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.

 

 

 

6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

 

 

 

7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

 

 

 

8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.

 

 

 

9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.

 

 

 

10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

 

 

 

11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass",and "[bleep]" are bad.

 

 

 

12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

 

 

 

13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

 

 

 

14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

 

 

 

15. Her cooking is excellent.

 

 

 

16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

 

 

 

17. Dishsoap is your friend.

 

 

 

18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.

 

 

 

19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.

 

 

 

20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.

 

 

 

21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

 

 

 

22. Two words: clean socks.

 

 

 

23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when ?

 

 

 

24. Burping is not sexy.

 

 

 

25. You're wrong.

 

 

 

26. You're sorry.

 

 

 

27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.

 

 

 

28. Ditto for your discourse on football.

 

 

 

29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.

 

 

 

30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.

 

 

 

31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

 

 

 

32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.

 

 

 

33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.

 

 

 

34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush, and you don't clean plaque with your tongue.

 

 

 

35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.

 

 

 

36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

 

 

 

37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

 

 

 

38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.

 

 

 

39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.

 

 

 

40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

 

 

 

41. Always, always suck up to her brother.

 

 

 

42. Think boxers.

 

 

 

43. Silk boxers.

 

 

 

44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.

 

 

 

45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.

 

 

 

46. Her haircut is never bad.

 

 

 

47. Don't let your friends pick on her.

 

 

 

48. Call.

 

 

 

49. Don't lie.

 

 

 

50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your [wagon] smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

[look_its_rob]

ill sum this up for all you guys out there.

 

 

 

1)lie

 

 

 

2)never lie!

[kido14]

ill sum this up for all you guys out there.

 

 

 

1)lie

 

 

 

2)never lie!

 

what?

[sour_tacos]

ill sum this up for all you guys out there.

 

 

 

1)lie

 

 

 

2)never lie!

 

what?

 

 

 

Thats what I was wondering...

[look_its_rob]

6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

 

 

 

7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

 

 

 

14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

 

 

 

15. Her cooking is excellent.

 

 

 

46. Her haircut is never bad.

 

 

 

 

so basicly

 

 

 

1)lie when its something bad about her.

 

 

 

2) but never lie!

[hellbellz]

31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

 

 

 

It is, Captain Obvious! Seriously. my friend's girlfriend flipped out at him last week for no reason. :|

[jokemaster]

ill sum this up for all you guys out there.

 

 

 

1)lie

 

 

 

2)never lie!

 

what?

 

 

 

Thats what I was wondering...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

wtf #-o

[Lionheart_0]

:| The guys rules for girls was more poking fun at how we act, and giving excuses. This just sounds like someone is barking orders.

 

 

 

 

 

Trust me, if half of that is true, the guy wont be around much longer.

[greenslime89]

Trust me, if half of that is true, the guy wont be around much longer.

 

 

 

To be fair, its the decent thing to do to be polite to all women, especially your girlfriend. Imagine if someone forgot your birthday. You'd be annoyed. Angry. Anniversaries are the "birth" of your relationship. It should be celebrated. Let's face it, if you can't be bothered to remember another few dates and spend maybe ÃÆââ¬Å¡Ãâã10 on chocolates and a card, what does that say about how much you care for her? It's the little things that make them feel special and you can spoil her on a few days of the year. And does it really hurt to be diplomatic about her physique? The pressure women are under these days to be thin seems to be overwhelming. Why not make her feel like she is gorgeous, if she is this is no problem but, what's wrong with a white lie to make them feel better. If you genuinely don't think she looks good and is horrible to look at, you could tell her but remember, you can only change so much about yourself.

 

 

 

And I it was poking fun at our stereotypes, so it is pretty much mimicking the guy's rules for girls.

[Lionheart_0]

[hide]

Trust me, if half of that is true, the guy wont be around much longer.

 

 

 

To be fair, its the decent thing to do to be polite to all women, especially your girlfriend. Imagine if someone forgot your birthday. You'd be annoyed. Angry. Anniversaries are the "birth" of your relationship. It should be celebrated. Let's face it, if you can't be bothered to remember another few dates and spend maybe ÃÆââ¬Å¡Ãâã10 on chocolates and a card, what does that say about how much you care for her? It's the little things that make them feel special and you can spoil her on a few days of the year. And does it really hurt to be diplomatic about her physique? The pressure women are under these days to be thin seems to be overwhelming. Why not make her feel like she is gorgeous, if she is this is no problem but, what's wrong with a white lie to make them feel better. If you genuinely don't think she looks good and is horrible to look at, you could tell her but remember, you can only change so much about yourself.

