"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[muggiwhplar]

So my friend is in quite the pickle. Him and his girlfriend have been fighting this entire weekend. About shit i'm not 100% sure of. But as far as i could make out, she's been talking to this guy on whatsapp a lot. Like a lot. It's nothing weird, he was just asking her relationship advice. He's engaged to get married to a girl he's never met, and he wanted advice. Or something like that. Apparently my friend went through her phone, because he suspected something. He found their message log (this is how he knows about it). She sent him 3 pictures of herself. Again, nothing crazy, just pictures showing the guy her different hairstyles over the past few months. But either way, i personally find it quite inappropriate to do what she was doing while you're in a relationship.

 

So last night we went out for a few drinks. My, my girlfriend, him and his girlfriend. She got a bit drunk and started talking to my girlfriend about her and her boyfriend. She was telling her about how she would never have the passion for him that she had for her ex. But he takes good care of her, and hes a good provider. And she loves that about him. She said something along the lines of "When we're in bed together the fact that he takes care of me so well turns me on. Security is a big thing to me". Something like that, i'm not 100% sure about what exactly she said.

 

Now she's known to say and do a few stupid things when she's drunk. So i told my friend that personally i wouldn't react on it straight away, i'd "confront" her about what she said first. Try and find out exactly what's going on. But chances are that's how she really feels. In which case it's probably in his best interest to break up with her. 

She's not going to leave him, because he's a good provider. But he might have to live with knowing she's never going to love him the way he loves her. Or maybe, eventually, she might. But is he willing to take that sort of risk?

 

What would you guys do in a situation like this?

 

I left out a lot of detail, just because i don't know the story 100%, but this is more or less the gist. 

 

he should dump her asap because that wouldn't happen if it was polyamory :thumbup:

 

sounds like your friend's just boring her though. women love attention so that other guy she's talking to is just giving her free attention. that guy's probably in her friendzone anyway though so he probably shouldn't feel threatened by him (and he shouldn't be going through her message log either; two wrongs don't make a right).

 

and no I doubt she'll ever love him as much as she did her ex if she doesn't right now. passion rarely increases over the course of the relationship; it just starts out strong and then gradually fizzles out. this is why people allow themselves to remain in shitty relationships; because they have this false hope that eventually it'll somehow get better... and it never does

[RpgGamer]

[bleep] relationships and feelings man. I shoulda just stuck to being single and modestly happy

[Noxx]

Okay so he talked to her. She claims that my girlfriend is lying or she misunderstood what she was told. So i'm thinking that either his girlfriend is lying, or she was actually too drunk to realise what she was saying. I think it might be a combination of both. Funny thing is, he told me when he went over to talk to her today she made him out to be the criminal. Like he should have never believed anything anyone told him. That she loves him, and she's happy with him, etc. If she wasn't she wouldn't be with him. I don't know. I told him to do what he feels is right. He's confused right now. I guess it's understandable. I'd give it a week or two and see how things are then. Perhaps things might be different.

I actually told a friend of mine about this and he was saying that if you want to have a health relationship you need to learn how to deal with the things that annoy you, not change them. If you don't like her texting other people like that, then tell her it upsets you. But don't ask her to change. Because you're going to ask her to change, and she'll go back to doing the exact same thing once the two of you are comfortable again. I think it was solid advice. Don't try and change it, tell her how it makes you feel and if she wants to change it then she will. If she doesn't change it, obviously she doesn't care as much as you thought she did. And if that is the case, the answer should be very clear. 

[RpgGamer]

Pretty solid yeah, I dont think anyone's had a good time when someone is trying to change the other directly

[Nexaduro]

So that relationship thing, right?

 

That worked out.

 

Still can't believe I have a girlfriend though.

[The_Gabe]

So that relationship thing, right?

 

That worked out.

 

Still can't believe I have a girlfriend though.

I remember the feeling. It's a nice feeling.

[Sir_Squab]

So my friend is in quite the pickle. Him and his girlfriend have been fighting this entire weekend. About shit i'm not 100% sure of. But as far as i could make out, she's been talking to this guy on whatsapp a lot. Like a lot. It's nothing weird, he was just asking her relationship advice. He's engaged to get married to a girl he's never met, and he wanted advice. Or something like that. Apparently my friend went through her phone, because he suspected something. He found their message log (this is how he knows about it). She sent him 3 pictures of herself. Again, nothing crazy, just pictures showing the guy her different hairstyles over the past few months. But either way, i personally find it quite inappropriate to do what she was doing while you're in a relationship.

