Real life help & advice

[Qrup]

I'm 18. I used to enjoy playing video games. Whenever I start to play something now, I just think 'What's the point?' and give up shortly thereafter. For the past several months, I haven't enjoyed anything other than sleeping when I'm tired, etc. My parents are very conservative. They are mad at me for not playing football in high school and not having any friends. They constantly yell at and make fun of me for these and other things, as well as tell their friends and my teachers. I have seen emails confirming this. I have tried finding hobbies, but I either lose interest very quickly or have the same problem I have with video games. When I try to self-improve, I give up shortly after starting because I realize that there is no reason to do what I'm doing because I don't think I'll go anywhere in life. I can't communicate at all vocally. I get incredibly nervous and uncomfortable. I can't communicate with anybody I know over the internet. I am terrified by the thought of being confronted by somebody in real life to discuss something I said online. I do not have trouble communicating anonymously over the internet. Whenever I have to say something in school, I get very nervous and am hard to understand. I am often asked to repeat myself several times. I do not have a driver license and I only leave where I live to go to school.

 

I'm unhappy, how do I become happy without changing anything?

I don't want to be "happy", I want to learn how to cope

 

I hate my family, but I love living with them and never leaving their side.

I dislike them as people. I live in an upper-middle-class family. I appreciate the things they provide. I hate their personality. I would love to live away from them, but that is financially impossible for me. I understand that some people have trouble grasping the concept that not all people own everything their parents do. I am sorry for being so blunt.

 

I want help, but don't you dare suggest anything to me, because it's wrong.

My only stipulation is that you don't assume I enjoy "normal" things.

 

I have only been to a restaurant a few times. I get very uncomfortable when I have to tell somebody what I want. I have never asked a stranger on the streets for directions.

 

 

I did not intend for this post to come across as 'rude'. I am sorry if parts appeared that way. I would like information on how to cope with my situation, preferably (but by no means required) by somebody who has been in a similar situation and gotten through it.

[Omar]

I was not completely in your situation, but I've been an awkward kid and I've improved. I could talk, but I had low self esteem. I was quite dissatisfied with my life. I'm by no means an alpha male, and I'm still uncomfortable with situations for which I am not prepared, but I'm doing much better.

The first thing I suggest you do is try to smile to people. Strangers, especially. In the morning, to this day, whenever someone is crossing my path on the way to school, I smile to them. If you ever take the bus, say hi. That feels particularly good to bus drivers, by the way. Homeless people as well. The worse part about those two situations is being ignored by everyone, they say. The same thing goes for you; having people sincerely greeting you feels good, it feels like people don't immediately think you're a piece of [cabbage]. Start by doing small things that get you used to human contact. Chat on Omegle. Since this is anonymous, you can learn to make small talk. if you don't have any idea how to do that, the basic scheme is:

"Hi" / "Hey, how are you doing?" / "[Good/Bad/adverb], [X recent event]" / "[voice opinion on said event]" / "[voice opinion on first opinion/on the event]".

You're depressed because you don't have anything to live for. In a sense, the answer to becoming happy and learning to cope is the same. You need something that makes your life worth living. No philosophical theory on suicide will teach you to cope.

Next time your parents make fun of you, you NEED, and by that I mean it is unconditionally necessary for you to tell them you're trying your hardest to get better, and that you want them to at least stop stunting your progress if they're not going try to speed it up.

If you have MSN, add my address ([email protected]). I'm no psychologist, but I'll do my very best to help you out.

[RpgGamer]

I'm 18. I used to enjoy playing video games. Whenever I start to play something now, I just think 'What's the point?' and give up shortly thereafter. For the past several months, I haven't enjoyed anything other than sleeping when I'm tired, etc. My parents are very conservative. They are mad at me for not playing football in high school and not having any friends. They constantly yell at and make fun of me for these and other things, as well as tell their friends and my teachers. I have seen emails confirming this. I have tried finding hobbies, but I either lose interest very quickly or have the same problem I have with video games. When I try to self-improve, I give up shortly after starting because I realize that there is no reason to do what I'm doing because I don't think I'll go anywhere in life. I can't communicate at all vocally. I get incredibly nervous and uncomfortable. I can't communicate with anybody I know over the internet. I am terrified by the thought of being confronted by somebody in real life to discuss something I said online. I do not have trouble communicating anonymously over the internet. Whenever I have to say something in school, I get very nervous and am hard to understand. I am often asked to repeat myself several times. I do not have a driver license and I only leave where I live to go to school.

