"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[i_love_burritos]

it's frowned upon.

Don't. Even. Think. About. It.

Don't

Highly shunned

 

Why is this so ? I mean, he's in a different group of my friends and if he sticks around, chances are I wont get with anyone. I don't mean saying [bleep] off and not talking, just quietly bailing out.

[Jakerdang]

There aren't better candidates. It's hard to explain my relationship with her. We have 95% good times and 5% bad times. It's just the bad times that hit me hard. There's just something about her and we clicked from the beginning. We are best friends. She's also just a [bleep], but who isn't? She just knows how to be one and she never loses a conflict like this because she's a [bleep] and I'm a pushover.

 

Adrenal, it's up to you what you want to do. If you want to risk losing this friend and maybe even starting a problem, go ahead. I would probably do it.

[Jeffwilson99]

Rpg, try a faux-hawk.

 

(wold post a picture, but the site uses an inappropriate hotlink blocking image)

 

Look at the 3rd guy on the page, just insted of using gel, with matte fibre or clay.

 

http://coolmenshairstyles.com/cool-mens-hairstyles-faux-hawk.html

 

EDIT: Got bored, and decided to go out so thought I'd post a picture :P

 

[hide][/hide]

 

Not that good a faux hawk, but it's put over to one side, so when I turn my head it looks better (the hair that is).

 

 

Ok, I know this is days late... but I agree with Hobgoblinpie, I didn't actually know the name for it, but it's sort of what i do with my hair sometimes.

 

 

Yeah, go ahead, rate my haircut!

[Romy]

There aren't better candidates. It's hard to explain my relationship with her. We have 95% good times and 5% bad times. It's just the bad times that hit me hard. There's just something about her and we clicked from the beginning. We are best friends. She's also just a [bleep], but who isn't? She just knows how to be one and she never loses a conflict like this because she's a [bleep] and I'm a pushover.

 

You're now justifying continuation of these relations you have with her, both to us and to yourself.

 

I used to have a male best friend. We've been best friends since the beginning of our teenage lives.

I clearly recall something I said when we talked once. I don't remember what the conversation was about, but I was crying my eyes out (it was very emotional), and said that I could never live if I didn't have him by my side.

 

 

That was about 3 years ago, and today we barely talk, and haven't seen each other for atleast a year and a half. I know I don't have a problem with it, and I doubt he does.

 

Moral of the story- It seems like you can't let go of it, like you could never live without her, etc, etc. That's wrong down to it's root. Trust me when I say this: It's extremely probable that she won't be your best friend for your entire life, or even for the next few years, and you'll be glad to know - you won't care.

[Jakerdang]

I care NOW though. I've been stressed from school, other personal problems, and family for the past year and a half and she's always been there to boost my morale, whether she knew she was making me happy or not.

[sarg1010]

Make her prove to you that you are her "best friend". Stop talking to her, stop spending money on her, just stop. FORCE yourself to stop, or get someone else to. You are only hurting yourself if you keep doing this. If she really does need you as a best friend, she will show it. Ask friends to take you out to find a new girl to hang out with. Just do SOMETHING that doesn't involve her.

[Romy]

I care NOW though. I've been stressed from school, other personal problems, and family for the past year and a half and she's always been there to boost my morale, whether she knew she was making me happy or not.

 

I realize this is hard, but the best you can do is ignore your feelings and let it go. If you're important to her - she'll chase your. If not, you're better off without her.

 

 

 

Be prepared for intense emotional conditions, and force yourself to go against it.

[Jakerdang]

I don't do anything that doesn't involve her though haha. My friends don't even know girls, they can't help me in that department. Honestly, I haven't met a new girl since February, and she turned out to be a total loser. I suppose I could focus more for the end of the school year, or maybe even re-strengthen some friendships that have been slipping away over time.

 

Jeffwilson99, I like the hair. If my hair was obedient, that's pretty much what I would do with it.

[Romy]

Find a hobby, or anything else that would stop you from calling her, talking to her, or meeting her.

 

 

If she calls, act indifferent towards her and the coversation, and respond with short, "dumb" answers.

[Jakerdang]

Yeah I understand, it's just tough, but oh well.

[BlindBaker]

I know it's been said already, but if you have some really good guy friends, hanging out with them and talking to them really helps a lot. I have two good friends who I know I can talk to about anything, and usually they're going through something similar. It's good to know you're not alone.

[Jakerdang]

I WOULD talk to some of my other friends, but quite frankly I'm sick of MOST of my friends that I can hang out with, and the ones that I actually do like are way less..involved with girls, shall I say, so they are virtually never connecting with me when it comes to the female sex.

[Amaranth_GTO]

Jaker, I know how you feel. I'm going through a similar situation right now. I know it sucks, I know it's hard, but you need to stop. Face it, she's treating you pretty bad. Ditching you for her boyfriend, that can be expected. But having you there just to hold her things and buy you stuff, sounds like she's taking advantage of you. I know I probably sound like an ass, and I'm sorry for that, but I don't want you (or anyone else) to keep getting hurt. Leave her alone for a bit. If she cares about you, she'll approach you. If not... then I guess you found out she wasn't who you thought she was.

That being said, a good way to get over her would be to go out. Meet new people, make new friends, strengthen older friendships, go out with those people... Just don't do anything with her. And if for any reason you do, slap yourself and then remind yourself not to buy her stuff and carry all her junk. Best of luck :thumbup:

[Jakerdang]

Thanks, but I'm trying to say that wasn't her intent to invite me. She lied and said her boyfriend wasn't coming so I would come. I'm just pissed because if she was gonna lie to me so she could see me (or at least I would think that's why she would invite me) , she could have AT LEAST treat me, you know, a wee bit better than she did. I don't get her. It's hard to explain to you guys because she's a really weird person. It's like having to summarize a book written in a different language.