 

 

 

And I it was poking fun at our stereotypes, so it is pretty much mimicking the guy's rules for girls.

[/hide]

 

 

 

Pity what you said right there is alright, but thats not what im talking about. I'll give examples.

 

 

 

1. Call.

 

 

 

We shouldnt be told to call. If we want to call and talk, we will do so. It dosent have to be done 4 times a day though. If ya wanna talk that much, tell us to come over or you come over.

 

 

 

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.

 

 

I have no idea what this means

 

 

 

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

 

 

 

Guys night out is that, meant for the guys.

 

 

 

6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

 

 

 

Obviously, and if we say yes, its cause we are joking. Then again, like in the other thread, dont ask that question. Plus this might conflict with the no lies rule.

 

 

 

7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

 

 

 

Dont ask questions like those, k?

 

 

 

11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass",and "[bleep]" are bad.

 

 

 

This makes no sense.... if we love you, obviously we arent gonna call you bad names. Why make it a rule?

 

 

 

13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

 

 

 

Neither is an essay for a short answer question.

 

 

 

14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

 

 

 

Umm jealous much? Of course we would never say such things, but non the less....

 

 

 

20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.

 

 

Privacy is always nice.

 

 

 

21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

 

 

 

Obviously if its not yours, its someone elses, and if we love you, we wont be cheating on you.

 

 

 

24. Burping is not sexy.

 

 

 

But it is a body function. Menastrating(sp?) is not sexy either.

 

 

 

25. You're wrong.

 

 

 

26. You're sorry.

 

 

 

Thx my mistress, i know your right about everything. [/sarcasm]

 

 

 

37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

 

 

 

You're a big girl, you can drive.

 

 

 

40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

 

 

Must be feeling insecure about your relationship if you need to be told often.

 

 

 

 

 

50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your [wagon] smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

 

 

 

Dont complain about it if you want a baby. Its not like we chose not to have the baby, its just something about anatomy...

[Rebdragon]

:| The guys rules for girls was more poking fun at how we act, and giving excuses. This just sounds like someone is barking orders.

 

More or less what I was thinking. I'd like to be a good sport and say this was funny, but... eh :| .

 

 

 

Any non-super-serious ones floating around on the internet :? ?

[Necromagus]

Ok, might as well ask this here - what's with the hissy fits over the position of the toilet seat? I thought it was a stereotypical American sitcom thing, but now my housemate is asking the guys to put the seat down as well. Appearantly that half a second of movement is too much for her. She was banging on my door the other day when I had forgotten to put it down afterwards, and then she got all huffy when I asked why I shouldn't ask her to put the seat up for me.

[Ambassadar]

"Because they might fall in!"

 

 

 

That's the answer I always hear why guys should always put down the seat but girls shouldn't have to raise it back up when they are done. And then they wonder why a lot of guys don't take them seriously when they admit to having potential problems falling into toilets. :P

[Ginger_Warrior]

[hide]

[hide]

Trust me, if half of that is true, the guy wont be around much longer.

 

 

 

To be fair, its the decent thing to do to be polite to all women, especially your girlfriend. Imagine if someone forgot your birthday. You'd be annoyed. Angry. Anniversaries are the "birth" of your relationship. It should be celebrated. Let's face it, if you can't be bothered to remember another few dates and spend maybe ÃÆââ¬Å¡Ãâã10 on chocolates and a card, what does that say about how much you care for her? It's the little things that make them feel special and you can spoil her on a few days of the year. And does it really hurt to be diplomatic about her physique? The pressure women are under these days to be thin seems to be overwhelming. Why not make her feel like she is gorgeous, if she is this is no problem but, what's wrong with a white lie to make them feel better. If you genuinely don't think she looks good and is horrible to look at, you could tell her but remember, you can only change so much about yourself.

 

 

 

And I it was poking fun at our stereotypes, so it is pretty much mimicking the guy's rules for girls.

[/hide]

 

 

 

Pity what you said right there is alright, but thats not what im talking about. I'll give examples.

 

 

 

1. Call.

 

 

 

We shouldnt be told to call. If we want to call and talk, we will do so. It dosent have to be done 4 times a day though. If ya wanna talk that much, tell us to come over or you come over.

 

 

 

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.

