"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Runeman231]

The reason I say that is whenever I go to my ladyfriends they are always like "Daniel, girls vary, no one can generalize advice for interacting with women" and you know, dang, thats the third best bit of advice I have ever gotten.

 

 

 

How disappointing, you missed the point completely. If you read between the lines that says "I have no idea what advice to give, sorry". There is a set of qualities that girls look for. Every girl is specific but most follow certain things in common. There are techniques and I can personally say that they work based on experience.

 

 

 

Care to share? haha :

[Cars066]

Hey all, there is this girl, and we happen to be friends; yet i cant take my mind off her, and its been this way for months!

 

 

 

Well, i went to her pool party, and she says she gets crazy with caffeine so she was flirting a lot, and gazing at me. But it didn't feel fake, and we did the same kinda flirting stuff at the movies with a bunch of friends a week or two later and at school before this. Basically all this entails is holding each other's hands and pushing/pulling, staring at each other once for no reason XD, and generally being close (like sitting right next to each other) at the party and more stuff like this . One of her closer friends has even told me that she thinks the girl might like me.

 

 

 

But its been like a month since all this until now, and four or so weeks back i called up seeing if she wanted to hang out, as i was invited to hang out while at the pool party; but she was asleep and when her grandmother woke her up she said "i woke up sick..." to me :wall: .

 

 

 

Since then i have talked to her friends and all, but i'm afraid to call her back up; according to her we're both just friends and i think that by asking to hang out one-on-one it would mean something more... and i'm not ready for that just yet. Plus, i kinda feel like i missed my chance. So i determined that what we need is another party, but i can't host one, and its rude to ask for one... i feel like i'm at a loss of what to do.

 

 

 

Can anyone help or give suggestions? I like her too much to let it go to waste, she's so... perfect, ya know?

[Solidus_77]

Care to share? haha

 

 

 

Sure! That's what this thread's for :

 

 

 

The qualities girls most often look for are confidence, humor, "sensitive jerk" attitude (despite the claims of them saying what they really want is a nice sensitive guy) etc... and those we have discussed before but two very important qualities (that go alongside those) are leadership and pre-selection (Mystery is the guy who figured this out)

 

 

 

For leadership, if you can act as the leader of other men, it shows to girls that you have a certain social status (having social skills enough to lead others), that you're respected by others, shows of course confidence which is always a major hit. Best yet, you don't have to always be the leader, just display qualities of such. For example, if you're in a group conversation and, through listening, inputting and other such acquired techniques you manage to lead the group, girls will look up to that and be attracted to you.

 

 

 

Pre-selection is nearly a gauge of how good you are with girls. If a girl sees you talking to other girls, it shows that you're successful or at least have some skill at talking to girls. Little subtle hints in conversation or body language that convey that you are around girls a lot, or often interact with them can be a huge asset since it basically shows that you are that social guy that girls line up to meet.

 

 

 

Another thing that's absolutely crucial when talking to girls is to enjoy the moment instead of worrying about the outcome. People who go to parties regularly focus on enjoying the moment (and unsurprisingly tend to be popular among the ladies). It's incredibly important that, whenever talking to any girl, that you forget about what happens next. Don't worry about "when do I ask for her number" or "what happens if...." and don't say stuff like "boy I hope she says yes to me" or have any hopes for results. If you focus on the outcome, you will not enjoy the moment and this will show. However, if you can talk to her with a totally free mind, you'll have a much better conversation, you'll be much more willing to take risks (since you don't care about the outcome) and ironically the outcome that you seek is more likely to happen. Once you worry about the outcome or create any sort of hope, you're sabotaging yourself. Basically, once you worry about something going wrong, it will go wrong.

 

 

 

That's something I've personally witnessed in summer camp from even a few years ago. I would often be the guy to "get it on" with one of the hottest girls on camp simply because camp only lasted one week. In a week, there is no outcome, no outcome means I am focusing on the moment and willing to take more risks, and got more success than the other guys even when the odds are bad (as in, only ONE girl and 15 guys). But once I came back to school on the fall, I already had my negative reputation, started worrying about the outcome again, thus started taking less risks and not getting anywhere (until I figured this stuff out).

