llamster Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 Did you hear about the mathematician who got constipated? He worked it out with a pencil. Ah, this reminds me about the noob on the Runescape forums who was upset with the quest "Cold War" because apparently his grandparents died in the war. :wall: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kingmickez25 Posted January 28, 2009 Share Posted January 28, 2009 What did pink panther say when he steped on a ant [hide=]Dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant[/hide] Were do coyboys take there trash [hide=]to the dump to dump to the dump dump dump to the dump dump[/hide] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lenin64 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Rape. Command the Murderous Chalices! Drink ye harpooners! drink and swear, ye men that man the deathful whaleboat's bow- Death to Moby Dick!BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J35u5_M4 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 [hide=]Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she. --- How many dead babies does it take to cover the roof? Depends how thin you slice them. --- How do you put a baby in a blender? Feet First! How do you take it out? Tostito chips! --- What's the difference between a wheelbarrow full of dead babies and a wheelbarrow full of bowling balls? You can't unload bowling balls with a pitchfork. --- What's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One can be smashed with a hammer and is full of tasty red stuff, and the other is just a watermelon. --- What's the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby? You take your cleats off before you jump on a trampoline. --- What's the difference between a bucket of gravel and a bucket of baby guts? You can't gargle gravel. --- What's more fun than strapping a baby to a clothesline and then spinning it around at 200km/h? Stopping it with a shovel. --- What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage. --- Why did the dead baby cross the road? It was chained to a bumper --- What's grosser than gross? A garbage can full of dead babies. What's grosser than that? The one at the bottom is still alive. What's grosser than that? He has to eat his way to freedom. What's grosser than that? He goes back for more.[/hide] --- That's all for now... Dead Baby jokes = win i LOL'd so hard at this especially the last few I lol'd hard at the last 4 lmfao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quyneax Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 What's red, sits huddled in the corner and shrinks? [hide=]A baby with a cheese slicer.[/hide] Be mean! Supporter of Zaros | Quest Cape owner since 22 may 2010 | No skills below 99 | Total level 2595 | Completionist Cape owner since 17th June 2013 | Suggestions 99 summoning (18th June 2011, previously untrimmed) | 99 farming (14th July 2011) | 99 prayer (8th September 2011) | 99 constitution (10th September 2011) | 99 dungeoneering (15th November 2011) 99 ranged (28th November 2011) | 99 attack, 99 defence, 99 strength (11th December 2011) | 99 slayer (18th December 2011) | 99 magic (22nd December 2011) | 99 construction (16th March 2012) 99 herblore (22nd March 2012) | 99 firemaking (26th March 2012) | 99 cooking (2nd July 2012) | 99 runecrafting (12th March 2012) | 99 crafting (26th August 2012) | 99 agility (19th November 2012) 99 woodcutting (22nd November 2012) | 99 fletching (31st December 2012) | 99 thieving (3rd January 2013) | 99 hunter (11th January 2013) | 99 mining (21st January 2013) | 99 fishing (21st January 2013) 99 smithing (21st January 2013) | 120 dungeoneering (17th June 2013) | 99 divination (24th November 2013) Tormented demon drops: twenty effigies, nine pairs of claws, two dragon armour slices and one elite clue | Dagannoth king drops: two dragon hatchets, two elite clues, one archer ring and one warrior ring Glacor drops: four pairs of ragefire boots, one pair of steadfast boots, six effigies, two hundred lots of Armadyl shards, three elite clues | Nex split: Torva boots | Kalphite King split: off-hand drygore mace 30/30 Shattered Heart statues completed | 16/16 Court Cases completed | 25/25 Choc Chimp Ices delivered | 500/500 Vyrewatch burned | 584/584 tasks completed | 4000/4000 chompies hunted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wot Posted February 2, 2009 Share Posted February 2, 2009 there was a mirror that zapped you out of existance for lieing, and there was 3 females-a blond, a ginger, and a brunette the brunette went to the mirror and said: Im really not that small The mirror zapped her the ginger went to the mirror and said: I dont think i have TO many freckles There mirror zapped her The blond went to the mirror and said: I think- but she couldnt finish her sentance, the mirror zapped her 2,274th person to 99 mining Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Omar Posted February 14, 2009 Share Posted February 14, 2009 ^ :lol: I don't think I posted this one: What's red and smells like blue paint? [hide=lol]Red paint.[/hide] What's black and smells like white paint? [hide=lolol]Michael Jackson. >:][/hide] Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude? Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you? Camera guy: still laughing Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy Camera guy: runs away still laughing Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]! Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pureprayer Posted February 22, 2009 Share Posted February 22, 2009 Watching that vid right now, found it on my own :shock: Whats worse then a worm in an apple? Genocide What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt How do you kill a elephant? With an elephant gun, How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun, How do you kill a red elephant? Choke it till its blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a purple elephant? There is no such thing. Man it smells like updog in here *Whats updog* Nothing much how about you? Pureprayer, you're awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barihawk Posted February 27, 2009 Share Posted February 27, 2009 A Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub. The Scotsman says "Free drinks for everyone, on the house!" The next morning the headlines of the local paper read "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind pub." A young Scottish couple had just been engaged when the woman began to complain about the paltry size of her engagement ring. The Scotsman said "You can't complain, you picked it out yourself. It's not my fault you don't know how to work the little crane." <3 Love Scottish people, just got to keep the rivalry alive :P. My heart is broken by the terrible loss I have sustained in my old friends and companions and my poor soldiers. Believe me, nothing except a battle lost can be half so melancholy as a battle won. -Sir Arthur Wellesley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thomaswarne Posted March 1, 2009 Share Posted March 1, 2009 I say to a blonde, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg." The blonde says, "The chicken." I ask why. The blonde says, "You said it first." A resturant owner says, "Free food on the house." All of the customers run outside. The owner is puzzled. Then he hears noises coming from the roof. He walks outside and looks up, and asks, "Why are you up there?" The customers say, "You said there was free food up here." "Honey, stop eating donuts, they are bad for you!""Mom, relax, it's hole grain."See what thomas warne is selling.Make a banner here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asmodeous4 Posted March 18, 2009 Share Posted March 18, 2009 How do you fly? Throw yourself at the ground and miss. [hide=]Yes it's from HHG.[/hide] Hit me up on LastFM to see my music taste and chat :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
