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"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice


Da_Latios

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So a friend of mine told me that, one of my BF's best friends saw him cheating on me. Thing is he's very very loyal, i can prove it (i was in japan for a month and he didn't do anything)

 

Also said girl has a boyfriend whom she is very loyal to as well (i think she was almost engaged at one point)

 

My question is what should i do about these rumors? I don't want them to put a strain in my relationship, especially since my boyfriend knows i have slight paranoia issues with being cheated on or being abandoned. (adoption has caused a couple abandonment issues but thats besides the point). Is there a way i can keep people from making these rumors up so that i don't have to confront my bf?

 

I'd ask the best friend about it a bit more extensively, or whoever told you first. I wouldn't worry about it too much until [or unless rather] you're given explicit evidence.

 

@kalphite:

Figured your post was more just self reflective than a question, sorry mate ^^;

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Damn it, missed a good shot today and I regretted it. I was about to go out for lunch with friends, we had 1 hour to come back to school so we were a bit in a rush. I saw her alone at the entrance of the school, using her phone, and I almost went to talk with her. Our eyes crossed but too quickly to leave any impression I think. And under the pressure I told myself I'd fail if I had asked her, as I was in a rush and I'd just be too nervous talking with her. Now I spent the whole day telling myself I should have tried. I definitely can't miss another shot, I don't want to wait anymore.

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Damn it, missed a good shot today and I regretted it. I was about to go out for lunch with friends, we had 1 hour to come back to school so we were a bit in a rush. I saw her alone at the entrance of the school, using her phone, and I almost went to talk with her. Our eyes crossed but too quickly to leave any impression I think. And under the pressure I told myself I'd fail if I had asked her, as I was in a rush and I'd just be too nervous talking with her. Now I spent the whole day telling myself I should have tried. I definitely can't miss another shot, I don't want to wait anymore.

 

Now you know how much the feeling of uncertainty and missed opportunity sucks. Next time you see this chance, remember how much you hated yourself for missing the opportunity last time.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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Damn it, missed a good shot today and I regretted it. I was about to go out for lunch with friends, we had 1 hour to come back to school so we were a bit in a rush. I saw her alone at the entrance of the school, using her phone, and I almost went to talk with her. Our eyes crossed but too quickly to leave any impression I think. And under the pressure I told myself I'd fail if I had asked her, as I was in a rush and I'd just be too nervous talking with her. Now I spent the whole day telling myself I should have tried. I definitely can't miss another shot, I don't want to wait anymore.

 

Now you know how much the feeling of uncertainty and missed opportunity sucks. Next time you see this chance, remember how much you hated yourself for missing the opportunity last time.

Indeed, and remember that girls/women in general are just as uncertain as you are. Now I'm not sure how well you know her from your first post, but you should be able to just go over to her and say hi for a bit. You could tell her you like her and see how she responds, but how to best approach her really depends on what kind of girl she is and how well you know her.

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K, my turn?

 

Theres this girl (yeah of course :P) and I'm not sure if she's into me or she's just friendly. We'll always talk and she'll always want to hang out and stuff and always invites me places, and usually I'm the only guy that goes unless one of her friends brings another guy along. I text her like every day and I'm just so much happier around her than pretty much anyone else except my best friends. We've made out a couple times and everything too and I like her a lot, but I'm not sure because she opens up to me so much without me even asking about stuff, and she's even said she's never opened up to anyone before like that (not sure if good or bad). So yeah, not sure what to think so I'm just acting sorta in the middle about it I guess you could say.

 

What do? TY

 

Alright back to this story, I need some serious help. Last night her, my friend, her friend and I were going to watch a movie, and when her friend sits by her shes like "no i wanna cuddle with (me)". And so we did for a bit, then another of her friends came, they all were drinking a bit (I dont drink, at all), which I didn't mind. But what really killed the night was when this kid who has practically been stalking her for the last 4-5 months came in. Nobody wanted him there, usually she doesn't mind him but she didn't seem to want him there at all. The worst part, he was trying to sit by her when she told him go sit somewhere else, then he practically pulled her off of me. And he essentially got her drunk and like forced her to make out with him. I ended up leaving with everyone that night. She told me to stay but if he was there that woulda been a bad idea and I woulda been more upset about it. Almost wish I started drinking just so I would be in a more dgaf mood, and almost smoked with a friend just to get my mind off it. Had to take a sleep aid to fall asleep that night.