 

 

 

Hey all, there is this girl, and we happen to be friends; yet i cant take my mind off her, and its been this way for months!

 

 

 

Right off the bat you've fallen into the one-itis trap meaning that if you insist on getting this girl, it's going to be tough.

 

 

 

Well, i went to her pool party, and she says she gets crazy with caffeine so she was flirting a lot, and gazing at me. But it didn't feel fake, and we did the same kinda flirting stuff at the movies with a bunch of friends a week or two later and at school before this. Basically all this entails is holding each other's hands and pushing/pulling, staring at each other once for no reason XD, and generally being close (like sitting right next to each other) at the party and more stuff like this . One of her closer friends has even told me that she thinks the girl might like me.

 

 

 

Do you let this slide or do you flirt back? This is playing in your favor.

 

 

 

But its been like a month since all this until now, and four or so weeks back i called up seeing if she wanted to hang out, as i was invited to hang out while at the pool party; but she was asleep and when her grandmother woke her up she said "i woke up sick..." to me :wall: .

 

 

 

Either an unfortunate coincidence or she flaked (which could potentially be bad, but either way just ignore it and don't get worried about it)

 

 

 

Since then i have talked to her friends and all, but i'm afraid to call her back up; according to her we're both just friends and i think that by asking to hang out one-on-one it would mean something more... and i'm not ready for that just yet. Plus, i kinda feel like i missed my chance. So i determined that what we need is another party, but i can't host one, and its rude to ask for one... i feel like i'm at a loss of what to do.

 

 

 

The simple solution to that is just to invite one or more friends to do something and invite her to come along. That way you lose the awkwardness of having it considered a "date" but you know what's interesting? This is a good example of worrying about the outcome vs enjoying the moment: you're worried that she might think it's a date and then make the thing all awkward. If you could just focus on the moment, you could easily just talk to her and then say "oh btw, I'm doing xyz with some friends, wanna come along?" not caring if she says yes or no. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of one-itis is that you do worry about this sort of crap, which causes a probl

em.

 

 

 

Can anyone help or give suggestions? I like her too much to let it go to waste, she's so... perfect, ya know?

 

 

 

Yeah well that's a problem, calling her "perfect" shows just how focused you are on one girl. And it's the fact that you are so focused on this one girl is what's causing this problem in the first place. The simple solution, like I said, is just to ask her to come along with you and your friends to do some activity and see what happens, however the fact that you're worried about her response, the fact that you're having one-itis for this girl, and the fact that you feel you already missed your chance (a cue that says "perhaps it's time to move on") is going to make this difficult and you should be ready for rejection.

 

 

 

However I'd personally recommend, and I know this sounds harsh, but forget about this girl and move on. You've focused too much on her, worried too much about what she might think and this is jeopardizing your chances with her. You're much better off talking to all other girls (not just getting stuck on one girl again, but go talk with ALL girls) and not get so fixated on one like this. The only problem is, it's tough to get over this girl and move on.

[Goldenjkered]

Hey there guys hows it going? Anyway, I'm struggling to find a girlfriend, and after going for the keeping my options open way (not going just for one girl), t doesn't seem to be making things any better. I was chatting to a girl on msn and facebook for a while (I used to talk to her about 3-4 years ago), and shes really nice, so I planned o ask her out. Our first conversation she seemed quite interested in me, however she seemed quite arrogant and a bit naive the couple of weeks/days on which I tried to talk to her (she wouldn't make an effort what so ever, and most of the time wouldn't even say bye), so I've given up on her. Anyway there is another girl (this girls best friend used to go out with one of my best friends). I met her at a gig and sat by her on the bus home (I was drunk and don't remember it to well however, we did talk a little bit I think), I've met her snother couple of times, and both of those times it was like she couldn't stop staring at me (is this normal?), she obviously talked to me more than girls do normally (hehe). After the first time I was introduced to her, she added me on myspace, and even though she barely knew me, I think she must of viewed my myspace like over 20 times in the 3 weeks that she added me (you can tell by when your profile views go up, and she was the only person online that could of viewed it). So one of my other friends suggested I should text her or add her on msn (I didn't say anything about realtionships or anything but he sort of encouraged it), so bascially I'll probably add her today and see what comes up. I just wanted to know what you people make of this :P

 

 

 

P.s: I realise that I am quite sad with the whole myspace view thing and pretty much most of this post, it's just how I am :oops:

[Cars066]

All good points, Solidus ^^

 

 

 

Yeah, I do flirt back, and it goes on for a while sometimes.