 

So last night we went out for a few drinks. My, my girlfriend, him and his girlfriend. She got a bit drunk and started talking to my girlfriend about her and her boyfriend. She was telling her about how she would never have the passion for him that she had for her ex. But he takes good care of her, and hes a good provider. And she loves that about him. She said something along the lines of "When we're in bed together the fact that he takes care of me so well turns me on. Security is a big thing to me". Something like that, i'm not 100% sure about what exactly she said.

 

Now she's known to say and do a few stupid things when she's drunk. So i told my friend that personally i wouldn't react on it straight away, i'd "confront" her about what she said first. Try and find out exactly what's going on. But chances are that's how she really feels. In which case it's probably in his best interest to break up with her. 

She's not going to leave him, because he's a good provider. But he might have to live with knowing she's never going to love him the way he loves her. Or maybe, eventually, she might. But is he willing to take that sort of risk?

 

What would you guys do in a situation like this?

 

I left out a lot of detail, just because i don't know the story 100%, but this is more or less the gist. 

 

Am I the only person who seems absolutely nothing wrong with her talking to this guy? She's talking to him via a purely electronic medium without (at least what it looks like from what I read) any romantic or sexual subtext to it. Even if you do believe 100% in monogamy (which, for the record, is my personal choice) I see nothing wrong with someone having friends of the opposite sex, so long as they are just friends.

[RpgGamer]

People of opposite genders can never be real friends. Unless there's a crazy circumstance of being raised as brother and sister or something

[Noxx]

 

So my friend is in quite the pickle. Him and his girlfriend have been fighting this entire weekend. About shit i'm not 100% sure of. But as far as i could make out, she's been talking to this guy on whatsapp a lot. Like a lot. It's nothing weird, he was just asking her relationship advice. He's engaged to get married to a girl he's never met, and he wanted advice. Or something like that. Apparently my friend went through her phone, because he suspected something. He found their message log (this is how he knows about it). She sent him 3 pictures of herself. Again, nothing crazy, just pictures showing the guy her different hairstyles over the past few months. But either way, i personally find it quite inappropriate to do what she was doing while you're in a relationship.

 

So last night we went out for a few drinks. My, my girlfriend, him and his girlfriend. She got a bit drunk and started talking to my girlfriend about her and her boyfriend. She was telling her about how she would never have the passion for him that she had for her ex. But he takes good care of her, and hes a good provider. And she loves that about him. She said something along the lines of "When we're in bed together the fact that he takes care of me so well turns me on. Security is a big thing to me". Something like that, i'm not 100% sure about what exactly she said.

 

Now she's known to say and do a few stupid things when she's drunk. So i told my friend that personally i wouldn't react on it straight away, i'd "confront" her about what she said first. Try and find out exactly what's going on. But chances are that's how she really feels. In which case it's probably in his best interest to break up with her. 

She's not going to leave him, because he's a good provider. But he might have to live with knowing she's never going to love him the way he loves her. Or maybe, eventually, she might. But is he willing to take that sort of risk?

 

What would you guys do in a situation like this?

 

I left out a lot of detail, just because i don't know the story 100%, but this is more or less the gist. 

 

Am I the only person who seems absolutely nothing wrong with her talking to this guy? She's talking to him via a purely electronic medium without (at least what it looks like from what I read) any romantic or sexual subtext to it. Even if you do believe 100% in monogamy (which, for the record, is my personal choice) I see nothing wrong with someone having friends of the opposite sex, so long as they are just friends.

 

I think the issue was how much they were talking, and that it would be at strange hours. Like she was telling me they would be talking till like 3am, or he would be calling her at 3am, ect. I don't know if that's really appropriate. I don't know how i would feel about that.

[muggiwhplar]

People of opposite genders can never be real friends. Unless there's a crazy circumstance of being raised as brother and sister or something

 

I partially agree... I'd say that people of opposite genders can only be real friends as long as you're sleeping with them (unless both of you are genuinely unattracted to each other permanently for whatever reason)

[Bonez899]

 

I think the issue was how much they were talking, and that it would be at strange hours. Like she was telling me they would be talking till like 3am, or he would be calling her at 3am, ect. I don't know if that's really appropriate. I don't know how i would feel about that.*SNIP*

 

 

I think the biggest issue on this topic is just the difference between countries/cultures. From where I'm standing I see little wrong with it, but from where Noxx is standing, even if he is progressive, he lives in a country where not to long ago a cultural norm would have been needing a family member in the room for a women to date.