krugtheorc Posted March 25, 2009 Share Posted March 25, 2009 How do you fly? Throw yourself at the ground and miss. [hide=]Yes it's from HHG.[/hide] not a joke but a funny story our physics teacher asked us to think what an orbit is. force is moving the object foward but gravity is moving the object downwards. however, if the mass it is circling is roughly equal in radius, and the force propelling the object foward is constant and large enough to make the object miss the mass it is circling before gravity can pull it towards the ground, then the object goes into a pattern of continusly rotating around the mass, moving foward and down in a path but never hitting the mass. The definiton of orbit is throwing an object at the ground and continously missing it. I tried my best to hold in the laughter, being a Douglas Adams fan. It is not the great who are strong, but the strong who are great--Albel Nox Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lenin64 Posted March 27, 2009 Share Posted March 27, 2009 Why do women never need wris[bleep]ches? [hide=]There's a clock on the stove.[/hide] Command the Murderous Chalices! Drink ye harpooners! drink and swear, ye men that man the deathful whaleboat's bow- Death to Moby Dick!BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deathdrow Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Why do women never need wris[bleep]ches? [hide=]There's a clock on the stove.[/hide] what do you do when a woman is wearing a wris[bleep]ch? I don't know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goonstalf Posted April 11, 2009 Share Posted April 11, 2009 Joker: Ask me if I have a banana in my ear. Jokee: Do you have a banana in your ear? Joker: [hide=]Sorry, can't hear you, I have a banana in my ear.[/hide] I'm going to milk Goon's teats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da_Latios Posted April 12, 2009 Share Posted April 12, 2009 A woman is found, dead, and a man has driven over her. What was the man charged with? Driving in the kitchen. (yes, it's an old joke) IRC Nick: Hiroki | 99 Agility | Max Quest Points | 138 CombatBandos drops: 20 Hilt | 22 Chestplate | 21 Tassets | 14 Boots Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lenin64 Posted April 17, 2009 Share Posted April 17, 2009 Why does no woman need an umbrella? It doesn't rain in the kitchen. Command the Murderous Chalices! Drink ye harpooners! drink and swear, ye men that man the deathful whaleboat's bow- Death to Moby Dick!BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K112 Posted April 20, 2009 Share Posted April 20, 2009 Apologies if any of these have been said Ar [hide=]The Atomic symbol for Pirate[/hide] What's the worst idea ever? [hide=]Hitting her at 30 because the advert said you could.[/hide] Why do women get hit by cars? [hide=]Because they're not in the kitchen[/hide] What's long and makes women groan? [hide=]An ironing board[/hide] How many Alzheimer's patients does it take to change a light bulb? [hide=]To get to the other side.[/hide] Jade Goody has been portrayed by the media as a heroine for raising awareness about cervical cancer, in spite of the fact that she forgot to have a smear test. Last year, I forgot to turn off an unlit oven before leaving for work. The ensuing explosion killed my wife and three children. Was I portrayed by the media as a hero for raising awareness about gas safety? Was I F__k. Do you like fishsitcks? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Goonstalf Posted April 21, 2009 Share Posted April 21, 2009 Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Co- MOOO!!! I'm going to milk Goon's teats Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lenin64 Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Knock Knock Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interrupting Co- MOOO!!! Want to hear a knock knock joke? You start. Command the Murderous Chalices! Drink ye harpooners! drink and swear, ye men that man the deathful whaleboat's bow- Death to Moby Dick!BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LowFatMilk Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 this is a yo momma joke, this isn't aimed at anyone but is funny yo momma so fat when you try to swurve around her YOU RUN OUTTA FUEL!! :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pirate_Felix Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 I got a better one: Yo momma is so fat, she needs two watches, one for each time zone. [hide]Felix, je moeder.Je moeder felixJe vader, felix.Felix, je oma.Felix, je ongelofelijk gave pwnaze avatar B)Felix, je moeder.[/hide] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K112 Posted April 28, 2009 Share Posted April 28, 2009 Yo momma so fat, after i rolled over I was still on top of her. (That is wrong on like 4 levels?) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lenin64 Posted May 1, 2009 Share Posted May 1, 2009 this is a yo momma joke, this isn't aimed at anyone but is funny yo momma so fat when you try to swurve around her YOU RUN OUTTA FUEL!! :D Your mom is so feministic, she needed that first bit explained to her. You know, don't want to offend the women folk. The sad part is, there's probably somebody here who actually would take that personally. Command the Murderous Chalices! Drink ye harpooners! drink and swear, ye men that man the deathful whaleboat's bow- Death to Moby Dick!BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Assume Nothing Posted May 2, 2009 Share Posted May 2, 2009 The 5 Most Important Men in a Woman's Life 1. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide." 2. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?" 3. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?" 4. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!" 5. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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