 

I'm unhappy, how do I become happy without changing anything?

I don't want to be "happy", I want to learn how to cope

 

I hate my family, but I love living with them and never leaving their side.

I dislike them as people. I live in an upper-middle-class family. I appreciate the things they provide. I hate their personality. I would love to live away from them, but that is financially impossible for me. I understand that some people have trouble grasping the concept that not all people own everything their parents do. I am sorry for being so blunt.

 

I want help, but don't you dare suggest anything to me, because it's wrong.

My only stipulation is that you don't assume I enjoy "normal" things.

 

I have only been to a restaurant a few times. I get very uncomfortable when I have to tell somebody what I want. I have never asked a stranger on the streets for directions.

 

 

I did not intend for this post to come across as 'rude'. I am sorry if parts appeared that way. I would like information on how to cope with my situation, preferably (but by no means required) by somebody who has been in a similar situation and gotten through it.

 

Don't apologize bro, I called you out like a douche and you act like it's your fault. You make articulate posts, and have no problems as long as you're anonymous. You don't get along with your parents well, but you appreciate them. Sounds to me like you're having trouble with your identity. I'm not implying that you don't know who you are by any maens, but you certainly have issues expressing yourself, as yourself. Judgemental and overbearing parents kind of promote that. But if you're looking for other awkward kids who have learned to get on with life, you've come to the right place man. TIF OffTopic is loaded with people who were once awkward, shy, sunned Runecapians, since retired and moved on with their lives. I, myself grew up extremely awkward for many years, maybe not as severe as you describe but I can certainly relate to one thing in your post -> your new found lack of interest in video games. They've lost the satisfying feeling they once held.

 

But anyway, I say take some baby steps. I'm not saying you have to talk to strangers out ofthe blue to make friends yet, but show your face around town more often, and learn to express yourself. Eventually you'll find yourself with more social opurtunity. While I'm not sure this is the answer you were looking for, I don't advise rolling over and succumbing to your anti-social lifestyle. Coping is one thing, but i think you need change. And you can take it at whatever pace you feel comfortable at.

[Dupin]

To the guy whose name starts with Q:

 

The way I see it, your situation is really the same one most people your age deal with. You are faced with life, and you get stuck when you ask yourself, "What do I want?" This is completely normal. The inner conflict is worsened by your personal situation. Solving it requires that you admit it needs to be solved. I know it sounds dumb, but life is an opportunity. Figure out what you want to do with it, or you'll be stuck moping around your whole life.

 

A few points:

-[bleep] your parents. They're idiots, and the only way you can preserve yourself is to accept that they're idiots and leave them behind.

-[bleep] therapists and doctors. They're useless and incompetent. It's a ridiculous overstatement (they couldn't all be bad, could they?), but it's much easier to not get involved than it is to find someone who will actually help.

-The world doesn't care about football, and people who were popular in high school tend to be uninteresting for the rest of their lives. Yes, that's an opinion.

 

-Being happy and learning to cope are the same thing, just different words. You need something to occupy yourself, and you need a reason to stick with it. You will have to supply the reason for yourself, and it will blossom into the occupation.

 

Your social issue (uncofortability with communication) is the one you should begin solving immediately. The truth is, it's all in your head. You are only uncomfortable talking to people because you know you're uncomfortable talking to people. If you have trouble speaking, do two things: Speak slowly and clearly, and talk to yourself when you're alone. It will be great practice for being crazy and homeless - or, on the off-chance that you find something other than misery, will help you develop the confidence you need to become a boring, everyday person.

 

Now, what is the extent of your external social difficulties? I understand your parents are hostile and cause problems for you, but do you get along with your peers? What about school teachers, guidance counselors, random adults, just anybody you could rely on? If people either don't really know you at all or just think you're wierd (and aren't aggressively hostile), you can change a lot with a bit of effort. Start doing a bit of easy working out, either by borrowing some weights, doing pushups/chinups/situps in your room, or visiting the gym. If you're not really in great shape, start running. Not only will it make you feel better in general, but other people will respect you for showing an interest. If you can't find any motivation for it, look at it this way: With a better body, maybe you'll actually get laid in the future. You should care because it's better than not caring.