 

 

 

Anyway...

 

So I think I'll do what you advised and get together with some friends and just let what happens happen wile not focusing on her too much.

[dragoonson]

Hey there guys hows it going? Anyway, I'm struggling to find a girlfriend, and after going for the keeping my options open way (not going just for one girl), t doesn't seem to be making things any better. I was chatting to a girl on msn and facebook for a while (I used to talk to her about 3-4 years ago), and shes really nice, so I planned o ask her out. Our first conversation she seemed quite interested in me, however she seemed quite arrogant and a bit naive the couple of weeks/days on which I tried to talk to her (she wouldn't make an effort what so ever, and most of the time wouldn't even say bye), so I've given up on her. Anyway there is another girl (this girls best friend used to go out with one of my best friends). I met her at a gig and sat by her on the bus home (I was drunk and don't remember it to well however, we did talk a little bit I think), I've met her snother couple of times, and both of those times it was like she couldn't stop staring at me (is this normal?), she obviously talked to me more than girls do normally (hehe). After the first time I was introduced to her, she added me on myspace, and even though she barely knew me, I think she must of viewed my myspace like over 20 times in the 3 weeks that she added me (you can tell by when your profile views go up, and she was the only person online that could of viewed it). So one of my other friends suggested I should text her or add her on msn (I didn't say anything about realtionships or anything but he sort of encouraged it), so bascially I'll probably add her today and see what comes up. I just wanted to know what you people make of this :P

 

 

 

P.s: I realise that I am quite sad with the whole myspace view thing and pretty much most of this post, it's just how I am :oops:

 

 

 

Its good that you gave up to me...Most girls would say bye when logging off,and I know because I'm usually last to log off.

 

 

 

Erm,its good to add on MSN,if she allows.It shows at least an interest in you.But with the staring,its normal that she tries to create eye contact,just hope you weren't staring at her boobs or another girl or something...Oh right,on MSN,I like that thing a lot,its probably helped me get most of the girlfriends I've had over the few years I've used it.Its almost as good as getting girls as that bloody [wagon] scar(bloody [wagon]-scar?).

[zdavenz]

Man-To-Man Question:

 

 

 

Okay theres this girl at my church, and the only people there under 30 (Literally) are this girl, a younger girl, another guy, and me. We just started going to this church 2 weeks ago from today and she (the older girl first mentioned) is obviously CRAZY, like she cant sit in one spot and won't shut up . But anyway, i had to read something outloud and i misspronounced a word and she giggled, not a 'What a loser' giggle, but you guys know, like a flirt sorta. Anyway, once church got out the YOUNGER girl walks up and says '(The older Girl) Likes you.' I said 'cool' but in my mind im goin ' OMG OMG OMG ' and the older girl was like 5 feet behind me and she was smiling ear to ear and kinda blushed. So in a nutshell, the psycho girl likes me i guess. But she acts so freaking shy around me but shes all ADHD to everyone else (not really ADHD but you got the point). Any ways i can get her to like me openly? For the record im 15, shes 14. Any questions that may help your answer, please just ask. And click 'Quote' Don't Post Reply as i won't know who your talking to. Thanks

[Range_This11]