 

 

I have no idea what this means

 

 

 

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

 

 

 

Guys night out is that, meant for the guys.

 

 

 

6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

 

 

 

Obviously, and if we say yes, its cause we are joking. Then again, like in the other thread, dont ask that question. Plus this might conflict with the no lies rule.

 

 

 

7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

 

 

 

Dont ask questions like those, k?

 

 

 

11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass",and "[bleep]" are bad.

 

 

 

This makes no sense.... if we love you, obviously we arent gonna call you bad names. Why make it a rule?

 

 

 

13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

 

 

 

Neither is an essay for a short answer question.

 

 

 

14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

 

 

 

Umm jealous much? Of course we would never say such things, but non the less....

 

 

 

20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.

 

 

Privacy is always nice.

 

 

 

21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

 

 

 

Obviously if its not yours, its someone elses, and if we love you, we wont be cheating on you.

 

 

 

24. Burping is not sexy.

 

 

 

But it is a body function. Menastrating(sp?) is not sexy either.

 

 

 

25. You're wrong.

 

 

 

26. You're sorry.

 

 

 

Thx my mistress, i know your right about everything. [/sarcasm]

 

 

 

37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

 

 

 

You're a big girl, you can drive.

 

 

 

40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

 

 

Must be feeling insecure about your relationship if you need to be told often.

 

 

 

 

 

50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your [wagon] smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

 

 

 

Dont complain about it if you want a baby. Its not like we chose not to have the baby, its just something about anatomy...

[/hide]

 

Owned, I think is the term. :P

[Tbfgraphx14]

Eh I thought this was going to be more funny and about the streotypes women make of men. But they are to confusing :|

[stan18]

[hide]

[hide]

Trust me, if half of that is true, the guy wont be around much longer.

 

 

 

To be fair, its the decent thing to do to be polite to all women, especially your girlfriend. Imagine if someone forgot your birthday. You'd be annoyed. Angry. Anniversaries are the "birth" of your relationship. It should be celebrated. Let's face it, if you can't be bothered to remember another few dates and spend maybe ÃÆââ¬Å¡Ãâã10 on chocolates and a card, what does that say about how much you care for her? It's the little things that make them feel special and you can spoil her on a few days of the year. And does it really hurt to be diplomatic about her physique? The pressure women are under these days to be thin seems to be overwhelming. Why not make her feel like she is gorgeous, if she is this is no problem but, what's wrong with a white lie to make them feel better. If you genuinely don't think she looks good and is horrible to look at, you could tell her but remember, you can only change so much about yourself.

 

 

 

And I it was poking fun at our stereotypes, so it is pretty much mimicking the guy's rules for girls.

[/hide]

 

 

 

Pity what you said right there is alright, but thats not what im talking about. I'll give examples.

 

 

 

1. Call.

 

 

 

We shouldnt be told to call. If we want to call and talk, we will do so. It dosent have to be done 4 times a day though. If ya wanna talk that much, tell us to come over or you come over.

 

 

 

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.

 

 

I have no idea what this means

 

 

 

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

 

 

 

Guys night out is that, meant for the guys.

 

 

 

6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

 

 

 

Obviously, and if we say yes, its cause we are joking. Then again, like in the other thread, dont ask that question. Plus this might conflict with the no lies rule.

 

 

 

7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

 

 

 

Dont ask questions like those, k?

 

 

 

11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass",and "[bleep]" are bad.

 

 

 

This makes no sense.... if we love you, obviously we arent gonna call you bad names. Why make it a rule?

 

 

 

13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

 

 

 

Neither is an essay for a short answer question.

 

 

 

14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

 

 

 

Umm jealous much? Of course we would never say such things, but non the less....

 

 

 

20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.

 

 

Privacy is always nice.

 

 

 

21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

 

 

 

Obviously if its not yours, its someone elses, and if we love you, we wont be cheating on you.

 

 

 

24. Burping is not sexy.

 

 

 

But it is a body function. Menastrating(sp?) is not sexy either.

 

 

 

25. You're wrong.

 

 

 

26. You're sorry.

 

 

 

Thx my mistress, i know your right about everything. [/sarcasm]

 

 

 

37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

 

 

 

You're a big girl, you can drive.

 

 

 

40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

 

 

Must be feeling insecure about your relationship if you need to be told often.

 

 

 

 

 

50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your [wagon] smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

 

 

 

Dont complain about it if you want a baby. Its not like we chose not to have the baby, its just something about anatomy...