 

I assume you're a senior in high school (you're American, right?). That means in a few months, you will be faced with having nothing to do at all. The best thing you can do here is get into a college with dorms and move away from your parents. Seperating yourself from your current situation physically will give you the opportunity to change who you are without having to deal with the preconceptions of those around you. Even if you believe the opportunity to find a college has passed, you should still look for something. Oh, and as an 18-year-old, you can get your license pretty easily (I think it depends on the state, but I've heard usually you just have to take a test - none of that permit or driving hour bullcrap).

 

I've probably missed something in my post. If you have no hope at all, at least get a job at K-Mart or something and make some money so you can eventually get an apartment somewhere far away, perhaps shared with someone similar (and believe me, there are similar people. I myself may be looking for an apartment in a year if things go sour). Don't accept misery. It's no fun at all.

 

Oh, and if you're trolling, you've ruined my faith in humanity.

[Omar]

I've forgotten to mention two things: people might think you're weird, but that's because they don't know you at all. People are afraid, they're intimidated by things they don't understand (e.g. death). By showing them you're human just like them, you teach the that there's nothing to be afraid of. Same routine of saying hi/smiling to people.

Also, don't think you might not be interested in normal things, as such a thing doesn't exist. Surely there's something that can catch your interest.

[Dizzle229]

I found the last few posts indirectly pretty helpful.

 

Anywho, I came here to say that I really hate talking to my friends. It kinda expanded from there.

 

It's not that I don't like them, not that there's anything wrong with them, I just can't stand being around them or anyone else. I never have liked hanging out with people. It just annoys the hell out of me for some reason, and I've never really made friends on purpose. When they call and ask to hang out, I get REALLY pissed off, and will throw out an excuse, ANY EXCUSE AT ALL, not to. Makes me feel like I'm being a jerk, because I am. It's unavoidable. I'm pretty much asexual because of this. I know I wouldn't be any good in a relationship, so I just don't pursue it.

 

Besides, I've never been very good at talking to people anyway, mostly because I never know how to react to things in conversation.

 

"My grandma died." Um... that sucks, I guess?

"I got a new car." Sweet.

"My grandma died, but she left me a car." Are you just screwing with me on purpose now?

 

It's hard because I don't really feel emotion. Well that's not entirely true, but not nearly to the level that other people do. When someone dies, whatever. Doesn't seem to matter who. The funerals are the worst for me, not because of the sadness, but because I have to keep up the act of sadness. Sunglasses help, but I have to avoid talking to people or it would become apparent that I don't really care.

 

That's just an example though, it goes for every emotion. I don't really feel happiness, either. I don't get jealous, and I don't even really get angry like I used to, it never goes beyond the "mildly annoyed" stage anymore. 99.9% of my laughs are fake, as well as the smiles. I pretty much fake almost ALL of my emotion, but apparently I do a pretty good job because so far no one has picked up on it. Pretty much the only thing I DO feel, is I can be amused. Last One to Post Wins, and stuff like that.My sense of humor DOES NOT appeal to others though, so I don't really joke around much. When I see the gore threads on 4chan, they don't really bother me at all, but I must come up with a million jokes and observations for each pic.

 

ex. Police photos of a guy that tried to jump from a short building to escape pursuing cops. His chin hit the top of a fence, and when his body continued down, his head didn't. When I saw the pics of the head on the spike and his body at the ground, my first reaction: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

Stemming from this, I really don't care much for people in general. I'm in favor of the death penalty, but not by the expensive current methods. I've always thought condemned prisoners should be shot, their choice of blindfold or no blindfold, back of the neck or forehead, and their organs donated, with the surplus sold on the world market. I just don't have any sympathy for people I feel deserve to die (which includes many, MANY people.) It's not that I HATE them, it just seems like the logical option to me.

 

I've never killed anyone, of course, and considering all of my "enemies" are in HS its not in any way worth that kind of risk to pursue petty crap like that, but the idea is appealing.

 

I could continue for ages, but I realize this is getting long and we'd be here forever. I think this was more to vent than anything else, and I don't really no how much "help" their can really be for this, but oh well. Enough srs, here's some kitties.

[Dupin]

Are you asking for advice, or just trying to label yourself? My advice, for a start, would be to stop going on 4chan.

[Dizzle229]

Are you asking for advice, or just trying to label yourself? My advice, for a start, would be to stop going on 4chan.

Um...iono.

 

Like I said, mostly its to vent, but hell, any advice on how to genuinely...enjoy something, would help too. Then again, I think all of that was said with the last guy, so... thanks indirectly, I guess. So yeah, now that I think about it, I'm just venting it seems :unsure:

[Dupin]

Still, I would advise you to leave 4chan - it changes a guy's personality for the worse.

