"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[RpgGamer]

That might have been the longest this thread has been inactive in ever.

[Kaida23]

Everybody's gone back to school. They're too busy trying to get some to post. :P

[RpgGamer]

Funny, I'm too busy in school to even stir up trouble

[muggiwhplar]

Yeah I work like 60-70 hours a week lol

[constrictor]

Not really interested in a relationship at the moment (as expressed through the last thing I posted about first-two-week-girl); though, I am actually getting dinner with a girl tonight, and lunch with another tomorrow - what.

In all honesty, wouldn't mind a relationship around November-ish, but we shall see - love does not regard time.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I'm in a bit of hole.

 

I moved into shared housing a few months ago. At the time it was me and two girls, and we started getting along pretty well. We go out with each other, help the chores, go shopping, cook for each other, hang out in the living room every night... we've bonded really well, partly because we're all doing the same course.

 

About two weeks ago, I noticed the way I felt about one of them had changed. We went out one Thursday, where one of our neighbors started getting really protective of her as soon as anyone else went near her, which made me feel a bit jealous (he's already in a relationship and he was being a bit of a [bleep] to be perfectly honest) but I just carried on enjoying myself and ignored it. Then a guy she met on the night out starts texting her afterwards, and I find myself getting a bit jealous, trying to convince her she doesn't want to be with this guy. Then a new housemate (male) moves in and I went into a massive strop, finding excuses which weren't really bothering me deep down (like there not being enough fridge space) but once the dust had settled and I realized how silly and impetuous I was being, I apologized, and me and this girl talked about it. She asked what was bothering me, I said to her I was anxious that the dynamics and friendships of the house would change with a new guy in the house. She said she wouldn't treat me any differently just because another guy's in the house. We spent the rest of the night hanging out like we usually do.

 

I think it was then I finally admitted to myself after two weeks of denial that I do like this girl a bit more than just friends and a bit more than just housemates. I've got other close female friends, like really close, but I don't get green-eyed with any of them with other guys like I do now with this one girl.

 

Before we've spoken about what we find attractive, and she says she doesn't find anyone smaller than her attractive. I'm smaller than her by some considerable distance. So I'm pretty sure she wouldn't find me physically attractive, although I think she does find my personality quite attractive (or at least, she probably did until I threw that strop); she jokes whenever I leave the house that I'm spending too much time away from her, and whenever she gets back and I'm upstairs she texts asking me to come down and see her. But she has been in very happy relationships before where she didn't find the guy physically attractive, so then I asked her straight out yesterday "Are you looking for a relationship generally, as in from anyone?" and she said, "Well, if one comes along one comes along." I didn't really tell her my own feelings, because I was afraid it would backfire, especially when I'd been acting like a baby all day over the new housemate.

 

Basically, we're housemates, I like her, I'm 80% certain she doesn't see me in that way, at least not physically. It's obvious other things are making me more and more unsettled about the whole situation. Should I tell her and make things awkward, should I tell her as a way of explaining why things might be awkward in the future, or just leave it?

[constrictor]

I'm in a bit of hole.

 

I moved into shared housing a few months ago. At the time it was me and two girls, and we started getting along pretty well. We go out with each other, help the chores, go shopping, cook for each other, hang out in the living room every night... we've bonded really well, partly because we're all doing the same course.

 

About two weeks ago, I noticed the way I felt about one of them had changed. We went out one Thursday, where one of our neighbors started getting really protective of her as soon as anyone else went near her, which made me feel a bit jealous (he's already in a relationship and he was being a bit of a [bleep] to be perfectly honest) but I just carried on enjoying myself and ignored it. Then a guy she met on the night out starts texting her afterwards, and I find myself getting a bit jealous, trying to convince her she doesn't want to be with this guy. Then a new housemate (male) moves in and I went into a massive strop, finding excuses which weren't really bothering me deep down (like there not being enough fridge space) but once the dust had settled and I realized how silly and impetuous I was being, I apologized, and me and this girl talked about it. She asked what was bothering me, I said to her I was anxious that the dynamics and friendships of the house would change with a new guy in the house. She said she wouldn't treat me any differently just because another guy's in the house. We spent the rest of the night hanging out like we usually do.