(sorry if I am completely off centre but am using general knowledge of similiar, but hardcore, countries in that region and presuming Qatar is much more progressive)

[Noxx]

 

 

 

I think the issue was how much they were talking, and that it would be at strange hours. Like she was telling me they would be talking till like 3am, or he would be calling her at 3am, ect. I don't know if that's really appropriate. I don't know how i would feel about that.*SNIP*

 

 

I think the biggest issue on this topic is just the difference between countries/cultures. From where I'm standing I see little wrong with it, but from where Noxx is standing, even if he is progressive, he lives in a country where not to long ago a cultural norm would have been needing a family member in the room for a women to date.

(sorry if I am completely off centre but am using general knowledge of similiar, but hardcore, countries in that region and presuming Qatar is much more progressive)

 

Well i'm South African so that doesn't really apply to me. But i guess i consider myself a semi-conservative person. I wouldn't like my wife talking to some guy at like 3 am, whether it's by phone or text. I just don't think that it's an appropriate time. Personally i feel her talking to him probably isn't the biggest issue, the picture sending probably isn't bad either (i'm sure theres a reason for it), it's just the time that would be a bit of an issue for me.

Also, apparently this guy owed her money from one night they went out and she had to pay for him to get into the club. He came to her house to give her the money back. Again, he chose to do it at 2am or something. he showed up without the money and she had to drive to the ATM with him to go get it. I just feel like these are the kind of things you don't do with a guy and then "hide" it from your boyfriend. She basically told him that he brought her the money at 2am. She didn't tell him she had to drive with him to go get it. She was being dishonest and sneaky about a few things the past week or two, ever since she and this guy started talking more often. 

[RpgGamer]

She's either terrified of your buddy, or totally banging that other guy, let's be real

[Bonez899]

 

Also, apparently this guy owed her money from one night they went out and she had to pay for him to get into the club. He came to her house to give her the money back. Again, he chose to do it at 2am or something. he showed up without the money and she had to drive to the ATM with him to go get it. I just feel like these are the kind of things you don't do with a guy and then "hide" it from your boyfriend. She basically told him that he brought her the money at 2am. She didn't tell him she had to drive with him to go get it. She was being dishonest and sneaky about a few things the past week or two, ever since she and this guy started talking more often. 

 

 

She's either terrified of your buddy, or totally banging that other guy, let's be real

This.

[Sir_Squab]

 

People of opposite genders can never be real friends. Unless there's a crazy circumstance of being raised as brother and sister or something

 

I partially agree... I'd say that people of opposite genders can only be real friends as long as you're sleeping with them (unless both of you are genuinely unattracted to each other permanently for whatever reason)

 

 

Hmm. Generally, I think it's easier for girls to view guys as just friends whereas guys have trouble viewing a girl as just a friend. Which is where the friendzone comes from.

 

I have a good female friend I met in highschool; we're just friends and we're only ever going to be just friends. A huge part of this, however, is how in highschool she had both of us convinced she was asexual...

 

It doesn't make sense to me that people of opposite genders can only be real friends as long as you're sleeping with them though. My limited understand on this subject has led me to the viewpoint that, well, the human brain is almost incapable of treating sex as just sex. (Especially for both parties to treat it as such.) Sex changes the dynamics of the relationship.

 

@Noxx: Your second explanation of the situation gives a very, very different sounding story then the first.

[muggiwhplar]

 

 

People of opposite genders can never be real friends. Unless there's a crazy circumstance of being raised as brother and sister or something

 

I partially agree... I'd say that people of opposite genders can only be real friends as long as you're sleeping with them (unless both of you are genuinely unattracted to each other permanently for whatever reason)

 

 

Hmm. Generally, I think it's easier for girls to view guys as just friends whereas guys have trouble viewing a girl as just a friend. Which is where the friendzone comes from.

 

I have a good female friend I met in highschool; we're just friends and we're only ever going to be just friends. A huge part of this, however, is how in highschool she had both of us convinced she was asexual...

 

It doesn't make sense to me that people of opposite genders can only be real friends as long as you're sleeping with them though. My limited understand on this subject has led me to the viewpoint that, well, the human brain is almost incapable of treating sex as just sex. (Especially for both parties to treat it as such.) Sex changes the dynamics of the relationship.

 

@Noxx: Your second explanation of the situation gives a very, very different sounding story then the first.

