June 28, 201016 yr One moar - (really old, taxed joke) What did the egg say to the boiling water? [hide]It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid![/hide] Mods; This is a jokes thread, I think it's fine to be in this thread.
July 12, 201015 yr I don't know if this is okay mods can delete if it's to bad There were three old ladys sitting on a bench, a man comes by and flashes them. The first old lady had a stroke, the second onld lady had a stroke, but the third old lady couldn't reach!
July 30, 201015 yr Why do some people wear glasses when they do math? It improves division. I am so so sorry sleep like dead men wake up like dead men
July 30, 201015 yr I was with a friend on the highway when we passed an old horse container behind some truck. Then he said "That doesn't look very stable." _________________________________________________________________________ There was once a man hunting with a riffle. Suddenly he saw a mallard and prepared his gun. Unluckily for the man, just as he shot, it ducked. Puns ftw.
August 2, 201015 yr God dammit Seany, STOP SHARING MY MIND" I believe in something greater than myself. A better world. A world without sin. I'm not going to live there. There's no place for me there... I'm a monster.What I do is evil. I have no illusions about it, but it must be done."
August 20, 201015 yr How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a lightbulb? [spoiler=Answer!]To get to the other side. sleep like dead men wake up like dead men
August 24, 201015 yr So this guy comes into a bar...Wait no it's a horse...So this guy comes into a horse...
September 3, 201015 yr A dyslexic walks into a bar. The bar tender asks, "What will you have?" The dyslexic replies, ".esaelp reeb enO"btw, on the RS forums, I have spoken yaw taht. "'Balance is power!'- Guthix" -Script Mak3r, the Maker of Scripts!
September 6, 201015 yr Where do you find a turtle with no legs? right where you left it! :razz: Do keep a level head my friend,in times when Danger rears its headAgainst excessive joy defend,O, my comrade doomed to die. ἢ τὰν ἢ ἐπὶ τὰς
September 13, 201015 yr What's greater than god, more evil than the devil, and if you eat it, you'll die? [hide]Nothing![/hide]
September 21, 201015 yr I like my women how I like my coffee: ground up and locked in the pantry. Command the Murderous Chalices! Drink ye harpooners! drink and swear, ye men that man the deathful whaleboat's bow- Death to Moby Dick!BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
December 17, 201015 yr Your mum joke... RS version Your mums so fat she has enough 'chins' to get to 99 range! ----- So I'm here sitting in the internet café and the fattest bloke I have ever seen is watching every word I typ.... ----- Last night my girlfriend called me a lazy ass, I was so shocked I nearly fell off my stair lift. ----- A husband and a wife are arguing in the car, is has been silent for over 30 minutes when they drive past a farm and see a few pigs and cows. "Relatives of yours?" the woman says sarcastically. "yep" replies they husband "in-laws"
December 19, 201015 yr A priest is sitting in a bar and the devil walks inThe priest sees the devil and shouts "Don't you try to tempt me, devil!"The devil replies: "You're a priest in a bar. My job here is done." The only difference between Hitler and the man next door who comes home and beats his kids every day is circumstance. The intent is the same-- to harm others.[hide=Tifers say the darndest things]I told her there was a secret method to doing it - and there is - but my once nimble and agile fingers were unable to perform because I was under the influence.I would laugh, not hate. I'm a male. :(Since when was Ireland an island...? :wall:I actually have a hobby of licking public toilet seats.[/hide]
December 22, 201015 yr My Joke: Boss: Where were you born?Santa: UK ..Boss: which part?Santa: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in UK .
January 4, 201115 yr When life gives you lemons, test the explosive properties of lemon oil. 10:53 PM - retech9691: I feel the need10:53 PM - retech9691: To include many chasms in my story arc10:53 PM - Resistance: You mean plotholes? Remember, Remember, the 4th of NovemberRIP Dawngate ;-;
January 5, 201115 yr When life gives you lemons, test the explosive properties of lemon oil.When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand oranges.When life gives you lemons, squirt 'em in your younger sibling's eye.When life gives you lemons, throw them at a dorf and tell him to make booze.When life gives you lemons, use the juice for invisible ink.When life gives you lemons, sell 'em. When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he makes banana juice.
January 6, 201115 yr warning: ya mum jokes. ya mums so ugly, that when training slayer.the monsters die faster when she takes of her slayer helm! ya mums so fat,she got 99 smithing from makeing one platebody. ya mums so fat,she got 99 woodcuting by walking to falador. ya mums so fat, when shes got to the back of the wildshe was still going over the front! I'm a Brony and proud of it!
January 21, 201115 yr A farmer, surgeon, and accountant are all in hell, where they meet the devil. The devil tells them that they can each leave and go to heaven, but only if they scare him.The farmer is first, and, although mentioning slaughtering pigs, the devil isn't scared, and sends him away.The surgeon is next, and, although mentioning slicing through numerous organs, doesn't manage to scare him, and is sent away.The accountant then begins to laugh, and says "here's what I did to the economy...." An angry farmer comes home one day and, deciding to let off a little steam, goes to vent in his nearby barn. The farmer feels that it'd be better to discuss his day aloud, and starts to talk to himself, mentioning parts from his horrible day. The farmer says, 'well, I was sitting in my car, annoyed at my cheating wife, when someone comes up to the car door'.Surprisingly, as if coming from the heavens, a voice replies 'who?, who?'The farmer, surprised by the voice, carries on. 'This super-cute police officer came up to my window, arresting me because she suspected me of being drunk, which I was not. Angrily posting bail using all the money I had left, I came home and discovered something.'Yet again, the farmer surprisingly hears the same voice, this time replying 'who, who who who'. The farmer, still surprised, carries on.'Well, I couldn't believe it. My wife of 20years was cheating on our neighbor. Angry from this, I killed them both, the neighbors immediately calling the police. Now, the question is, who would care about me should I successfully flee to mexico, and escape this life'Yet again, the farmer hears the same voice, seeming to agree with him by saying 'who, who, who'.The farmer, seemingly happy by the voice, says his thanks to it and leaves before the police arrive. Meanwhile....2 owls are listening to a boombox in the rafters of the barn. One owl says 'who let the dogs out?', the other replying 'who, who who who'. Lol, sry for double post, I just found this joke too funny...
August 28, 201114 yr What's the difference between a blond and a mosquito? A mosquito usually stops sucking when you slap it first time. How many male chauvinists do you need to change a bulb? Zero, the [bleep] doesn't need a light to wash the dishes.
September 6, 201114 yr What is the worst part about rollerblading? Usually the stress placed on one's ankles and lower back due to improper lacing, support, and posture. sleep like dead men wake up like dead men
November 12, 201114 yr So I cleaned up this thread a little bit. It appears inactivity got to it which resulted in it being handled so late. We try and keep moderation lenient, however may I remind you guys that offensive or tasteless jokes will be removed and will result in action taken against your forum account. Since the posts were so old (months to a year old) I've just simply removed them without further consequence. However, if you decide to repost them or post them despite this warning I won't hesitate to take action against your account.
November 29, 201114 yr What do you call a bunch of white guys sitting on a bench? [spoiler=Spoiler]The NBA
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