Hey there guys hows it going? Anyway, I'm struggling to find a girlfriend, and after going for the keeping my options open way (not going just for one girl), t doesn't seem to be making things any better. I was chatting to a girl on msn and facebook for a while (I used to talk to her about 3-4 years ago), and shes really nice, so I planned o ask her out. Our first conversation she seemed quite interested in me, however she seemed quite arrogant and a bit naive the couple of weeks/days on which I tried to talk to her (she wouldn't make an effort what so ever, and most of the time wouldn't even say bye), so I've given up on her. Anyway there is another girl (this girls best friend used to go out with one of my best friends). I met her at a gig and sat by her on the bus home (I was drunk and don't remember it to well however, we did talk a little bit I think), I've met her snother couple of times, and both of those times it was like she couldn't stop staring at me (is this normal?), she obviously talked to me more than girls do normally (hehe). After the first time I was introduced to her, she added me on myspace, and even though she barely knew me, I think she must of viewed my myspace like over 20 times in the 3 weeks that she added me (you can tell by when your profile views go up, and she was the only person online that could of viewed it). So one of my other friends suggested I should text her or add her on msn (I didn't say anything about realtionships or anything but he sort of encouraged it), so bascially I'll probably add her today and see what comes up. I just wanted to know what you people make of this :P

 

 

 

P.s: I realise that I am quite sad with the whole myspace view thing and pretty much most of this post, it's just how I am :oops:

 

If she's staring at you a lot then she's definitely into you. Or you have a huge spider on your forehead. Nah, but seriously just be nice to her and make sure you put yourself out there for her. Be outgoing.

[Necrobean]

Man-To-Man Question:

 

 

 

Okay theres this girl at my church, and the only people there under 30 (Literally) are this girl, a younger girl, another guy, and me. We just started going to this church 2 weeks ago from today and she (the older girl first mentioned) is obviously CRAZY, like she cant sit in one spot and won't shut up . But anyway, i had to read something outloud and i misspronounced a word and she giggled, not a 'What a loser' giggle, but you guys know, like a flirt sorta. Anyway, once church got out the YOUNGER girl walks up and says '(The older Girl) Likes you.' I said 'cool' but in my mind im goin ' OMG OMG OMG ' and the older girl was like 5 feet behind me and she was smiling ear to ear and kinda blushed. So in a nutshell, the psycho girl likes me i guess. But she acts so freaking shy around me but shes all ADHD to everyone else (not really ADHD but you got the point). Any ways i can get her to like me openly? For the record im 15, shes 14. Any questions that may help your answer, please just ask. And click 'Quote' Don't Post Reply as i won't know who your talking to. Thanks

 

 

 

Flirt back and play around a little, see what happens. Eventually if you want to know what's really going on just ask her?

[Tim]

this is quite the differnt topic now. im taking my ex-girlfriend out for lunch this saterday. she's been having troubles with her family and boyfriend so i wanted to take her out to escape it. now my question is: how do i make it look like im not trying to hit on her. :

[dragoonson]

this is quite the differnt topic now. im taking my ex-girlfriend out for lunch this saterday. she's been having troubles with her family and boyfriend so i wanted to take her out to escape it. now my question is: how do i make it look like im not trying to hit on her. :

 

 

 

Well the thing is...I don't know :lol: .I really need to know the girl to know what to do or say.Thats how my memory is,like I can remember practically everything.That I'm not graded for...

[Necrobean]

this is quite the differnt topic now. im taking my ex-girlfriend out for lunch this saterday. she's been having troubles with her family and boyfriend so i wanted to take her out to escape it. now my question is: how do i make it look like im not trying to hit on her. :

 

 

 

Treat her like a friend, be there for her, let her know that she can trust you. She'll be emotionally attached to you and will like the thought that she has someone there for her. Either way if a relationship does come out of this, there is a possibility that you will be a rebound. She trying to forget her boyfriend and using you. There's also the possibility that something good comes out of this, she knows that she can trust you and as a matter of fact you will *always* be there for her if you really want to 'hit' her. She'll like you for that.

 

 

 

Relationships are based on trust (imo) so all of this would be a good start. Just be a friend for her and sometimes let your words slip a bit so she knows that you feel a little for her. Yes there is a risk that she'll say "Let's just stay friends". But hey! What's life without risks?