 

Essentially, what do I do about the stalker kid, what do I say to her (I really believe she's into me and idk how to tell her I'm into her), and how can I just anti-[rooster] if I can't get that guy away?

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All DFS threads turn into efficiency flame wars >.>

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I feel like I'm over Ellen. I can think of her and see her now without feeling bad. I feel like I'm back in the game already - and I thank you guys for your support.

 

I've been talking to one girl (Tasmin) - I've asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me next weekend and she said she'd like to if she's free - what can I do to perhaps take this further? We go to the same school, and I got her number too.

Jesus that was quick. Are you sure you were even ever in love with her?

 

I've been feeling down a lot lately, which allowed some interesting discussion with a good friend (maybe my only true friend) and lots of thinking. While my problem didn't directly or indirectly touch the topic of relationships, I believe it applies to almost everything which regards seeking happiness.

 

To all the people who come in here being "average", regular guys, fairly insecure, a bit needy, with a little crush on someone, we say "Be more confident! Go get her, samurai!". That's the way to do it: project the personality of a man who knows what he is doing, has done it before, is comfortable in his life, and is just counting down until he gets his [bleep] sucked -- put simply, to be everything they are not, and everything that would make someone less, rather than more, likely to come in here asking for advice.

Now, I'm not advocating we start telling people to just be themselves. Clearly, in and of itself, it hasn't been working. Many people who come in here don't want partners like themselves. They want Don Draper or Helen of Troy or something.

But at the same time, they can't just be confident, just at a snap of their fingers. They can't pretend; it shows through. And you can tell a guy that other people's opinions of him doesn't really matter, only his own does; you can tell him someone's going to make fun of him, no matter who he is and what he does; you can tell him all sorts of very wise things; not one is going to stand in the face of judgment or failure, and whatever he built will prove to be laid on a weak foundation. I've seen two people go through it, one of them being me.

 

What we need to tell people is to become proud of themselves. That's the foundation for the "alpha" behaviour we recommend. It shouldn't come on its own; that's called acting. It should come from pride in achievements.

 

I've said it before: I think (or at least I hope) everyone has a passion, or maybe several, waiting to be discovered. I'm fascinated by many things, music possibly being the main one. This passion must be found for every single one of us. It must be pursued, because once we find what we love to shine in, we finally fully adhere to those proverbs which we thought true but never managed to live by completely. Maybe, when I am done composing and recording the EP I'm working on with my friends, I'll be proud of what I'll have done. Maybe, I will understand why what other people think doesn't matter: it's because that's not what matters, that's not what makes me happy. What makes me happy is making music. And when I'll be proud of that, I'll be less insecure, I'll be more confident, I'll know what I'm doing, I'll have done it before, I'll be comfortable in my life, and I'll be counting down to get my [bleep] sucked.

@ First bold, it did work for me in combination with the second bold.

 

To be more attractive you need to have your own [cabbage] sorted first. Have passions, hobbies and opinions. Get at least a basic understanding of the human body and mind. Keep busy with less time doing nothing productive. Joining a gym for example is great because it does this plus build muscle which is attractive also.

 

In the meantime, faking confidence can work but it is a short term solution.

 

I can only find girls who have schedules that conflict 100% with my own.

 

frustration is over 9000

 

This will likely be an issue of a lack of attraction. Girls will clear their schedule for brad pit.

I had the same issue courting my current girlfriend because I went in a bit strong. As soon as I stepped back a bit and became a bit more aloof to build some more attraction, all of a sudden she had plenty of free time to see me.

Gotta make a sacrifice and screw your schedule.

Avoid doing this.

K, my turn?