 

I think it was then I finally admitted to myself after two weeks of denial that I do like this girl a bit more than just friends and a bit more than just housemates. I've got other close female friends, like really close, but I don't get green-eyed with any of them with other guys like I do now with this one girl.

 

Before we've spoken about what we find attractive, and she says she doesn't find anyone smaller than her attractive. I'm smaller than her by some considerable distance. So I'm pretty sure she wouldn't find me physically attractive, although I think she does find my personality quite attractive (or at least, she probably did until I threw that strop); she jokes whenever I leave the house that I'm spending too much time away from her, and whenever she gets back and I'm upstairs she texts asking me to come down and see her. But she has been in very happy relationships before where she didn't find the guy physically attractive, so then I asked her straight out yesterday "Are you looking for a relationship generally, as in from anyone?" and she said, "Well, if one comes along one comes along." I didn't really tell her my own feelings, because I was afraid it would backfire, especially when I'd been acting like a baby all day over the new housemate.

 

Basically, we're housemates, I like her, I'm 80% certain she doesn't see me in that way, at least not physically. It's obvious other things are making me more and more unsettled about the whole situation. Should I tell her and make things awkward, should I tell her as a way of explaining why things might be awkward in the future, or just leave it?

 

 

See more recent episodes of New Girl for prompt advice.

[obfuscator]

This is why living together with opposite-gender non-family members is a bad idea. I wouldn't risk telling her, because things could get really awkward and you have no easy out...

[muggiwhplar]

Assuming somehow you two end up dating (which is unlikely IMO), you're forgetting that you two are already living together. In otherwords, expect much more drama and frustration than the average relationship if anything ever happens while you're living together.

 

Your inner talk needs work though. You shouldn't be:

-discussing relationships with her (especially YOUR desires)

-feeling needy and jealous, much less making those emotions obvious to her

-feeling insecure about what you have to offer. Ask yourself: would you want to date yourself? I suspect the answer is no.

-dwelling on just one girl-- especially one whom you live with

[Ginger_Warrior]

This is why living together with opposite-gender non-family members is a bad idea. I wouldn't risk telling her, because things could get really awkward and you have no easy out...

I wouldn't necessarily agree with the first part. The vast majority of people I know are in shared, mixed-gender accommodation and get along just fine. There are many pros to that arrangement. The second part is true though: relationships within a household are generally a bad idea, which is what I was concerned about.

 

Assuming somehow you two end up dating (which is unlikely IMO), you're forgetting that you two are already living together. In otherwords, expect much more drama and frustration than the average relationship if anything ever happens while you're living together.

Agreed. There's the potential for more conflict, and no where to escape too.

 

Your inner talk needs work though. You shouldn't be:

-discussing relationships with her (especially YOUR desires)

-feeling needy and jealous, much less making those emotions obvious to her

-feeling insecure about what you have to offer. Ask yourself: would you want to date yourself? I suspect the answer is no.

-dwelling on just one girl-- especially one whom you live with

I agree that what I was initially proposing to do would definitely have counted as needy, which is a negative trait, and not a genuine attempt to be emotionally honest with another person, which is a positive trait and is actually a trait that's necessary to initiate a relationship at all. I wouldn't have said that I'm insecure about what I have to offer, though. I'm pretty self-aware and I know what my better qualities are. I know there are girls that like those qualities. I hear what you say about one girl, but that's just me. I've never really felt for two girls at a time; it just doesn't feel right to me, so I quickly put an end to it whenever it does happen. We've differed before on this. How about a compromise: Accept this is going nowhere, stay positive, talk to new people, find someone else?

 

All in all, you're all right, especially Ring. Don't shit on your doorstep, especially when it's your doorstep for the next nine months at least, probably longer if things stay as friendly as they are. Relationships do start between housemates and they can occasionally be happy and successful, but generally student relationships tend to be quite precarious, especially under that much tension, and when things do fall apart, they make things very awkward for everyone else in the house.

 

Meh... we were good friends so, I'll just stay friendly, and keep my mouth shut about the whole thing, and withdraw when I feel I need to.