[Solidus_77]

this is quite the differnt topic now. im taking my ex-girlfriend out for lunch this saterday. she's been having troubles with her family and boyfriend so i wanted to take her out to escape it. now my question is: how do i make it look like im not trying to hit on her. :

 

 

 

Treat her like a friend, be there for her, let her know that she can trust you. She'll be emotionally attached to you and will like the thought that she has someone there for her. Either way if a relationship does come out of this, there is a possibility that you will be a rebound. She trying to forget her boyfriend and using you. There's also the possibility that something good comes out of this, she knows that she can trust you and as a matter of fact you will *always* be there for her if you really want to 'hit' her. She'll like you for that.

 

 

 

Relationships are based on trust (imo) so all of this would be a good start. Just be a friend for her and sometimes let your words slip a bit so she knows that you feel a little for her. Yes there is a risk that she'll say "Let's just stay friends". But hey! What's life without risks?

 

 

 

Risk? More like guarantee that she will say "let's just be friends". The fact that she is telling Dark_Aura her problems is already an indicator that she sees him as a friend and have no sexual attraction to him. Necro, I think what you're trying to do here is so he can create some sort of "I'll be there for you" charm that she will inevitably fall into, but unfortunately that's not a great situation to be in, it comes across as very needy and although it creates comfort which is important, it creates too much comfort leading to "Let's just be friends". If the goal is to get with this girl, you're better off showing a little sensitivity but not become her little buddy that she comes to for relationship advice. (this is assuming that Dark_Aura's goal is to be her boyfriend).

 

 

 

Dark_Aura, the short answer is simple. Are you hitting on her? If you honestly think that you're not hitting on her, you've got nothing to worry about. Now for some more detail. What is your objective here? Are you just trying to get her out of a relationship? Are you doing this just to be a friend? Or are you expecting her to be your girlfriend after this?

[Necrobean]

this is quite the differnt topic now. im taking my ex-girlfriend out for lunch this saterday. she's been having troubles with her family and boyfriend so i wanted to take her out to escape it. now my question is: how do i make it look like im not trying to hit on her. :

 

 

 

Treat her like a friend, be there for her, let her know that she can trust you. She'll be emotionally attached to you and will like the thought that she has someone there for her. Either way if a relationship does come out of this, there is a possibility that you will be a rebound. She trying to forget her boyfriend and using you. There's also the possibility that something good comes out of this, she knows that she can trust you and as a matter of fact you will *always* be there for her if you really want to 'hit' her. She'll like you for that.

 

 

 

Relationships are based on trust (imo) so all of this would be a good start. Just be a friend for her and sometimes let your words slip a bit so she knows that you feel a little for her. Yes there is a risk that she'll say "Let's just stay friends". But hey! What's life without risks?

 

 

 

Risk? More like guarantee that she will say "let's just be friends". The fact that she is telling Dark_Aura her problems is already an indicator that she sees him as a friend and have no sexual attraction to him. Necro, I think what you're trying to do here is so he can create some sort of "I'll be there for you" charm that she will inevitably fall into, but unfortunately that's not a great situation to be in, it comes across as very needy and although it creates comfort which is important, it creates too much comfort leading to "Let's just be friends". If the goal is to get with this girl, you're better off showing a little sensitivity but not become her little buddy that she comes to for relationship advice. (this is assuming that Dark_Aura's goal is to be her boyfriend).

 

 

 

Dark_Aura, the short answer is simple. Are you hitting on her? If you honestly think that you're not hitting on her, you've got nothing to worry about. Now for some more detail. What is your objective here? Are you just trying to get her out of a relationship? Are you doing this just to be a friend? Or are you expecting her to be your girlfriend after this?

 

 

 

Myeah I'm just speaking a bit out of experience it happened to me and a relationship lasting for about 1.5 years came out of it. You're right though I've re-read it and it seems that the intentions of my advice were just letting him be a friend for her.

[Solidus_77]

Yeah, it's part of that "being too nice" thing that guys systematically do (even myself, until I corrected myself). Going out of my way to do good deeds for a girl, while seeing the other guy who actually knows what the hell he's doing start teasing her..... Yeah.. not good. However once you manage to ignore what your intuition tells you you start to see things that you didn't see before. You start to ask yourself questions like "Hmm, what would she say if I was to do this?". You're no longer doing it in return for something, you're here to just play in the moment and have fun. You can even notice when girls try to test you (like talking about how "nice" this one guy is in attempt to make me jealous) and attracting becomes a fun game for both people. I don't know if approaching, talking to and attracting girls is an art or a science, but whatever it is, it's damn fun and I'll make sure I learn all sorts of stuff in these four years of college.

