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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios

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After being together that long, she definitely should have gotten you something and you have every right to be upset about it. Try not giving her something on her birthday, I guarantee you'll hear about it for the rest of your relationship.

 

Also, first date advice:

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...basically you're screwed. :lol:

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Alright, in a bit of a situation here.

 

So, I went out with that girl today. We got coffee and we talked for three hours. Conversation flowed perfectly, no hiccups, kept eye contact, and kept each other interested. Would probably be considered a successful date in most peoples' books.

 

But there was a big problem for me, and I don't know if I'm just paranoid or if this is something I should be concerned about: She talked about this guy (who is an ex-boyfriend) and how they watched movies together and hung out. Recently. And in her phone, this guy is in her contacts list as "[his name]-Boo". She got a new phone a few days ago, so this couldn't have been something she just forgot to change.

 

Now, I don't know about you guys, but this sounded relationshippy as [bleep] to me. It doesn't make sense though. I called her out of the blue and asked if she would like to get coffee, and she agreed. She couldn't have just thought it was a friendly get-together. She already knows that I like her from past situations, and it being a date had to have at least crossed her mind.

 

I guess I just don't get it.

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Alright, in a bit of a situation here.

 

So, I went out with that girl today. We got coffee and we talked for three hours. Conversation flowed perfectly, no hiccups, kept eye contact, and kept each other interested. Would probably be considered a successful date in most peoples' books.

 

But there was a big problem for me, and I don't know if I'm just paranoid or if this is something I should be concerned about: She talked about this guy (who is an ex-boyfriend) and how they watched movies together and hung out. Recently. And in her phone, this guy is in her contacts list as "[his name]-Boo". She got a new phone a few days ago, so this couldn't have been something she just forgot to change.

 

Now, I don't know about you guys, but this sounded relationshippy as [bleep] to me. It doesn't make sense though. I called her out of the blue and asked if she would like to get coffee, and she agreed. She couldn't have just thought it was a friendly get-together. She already knows that I like her from past situations, and it being a date had to have at least crossed her mind.

 

I guess I just don't get it.

 

Doesn't matter if she likes other guys as long as she likes you too.

 

Also forgot to mention that you shouldn't let your first dates run past an hour :P But good to know it seemed to go well. Set up a 2nd date with her in a day or two.

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Alright, in a bit of a situation here.

 

So, I went out with that girl today. We got coffee and we talked for three hours. Conversation flowed perfectly, no hiccups, kept eye contact, and kept each other interested. Would probably be considered a successful date in most peoples' books.

 

But there was a big problem for me, and I don't know if I'm just paranoid or if this is something I should be concerned about: She talked about this guy (who is an ex-boyfriend) and how they watched movies together and hung out. Recently. And in her phone, this guy is in her contacts list as "[his name]-Boo". She got a new phone a few days ago, so this couldn't have been something she just forgot to change.

 

Now, I don't know about you guys, but this sounded relationshippy as [bleep] to me. It doesn't make sense though. I called her out of the blue and asked if she would like to get coffee, and she agreed. She couldn't have just thought it was a friendly get-together. She already knows that I like her from past situations, and it being a date had to have at least crossed her mind.

 

I guess I just don't get it.

 

Doesn't matter if she likes other guys as long as she likes you too.

 

Also forgot to mention that you shouldn't let your first dates run past an hour :P But good to know it seemed to go well. Set up a 2nd date with her in a day or two.

 

With a 3hr date, I'd say make it 3 days, and be sure to make sure the date doesn't run much over an hour and a half. Keep her curious about your life and what you do, don't spill the beans all so quickly.

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Alright, in a bit of a situation here.

 

So, I went out with that girl today. We got coffee and we talked for three hours. Conversation flowed perfectly, no hiccups, kept eye contact, and kept each other interested. Would probably be considered a successful date in most peoples' books.

 

But there was a big problem for me, and I don't know if I'm just paranoid or if this is something I should be concerned about: She talked about this guy (who is an ex-boyfriend) and how they watched movies together and hung out. Recently. And in her phone, this guy is in her contacts list as "[his name]-Boo". She got a new phone a few days ago, so this couldn't have been something she just forgot to change.

 

Now, I don't know about you guys, but this sounded relationshippy as [bleep] to me. It doesn't make sense though. I called her out of the blue and asked if she would like to get coffee, and she agreed. She couldn't have just thought it was a friendly get-together. She already knows that I like her from past situations, and it being a date had to have at least crossed her mind.

 

I guess I just don't get it.