 

Theres this girl (yeah of course :P) and I'm not sure if she's into me or she's just friendly. We'll always talk and she'll always want to hang out and stuff and always invites me places, and usually I'm the only guy that goes unless one of her friends brings another guy along. I text her like every day and I'm just so much happier around her than pretty much anyone else except my best friends. We've made out a couple times and everything too and I like her a lot, but I'm not sure because she opens up to me so much without me even asking about stuff, and she's even said she's never opened up to anyone before like that (not sure if good or bad). So yeah, not sure what to think so I'm just acting sorta in the middle about it I guess you could say.

 

What do? TY

 

Take it slow, see what happens and have fun. Don't force anything.

Okay, so i'm not usually one to post ask advice about "relationships" because my intimate life is something i like to keep personal. . . very personal.

So to get the ball rolling. . . I'm shy, very shy. Not only am i shy, but i'm also oblivious to any form of flirting. These are two things that don't mix at all.

 

For example: I would go out with my friends. I would make eye contact with a girl i think it pretty. I would give a glance over to her now and then (just to take it all in, you know) and she might make eye contact a few more times throughout the night. She might give me a smile (which i would think is just because she is either being polite or its a "omg why does he keep looking at me " smile). I would end up going home wishing i had just talked to her.

 

This has happened many times. Even though most of my friends are girls, i still feel very awkward around girls i have an attraction to. I have a big self confidence issue. I have this terrible thought that if i was to ever walk up to a girl that she might give me the "I'm to hot for you" dismissal and i'd end up feeling like a douche. I always feel like i'm not good looking enough. I know i'm not the ugliest person around, but i don't know what girls would class me as either, and that puts a lot of doubt in my mind. Also i have bad-ish skin. I have a few (2 or 3) pimples on my face. Nothing big, but you know how it is, they always feel like they're huge rocks.

 

I know i'm probably not the only person here that feels like that, but i know there are a lot of you that feel confident about who you are. I guess what i'm asking is how do you guys do it? How do you feel so comfy with who you are even though you know you might have some flaws? Even though you know a girl might be out of you league?

I have a post about flirting in my blog if you want to check it out.

 

In the eye contact situation, walk straight over to her and say "you can't look at me like that and not say hi." If she asks 'like what,' say "like you just want to eat me." This has even worked for me when she wasn't even looking at me.

 

Expect to be blown out many times. The worst that can happen is that you get embarrassed and feel like crap for a little while, keep at it. Don't be rude, just say you're having fun meeting new people and to have a nice day/night.

If she outright says that she is too hot for you, tell her that beauty is common but beauty without a 2d personality like hers' seems to be rare. You don't want that kind of girl anyway.

Girls like a guy with charisma. You know why you always see butt-ugly jerks with the hottest girls? It's because they're confident. They don't like them because they're jerks, it's because they're proud of themselves and girls dig confident guys.

 

>"jerk"

 

See, there's a very very fine line between being confident and being an abrasive jerkass who needs to be knocked down a peg for being pompous asses. A lot of them cross that line, and yet, are with hotter girls. There's nothing to logically justify that. I cannot find any form of justification for it. No, not even this trope could possibly justify their behavior.

 

Girls aren't attracted to jerks, just some of the things jerks have such as confidence. Don't hate.

Yes, I think I have understood that, thanks, but let's suppose we're in sports class, and we're not even playing together, how/when should I approach her? See, I feel that if I don't have a good reason to come and talk with her, it will look "obvious" that I want to be her boyfriend.

Don't act like you want to be her boyfriend then. Treat her like your bratty little sister.

Mhm yeah. I'll spend this weekend mastering body language I guess, sounds like a very important tool for it.

 

Important, yes. Mastering it in a weekend, definitely not. Keep reading stuff over and over to ingrain it into you, and try to pay attention to the body language of others.

 

 

I was also wondering, should I add her on facebook before even doing any of this, so I'd know if she already has a boyfriend, or would it sell out my "game" too much?

 

The best time to do it depends on the situation, but there is no issue with adding her first.

 

he practically pulled her off of me. And he essentially got her drunk and like forced her to make out with him

 

 

Elaborate

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he practically pulled her off of me. And he essentially got her drunk and like forced her to make out with him

 

 

Elaborate

 

Like, physically started moving her on to him and once she was wasted he pretty much had her pinned down and him trying to make out with her :|

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[spoiler=Other Quotes]tbh idk why this makes me laugh so hard

All DFS threads turn into efficiency flame wars >.>

>OP asks "why use DFS?"