 

 

 

Well at least I'm glad the 'nice guy' frame actually worked for you Necro, that's a rare occurrence.

[Hiierarch]

I've been that "not gay but still the absolute best guy friend" for way too long. I hate going out of my way for girls, putting so much effort into them, and getting to watch them fall for the [wagon]. My friend Heather told me today that, [wagon] get the girls because they say and do those things that make a girl get butterflies in her stomach.. but what are those things? I don't want to be an [wagon], I won't change for another person but myself, I just need a girls opinion on what those things are that always attract the girls to the [puncture]s.

[Solidus_77]

I've been that "not gay but still the absolute best guy friend" for way too long. I hate going out of my way for girls, putting so much effort into them, and getting to watch them fall for the [wagon]. My friend Heather told me today that, [wagon] get the girls because they say and do those things that make a girl get butterflies in her stomach.. but what are those things? I don't want to be an [wagon], I won't change for another person but myself, I just need a girls opinion on what those things are that always attract the girls to the [puncture]s.

 

 

 

I'm no girl, but my knowledge and experience with them can give you a good enough answer:

 

 

 

So, the qualities a stereotypical "jerk" has: He's cool, he's humorous, he's light-hearted, he's social, he's got massive amounts of confidence, he's got balls and will only give girls respect if they earn it. He knows how to stimulate them emotionally, he knows how to get them to chase him, he knows how to create sexual tension and girls LOVE it. To the untrained eye it seems he's being hurtful, mean and a jerk to girls but that's coming from the perspective of a guy who treats girls like goddesses, does all kinds of nice deeds in hopes of getting something from her. Most of the time he's not really being a jerk, he says stuff jokingly, light-heartedly, flirts with all girls and just has a lot of fun. Now of course it's possible to be an actual jerk, but in my experience, many of the people I labeled as "jerks" were just guys who turned out to be really awesome guys. And after moving away from the "nice guy" image I can really see how girls love it.

 

 

 

Now I'm going to have to break it to you. All the stuff you go out of your way to do for girls is hurting your chances. You're better off not doing anything for them, then to do that. Why? It's called supplication. Like buying a girl a drink at a bar. You're doing her a favor and expecting something in return. Essentially, you're buying her attention (with either time or money). Not only this isn't attractive, but girls hate it and as punishment they will accept the favor and then run off. Instead, they want a guy who can stimulate them emotionally and sexually, the nice guy is too effeminate to stimulate them sexually so he's fun to be around and makes them feel comfortable (as if they've got a little leash on you) BUT is never going to be their boyfriend.

 

 

 

Now if you want to change (and as we had established before the roll-back it is possible to change whilst still being yourself), but not become a jerk like these guys there's a solution. Many here probably knew this was coming, It's to one of the most important things Goddess has taught me as well as others: Be a sensitive jerk That's midground between the effeminate "nice guy" and the abusive jerk. He's a guy who's got confidence but will connect with that girl on a special way. Girls love the sensitive jerk.

[Rebdragon]

Wall of Text hits for 900 pts. KO. :P

 

 

 

I've been that "not gay but still the absolute best guy friend" for way too long. I hate going out of my way for girls, putting so much effort into them, and getting to watch them fall for the [wagon]. My friend Heather told me today that, [wagon] get the girls because they say and do those things that make a girl get butterflies in her stomach.. but what are those things? I don't want to be an [wagon], I won't change for another person but myself, I just need a girls opinion on what those things are that always attract the girls to the [puncture]s.

 

I just facetiously act like a [wagon]. Being nice all the time is dull.

[dragoonson]

Actually,to tell you the truth,you don't have to be a bastard or a [bleep].Its the qualities they want,I believe.I'm pretty gentlemanly to girls,(focus on manly,screw gentle) but its the confidence,its the funny.

