Deal with it. I used to be quite financially troubled, and my friends still make jokes about me being poor, and they're funny. If you take offense in a joke, then you shouldn't be allowed to joke about other people.

 

@teh_langzor:

 

I lol'd at the light bulb and dyslexic ones. Keep doing this and you'll get fired.

Why was Adam the luckiest person ever?

 

 

 

[hide=Answer]He didn't have a mother-in-law[/hide]

So an Englishman, and Irishman, and a Rabbi walk into a bar, and the the Rabbi says, "I think I'm in the wrong joke."

 

 

 

Ok, so this dumb blonde was in a canoe in the middle of a field and another blonde pulls up in a along the side of the road and yells, "Hey, you're making blondes look dumb!" and the dumb blonde says, "Well get me out! I'm stuck!" and the other blonde says, "I can't swim."

 

 

 

This next one has probably been posted before

 

So a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are being chased by the police and they hide in a farm. The blonde near the potatoes, the brunette by the cows, and the redhead near the chickens. The police check the chicken coop first, and the redhead says, "Bawk, bawk, bawk!" and the cops leave. Next, the check the cows and the brunette says, "Mooooooo", so they go to the potatoes. And the blonde says, "poootaaaatoooo"

A drunk decides to reform and serve the rest of his life as a monk. So he enlists in a monastery, where he spends his days copying ancient texts for distribution. AFter his day on the job, he becomes slightly conerned. He talks to the head priest and tells him that since all the monks are making copies by hand, and they're only making copies of copies, which were also hand copied, if one text had a slight error nobody would ever realize it.

 

 

 

The Head priest says, "Yes, that is a genuine concern. I will go into the monastery basement, where there is a vault containing the original texts and compare it to the most recent copy." Well, after 3 days the priest still hasn't resurfaced, and the monks become concerned for his safety. So the new monk goes down to check on him. Upon arrival, he finds the head priest with the original text and copy, with his head down, crying hysterically. The monk apporaches and tentativly asks "Father? Are you alright?" The priest looks up at him, teary-eyed, and yells,

 

 

 

"Dear Lord! The word was CELEBRATE!!"

I dont get it Lenin :|

 

 

 

And lol at the blonde+potato thing.

 

Epic epic win

I dont get it Lenin :|

 

 

 

 

 

 

Celibacy.

what do bears and worms have in common?

 

 

 

[hide=answer]gummy[/hide]

 

 

 

and for a long joke

 

 

 

i woke up one day with what felt like heartburn. I felt that i should go to the hospital but i don't want to spend 20$. however, my friend appears to have heartburn too, so i talk him into going to the hospital. Turns out he has heartburn, and i didn't spend 20$. I feel good about myself.

 

 

 

(note, before i continue, this story is completely fictional)

 

 

 

so the next day i call my friend. he died.

 

 

 

i immeately check myself into the hospital and have the whole slew of tests, totaling to about 500$.

 

 

 

i have heartburn.

 

 

 

so i go to the funeral, talk with the family, and ask his wife if he was in any pain before he died. She said no.

 

 

 

[hide=punchline]the car accident killed him quickly[/hide]

That was great, Lenin. xD

when a ducky eats teh rabbits and tehn freddy went teh antelope said HAHAHA YOU ATE THE COOKIE!

 

because it was poistend

when a ducky eats teh rabbits and tehn freddy went teh antelope said HAHAHA YOU ATE THE COOKIE!

 

because it was poistend

 

 

 

What?

when a ducky eats teh rabbits and tehn freddy went teh antelope said HAHAHA YOU ATE THE COOKIE!

 

because it was poistend

 

 

 

Can you write in english please?

puting a joke back in...

 

 

 

there's a small difference bettwen peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool

 

location, location location

 

 

 

i always get people at clothing stores mad

 

they ask me what size i am

 

and i say

 

Actual

 

 

 

she said to me "If you need anything, my name is Jill"

 

and i thought...oh my...

 

i've never met a woman, with a conditional identity

 

what if i don't need anything, who are you?

 

"If you don't need anything, i'm Eugine."

 

 

 

I think an eating contest, is really just the beginning of a crapping contest.