[Dizzle229]

Still, I would advise you to leave 4chan - it changes a guy's personality for the worse.

How so? Not agreeing or disagreeing, just curious to know your opinion.

[H2PM]

Well this is just me, but I hate the [developmentally delayed]s that come from that place and I decided I didn't want to be associated with them anymore.

Trust me, when you try to have a conversation where the person's only response is "no u" "umad" "lololo" "trololo" it makes you lose hope in humanity.

But that's just coming from me.

[Dupin]

The people you associate with don't just define you to others, they eventually define you to yourself. You will value the things they value and think the way they do. Now, don't get me wrong, 4chan isn't all bad, but you have to admit, a lot of that stuff goes beyond "edgy" and just becomes incredibly stupid and immature. These are people that, for whatever reason, failed to become effective parts of society, and rather than using the opportunity to rise above the rest, completely degraded into worthless scum. By associating with them, you eventually become them.

 

So, if you don't mind degrading into worthless scum, I imagine it's an interesting experience, but I expect you will be stuck feeling like [cabbage] for the rest of your life. Anonymous is a creature best studied from a distance.

[Dizzle229]

I've always really liked what they do. I find their humor to be amusing, I enjoy watching some of the things they do. I don't really like everything that's done, of course, which is why I never really became a /b/tard, but it is an interesting thing to watch.

 

I don't really care too much what happens to the site, and I'm banned atm, but it was at least fun.

[Omar]

Well at the very least you're very desensitized, you shouldn't be laughing about someone being dead. It's normal not to feel sad when someone you don't know dies, I've gone through it and all I wanted to do was play soccer. /b/'s not the only board that will affect you, either, I've been on /mu/ since August and it's turned me into a pretentious [bleep] about some things. So I only read sharethreads now.

[Dax]

I should stop lurking. :-k

[i_love_burritos]

Need advice :

 

Considering going to a party on Sunday where there will be an ample supply of liquor and [bleep]es/[garden tools] - so that's good. Only thing is, the crowd I'm going with is liable to be not so friendly when sober and even less when drunk.

 

I know I will probably have a few drinks, but really don't want anything to go wrong when I'm sloshed, especially with lots of other people around.

 

Again, I've known these people for a while now, just some previous experiences tell me they're not very polite when they're sauced up.

 

So - go / no go ?

 

 

Also, 3x in a week. Rare and wondrous.

 

[Napalm]

Need advice :

 

Considering going to a party on Sunday where there will be an ample supply of liquor and [bleep]es/[garden tools] - so that's good. Only thing is, the crowd I'm going with is liable to be not so friendly when sober and even less when drunk.

 

I know I will probably have a few drinks, but really don't want anything to go wrong when I'm sloshed, especially with lots of other people around.

 

Again, I've known these people for a while now, just some previous experiences tell me they're not very polite when they're sauced up.

 

So - go / no go ?

 

 

Also, 3x in a week. Rare and wondrous.

 

 

Go, but don't get drunk. Have a few drinks, but at all times be aware of how you are feeling, and how well you would be able to respond in a situation where a person who is completely drunk starts going out of control. This doesn't mean you should be prepared to fight, mind you, but just sober enough so you can calm him down and let him know that what he is doing is both stupid and annoying you.

 

Or, if you don't want to take responsibility, just get drunk, stay away from the crowd you don't want to be with and keep all the chics to yourself.

 

@Dizzle, it seems to me that you have an extreme case of schizoid personality disorder, and your lack of emotions towards others comes from your lack of involvement with them.

 

I know it probably doesn't interest you at all, but try to get to know them better. People are not what they want you to see, or what they show.

[Tim]

I sek womenly advice on hair. D:

 

Im trying to grow it into a sort of moppy look as picture supplied.

 

[hide][/hide]

 

The problem is the sides of my hair have started growing VERY slowly and same for the top. Is there anything to help speed it up? (Minus wigs/extentions)

[Rebdragon]

[Clip]

[kittie pic]

 

A lot of people are the same way. I used to be to a degree, and still kind of am. I just found brute forcing social interaction just kind of normalized me and others. It can be tough, but if you take the time with other people you'll feel less detached from the world emotionally and physically.

[Tim]

HOLY [cabbage] IT'S REB!

[TTanT]

So, I need help again.

 

Some of you may remember my post a while again about a friend neraly getting raped. But I'm starting to think she may have not been entirely truthful.