[obfuscator]

I wouldn't necessarily agree with the first part. The vast majority of people I know are in shared, mixed-gender accommodation and get along just fine. There are many pros to that arrangement. The second part is true though: relationships within a household are generally a bad idea, which is what I was concerned about.

It's definitely possible to do, but I think you're just adding an additional element to your life which has the potential for drama. It's just simpler if you avoid it entirely imo.

[Flodder450]

New to this thread, so here goes

Im crushing hard on a girl from my school, but i dont know what so say to her to start a conversation, its not that im too scared to do it, i just dont know what i should say to break the ice...

[nine naked men]

"i built the world trade centre in minecraft baby, get at me"

[Flodder450]

"i built the world trade centre in minecraft baby, get at me"

hehe,

 

but seriously, what do i need to say? D:

[Bonez899]

 

 

"i built the world trade centre in minecraft baby, get at me"

hehe,

 

but seriously, what do i need to say? D:

Find a common interest or commonality such as a class and go from there. Should break the ice fine.

[Ginger_Warrior]

Don't overthink it. Striking a conversation's really not that hard.

 

It's really as simple as asking the other person what their interests are / what they do with spare time. Look for an area where interests overlap, or that she feels passionate about. The ice should melt pretty quickly from there.

[Kaworu]

I'm trying to figure this out right now. There's a girl I'm kind of interested in, and I'm trying to figure out how she feels. She's made passing comments like, "Oh, we should totally go to this concert!" But I can't figure out the line between friendliness and interest and I don't want to come off too strongly.

 

This is kind of a problem because all of my relationships, for better or worse, have started out where I'm already friends with the girl. Of course, this causes all kinds of problems, but that's just how it's happened. So I really have no idea what I'm doing. I also have no idea how to "make a move" on someone that I'm not yet 100% comfortable with.

 

 

So we'll see how this goes, I suppose.

[Flodder450]

 

New to this thread, so here goes

 

Im crushing hard on a girl from my school, but i dont know what so say to her to start a conversation, its not that im too scared to do it, i just dont know what i should say to break the ice...

 

Do you have a class with her? Any common friends? Any known common interests? Have you talked to her at all yet?

 

edit: As ginger said don't over complicate it, talk to her like shes a guy friend but state your interest and what you like about her.

 

She has different classes than i do, i dont really know anything at all of her (except for the fact she has a BF, sorry for to not mention that), i only said hi when passing by in the hallways

 

[The_Gabe]

 

 

New to this thread, so here goes

 

Im crushing hard on a girl from my school, but i dont know what so say to her to start a conversation, its not that im too scared to do it, i just dont know what i should say to break the ice...

 

Do you have a class with her? Any common friends? Any known common interests? Have you talked to her at all yet?

 

edit: As ginger said don't over complicate it, talk to her like shes a guy friend but state your interest and what you like about her.

 

She has different classes than i do, i dont really know anything at all of her (except for the fact she has a BF, sorry for to not mention that), i only said hi when passing by in the hallways

 

 

If she has a bf then there's nothing you can do.

[Kaida23]

 

If she has a bf then there's nothing you should do.

 

 

Fixed that for ya. :P

 

He's right though, if she already has a boyfriend you're probably better off moving on than getting more involved.

[muggiwhplar]

Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score! :twss:

 

Don't bother if that violates your personal morality though of course.

[The_Gabe]

Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score! :twss:

 

Don't bother if that violates your personal morality though of course.

That's awful.

[Giordano]

 

Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score! :twss:

 

Don't bother if that violates your personal morality though of course.

That's awful.

 

Yes.

 

Because if she opens that easily then she's not datable material. :wink:

[muggiwhplar]

 

Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score! :twss:

 

Don't bother if that violates your personal morality though of course.

That's awful.

 

 

Reality and human nature aren't always pleasant :P

[Flodder450]

 

Just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't score! :twss:

 

Don't bother if that violates your personal morality though of course.

 

I would agree with you here.

 

Anways Flodder I'm assuming your young, dont bother with a girl whos taken it wont work out well for you. Just talk to any girl you find attractive and that you find interesting and you will get results.

 

hehe, im turning 20 next july

 

but yeah, thanks for the advice guys :)