 

 

It's mostly a matter of perspectives. When I was younger, sex and love were the same thing. Now that I'm older, I understand that they're two completely different things. But not all of the women I date have made that distinction :P

[Hedgehog]

 

 

People of opposite genders can never be real friends. Unless there's a crazy circumstance of being raised as brother and sister or something

 

I partially agree... I'd say that people of opposite genders can only be real friends as long as you're sleeping with them (unless both of you are genuinely unattracted to each other permanently for whatever reason)

 

 

Hmm. Generally, I think it's easier for girls to view guys as just friends whereas guys have trouble viewing a girl as just a friend. Which is where the friendzone comes from.

 

I have a good female friend I met in highschool; we're just friends and we're only ever going to be just friends. A huge part of this, however, is how in highschool she had both of us convinced she was asexual...

 

It doesn't make sense to me that people of opposite genders can only be real friends as long as you're sleeping with them though. My limited understand on this subject has led me to the viewpoint that, well, the human brain is almost incapable of treating sex as just sex. (Especially for both parties to treat it as such.) Sex changes the dynamics of the relationship.

 

@Noxx: Your second explanation of the situation gives a very, very different sounding story then the first.

 

The friendzone doesn't come from girls becoming friends with the guy. It comes from the guy not asking her out or not respecting her decision when she rejects him.

[Kalphite]

 

 

Also, apparently this guy owed her money from one night they went out and she had to pay for him to get into the club. He came to her house to give her the money back. Again, he chose to do it at 2am or something. he showed up without the money and she had to drive to the ATM with him to go get it. I just feel like these are the kind of things you don't do with a guy and then "hide" it from your boyfriend. She basically told him that he brought her the money at 2am. She didn't tell him she had to drive with him to go get it. She was being dishonest and sneaky about a few things the past week or two, ever since she and this guy started talking more often. 

 

 

She's either terrified of your buddy, or totally banging that other guy, let's be real

This.

 

 

Or the guy is just friendzoned as [bleep]. been there.

 

And I wouldn't say it's from not respecting the decision. If they were friends before he could be legitimately trying to avoid losing the friendship, thinking that somehow putting up with constantly being around someone you're ridiculously attracted to that will never reciprocate your feelings no matter how much you say you care about each other is more worthwhile than breaking the relationship off. Been there too.

 

Anyways the date was today, it went... alright. I don't know. We met at a bubble tea place and talked for an hour. We have the same major except I'm a year ahead of her, and while I thought that would be a good thing it ended up being a negative as she found a way to bring anything we discussed back to talking about homework. It was mostly pleasant I guess but I didn't really feel like it accomplished much, nor do I really have any eager desire to go out of my way to talk to her again. Mnleh. There wasn't any physical contact whatsoever but it just felt weird when she made half of the conversation into class advice and I couldn't really think of better ways to push the conversation. At least it's experience though I guess.

 

Anyways I have another date with another girl doing the same thing next week now lol. Any advice for avoiding something similar happening again? This girl is in a complete polar opposite field of study which I think will be good because it'll avoid all that weird homework talk but at the same time I could use the advice on keeping the conversation flowing/how to not make it get stuck in utterly uninteresting ruts. Also I'm not sure how to handle the fact that the date we scheduled isn't for another 9 days lol.

[Low Levelled]

I know BD suggests you have several stories (lack of a better term) ready at all times for a first date. Just things to keep the conversations flowing and to make you sound like an interesting guy. Muggi will probably be able to elaborate on this.

[muggiwhplar]

@Kalphite just keep asking open-ended questions (questions which aren't yes/no questions) and start holding her hand about 15-20 minutes into the date. Most girls have jewelry on their hands so if the thought of touching a girl scares the shit out of you because you're afraid of coming off as creepy or something, then you can just grab her hand and say "what's that ring?" or something and get her talking about that while you hold on to her hand. Then when you get comfortable doing this, you can start grabbing her hand naturally as if it's no big deal and keep the conversation going.

 

Like I said, the first time I tried grabbing a girl's hand I accidentally knocked her beer over. Smooth. But that date also ended with her saying, "I would love it if we could hang out again soon" and then her blowing up my phone the next day. The second time I did it, my hands were freezing cold from holding on to my girly ice cold starbucks drink and the girl was like "WHAT THE [bleep] YOUR HANDS ARE SO COLD." And then she texted me as soon as the date was over, wanting to hang out again so she came over to my place the following night :P

 

@Low no I don't really have any prepared stories, though I should :P It's really easy for me to make girls laugh so if I have to talk and I can't just respond with a brief answer, I'll say something to make her laugh instead before shifting the conversation back to her

[RpgGamer]

First Date Discussion

Touch early, touch often. The consequence of not doing so is a boring as hell dating experience. As soon as you see her, find an appropriate way to make physical contact. Been talking a while, and you're walking toward eachother? Go for a hug. She's meeting you at a beverage distributor (bar, coffee house, whatever) and one of you is sitting, do the ring that that Muggiw mentioned (its a real winner because its a conversation starter as well) ... (though hugging easily leads to "you smell real nice" which is also a conversation starter in a direction you defintely want to pursue. Also - always smell nice. Always.)

