"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Silvertaler]

Firstly, calm down. You've got analysis paralysis, and it doesn't come off well.

 

When making any interaction, just relax and be calm. If you're nervous, it'll be obvious, and it's very rarely (if ever) that women are attracted to nervous guys.

 

Secondly, Don't add her on facebook now. Don't personally ask her again tomorrow. This will come across as obsession, and you don't want to look like a stalker or just generally obsessive (obsession turns into being clingy, and no-one wants that).

 

Don't mention it again. If you do, you'll make it awkward for her, which she may again take as obsession. If you care about her, you'll try your damn best to not make it awkward at all. If she doesn't mention it at all, and is fine around you in general, then stick with that.

 

Someone will have to say it, but you've hit a brick wall with this particular female. Best thing to do would be to cut your losses.

I don't think she'll ever come and give me an answer then. I was obviously nervous. Not gonna get my hopes up. I experienced just how much guts it takes to do something like this and I don't think she's gonna find that much courage to come and talk to me in return, especially when she's not the one interested. I'll give this up it's all just way too overwhelming for me already, unless she does come. I'm somebody who needs to go through the friend part first, I guess. Too paranoid and underconfident... can't get over such problems overnight. I thank everybody for the help though, I'm surprised I had the nerve to go and ask out a girl I barely ever talked to.

[Hobgoblinpie]

Confidence isn't something you suddenly get overnight, it develops as you live your life. By doing this in the first place, you've proved that you have the confidence to do it.

 

You should never think that you can't do something, only about when you're going to do it. Nothing is impossible, but for many people, what's holding them back is themselves.

 

If she doesn't talk to you for a week about it, you may as well do what rpg said, since she will have demonstrated she has no interest. Doing so will also show and prove your confidence.

[Silvertaler]

How would she ever come and ask me anyway? Just like that, gonna come at me and tell me her decision? I don't see her having that kind of bravery in a thousand years.

[sarg1010]

I wouldn't "flip out" on her though. If she doesn't feel the same way about you, there isn't too much about it that you can do. And, correct me if I am wrong, but it seemed like you and her hadn't ever really spoken to each other much, just seen each other in a class. Probably not the best idea to ask out a girl that you haven't talked to that much. I would just wait and see how everything goes in the future.

[RpgGamer]

How would she ever come and ask me anyway? Just like that, gonna come at me and tell me her decision? I don't see her having that kind of bravery in a thousand years.

 

She probably didn't see you having the bravery to ask her in a thousand years ;)

 

These things work both ways, remember.

 

@Sarge: if she doesn't get back to him in a week, that could be interpreted one way or another, but it shouldn't have to be [interpretted]. It's common courtesy to let people know where they stand in your life when they put their neck on the line like Silvertaler did.

[Orpheus]

Well, I'm not going to provide too much help with Silvertaler's problem as I'm not sure what the best course of action would be.

 

Anyway, advice time. This is how it goes. You get an orangutan. I’m not talking a monkey or some dancing chimp BS, I mean a damn orangutan. Don’t ask me how you’re gonna get an orangutan, that’s not my problem. So the orangutan’s name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable, all orangutans are named Clyde. I don’t know why this is, it’s just how the world works. So you and Clyde become man (and ape) about town. You’re seen everywhere together, you make the scene. You and friends go out in big groups. You talk loud, you laugh louder. Every time you say something witty you high-five the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to her. “Did you know the guy with the orangutan?” “You used to date the guy with the orangutan?” “Why would you break up with a guy with an orangutan?” Next thing you know she’s calling.

 

“I’m hoping we can still be friends. Wanna hang out sometime?” “Geez I dunno, me and Clyde were going to a monster truck race tonight. (Orangutans love monster trucks) In fact the whole social calendar seems kinda full. I tell you what, I’ll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in.” “Oh, well you know my number so don’t be a stra-” “Hey look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde’s making Mojitos’.”

 

At this point the upper hand is yours. You can let her twist in the wind; you can draw her back into your life at the pace you decide. Whatever, it’s your life. But if you’re a smart man? You slowly phase her back in. You’re IM’ng. You’re talking on Live. You get invited to family functions. You bring Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You’re one big Brady Bunch.