 

Doesn't matter if she likes other guys as long as she likes you too.

 

Also forgot to mention that you shouldn't let your first dates run past an hour :P But good to know it seemed to go well. Set up a 2nd date with her in a day or two.

 

With a 3hr date, I'd say make it 3 days, and be sure to make sure the date doesn't run much over an hour and a half. Keep her curious about your life and what you do, don't spill the beans all so quickly.

 

The reason you keep the first date limited to about 1 hour is because past an hour, you're getting diminishing "returns" on your time-investment. In some cases, you're not getting any returns at all; you're just shooting yourself in the foot! (But like I said, I suspect in this case it's the former).

 

No, stick to 1-2 days for scheduling the second date. It's kinda weird/needy if you text her the day of or immediately into the next day. If you wait too long (more than 2 days) she's going to forget about you and you'll lose priority to all the other guys she has access to. Hell, you'll probably start forgetting about her too if you wait that long.

 

If she really likes you, though, she'll be the one to text you first.

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I suppose this is sort of contingent on it being established that you are infact on a date, but never leave the date without a plan. That is, never end with "I'll call you". If you do, imagine my avatar hitting you with his paper and saying "bad".

 

If you want to wait two days, fine, but establish that. "I'll call you tuesday" for example. It just removes the guesswork.

 

 

Apologies on the next comment, this caught my eye and I don't want to forget about it, but I am not awake enough to properly follow. I saw the comment about the conclusion being that you want both a mother and father figure, but ideally not living together, and I saw the implication being because then you don't see them bickering with each other.

 

Now, my mind would immediately jump to divorce as the go to reason for that circumstance, and from what I have seen, that would be self defeating because of parents in that situation fighting, openly, for their children's affection. If you don't have the animosity that leads to using your child as a weapon against your former partner, either through a more amiable divorce or other circumstance, then I can see a point. I would have to wonder how the favourites dynamic plays out with two or more households as opposed to one (children have favorites and will prefer one parent to the other. I am wondering how the parents deal with that in a separate versus joint environment).

 

I suppose I could also point out that the assumption that the children of parents who live together will see their parents fight is about as fair as my immediately jumping to an image of divorce where the parents hate each other, openly. I think both happen, and quite a bit, but not always. I guess my issue with that type of discussion is they become too broad. Children notice things and not others, so even though any couple will have conflicts, I think how that manifests would be more important than the fact that the conflicts exist. I would agree wholeheartedly that parents yelling at each other isn't helping the kids, but that type of conflict is specific to certain personality types as well.

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Maze, if she was laying it on heavy she was just letting you know there's competition and you're probably not in first place. Yet. Absolutely call her out and ask her what youre name is in her contact list and feel free to change hers to something silly when she reverses the question back on you.

 

And ignore the bullshit aboit wait this many hours and this many days. Everyonr has different tolerence levels. As long as you aren't being attention needy or clingy you're fine. And don't ask if youe being to clingy. THAT would be shooting yourself in the foot.

 

@egg

Imagine how much shit shed give you if you did the same to her. Tell her that and ask for an explanation, I'm sure there is one. Hopefully she's mature enough to give it to you.

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Maze, if she was laying it on heavy she was just letting you know there's competition and you're probably not in first place.

 

She said, "I watched x movie with him" and "yeah, he showed me his iphone" and he texted her during the date.

 

Is that "laying it on heavy"?

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Maze, if she was laying it on heavy she was just letting you know there's competition and you're probably not in first place. Yet. Absolutely call her out and ask her what youre name is in her contact list and feel free to change hers to something silly when she reverses the question back on you.

 

And ignore the bullshit aboit wait this many hours and this many days. Everyonr has different tolerence levels. As long as you aren't being attention needy or clingy you're fine. And don't ask if youe being to clingy. THAT would be shooting yourself in the foot.

 

@egg

Imagine how much shit shed give you if you did the same to her. Tell her that and ask for an explanation, I'm sure there is one. Hopefully she's mature enough to give it to you.

