Well then, I'd have to take the sword from my title to defeat this bloody fiend. After doing so, I use the sword to cut you up.

You trip on a banana peel and fall into a black hole.

The black hole empties above your head and his lifeless body comes flying at you doing nearly 100 MPH.

A swordfish slashes you next time you go swimming.

Wow there are no swordfish around and I barely swim in the ocean, Atlantic Ocean and Canada together FTW!

 

Anyways back on topic: A Roman Legion storms your house burning and exterminating all they find.

You tried to enjoy your day by getting a drink from a vending machine and it won't give up you beverage, provoking a fight; you lose.

One word.... Elephant rampage! (okay two but whatever)

You survive three plane crashes and die in a train crash.

You die on a plane because of its poor choice of movies.

Someone with a gun threatens to shoot you if you don't jump off the cliff. So you choose to do that and he screams "DUMB-ASS!!!!", and then a shark down there eats you.

A black knight comes out of your computer and screams, "BOOM, HEADSHOT" killing you instantly.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn.

 

But then he wakes up.

Dragon to the eye.

I kick your man parts.

Now that is hitting below the belt....

 

I kick your (wo)man parts.

Dies by overexerting himself from push-ups from taking on the challenge. Not a wise idea to spam forum games.

Dies of sheer boredom.

Gets impaled by the last unicorn when she gets the MLP: FiM treatment.

Religious dogma to the knee. Only effective if you lack logic.

Gets impaled by the last unicorn when she gets the MLP: FiM treatment.

 

It's funny because in a story a friend wrote about me, Kalei gets impaled by a unicorn horn.

I cried when I read that part.

 

 

Anyways....

 

You will die of old age.

Death by being omitted out of existence by the FCC.

You will die when you realize that I am just an apparition and truly am just a figment of your imagination.

Why does that one sig of yours make me think of Lelouch?

 

Killed by a ficus.

You die from an annoying swarm of harpies, but it wasn't their claws that did you in; at least you take out 3-4 of them before kicking the bucket.

You die because you fall into a Scorpian Pit.