 

"congratulations, you won! but in round 2, everybody looses!"

I got some that I don't understand out of a joke book. :L

 

They might be too rude for Tip.It though, so I can't add them on. :P

 

anyway one that can't be that bad

 

 

 

Why do honeymoons last 7 days?

 

[hide=answer]because there's 7 days in a week :\[/hide]

I think it means the relationship only lasts a week.

That was great, Lenin. xD

 

Oddly, just 3 days after I posted that, it appeared on deaddog.....suspicious.

Don't look at me... I don't even know what Deaddog is.

 

 

 

... or do I?

 

 

 

No. I don't.

 

 

 

But what if I'm lying to hide the obvious fact I ripped off your joke?

 

 

 

... that was hypothetical.

 

 

 

Honest.

 

 

 

STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.

 

 

 

OH GOD, PULL OUT PULL OUT.

 

 

 

*Jumps out window*

Well, only the guy that runs the site can actually post anything. So unless you're a huuuuge republican into lesbians and motivational posters, I'm pretty sure it wasn;t you. Just saying, that's odd that that happened.

here's a few 'lightbulb jokes'

 

 

 

How many teenager guys do you need to switch a lightbulb?

 

 

 

5 and a mom

 

-one teenager starts to jump at a lightbulb seeing if he can catch it

 

-4 others join in

 

-they break the lightbulb by mistake, so a mom comes and grounds them and then switches the lightbulb

 

 

 

how many runescapers do you need to switch a lightbulb?

 

 

 

100

 

-one switches it and the rest complain about how the old one was better

[hide=Joke]Three men in America walk into a bar, a white man, a black man and a jew.

 

 

 

Some universal God greets them all, and grants them a single wish each.

 

 

 

First, the black man.

 

 

 

"I want myself, and all my black brothers to be returned to Africa, we get treated like crap here."

 

 

 

So *poof* that's it, him and all other black people are removed from America and happily living in Africa.

 

 

 

Next, the Jew.

 

 

 

"I want myself, and all other Jewish people to be taken to the promise land".

 

 

 

*poof* Done, him and all other jews are happy.

 

 

 

Next, God turns to the white man, and asks his wish.

 

 

 

He replies "so all the blacks and jews are out of America?! Oh, I'll have a beer then". :mrgreen:[/hide]

 

 

 

I'm sorry if this is considered a racist joke, I'm not at all racist - I heard this earlier, and thought it was pretty funny. If you take offence, ask yourself why. :|

So, a wife went to her husband and said, "Darling, can you tell me what reincarnation is?"

 

And the husband said, "Sure, it's when you die and come back to life as something else."

 

To this, the wife replies, "Oh, I'd love to be reincarnated as a cow!"

 

The husband grimaces and says, "Don't you listen? I said 'something else'!"

 

 

 

Doo doo doo.

So, a wife went to her husband and said, "Darling, can you tell me what reincarnation is?"

 

And the husband said, "Sure, it's when you die and come back to life as something else."

 

To this, the wife replies, "Oh, I'd love to be reincarnated as a cow!"

 

The husband grimaces and says, "Don't you listen? I said 'something else'!"

 

 

 

Doo doo doo.

 

http://instantrimshot.com

there was a tomatoe dad and a tomatoe son in a father son race.

 

the son was walking slowly. so the dad told him to hurry, the son started running as fast as he could but he was still falling behind.

 

so the father stepped on him and said "ketchup"

there was a tomatoe dad and a tomatoe son in a father son race.

 

the son was walking slowly. so the dad told him to hurry, the son started running as fast as he could but he was still falling behind.

 

so the father stepped on him and said "ketchup"

 

 

 

Can you please, like, tell jokes that are actually funny?

there was a tomatoe dad and a tomatoe son in a father son race.

 

the son was walking slowly. so the dad told him to hurry, the son started running as fast as he could but he was still falling behind.

 

so the father stepped on him and said "ketchup"

 

 

 

Can you please, like, tell jokes that are actually funny?

 

 

 

Where's the fun in that?

 

 

 

Oh... yeah.

What did baby corn say to mama corn?

 

 

 

Where's Pop Corn?