"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[ElkNight]

What was inside?

[Sam]

What?

[Omar]

You know, a Howler. Like in Harry Potter. The envelopes that yell at you.

[Tim]

I almost fell off the chair laughing at what that might look like with sam. XD

[Sam]

It was a letter telling me she doesn't know what she's feeling at the moment. She asked me "what is this feeling i'm feeling? <3? </3?"

[Ginger_Warrior]

Well if she doesn't know, how the hell are you meant to? Moreover, why does it matter to you - you're not in a relationship any more and this friendship is becoming more tenuous everyday by the sounds of things. Completely unfair question to burden someone else with.

 

You need to be assertive and tell her where you stand, it's only fair for the both of you. She's not letting you move on and if you cave in she'll just keep doing it. Even if it means completely ignoring her, she needs to get the message that at the very most, you and her are no different to any other guy-girl friendship now that you've split up.

[ElkNight]

Well if she doesn't know, how the hell are you meant to? Moreover, why does it matter to you - you're not in a relationship any more and this friendship is becoming more tenuous everyday by the sounds of things. Completely unfair question to burden someone else with.

 

You need to be assertive and tell her where you stand, it's only fair for the both of you. She's not letting you move on and if you cave in she'll just keep doing it. Even if it means completely ignoring her, she needs to get the message that at the very most, you and her are no different to any other guy-girl friendship now that you've split up.

I completely agree with this.

[Sam]

I've thought i'll say this to her soon -

 

"You mean so much to me, and I love you. I don't want to be in another relationship with you if you're just going to drop me again, when it suits you. We sort our doubts and feelings out together, not bottling up these feelings until you can't take them anymore"

[i_love_burritos]

[spoiler=Read at your own risk][spoiler=Seriously... read at your own risk][spoiler=ok, here it is]http://www.blackdragonsystem.com/uploads/3/9/7/2/3972480/why_long_term_monogamy_doesnt_work.pdf

 

 

 

For some reason I can't stop laughing at the fact that it was written by someone who calls himself "TheBlackdragon". Not attacking you or what he wrote, but I find it hilarious.

[Jeffwilson99]

[spoiler=Read at your own risk][spoiler=Seriously... read at your own risk][spoiler=ok, here it is]http://www.blackdragonsystem.com/uploads/3/9/7/2/3972480/why_long_term_monogamy_doesnt_work.pdf

 

 

 

For some reason I can't stop laughing at the fact that it was written by someone who calls himself "TheBlackdragon". Not attacking you or what he wrote, but I find it hilarious.

 

I'm still reading this, but I'm not so sure of it at the moment. The guy seems to have some good ideas, but he writing style is not so academic. Like when he claims we're wired to get bored with our partners, he tells us with his reasoning why he thinks that is, but has no other sources to support this. So I'm not really sure how much wider reading he's done. Plus, he starts referring to early humans as "cave men", which is pretty unacademic :shame:

[Iamdan]

I kinda prefer it when people don't write like they use the word of the day iphone app. It's a bit rough around the edges but what he says is true. We've known it for a long time but people still stick to their Disney love story dreams. It's a shame monogamy is so imbedded into our culture.

[The Observer]

It's because of religious influence. No one can deny the effect religion has had over the past few centuries.

 

Note: I'm not bashing religion at all, I'm just saying that religion has been one of the main factors pushing monogamy.

[Sam]

I've thought i'll say this to her soon -

 

"You mean so much to me, and I love you. I don't want to be in another relationship with you if you're just going to drop me again, when it suits you. We sort our doubts and feelings out together, not bottling up these feelings until you can't take them anymore"

 

screw that, this is what I will say. I believe this will make me seeem more assertive, which I want to be;

 

"You need to make your mind up. I'm growing tired of waiting around for you Ellen - I love you, but I don't want to be breaking up with you all the time.

 

We obviously have feelings for eachother - strong feelings - those are the feelings that matter. Every relationship has problems, which is why we sort them out together. If you have any doubts, I insist you tell me right away, not a month after.

 

We need to remember what we mean to eachother"

[Guest Rob]

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[ElkNight]

How long did you two go out?

[Ginger_Warrior]

Sounds good Sam. End of the day all you're wanting is a straight yes or no answer. You've made your position clear and she needs to do the same, and if she needs time to think that answer through then she needs to accept that stringing you along isn't going to help matters and isn't really fair on you.y

 

@ Rob: How long were you going out, how/why did you break up and what've you tried doing since to help get over her?

[Guest Rob]

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[Omar]

We dated exactly one week shy of four months (I had liked her for about 8 months prior to going out with her). I've tried to force myself to get over her, and to try to meet someone new to take her spot. She broke up with me by saying her feelings had changed and that she wasn't ready for a boyfriend, but she later said she still liked me and we could have a shot again in the near future now once she figured herself out. She currently has a boyfriend of about 2 and a half months.

What do you do in your free time? How are the lyrics going?

[Guest Rob]

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[Ginger_Warrior]

20lbs over four weeks is a lot, about twice as much as is normal for healthy weight loss. I'm guessing you just lost your appetite at the time? Must have been stressful.

 

How about friends in general? Is there anything you do in terms of socialising to help keep your mind off things?

[Iamdan]

In my experience, the quickest ways to get over a girl is to gftog, or at least flirt with them, and take up a hobby. The more you distract yourself the less you think about her. Also, don't hang out with her or even talk to her because that is the best way to not get over someone.

[Guest Rob]

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[ElkNight]

Well, there's your problem.

If you keep talking to her for hours everyday you aren't going to get over her anytime soon.

[Guest Rob]

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[Range_This11]

I said this earlier in the thread, but couples that have a serious relationship (which is what it sounds like it was in your case) have troubles remaining friends after a breakup. The feelings you have for her are probably not friendship feelings at this point if I'm reading you correctly. If you want to become friends with her in the true definition of the word, I think you need to spend some time away from her.

 

There is an analogy I've always lived by when it comes to relationships and goes something like this: Ending a relationship is like getting cut with a knife. It can happen one of two ways. On one hand, you can use a sharp knife that cuts deeply and painfully. Despite how badly it hurts, it is a clean cut and with the correct care, it will slowly heal. On the other hand, you can use a rusty dull knife that still cuts just as deeply and painfully as the sharp knife. In this instance, though, you do not treat your cut well. It isn't bandaged or cared for at all. It gets infected, festers, and remains painful for much, much longer than a clean cut would. I'm sure you can guess which decision is which at this point.

 

The moral of the story? It [bleep]ing hurts to get broken up with, sometimes for a very long time--I've been there myself--and it's something you'll always carry with you, just like a scar. Learn from it and move on. If the relationship is really meant to work, it will work itself out. Time and space are your best friends. Use them to better yourself and you'll come out better than you started.

 

Wow. I just rambled. :unsure: