"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Surprise]

My ex wants to give me my birthday present which she made while we were still going out. She's says she's put a lot of time into it and still really wants me to have it even though she is off galavanting with one of my friends.

 

Should I get it or not?

 

I'd really have to wonder what it was before answering that question. The fact that she's hitting on your friends would make me [in your shoes] not want anything to do with her, including pleasantries such as birthday gifts. Though from my current perspective, I kind of want you to accept it because she did put time and care into it and I'm curious as hell as to what it is. Might be a nice keepsake that you could look back on years later and hopefully remember the better chunks of the relationship, rather than your interactions as of current.

 

Yeah.. I'm curious about what it is as well. She went a bit mad when she realised that she left in right in front of me but me being me didn't realise what it actually was.

 

Well, will find out in 8 days. I hope as hell it's not another cuddly toy as that can just be burnt >.>

[Hobgoblinpie]

I'd say accept it. Even if you don't get along as well as you used to, she did put time and effort into it, so it shows she did care about you enough.

[Iamdan]

I'm jet lagged and cbf reading the novel I missed, but when it comes to getting physical with a new girl, 'getting it out of your system' doesn't work. The rush of the first time gets addictive.

[Guest Rob]

---

[Omar]

Why are you under this impression? I wouldn't be surprised if she was just scared she hurt you.

[Guest Rob]

---

[Jeffwilson99]

If she's going to just ignore you, then it's not really worth your time to make an effort. It might take a bit longer than a month, but you're still very young. It's not unlikely you may become friends again a few years down the track, and laugh about the past.

[Ginger_Warrior]

You've done your best; ball's in her court now.

[RpgGamer]

I'm jet lagged and cbf reading the novel I missed, but when it comes to getting physical with a new girl, 'getting it out of your system' doesn't work. The rush of the first time gets addictive.

 

input appreciated, however after reading said novel, you'll discover why the "getting it out of my system" would not be as catastrophic as it sounds. I'd also not be getting all that physical with her to begin with.

[Surprise]

Eurgh, bottling was the wrong option.. Very wrong option.

Then again none of my friends helped, just set about insulting her and offering to beat up her new boyfriend.

 

Yes, some of my friends possess the intelligence and maturity of pre evolution humans.

[Ginger_Warrior]

"Was" almost implies something dramatic happened...?

[Surprise]

"Was" almost implies something dramatic happened...?

 

Wouldn't say dramatic.. Just grounded for the next however many months until summer it is, a 5x increase of what it was originally.

 

And I'm confused, how can somebody still think/pretend/act like a guy is blindly in love with them when they've turned around and said "I don't love you" directly to them and then went and asked out two other girls the next day? Love throws all logical explanation out the window.

[Nexaduro]

So, yep, I can't even remember what was said last time I was here. Life went on. :P

 

The girl's friends know about it now, if they didn't before, and seem to be mildly approving if anything. It's been decided that I need to wait until Valentine's day and give her the throwing knives I got for her, because even if I'm horrifically rejected for some unforseen reason, I will win the school award for "Most Awesome Valentine's Gift." :rolleyes:

[Twist of Fate]

Here's something different.

 

So me and this girl started talking. We flirted a lot and we finally got the chance to chill alone. Now the circumstances of us chilling were very awkward. We were at my house (something I didn't wanna do), we only had 20 minutes, and we hooked up on my couch. Now it got weird when we had to keep stopping to get up and check the door because it didn't have a lock.

 

I talked to her later that day and she sounded disappointed. We talked about it and she said she'd give me another chance, somewhere other than my house. After that day, we had no more conversations. Texted her twice within 2 days, no response.

 

Now I actually liked this girl. Problem is, she started attacking me indirectly with stupid Facebook surveys and notes. She put such gems as:

 

What would you do if you were in a room with the last person you kissed?

"I'd jump out a window"

 

What if the last person you kissed texted you?

"I wouldn't be surprised. He loves having conversations with himself"

 

Now, I know girls get over things. Especially something stupid like this. I'm planning on talking to her a little longer down the road, but I need guidance from the people that help me out so much everytime I bring my sorry ass in here. I'm thinking of pretty much just basing a conversation off "What happened? In a 20 minute period of time we went from a potential relationship to this."

 

If you guys are confused about what went wrong, I'd understand. Because I've never witnessed this before.