[sarg1010]

So then confront her about it. Ask her why she did that. That or just stop caring altogether and find someone new. She didn't treat you well that day, it's time to MOVE ON. Use the fact that she didn't treat you right as motivation.

[Jakerdang]

I'm a very very sentimental person, it's extra hard for me to move on, especially for something this small. She could do a lot worse to me. A lot worse. And we have been throwing little comments at each other since then and I don't know if now is the best time to get all heart to heart with her. I think I'll let my temper calm down and decide how I should pursue fixing this problem then.

[Romy]

So then confront her about it. Ask her why she did that.

 

I don't think that's a good idea. From her view point, it'd just be clingish, and I doubt Jaker would like her response. It will also slow down the process of "emotional detachment". He really shouldn't worry about that part, only go ahead and try to move on, which will again either strengthen their relations, or prove she's not the person he thinks she is.

[Jakerdang]

Yeah, I'm already too attached to her enough, and she knows I'm too attached. I don't want to totally leave her. I just need a solution to fix this and make sure she stops being a [bleep] at random times and appreciate all the [cabbage] I do for her. And, I'll tell you guys, I do a lot of [cabbage] for her.

[Scorcheddd]

Yeah, I'm already too attached to her enough, and she knows I'm too attached. I don't want to totally leave her. I just need a solution to fix this and make sure she stops being a [bleep] at random times and appreciate all the [cabbage] I do for her. And, I'll tell you guys, I do a lot of [cabbage] for her.

 

 

Cave man her for a week. Shoot for just a week. When she talks to you, drop the conversation randomly over text and etc. Be really bored with her in person. See what she's like after a week.

[Jakerdang]

I HOPE that works, the only thing that could go wrong with that is her thinking, "Wow, he's such a jerk, he never talks to me. Oh well, I'll just go make out with my boyfriend more." Then I cave-in and then I have to listen to her go on about making out with her boyfriend all the time. God..I hate fifteen year old girls..

[rangeor]

I'm a very very sentimental person, it's extra hard for me to move on, especially for something this small. She could do a lot worse to me. A lot worse.

All the more reason to end it now, before it becomes even more painful.

 

God..I hate fifteen year old girls..

From my experiences, that's when they're the worst... Most of my classes are with 17-18 year olds, but I have a group of 15-16 year olds in one of my courses. Damn, some of the stories I accidentally overhear are ridiculously evil. This is serious emotional bullying they're doing, and it kind of pisses me off, but also makes me glad a heartbreak over the summer after freshman year, pretty much causing me to be an outcast my entire sophomore year. It's strange; nearly everyone I talk to seems to agree that sophomore year, or ages 15-16, is where people tend to be the most perverted/malicious... must be when hormones tend to peak for teenagers, or whatever.

 

Anyways, I also went through a similar situation and I'd also like to say you should end it now, for a long time. She's taking advantage of your kindness and she knows it. I had the same thing happen to me when I was about your age, I ended up getting into a rather immature fight over it and lost two of my best friends, haven't talked to either in nearly two years, and am very happy I still don't talk to them. It was difficult at first, yeah, but time is really the only way to heal these types of wounds.

 

A wise man once said you are the average of your five closest friends and yourself. Ask yourself, would you like 1/6th of your personality to be influenced by her? Judging by the information you gave us about her in your posts, you definitely do NOT want that. I'd recommend you find a few people you look up to in your classes (funny people, smart people, talented people, etc.) and ask them something like, "Hey, I've been having some girl trouble lately that's really been bringing me down, and I could really use a new friend. Would you mind helping me out?" Any guy worth being a friend would say yes in a heartbeat.

[Jakerdang]

Her arrogance and [bleep]iness comes in waves. MOST of the time she is wonderful. It seems whenever we hang out in person, stuff goes sour. It's MY fault though, if I would be a good little boy and not whine and get jealous or whatever because I don't have a girlfriend or whatever, we wouldn't have any problems. and I go to a real small school. There's about 90 kids in every grade, and the popular, smart, attractive people get turned into [bleep] and douches by upper class-men, it's hard to look up to anyone here. I

[Furah]

Her arrogance and [bleep]iness comes in waves. MOST of the time she is wonderful. It seems whenever we hang out in person, stuff goes sour. It's MY fault though, if I would be a good little boy and not whine and get jealous or whatever because I don't have a girlfriend or whatever, we wouldn't have any problems. and I go to a real small school. There's about 90 kids in every grade, and the popular, smart, attractive people get turned into [bleep] and douches by upper class-men, it's hard to look up to anyone here. I

Man you're getting played, hard. I had a girl playing me hard and one day I stopped talking to her whatsoever. Fast forward 6 months and we're friends again, but she doesn't rely on me to do what she wants and I'm hanging out with far more girls. :thumbsup:

[Jakerdang]

She doesn't limit or restrict me. I can do whatever I like. She tries to protect me and stuff, she really isn't that bad of a friend. It's just phases like this where everything is wrong is what really really bothers me, and I really don't get why it happens.

[Omar]

IMO jake, you need to start feeling good about yourself, stop thinking she's the only girl for you, and stop thinking you're the only guy for her.

It sounds like you feel insecure about how attractive you are. I think you should go to a bunch of parties and flirt with a lot of girls. If you're successful, your self-esteem will rise. If not, you can improve, and then your self esteem will rise. And maybe you'll find a cute one you'll want to stick with. I know what it's like, there's about 40 girls in my grade. Look outside, there's girls in most schools.