Agreed. People who say "wait this many hours" generally have no idea what they're talking about. That whole concept is formed around an idea someone once saw in a movie and took it a bit too serious. The best thing you can do is call her when you think it's a good time to call her. When I was still living in the US i guess I hit a peak in terms of my game. I approached every girl different because they were all different. Some of them i would text hours after getting their number, some i would text 4 or 5 days later. Some of them i had a 60 minute first date, some of them ended up leaving the next morning. Again, its going to depend inthe type of girl she is ( or the type of girl you think she is). For example: when I was seeing Claire i knew from the get go that she was a party girl, but the type that only parties with her girlfriends. She had the whole [bleep] thing written on her forehead so it made her hard to approach. She was hard to make conversation with which told me that she wasn't really looking for a relationship. So I asked her number anyway. I knew she would remember me because of things i told her the night we met, and well I'm the first South African she ever met. So even if I talked to her 5 weeks later she would still remember me. Anyway, I texted her right as we left the bar, then waited 5 or so days before the next text. We ended up fooling around for a few month. A different girl i met, Meghan, well she was a much different girl. She wasn't a party girl at all. In fact the night i met her she told me it was her first night at a bar in a few months. So I knew that she was more of a "say indoors and watch movies" girl. So she was the kind of girl I'd have to text 2 days after meeting her max. I wasn't scared that she would forget me, I was just scared that, because she doesn't get out much, she would get the wrong idea if i didn't text her. She would probably end up thinking i just wanted to be a [bleep]buddy if i waited too long to text her (since she doesn't get out much, her idea of "the game" would be much different).

 

Anyway point I'm trying to make is that each girl will be different. So you can't really say " wait this long" before texting her.

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Maze, if she was laying it on heavy she was just letting you know there's competition and you're probably not in first place. Yet. Absolutely call her out and ask her what youre name is in her contact list and feel free to change hers to something silly when she reverses the question back on you.

 

And ignore the bullshit aboit wait this many hours and this many days. Everyonr has different tolerence levels. As long as you aren't being attention needy or clingy you're fine. And don't ask if youe being to clingy. THAT would be shooting yourself in the foot.

 

@egg

Imagine how much shit shed give you if you did the same to her. Tell her that and ask for an explanation, I'm sure there is one. Hopefully she's mature enough to give it to you.

Agreed. People who say "wait this many hours" generally have no idea what they're talking about. That whole concept is formed around an idea someone once saw in a movie and took it a bit too serious. The best thing you can do is call her when you think it's a good time to call her. When I was still living in the US i guess I hit a peak in terms of my game. I approached every girl different because they were all different. Some of them i would text hours after getting their number, some i would text 4 or 5 days later. Some of them i had a 60 minute first date, some of them ended up leaving the next morning. Again, its going to depend inthe type of girl she is ( or the type of girl you think she is). For example: when I was seeing Claire i knew from the get go that she was a party girl, but the type that only parties with her girlfriends. She had the whole [bleep] thing written on her forehead so it made her hard to approach. She was hard to make conversation with which told me that she wasn't really looking for a relationship. So I asked her number anyway. I knew she would remember me because of things i told her the night we met, and well I'm the first South African she ever met. So even if I talked to her 5 weeks later she would still remember me. Anyway, I texted her right as we left the bar, then waited 5 or so days before the next text. We ended up fooling around for a few month. A different girl i met, Meghan, well she was a much different girl. She wasn't a party girl at all. In fact the night i met her she told me it was her first night at a bar in a few months. So I knew that she was more of a "say indoors and watch movies" girl. So she was the kind of girl I'd have to text 2 days after meeting her max. I wasn't scared that she would forget me, I was just scared that, because she doesn't get out much, she would get the wrong idea if i didn't text her. She would probably end up thinking i just wanted to be a [bleep]buddy if i waited too long to text her (since she doesn't get out much, her idea of "the game" would be much different).

 

Anyway point I'm trying to make is that each girl will be different. So you can't really say " wait this long" before texting her.

 

That's true, and I agree (and believe Muggi would as well) that you have to kind of feel for it and see what would best, read the situation as best as you can. However, for many cases 2-3 day waiting period is good, especially if you don't have any prior relationship (ie friendship) with the person. As RPG said, being clingy and needy in the first month (or at all for that matter) is an automatic lose.

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Maze, if she was laying it on heavy she was just letting you know there's competition and you're probably not in first place. Yet. Absolutely call her out and ask her what youre name is in her contact list and feel free to change hers to something silly when she reverses the question back on you.

 

And ignore the bullshit aboit wait this many hours and this many days. Everyonr has different tolerence levels. As long as you aren't being attention needy or clingy you're fine. And don't ask if youe being to clingy. THAT would be shooting yourself in the foot.

 

@egg

Imagine how much shit shed give you if you did the same to her. Tell her that and ask for an explanation, I'm sure there is one. Hopefully she's mature enough to give it to you.