[Iamdan]

That's not much to go by, but you seemed to be kinda needy. Maybe she was somewhat attracted to you and it was killed somewhere, and she's just being immature about it.

 

It just seems that way because of the having conversations with yourself thing. Do you keep texting her when she doesn't reply?

 

Why worry about checking the door? If your parents walk in and see that then they will quickly learn to knock.

[RpgGamer]

Here's something different.

 

So me and this girl started talking. We flirted a lot and we finally got the chance to chill alone. Now the circumstances of us chilling were very awkward. We were at my house (something I didn't wanna do), we only had 20 minutes, and we hooked up on my couch. Now it got weird when we had to keep stopping to get up and check the door because it didn't have a lock.

 

I talked to her later that day and she sounded disappointed. We talked about it and she said she'd give me another chance, somewhere other than my house. After that day, we had no more conversations. Texted her twice within 2 days, no response.

 

Now I actually liked this girl. Problem is, she started attacking me indirectly with stupid Facebook surveys and notes. She put such gems as:

 

What would you do if you were in a room with the last person you kissed?

"I'd jump out a window"

 

What if the last person you kissed texted you?

"I wouldn't be surprised. He loves having conversations with himself"

 

Now, I know girls get over things. Especially something stupid like this. I'm planning on talking to her a little longer down the road, but I need guidance from the people that help me out so much everytime I bring my sorry ass in here. I'm thinking of pretty much just basing a conversation off "What happened? In a 20 minute period of time we went from a potential relationship to this."

 

If you guys are confused about what went wrong, I'd understand. Because I've never witnessed this before.

 

That chick either is very sarcastic or is rather [bleep]y. In the future...don't worry about getting caught, it ruins the moment. Just go with it. I'd personally forget about her, but as far as further pursuing her....I have no idea. I'd give the forceful dominance thing a shot for the sake of trying something, but other than that...i really have no idea

[Twist of Fate]

^ You helped a lot more than ya might think. I messed stuff up, yeah. It's just gonna take some time to fix it. I can wait.

 

That's not much to go by, but you seemed to be kinda needy. Maybe she was somewhat attracted to you and it was killed somewhere, and she's just being immature about it.

 

It just seems that way because of the having conversations with yourself thing. Do you keep texting her when she doesn't reply?

 

Why worry about checking the door? If your parents walk in and see that then they will quickly learn to knock.

Yeah a few minutes after I posted this, I realized I messed it up.

 

I have two options:

1. Explain to her that things kinda sorta didn't go that smoothly and it was my fault. And I'd actually call her, none of this facebook nonsense.

2. Forget about her. She's sarcastic and I would be the one holding the window open.

 

Thanks guys (:

[Surprise]

^ You helped a lot more than ya might think. I messed stuff up, yeah. It's just gonna take some time to fix it. I can wait.

 

That's not much to go by, but you seemed to be kinda needy. Maybe she was somewhat attracted to you and it was killed somewhere, and she's just being immature about it.

 

It just seems that way because of the having conversations with yourself thing. Do you keep texting her when she doesn't reply?

 

Why worry about checking the door? If your parents walk in and see that then they will quickly learn to knock.

Yeah a few minutes after I posted this, I realized I messed it up.

 

I have two options:

1. Explain to her that things kinda sorta didn't go that smoothly and it was my fault. And I'd actually call her, none of this facebook nonsense.

2. Forget about her. She's sarcastic and I would be the one holding the window open.

 

Thanks guys (:

 

Neversay it was always your fault because it probably wasn't just your fault. Plus it allows them to walk all over you.

 

But yeah, you will be walked in upon at some point be it friends or family so enjoy the moment instead of being paranoid. Your family would mostly likely laugh at you for a while, unless they're strict about relegion or age or something bizzare.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I can't imagine the checking the door thing did any wonders. It's almost like saying, "Yeah, by the way, I like you (honest) but I don't like you enough so that everyone else in my family should know about it." It really isn't that big a deal, people do it and if you should do it anywhere you should do it in your own room.

 

Thing is, if she's attacking you on Facebook like that and not really caring, she's clearly fishing for some attention. Unless she's a [bleep], people don't usually insult people for no good reason; they want that person to do something in return. Phone her, see what happens, if she's still acting funny then just leave it or else you're gonna get walked all over here.

[RESULTS]

okay I have something to ask.

 

I've been trying to get into this girl for a while, and It's obvious she kinda likes me back. we can happily talk for hours and she seems really enthusiastic when we are around each other, or whether were talking online.