Her story was this: She was walked down the street to mail a letter, and on her way back to her house, a group of boys started following her. One of them ran up to her from behind and ripped off her clothes.Then the rest caught up, too. The first boy tsarted pulling off his pants (she was curled up on the ground), but then they all ran as a police car went by. The police car didn't notice her, so she threw on he "neccessary" clothes (her exact words there) and ran home.

 

 

But, the thing is.... She lives on a fairly busy street, at least busy enough that you can never be certain the street is deserted. As well as that, there was a foot or so of snow on the ground then, but her narrative never once mentioned snow. Hell, I even doubt a bunch of teenagers would be likely to want to get muddy/covered in snow for raping a girl.

And a police car driving by a girl lying naked on the ground and not noticing? Especially after a group of boys had been gathered around her and bolted at the sight of the car?

Also, I can't imagine ripping the clothes off of a person could be that easy, especially since she speicifed that the other boys caught up after the first was done doing so.

Finally, she doesn't dress provacatively at all. She wears baggy sweaters and jeans, generally. During winter there'd be a heavy coat on top of that. Not exactly "asking for it." As well as the fact she specifically told us not to mention it to her mom, because thinking about it would be "too painful."

 

Basically, I'm trying to see if my idea that this story doesn't fit is right or not. I could just be over-thinking this entire thing, too.... Especially since this girl basically never lies. She's shown many times that her morals against lying aren't easily broken. However, if she were to lie, I can't see her making this up as a plea for attention, as she only told two people she knew in real life.

So if she's lying, it'd probably be to cover up something worse. Which I'm guessing would be actual rape, or a person she was close to doing this. (Her mom currently has a boyfriend, for example; not that there's anything saying it'd be him.)

 

So, should I confront her about this? Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

[Surprise]

So, I need help again.

 

Some of you may remember my post a while again about a friend neraly getting raped. But I'm starting to think she may have not been entirely truthful.

Her story was this: She was walked down the street to mail a letter, and on her way back to her house, a group of boys started following her. One of them ran up to her from behind and ripped off her clothes.Then the rest caught up, too. The first boy tsarted pulling off his pants (she was curled up on the ground), but then they all ran as a police car went by. The police car didn't notice her, so she threw on he "neccessary" clothes (her exact words there) and ran home.

 

 

But, the thing is.... She lives on a fairly busy street, at least busy enough that you can never be certain the street is deserted. As well as that, there was a foot or so of snow on the ground then, but her narrative never once mentioned snow. Hell, I even doubt a bunch of teenagers would be likely to want to get muddy/covered in snow for raping a girl.

And a police car driving by a girl lying naked on the ground and not noticing? Especially after a group of boys had been gathered around her and bolted at the sight of the car?

Also, I can't imagine ripping the clothes off of a person could be that easy, especially since she speicifed that the other boys caught up after the first was done doing so.

Finally, she doesn't dress provacatively at all. She wears baggy sweaters and jeans, generally. During winter there'd be a heavy coat on top of that. Not exactly "asking for it." As well as the fact she specifically told us not to mention it to her mom, because thinking about it would be "too painful."

 

Basically, I'm trying to see if my idea that this story doesn't fit is right or not. I could just be over-thinking this entire thing, too.... Especially since this girl basically never lies. She's shown many times that her morals against lying aren't easily broken. However, if she were to lie, I can't see her making this up as a plea for attention, as she only told two people she knew in real life.

So if she's lying, it'd probably be to cover up something worse. Which I'm guessing would be actual rape, or a person she was close to doing this. (Her mom currently has a boyfriend, for example; not that there's anything saying it'd be him.)

 

So, should I confront her about this? Or am I barking up the wrong tree?

 

How good friends are you two?

[obfuscator]

Tell her to report it.

[TTanT]

We're fairly good friends, although honestly her best friend would be the one to have confront her (she was the one who brought up the subject of the story being iffy).

 

And if she's telling the turth, she has Y Guy. After all, I can't see her telling her mother and her mother not reporting it. Do the police list crime reports in the newspaper or anything?

And is confronting her worth it/ a good idea? I don't want to remind her of what happened, especially if she's lying because she was actually raped and doesn't want to admit it.

[obfuscator]

It's really up to you - that's a difficult situation - best you can do is just reiterate that you're there for her no matter what...and hope she either comes clean, or there's some resolution otherwise. I wouldn't go about accusing her of lying if you can't be sure.