 

But ultimately not every date you go on is going to be fun. Some people don't click with others. Some people are legitimately boring.

 

I'm also a big promoter of ending the first date with the first kiss (provided the kiss hasn't already been escalated to by some other means [be it previous drunken hook up, or just very positive response to other physical escalation]). Kissing on the first date is a make or break moment for me, its a strong evaluation of lust and carnal sexuality which I personally prioritize very highly in a relationship.

 

Having a fun anecdote or tow prepared is a good idea, but don't psych yourself out over it. Just be as interesting as possible always and you'll always have a current event story to tell to anyone you may encounter. If you haven't done anything interesting in a while...well, you're one of those legitimately boring people I suppose :p

 

@Friendzone Discussion

This "zone" only exists as much as you make it exist. Not everyone wants to have sex with you at any given time. I believe that given enough proximity and tension, there will be at least a fleeting thought of "what if" from any and all parties. This "what if" can be met with a "I wouldn't mind" or a "hell no". The "friend zone" seems to be when Party A can not accept that Party B has already reached the "hell no phase" but Party A continues to act in a submissive way to Party B in the hopes of reconstructing a better "What If". The truth is, the only people that ever get a re-do on their "what if" are people that got a "I wouldn't mind" the first time around. 

 

Opposing genders can only function as friends for so long before this "what if" scenario pops up for one of them (realistically, it happens first to the least secure party) and the friendship dynamic is shifted (friend zone). The alternative is that the other party doesn't know how to function as a human and acted like a friend to pursue a relationship just as the first party and now they've formed a relationship based on the weak foundation of a friendship based on false pretenses.

 

(but perhaps that sounds more cynical than I intended because there certainly are benefits to being friends with someone before dating, but ideally a dating phase is initiated before any [if at all] commitment is made so that trust can be built by learning more of each other. This is less unstable than converting a friendship to a relationship when honoring personal boundaries and comfort zones.)

 

I'm going to make a crappy flow chart:

Friends->Relationship = Marriage or intense ugly breakup (pro: know each other well, con: high risk of losing close friend)

Friends->Dating->Relationship = You better communicate feelings REALLY well, or this gets ugly fast

Dating->Relationship = Ideal (pro: may or may not like friends; con: requires high trust and security)

Relationship->Friends = Gets real ugly for all kinds of reasons unless it was 100% ACTUALLY mutual (and even then its risky)

 

But many of things don't apply quite the same in Muggiw's world, because honestly the whole polyamory thing eliminates a lot of the flaws of dating and relationships. Granted, I'd like to hear it's benefits of friends (you mentioned they can only be friends if they are having sex, is that so there's no tension and there's full disclosure of feelings?)

[Noxx]

I don't believe she's [bleep]ing the other guy. She's not attracted to Arabs anyway, from what she's told me. I believe he is in the friendzone, but he doesn't know this and she's not making it clear to him either. He's trying his ass off, and she loves the attention. Another reason is that she has too much to lose. The way she made it seem was like she's "settling" for him. Which is extremely ironic considering it's actually the other way around. He turned 25 about 3 weeks ago. He drives a Benz c63 which he bought cash. He lives in his own 4 bedroom house in one of the more expensive parts of the city. He has investments all over the world, and he plans on buying a Ferrari middle next year soon as one of his investments pay out. I don't think she's ever had to pay for anything in the past 2 years since they started dating. When we go out he always gets a table, which is a minimum of $80 per person, more or less. But he spends probably 4 times that amount. He's taken her to Guy Savoy on more than one occasion, which is about $500 per person if you go for the 5-course meal (which they usually do). She's 22 and she's living a better life than most people twice her age that have worked for 20+ years. 