[/hide]

 

Owned, I think is the term. :P

 

 

 

there are so many things wrong with lionheart's response

 

 

 

 

 

on topic: i like how you used the term "guys" in the title \

[shadow_00083]

You tell us not to lie, but when a girl asks us if they look fat in something, and the really do, you want us to lie about it, then yell at us for lying about it? :|

[baron8000]

You have your rules for women, we have our rules for men. :P I did not make these, I got them from http://www.brightrays.com

 

 

 

Women's Rules for Men

 

 

 

1. Call.

 

 

 

No, you call, men don't do long phone chats.

 

 

 

2. Don't lie.

 

 

 

Because women never lie.

 

 

 

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.

 

 

 

if it wasnt dull, they wouldnt have to

 

 

 

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

 

 

 

No, guys night dies if girls come, guys night includes poker, sports, or mass drinking - do not attempt to change this

 

 

 

5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.

 

 

 

incorrect - don't get caught.

 

 

 

6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

 

 

 

Kinda incongruous with "dont lie"

 

 

 

7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

 

 

 

as above

 

 

 

8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.

 

 

 

buy your own damn stuff, equal rights means equal responsibility

 

 

 

9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.

 

 

 

ok, this one i could do

 

 

 

10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

 

 

 

because women set suchhh clear boundaries

 

 

 

11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass",and "[bleep]" are bad.

 

 

 

as are slob, pig and [bleep] doesnt stop women does it

 

 

 

12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

 

 

 

1/3 of domestic abuse is started by women, not so innocent now huh

 

 

 

13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

 

 

 

it is, it means "i dont care" - and acceptable answer to ANY question

 

 

 

14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

 

 

 

see number 6

 

 

 

15. Her cooking is excellent.

 

 

 

and again

 

 

 

16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

 

 

 

I can cook, no issues here

 

 

 

17. Dishsoap is your friend.

 

 

 

Dishwasher is my best friend

 

 

 

18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.

 

 

 

personal hygiene works both ways, think hairy legs sister

 

 

 

19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.

 

 

 

Who said I was paying, equal rights remember

 

 

 

20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.

 

 

 

Privacy = nice

 

 

 

21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

 

 

 

sister who stayed/mother who left it here/aunt who visited and dropped it out her handbag, thanks for assuming im cheating [bleep]

 

 

 

22. Two words: clean socks.

 

 

 

two words, wash em

 

 

 

23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when ?

 

 

 

*doesnt get it, its late*

 

 

 

24. Burping is not sexy.

 

 

 

when your burps + farts (yes women do it to) smell like kittens and muffins then you can complain

 

 

 

25. You're wrong.

 

 

 

shut up

 

 

 

26. You're sorry.

 

 

 

your sisters more attractive, what ya gona do

 

 

 

27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.

 

 

 

that is entirely her fault and issue

 

 

 

28. Ditto for your discourse on football.

 

 

 

ditto

 

 

 

29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.

 

 

 

you will RESPECT a mans leaping skills

 

 

 

30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.

 

 

 

insecurity ftl

 

 

 

31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

 

 

 

course not, women have plenty of other pointless reasons to be mad

 

 

 

32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.

 

 

 

course it doesnt, its like the G spot, entirely invented to confuse men

 

 

 

33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.

 

 

 

and "im fine" means screw you, we get it, we just don't have the energy to care

 

 

 

34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush, and you don't clean plaque with your tongue.

 

 

 

ew, just ew *agree*

 

 

 

35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.

 

 

 

Buy her a tazer!

 

 

 

36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

 

 

 

no, but feminism is damned irritating, you scratch my back ill scratch yours

 

 

 

37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

 

 

 

as stated, you can drive right?

 

 

 

38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.

 

 

 

both answers are wrong, just stop calling

 

 

 

39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.

 

 

 

fair point

 

 

 

40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

 

 

 

shouldnt the fact we stay be enough?

 

 

 

41. Always, always suck up to her brother.

 

 

 

never, men must be competitive and angry at all times, that and your brothers a bit poncy

 

 

 

42. Think boxers.

 

 

 

And when guys suggest underwear we get called perverts, lovely

 

 

 

43. Silk boxers.

 

 

 

Think straight

 

 

 

44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.

 

 

 

we remember, we just dont care, commercialism doesn't prove love

 

 

 

45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.

 

 

 

if you dont like it, dump her!

 

 

 

46. Her haircut is never bad.

 

 

 

see no.6

 

 

 

47. Don't let your friends pick on her.

 

 

 

If you're enough of a doormat to let it happen, why are we going out with you?

 

 

 

48. Call.

 

 

 

you call, waste my credit will you

 

 

 

49. Don't lie.

 

 

 

again, no.6

 

 

 

50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your [wagon] smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

 

 

 

Boo hoo, we have to shave every day, lift heavy stuff AND find a way to fit in 8 hours of sports and beer - you try doing that. Labour happens occasionally, and you get happy gas whilst doing it, quit moaning.

 

 

 

 

 

 

ladies I assure you this is not the real me, just the most chauvinistic pigheaded arrogance I can put on :D

[Mountdoom77]

1. She's always right and you're always wrong.

 

2. Don't argue too much.

[knives669]

Ok, might as well ask this here - what's with the hissy fits over the position of the toilet seat? I thought it was a stereotypical American sitcom thing, but now my housemate is asking the guys to put the seat down as well. Appearantly that half a second of movement is too much for her. She was banging on my door the other day when I had forgotten to put it down afterwards, and then she got all huffy when I asked why I shouldn't ask her to put the seat up for me.

 

 

 

It doesn't bother me that much. But, when I really have to go, and I don't pay attention to whether or not the seat is down (because I have to go bad) and I sit down... it's... disastrous.

[johntm]

You have your rules for women, we have our rules for men. :P I did not make these, I got them from http://www.brightrays.com

 

 

 

Women's Rules for Men

 

 

 

1. Call.

 

 

 

2. Don't lie.

 

 

 

3. Never tape any of her body parts together.

 

 

 

4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.

 

 

 

5. If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.

 

 

 

6. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."

 

 

 

7. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"

 

 

 

8. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.

 

 

 

9. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.

 

 

 

10. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.

 

 

 

11. "Honey", "Darling", and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag", "Lardass",and "[bleep]" are bad.

 

 

 

12. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.

 

 

 

13. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.

 

 

 

14. None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.

 

 

 

15. Her cooking is excellent.

 

 

 

16. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.

 

 

 

17. Dishsoap is your friend.

 

 

 

18. Hat does not equal shower, aftershave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.

 

 

 

19. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.

 

 

 

20. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.

 

 

 

21. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"

 

 

 

22. Two words: clean socks.

 

 

 

23. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when ?

 

 

 

24. Burping is not sexy.

 

 

 

25. You're wrong.

 

 

 

26. You're sorry.

 

 

 

27. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.

 

 

 

28. Ditto for your discourse on football.

 

 

 

29. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.

 

 

 

30. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.

 

 

 

31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

 

 

 

32. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.

 

 

 

33. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.

 

 

 

34. "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush, and you don't clean plaque with your tongue.

 

 

 

35. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.

 

 

 

36. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.

 

 

 

37. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.

 

 

 

38. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.

 

 

 

39. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.

 

 

 

40. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.

 

 

 

41. Always, always suck up to her brother.

 

 

 

42. Think boxers.

 

 

 

43. Silk boxers.

 

 

 

44. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.

 

 

 

45. Don't try to change the way she dresses.

 

 

 

46. Her haircut is never bad.

 

 

 

47. Don't let your friends pick on her.

 

 

 

48. Call.

 

 

 

49. Don't lie.

 

 

 

50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your [wagon] smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

 

 

 

To the italic part: No way. Its not guys nite out anyway, its poker nite. :D

 

 

 

To the bold part: :(

[Giordano]

ROFL @ the guys on these forums...

 

Pretty funny to be honest. :lol: =D>

 

 

 

My favourate one!

 

50. The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room on your [wagon] smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.

[johntm]

31. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.

 

 

 

It is, Captain Obvious! Seriously. my friend's girlfriend flipped out at him last week for no reason. :|

 

 

 

I forget but whats PMS? :oops:

[johntm]

"Because they might fall in!"

 

 

 

That's the answer I always hear why guys should always put down the seat but girls shouldn't have to raise it back up when they are done. And then they wonder why a lot of guys don't take them seriously when they admit to having potential problems falling into toilets. :P

 

 

 

So, its like taking a bath in a smaller tub :)

 

 

 

Also, girls should raise the seat, some guys have bad aim(me) caused by supersized problems :D :roll:

[Ambassadar]

I forget but whats PMS? :oops:

 

 

 

Your worst nightmare. :shock:

 

 

 

lol