 

 

 

Basically I melt their hearts :) .Try being nice,with a little attitude.If you hate being an [wagon] just put a bit of sarcasm,satrical humor.It helps,really.Build your confidence too.

 

 

 

(Damn Solidus you could be a professional relationship advice column guy)

[Solidus_77]

(Damn Solidus you could be a professional relationship advice column guy)

 

 

 

Thanks dragoonson : , and you know something? You've put the finger on why girls like confidence/sensitive jerk etc... What they really want is a real man. A man who can stand his ground, a man who there to lead, a man who knows how to interact with girls. The effeminate nerdy nice guy is too immature socially, while the sensitive jerk with social status is a real man.

[Hiierarch]

I've been that "not gay but still the absolute best guy friend" for way too long. I hate going out of my way for girls, putting so much effort into them, and getting to watch them fall for the [wagon]. My friend Heather told me today that, [wagon] get the girls because they say and do those things that make a girl get butterflies in her stomach.. but what are those things? I don't want to be an [wagon], I won't change for another person but myself, I just need a girls opinion on what those things are that always attract the girls to the [puncture]s.

 

 

 

I'm no girl, but my knowledge and experience with them can give you a good enough answer:

 

 

 

So, the qualities a stereotypical "jerk" has: He's cool, he's humorous, he's light-hearted, he's social, he's got massive amounts of confidence, he's got balls and will only give girls respect if they earn it. He knows how to stimulate them emotionally, he knows how to get them to chase him, he knows how to create sexual tension and girls LOVE it. To the untrained eye it seems he's being hurtful, mean and a jerk to girls but that's coming from the perspective of a guy who treats girls like goddesses, does all kinds of nice deeds in hopes of getting something from her. Most of the time he's not really being a jerk, he says stuff jokingly, light-heartedly, flirts with all girls and just has a lot of fun. Now of course it's possible to be an actual jerk, but in my experience, many of the people I labeled as "jerks" were just guys who turned out to be really awesome guys. And after moving away from the "nice guy" image I can really see how girls love it.

 

 

 

Now I'm going to have to break it to you. All the stuff you go out of your way to do for girls is hurting your chances. You're better off not doing anything for them, then to do that. Why? It's called supplication. Like buying a girl a drink at a bar. You're doing her a favor and expecting something in return. Essentially, you're buying her attention (with either time or money). Not only this isn't attractive, but girls hate it and as punishment they will accept the favor and then run off. Instead, they want a guy who can stimulate them emotionally and sexually, the nice guy is too effeminate to stimulate them sexually so he's fun to be around and makes them feel comfortable (as if they've got a little leash on you) BUT is never going to be their boyfriend.

 

 

 

Now if you want to change (and as we had established before the roll-back it is possible to change whilst still being yourself), but not become a jerk like these guys there's a solution. Many here probably knew this was coming, It's to one of the most important things Goddess has taught me as well as others: Be a sensitive jerk That's midground between the effeminate "nice guy" and the abusive jerk. He's a guy who's got confidence but will connect with that girl on a special way. Girls love the sensitive jerk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you very much, I appreciate that advice quite alot.

[issy2]

I've been that "not gay but still the absolute best guy friend" for way too long. I hate going out of my way for girls, putting so much effort into them, and getting to watch them fall for the [wagon]. My friend Heather told me today that, [wagon] get the girls because they say and do those things that make a girl get butterflies in her stomach.. but what are those things? I don't want to be an [wagon], I won't change for another person but myself, I just need a girls opinion on what those things are that always attract the girls to the [puncture]s.

 

 

 

I hate the be the bearer of bad news but there's a pretty interesting "theory" (dunno whether its proven or not) stating that girls tend to fall for the 'bad' guys. This may explain some of it...

 

 

 

[hide=]

The so-called 'dark triad' of personality traits combines the self-obsession of narcissism, the impulsive, thrill-seeking and callous behaviour of the psychopath, and the deceitful and exploitative nature of Machiavellianism.