Agreed. People who say "wait this many hours" generally have no idea what they're talking about. That whole concept is formed around an idea someone once saw in a movie and took it a bit too serious. The best thing you can do is call her when you think it's a good time to call her. When I was still living in the US i guess I hit a peak in terms of my game. I approached every girl different because they were all different. Some of them i would text hours after getting their number, some i would text 4 or 5 days later. Some of them i had a 60 minute first date, some of them ended up leaving the next morning. Again, its going to depend inthe type of girl she is ( or the type of girl you think she is). For example: when I was seeing Claire i knew from the get go that she was a party girl, but the type that only parties with her girlfriends. She had the whole [bleep] thing written on her forehead so it made her hard to approach. She was hard to make conversation with which told me that she wasn't really looking for a relationship. So I asked her number anyway. I knew she would remember me because of things i told her the night we met, and well I'm the first South African she ever met. So even if I talked to her 5 weeks later she would still remember me. Anyway, I texted her right as we left the bar, then waited 5 or so days before the next text. We ended up fooling around for a few month. A different girl i met, Meghan, well she was a much different girl. She wasn't a party girl at all. In fact the night i met her she told me it was her first night at a bar in a few months. So I knew that she was more of a "say indoors and watch movies" girl. So she was the kind of girl I'd have to text 2 days after meeting her max. I wasn't scared that she would forget me, I was just scared that, because she doesn't get out much, she would get the wrong idea if i didn't text her. She would probably end up thinking i just wanted to be a [bleep]buddy if i waited too long to text her (since she doesn't get out much, her idea of "the game" would be much different).

 

Anyway point I'm trying to make is that each girl will be different. So you can't really say " wait this long" before texting her.

 

That's true, and I agree (and believe Muggi would as well) that you have to kind of feel for it and see what would best, read the situation as best as you can. However, for many cases 2-3 day waiting period is good, especially if you don't have any prior relationship (ie friendship) with the person. As RPG said, being clingy and needy in the first month (or at all for that matter) is an automatic lose.

Being needy/clingy isn't always a negative thing for some girls. It might not be in YOUR best i interest, but It might be in theirs. With a girl i met, Rebecca, she liked me being needy. It made her felt wanted/needed in the beginning. If i went a day or two without talking to her she would contact me to find out what was up and why I was being "quiet". So in order for me to get from her what I wanted I had to be the clingy guy dealing with the clingy girls. Again I say it might not be in your best interest because a clingy girl can be very hard to deal with. But it could be in her best interest because some girls, as I said, want the clingy guy. Rebecca did eventually become less clingy which was a good thing, but It was kind of hard to maintain while i was with her.

Although in his case, since it seems like he wants a relationship and not a [bleep]buddy, being clingy would be a bad thing haha.

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Keeping up the clingy/needy act (or not act) is where it becomes an issue regardless. Even of you do benefit from it in the short run, constantly texting eachother and becoming codependant is a super dangerous game to be played; unless if you both truly intend on spending the rest of your lives together (or as muggiw will argue, that's also bad for numerous reasons.) Basically its a long haul style of creating bonds that results in a lot of heartache in the midrange (read:average) relationship.

 

I've made the mistake of being the clingy one once. It was certainly something. I can't say it didn't have its moments but I don't think I want to do it again.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

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I can't think of how it's ever a good thing. Not least because being clingy on one person basically involves paying so much attention to that one person, you're effectively sticking the finger up to the rest of your friends and family, who you'll probably want to be there if the whole thing disintegrates. Which it's more likely to do in the first place, because relationships have to exist within the context of both people's wider social circle if they want to be healthy.

 

What happened to Romeo and Juliet in the end?

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They lived in a time where "[bleep] it let's just elope to Vegas" wasn't an option.

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I wouldn't repeat dates consequtively, but that's just a me thing. I like playing MTG, roller blading, movie at home, bonfire, frisbee, etc. Body movement increases odds of physical contact which is always a plus on the second date

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Quote

Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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It was one of those things where I didn't realize how funny it was until after the fact.

 

I guess I walked up to her really confidently/seductively without breaking eye contact and then when I finally got to her, I just anticlimactically asked her where the bathroom was and she started cracking up :lol:

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Meanwhile, on OKC:

 

Your profile is probably the leading reason I'm messaging back. At first glance, I thought 23 and fresh out of college might be a bit too young for me but your profile was so well put together that any initial reservations were set aside. Sure, it comes across a bit over confident but that's not always a bad thing, or at least, not in this case :)

 

I'm turning in for the night so I'm not game for back and forth messaging tonight but would love to get to know you.

 

Thanks for putting yourself out there.

 

Jen

 

Feels good man.

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