The only thing is, she never really begins the conversation. Is it because she doesnt 'like' me, or because she's just nervous?

Our friend circle is pretty large and close, and we spend a lot of time together at college and things, and talk a lot outside of college, but in person we aren't often alone.

 

What can I do to be sure of the situation? or do you need more details?

 

I have a couple more, but lets see how this starts. thanks

[Twist of Fate]

okay I have something to ask.

 

I've been trying to get into this girl for a while, and It's obvious she kinda likes me back. we can happily talk for hours and she seems really enthusiastic when we are around each other, or whether were talking online.

The only thing is, she never really begins the conversation. Is it because she doesnt 'like' me, or because she's just nervous?

Our friend circle is pretty large and close, and we spend a lot of time together at college and things, and talk a lot outside of college, but in person we aren't often alone.

 

What can I do to be sure of the situation? or do you need more details?

 

I have a couple more, but lets see how this starts. thanks

Talking online is a hard way to tell if a girl likes you. Hang out with her in person. Look for her body language. If she acts differently when she sees you, that's a sign. Also, look out for her flipping her hair or something something along those lines because that's a sign that she's either nervous or excited to be with you. If she seems nervous, take the pressure off it, just make her laugh.

[Surprise]

okay I have something to ask.

 

I've been trying to get into this girl for a while, and It's obvious she kinda likes me back. we can happily talk for hours and she seems really enthusiastic when we are around each other, or whether were talking online.

The only thing is, she never really begins the conversation. Is it because she doesnt 'like' me, or because she's just nervous?

Our friend circle is pretty large and close, and we spend a lot of time together at college and things, and talk a lot outside of college, but in person we aren't often alone.

 

What can I do to be sure of the situation? or do you need more details?

 

I have a couple more, but lets see how this starts. thanks

 

Testing us..Okay.

 

"I've been trying to get into this girl." Are you trying to say that you are still unsure yourself of liking her? (I hope it's not a sexual innuedo.) Because if you are still unsure you should look at yourself first before questioning her.

 

Never beginning the conversation:

i) She is nervous, how does she act around you when you see her face to face? Quiet and reserved or loud and suggestive?

ii) She is expecting you to start it, she is testing whether you are interested in her and is doing that by making you talk to her instead of her talking to you.

iii) She wants you to control it.

 

Also: Try and talk to her; see if she wants to meet up alone, go to a coffee shop or something and see how she acts when it's just you and her and if it changes from when you're not in a big group. Also, talk to her friends. Well the trustworthy ones or they may feed you the wrong line and send you stumbling down the wrong path..

[RESULTS]

okay I have something to ask.

 

I've been trying to get into this girl for a while, and It's obvious she kinda likes me back. we can happily talk for hours and she seems really enthusiastic when we are around each other, or whether were talking online.

The only thing is, she never really begins the conversation. Is it because she doesnt 'like' me, or because she's just nervous?

Our friend circle is pretty large and close, and we spend a lot of time together at college and things, and talk a lot outside of college, but in person we aren't often alone.

 

What can I do to be sure of the situation? or do you need more details?

 

I have a couple more, but lets see how this starts. thanks

 

Testing us..Okay.

 

"I've been trying to get into this girl." Are you trying to say that you are still unsure yourself of liking her? (I hope it's not a sexual innuedo.) Because if you are still unsure you should look at yourself first before questioning her.

 

Never beginning the conversation:

i) She is nervous, how does she act around you when you see her face to face? Quiet and reserved or loud and suggestive?

ii) She is expecting you to start it, she is testing whether you are interested in her and is doing that by making you talk to her instead of her talking to you.

iii) She wants you to control it.

 

Also: Try and talk to her; see if she wants to meet up alone, go to a coffee shop or something and see how she acts when it's just you and her and if it changes from when you're not in a big group. Also, talk to her friends. Well the trustworthy ones or they may feed you the wrong line and send you stumbling down the wrong path..

 

Yeah 'getting into' is like a British way of saying 'getting with' etc.

 

Like I said, when we actually talk, I normally have to start the conversation, but when we do talk, she seems really outgoing and laughs a whole lot, even when what I say or do isnt particularly funny.

When we are in a group, She seems a lot quieter. She has quite a few 'girlfriends' of whom some of which I'm really friendly with. I also think a few of the group of friends we hang around with or onto me, and bring it up on occasions, never anything nasty, but sometimes try to force her jokingly into seeing me etc.