 

Unattractive as the combination might appear, women often equate it with masculinity - and the ability to father healthy children. Mr Jonason, of New Mexico State University in the U.S., subjected 200 college students to personality tests designed to rank them for each of their dark triad traits.

 

They were also asked about their attitudes to sexual relationships and about their sex lives, including how many partners they had and whether they sought out flings.

 

The results showed that men who scored higher on the trio of traits tended to have more partners and more interest in short-term relationships.

 

A second U.S. study of 35,000 people in 57 countries also found a clear link between the dark triad traits in men and success with women.

 

Researcher Professor David Schmitt, of Bradley University in Illinois, said: 'It's universal across cultures for high dark triad scorers to be more active in short-term mating. They are more likely to try and poach other people's partners for a brief affair.'

[/hide]

 

 

 

Narcissist:

 

Narcissists, albeit bored by routine, flourish when faced with a difficult situation, such as litigation and leadership. The very name comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, who was so entranced by his own beauty that he fell in love with his own image reflected in the lake. Many narcissists attract people because the self-confidence they exude can lend them a charismatic aura. They are, understandably, happiest in a marriage with someone who will be unfailingly fawning. Narcissists are blatent in their self-inflation and braggadocio. They feel entitled to glory, even blithly claiming credit for others work (but they see nothing wrong in this-nor in anything else they might do).

 

 

 

Machiavellians:

 

For the Machiavellian, the ends justify with means, no matter what human pain it may cause. Machs tend to be cynically appraising and arrogant, readily behaving in ways that subvert trust and co-operation. The Mach shares many traits with the other two branches of the Dark Triad, such as a disagreeable nature and selfishness. But far more than the narcissist or psychopath, the Mach remains realistic about himself and others, neither making inlfated claims nor striving to impress. The Mach prefers to see things clearly, all the better to exploit them. A Machs personal history will be littered with resentful ex-friends and ex-lovers-all brimming with hurt or simmering resentment. Lacking the full capacity to feel with others, Machs also cannot feel for them.

 

 

 

Psychopath:

 

A psychopaths consistent irresponsibility begets, or causes no remorse-only indifference to the emotional pain others may suffer. For psychopaths, other people are always an It. Indeed the Mach and psychopath seem partiularly similar, but unlike narcissists and Machs, psychopaths feel virtually no anxiety. Fear seems unknown to them: immune to stress. Because pscyhopaths feel no anticipatory fears, staying utterly calm under even the most intense pressure, they are essentially oblivious to the threat of punishment. This indifference makes psychopaths the most likely candidates for prison. When it comes to empathy, they have none; they have special difficulty recognising fear or sadness on peoples faces or in their voices.

 

[Solidus_77]

Thank you very much, I appreciate that advice quite alot.

 

 

 

You're welcome : and if you got any follow-up questions feel free to ask.

[Agunimon979]

Hey, /b/ here's some girl advice from a person who can actually pull off the cool life and TIF at the same time. Anyways, alot of girls dont give a crap about your personality. You may be a fat [cabbage] sitting behind the computer with a great personality but a lot of 'hot' girls won't care because it's all about looks though. So if you want a girlfriend so bad, get out of your bedroom, get a haircut, shower, lose 30 pounds, and buy some cool clothes. Girls do not like the "i live for WoW" shirts. Also do not brag about video games, the ladies dont like hearing about your high score on Halo or CSS or something. Join a sports time, play a sport, GET INVOLVED, be a person that everybody knows about, and I guarantee the ladies will love you. Personal experience.

[Kiriyama]

Agunimon, please grow up.

 

 

 

Personality ends up just that slightly more important than looks. When you start growing older, looks fade, however personality is harder to change.

 

 

 

Sure, it won't kill these guys/girls to go out and lose weight, it'd be better for them in the long run for health reasons. You say to go buy "cool" clothes, well, for me, that means clothes that can keep you cool. Comfort > Fashion. I also fail to see why a haircut is important, guys can pull off long hair, if they look after it and have darker hair, so yeah, why the [bleep] should we have to cut it short to appease someone who doesn't like us for who we are?

 

 

 

Yeah, you've had personal experience, with the shallow type it seems.