He's extremely devoted to his work and his family. Sometimes i wouldn't see him for weeks at a time because he's so busy with work, he usually just goes home and passes out. He's one of the most respectable people i have ever met. He's modest. If you meet him you would never be able to say he's wealthy simply because he's just not the flashy type. He probably spends more money on her than he does on himself, and she's never had to ask for any of it. He does it just because he loves her, and he wants her to have nice things. She comes from a "middle-class" family. Her parents both work fairly bad jobs. I think she told me he earns on a month what they earn in 3 months combined.

The problem is that he's a lot like me. He doesn't like spending every weekend in a noisy club. He doesn't do drugs, he has a hard time even smoking weed. He does now and then but he says it's because it's an experience he wants to share with his girlfriend. 

When her car broke down a few months ago he offered to pay for everything. She turned him down, but he was willing to pay for it without even asking what it would cost.

When her dog got sick he took it to the vet, had him taken care of, got him his shots, bought him toys, a new bed, food etc, etc. without her even knowing. He did it while she was at work the one day.

 

The list goes on and on. But basically, she has way too much to lose. And the reasons i mentioned above are exactly why she wouldn't cheat on him. She knows as soon as she does that, her comfy lifestyle ends, and chances or getting it back with someone else are extremely slim unless she's willing to date a 50 year old. But that said, she's not in it for the money either. Because when they first met, for about the first 5 or 6 months she had no idea how much money he had. He hid it from her. Or he didn't hide it, he just didn't show it. The things she told me about him really shows me she loves him for who he is. She's never mentioned her lifestyle with him or the money. It's like she doesn't even realise it's there. She's grateful for it of course, and she shows it.

 

It's just some of the things i was told... it kind of gave me a knot in my stomach. I'm still not sure whether it was misunderstood, or what. I don't think using the drunk excuse is a smart thing either, cause there's that whole "drunk words are sober thoughts" thing. I'm scared for him. He can do a lot better. Everyone loves him, he literally has to push hit girls off him sometimes. Girls that are A LOT hotter than she is. She's slightly overweight, doesn't know how to dress for her body type, and she's not the smartest cookie around either. On an intellectual and superficial level, he could do a lot better. The fact that she made it seem like SHE was settling for HIM is what pissed me off. 

[RpgGamer]

Sounds to me like he's a sugar daddy that doesn't have time to give her the attention she wants, thus liable to be cheated on. Why do you think the scuzzy starving musician type manages to get with attractive women consistently? Because they have time to pay attention and give attention like no other. Financial security and support are amazingly wonderful things, but they dont make a relationship better, only make life easier. And if your buddy ends up passing out early from working so hard, that leaves a lot of idle time that his girlfriend has needs that he's no longer capable of fulfilling. Money and security go along way, but how many 20-something year old girls have you seen make decisions based on logic and future consequences?

[RpgGamer]

Also he probably has a lot of insecurity about people using him for his wealth ans social standing, he's liable to stick with her even against logic to a point because I imagine getting into the dating pool again at 25 sounds horrifying to him. I'd recommend he buy himself a Russian mail order bride instead of a Ferrari. But hey, whatever

[muggiwhplar]

But many of things don't apply quite the same in Muggiw's world, because honestly the whole polyamory thing eliminates a lot of the flaws of dating and relationships. Granted, I'd like to hear it's benefits of friends (you mentioned they can only be friends if they are having sex, is that so there's no tension and there's full disclosure of feelings?)

 

It's mostly for the sake of both of our long term happiness. Like, about a week ago my low-end MLTR told me she wants us to go our separate ways because she's looking for a traditional monogamous relationship (she's a lot older than I am so she's at that point where she's being pressured hard to settle down lol). I'm unwilling to do that because I like being happy, so I just wished her the best and ended things on a positive note :P TBH though the sex w/ her wasn't amazing so it doesn't feel like a major loss for me lol. She was a ton of fun to hang out with otherwise though; she's a really good friend. So if I were to ever keep a girl around as a friend w/o sex, it'd be with a girl like her. But there'd still be sexual tension since she's hot. I'd just know that the sexual tension was "overrated" in a sense :P

 

My brother on the other hand still remains close friends with most of his exes (the ones that didn't turn out to be total psychos haha) and it works out well for him. But my brother is also a lot more emotional and extroverted than I am so occasionally this backfires and gives him drama but he doesn't really seem to mind as much as I would. Plus all of his past relationships eventually ended up monogamously even if they started out as open relationships. But despite those differences, my brother's got a lot of experience under his belt so he's very confident and a lot more "outcome independent" than most people so he can get away with certain things.

 

In other words, knowing your personality type, it'd probably be easier for you to handle things like my brother does but it'll require you to be on top of your game.