I think this has creeped her out slightly.

 

I think the 'perfect oppertunity' is coming up too, as college are running a 6 day NYC trip, which we are both going on. Would you recommend making a move there or what?'

 

@ThePerfectsett

thanks, I'll try to notice these things and tell you guys what I find out.

 

 

 

 

yesterday, we went into town and we were fine around each other. she then met her girl friend and went to the pub for some drinks, whereas I stayed in town.

i then got a text from her, which was her friend telling me she was upset that I kept texting her and wanted me to stop.

I was down for a few minutes, until the girl text me telling me it wasnt the case and assuring me she still wanted to talk. she was laughing a lot.

 

I don't fully understand, so thanks :D

[Surprise]

okay I have something to ask.

 

I've been trying to get into this girl for a while, and It's obvious she kinda likes me back. we can happily talk for hours and she seems really enthusiastic when we are around each other, or whether were talking online.

The only thing is, she never really begins the conversation. Is it because she doesnt 'like' me, or because she's just nervous?

Our friend circle is pretty large and close, and we spend a lot of time together at college and things, and talk a lot outside of college, but in person we aren't often alone.

 

What can I do to be sure of the situation? or do you need more details?

 

I have a couple more, but lets see how this starts. thanks

 

Testing us..Okay.

 

"I've been trying to get into this girl." Are you trying to say that you are still unsure yourself of liking her? (I hope it's not a sexual innuedo.) Because if you are still unsure you should look at yourself first before questioning her.

 

Never beginning the conversation:

i) She is nervous, how does she act around you when you see her face to face? Quiet and reserved or loud and suggestive?

ii) She is expecting you to start it, she is testing whether you are interested in her and is doing that by making you talk to her instead of her talking to you.

iii) She wants you to control it.

 

Also: Try and talk to her; see if she wants to meet up alone, go to a coffee shop or something and see how she acts when it's just you and her and if it changes from when you're not in a big group. Also, talk to her friends. Well the trustworthy ones or they may feed you the wrong line and send you stumbling down the wrong path..

 

Yeah 'getting into' is like a British way of saying 'getting with' etc.

 

Like I said, when we actually talk, I normally have to start the conversation, but when we do talk, she seems really outgoing and laughs a whole lot, even when what I say or do isnt particularly funny.

When we are in a group, She seems a lot quieter. She has quite a few 'girlfriends' of whom some of which I'm really friendly with. I also think a few of the group of friends we hang around with or onto me, and bring it up on occasions, never anything nasty, but sometimes try to force her jokingly into seeing me etc.

I think this has creeped her out slightly.

 

I think the 'perfect oppertunity' is coming up too, as college are running a 6 day NYC trip, which we are both going on. Would you recommend making a move there or what?'

 

@ThePerfectsett

thanks, I'll try to notice these things and tell you guys what I find out.

 

 

 

 

yesterday, we went into town and we were fine around each other. she then met her girl friend and went to the pub for some drinks, whereas I stayed in town.

i then got a text from her, which was her friend telling me she was upset that I kept texting her and wanted me to stop.

I was down for a few minutes, until the girl text me telling me it wasnt the case and assuring me she still wanted to talk. she was laughing a lot.

 

I don't fully understand, so thanks :D

 

Hears a word of advice that rings true in any situations. Girls at the best of times are complicated and Men with our simpleton brains will always struggle to understand them. And tbh, the more you try to understand them the more complex and confusing they get so it's best avoiding trying to understand them.

At the end of the day a question you need to ask yourself, do you value your friendship more or the potential relationship? Do you have more to gain from losing or more to lose from gaining? (Basically will the positive outweight the possible negatives.)

If the answer is yes, you will gain more than you have nothing to lose so just try it. If you get rejected take it in your stride, everybody at some point and there are plently more out there.

Then try towards the end of that trip. If you try at the start of the trip it will really ruin the trip and make everything slightly awkward and allows you to surely make your mind up on what she feels and what you feel (if she rejects your advancement that is.)

[RESULTS]

Yeah i guess so.

The Positives FAR FAR FAR outweigh the negatives. Like, there isn't a negative, as we are friends with pretty much the same people

 

although one thing i think that isn't helping is the fact sh'es leaving for university most likely this september, and that'll mean limited contact.