 

Then the orangutan [bleep]s her mother. It is the perfect plan. I know I'll be using it when I can get another orangutan.

[RpgGamer]

I swear to god I cried of laughter the first time I read that...

 

2 years ago :P

 

Internet harder next time, good buddy ;)

[Orpheus]

Well, the moral of the story? Find something to be awesome at, and just be as awesome as you can. Dominate your own life like it's no one elses. Show that you're the boss.

[Iamdan]

It seems like a no. It will usually be a no by default because she doesn't know you. Imagine it from her point of view:

"what if its awkward"

"what if he's weird"

"i have other things I could be doing"

 

If you try to ask her out straight away for whatever reason, you need to show confidence.

 

Its not like the movies where the attractive girl says to the nervous guy: "i don't know you but what the hell, I was planning on doing nothing anyway."

 

Next time you should start talking to her first. If she's in your class there is no need to rush, you have plenty of time to attract her and build rapport. Rushing into it nervously is going to scare her away.

[Silvertaler]

It seems like a no. It will usually be a no by default because she doesn't know you. Imagine it from her point of view:

"what if its awkward"

"what if he's weird"

"i have other things I could be doing"

 

If you try to ask her out straight away for whatever reason, you need to show confidence.

 

Its not like the movies where the attractive girl says to the nervous guy: "i don't know you but what the hell, I was planning on doing nothing anyway."

 

Next time you should start talking to her first. If she's in your class there is no need to rush, you have plenty of time to attract her and build rapport. Rushing into it nervously is going to scare her away.

If I had known that in advance it would have saved me an awkward moment I'll have to remember for the rest of my life. Whatever.

 

I feel it was, in the end, a massive confidence booster after all though... unless I'm just imagining it. I feel I'm capable of doing anything now.

[Iamdan]

You've (likely) been rejected and learned that it's not all that bad, which is a good thing. If you're interested in what I have to say, check out my blog posts, and the one in my sig that was removed from my blog. It saves a lot of repetitive posts, and hopefully has been helping people.

[Silvertaler]

You've (likely) been rejected and learned that it's not all that bad, which is a good thing. If you're interested in what I have to say, check out my blog posts, and the one in my sig that was removed from my blog. It saves a lot of repetitive posts, and hopefully has been helping people.

Can't say it's not a bad thing. It made me feel awkward to the point I didn't go to school today. I don't want any of this again. Friends first, dates after, always.

[Hobgoblinpie]

Rushing it is also likely to make you more nervous, and that's not what you want.

[Omar]

@Silvertaler: Congratulations, Don Juan! You've been really embarrassed for the first time. Go do something really fun, you'll realize it doesn't matter all that much. Besides, if you think she's judging you negatively, remember she's not perfect either; as Rpg pointed out, not telling you her decision means she's not even as brave as you. You've got balls, props! :thumbup:

[Silvertaler]

@Silvertaler: Congratulations, Don Juan! You've been really embarrassed for the first time. Go do something really fun, you'll realize it doesn't matter all that much. Besides, if you think she's judging you negatively, remember she's not perfect either; as Rpg pointed out, not telling you her decision means she's not even as brave as you. You've got balls, props! :thumbup:

The fact it doesn't matter that much makes me wonder why I even bothered with all this. I started problems where there weren't. It wasn't worth it. I was fine in peace and quiet.

[Ginger_Warrior]

@Silvertaler: Congratulations, Don Juan! You've been really embarrassed for the first time. Go do something really fun, you'll realize it doesn't matter all that much. Besides, if you think she's judging you negatively, remember she's not perfect either; as Rpg pointed out, not telling you her decision means she's not even as brave as you. You've got balls, props! :thumbup:

The fact it doesn't matter that much makes me wonder why I even bothered with all this. I started problems where there weren't. It wasn't worth it. I was fine in peace and quiet.

Yeah, but the other way of looking at it is saying, 'I had nothing to lose, it was worth a shot'. Now you know how the situation feels you can run through how to manage those emotions for the next time so that even if you are nervous, it doesn't show. Of course, if you choose there isn't a next time, that's up to you, but:

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear."

[Omar]

@Silvertaler: Congratulations, Don Juan! You've been really embarrassed for the first time. Go do something really fun, you'll realize it doesn't matter all that much. Besides, if you think she's judging you negatively, remember she's not perfect either; as Rpg pointed out, not telling you her decision means she's not even as brave as you. You've got balls, props! :thumbup:

The fact it doesn't matter that much makes me wonder why I even bothered with all this. I started problems where there weren't. It wasn't worth it. I was fine in peace and quiet.

Pros: You learned something about approaching girls. Helpful if you're not planning on marrying your hand.

Cons: You got embarrassed. Big deal. Happens to everyone. I was high one day and someone made me believe there was footage of me in the washroom circulating. It was embarrassing for a couple of days but then I got over it. And then I found out it wasn't true, which didn't really change anything.

 

I'd say it was very worth it. Just so you know, for the next few years, your relationships are going to end at some point, early or late. Most likely.

[Silvertaler]

So is it normal that I can't stand myself anymore now?

[Omar]

No, it's not. What do you hate yourself for?

[Silvertaler]

Nevermind that I was just informed I got greater problems than that.

 

She went and told people. And among the people she talked to, two of them were girls in my class who hate me. I feel they're be gonna be doing everything to harass me and humiliate my image to my friends now. This may get bad if I don't take action. What can I do? I think I need to find if there are anti-harrassing rules at school so I can get them banned if they attack on me.

[Omar]

Nevermind that I was just informed I got greater problems than that.

 

She went and told people. And among the people she talked to, two of them were girls in my class who hate me. I feel they're be gonna be doing everything to harass me and humiliate my image to my friends now. This may get bad if I don't take action. What can I do? I think I need to find if there are anti-harrassing rules at school so I can get them banned if they attack on me.

It's a bit early for you to go looking. If it does turn ugly...

I know how you feel... I suffer from Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety amongst other things. I can relate to you. I have always had a big fear of embarrassment so much so that if I needed to ask somebody for a favour I wouldn't! I'd just do whatever needs doing myself.

 

You should just take it on the chin because nobody is perfect.

 

An example of an embarrassing situation for me was when I was walking in town amongst alot of people and a woman and guy were pointing and laughing at me... I then realised they're pointing at my shoe which had ALOT of chewing gum all over it and I was wiping my foot on the floor. Well, they weren't nice people!

Remember, not everyone's opinion matters!

While getting other people involved may solve the problem, it might also just make you look fussy and weak, and make people mock you even more. In my opinion, this will have blown over before long, and things will be back to normal.

[Silvertaler]

What they are doing is harassement. They have no right to go and tell people I'm a weak bastard cause a girl said no to me. Ignoring is never the answer to bullies. I think this is valid for anybody.

[Omar]

What they are doing is harassement. They have no right to go and tell people I'm a weak bastard cause a girl said no to me. Ignoring is never the answer to bullies. I think this is valid for anybody.

have they started harassing you yet or are you just worrying? If they did, I can't help you, I have no experience.

[Hobgoblinpie]

She didn't say no, she ignored you and never got back to you. That makes her the weak one. Of course, since these harpies have already had a head-start, most people will believe them. It takes courage and bravado to shake off things like this, even if it is pathetic and childish.

 

Damage control is always a useful function, but you have to be quick to the game, otherwise it's going to be everywhere and going about it at that point makes it look like you have more to hide or are desperate.

[Silvertaler]

What they are doing is harassement. They have no right to go and tell people I'm a weak bastard cause a girl said no to me. Ignoring is never the answer to bullies. I think this is valid for anybody.

have they started harassing you yet or are you just worrying? If they did, I can't help you, I have no experience.

The rumor is already out there. Now I don't know how far this goes though. Frankly, how people as old as 18 come up with this kind of crap is beyond me. I wonder if they're just little cowards who can't stand the fact some not so known guy went and did what they couldn't do.