>everyone says "there is no reason"

>someone says "stop bashing people who use DFS, efficiency troll ass clown"

>thread is now a flame fest

 

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Oh hai Dan. Long time no see. My conflictive schedule isn't me getting told "I'm busy" it's me telling them "I'm busy". I work 40 hours across Friday - Monday, leaving very little time to do anything with people who lead normally scheduled lives.

 

 

 

 

he practically pulled her off of me. And he essentially got her drunk and like forced her to make out with him

 

 

Elaborate

 

Like, physically started moving her on to him and once she was wasted he pretty much had her pinned down and him trying to make out with her :|

 

Dude, she hooked up with a drunk bafoon that's been stalking her for 5 months. Drinking is the last thing you need to be doing.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

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Don't bother with Dan's blog entry of flirting. He talks too much of touching and stuff (for older ages too), and if you're nervous on talking to her there's no way you're going to be comfortable or any good at touching her neither.

Still relevant to high school.

 

he practically pulled her off of me. And he essentially got her drunk and like forced her to make out with him

 

 

Elaborate

 

Like, physically started moving her on to him and once she was wasted he pretty much had her pinned down and him trying to make out with her :|

 

If she was trying to resist him and he kept going I would have thrown him out the front door.

 

Oh hai Dan. Long time no see. My conflictive schedule isn't me getting told "I'm busy" it's me telling them "I'm busy". I work 40 hours across Friday - Monday, leaving very little time to do anything with people who lead normally scheduled lives.

Been busy lately.

 

Are you studying full time or something? Do you really need to work that much?

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Don't bother with Dan's blog entry of flirting. He talks too much of touching and stuff (for older ages too), and if you're nervous on talking to her there's no way you're going to be comfortable or any good at touching her neither.

Still relevant to high school.

 

he practically pulled her off of me. And he essentially got her drunk and like forced her to make out with him

 

 

Elaborate

 

Like, physically started moving her on to him and once she was wasted he pretty much had her pinned down and him trying to make out with her :|

 

If she was trying to resist him and he kept going I would have thrown him out the front door.

 

Oh hai Dan. Long time no see. My conflictive schedule isn't me getting told "I'm busy" it's me telling them "I'm busy". I work 40 hours across Friday - Monday, leaving very little time to do anything with people who lead normally scheduled lives.

Been busy lately.

 

Are you studying full time or something? Do you really need to work that much?

 

Yeah I'm a full time student, too; which for the fall semester I was able to get by without doing anything, but this semester I tried that and I'm fighting to get a 'D' in Lit102 just to pass now. So my school/work schedule is kind of a load. As for working that much...I need a car. Bad. And I'd like to have a nice one.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

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It's incredible how much your posture can boost your confidence. I really feel these things about posture I'm learning will considerably increase my chances of dating her. First impressions are very important. I suggest anybody who's got trouble with approach anxiety as well to read a few guides about posture, it will help.

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"well i dont want to jump into a relationship straight away do u get wat i mean

cause wat if we both find somebody else better????"

 

I think I'm being used by a 16yo. Congrats Ryan, you [bleep]ed up.

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I didnt say to her I wanna date right away though. And besides, Maybe I like being in a relationship. When you havent really got anything else in life its nice to at least have that person to talk to and support you.

 

you wouldn't understand, you're not messed up like I've become.

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You've also been whining about the lack of sex. Now you have an opportunity for one of them and you're going to deny it because it doesn't fit in with your long-term goals?

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you wouldn't understand, you're not messed up like I've become.

Maybe you should get that [cabbage] together first... What's your life like at the moment?

 

@ First bold, it did work for me in combination with the second bold.

 

To be more attractive you need to have your own [cabbage] sorted first. Have passions, hobbies and opinions. Get at least a basic understanding of the human body and mind. Keep busy with less time doing nothing productive. Joining a gym for example is great because it does this plus build muscle which is attractive also.

 

In the meantime, faking confidence can work but it is a short term solution.

So I think we pretty much agree then. Yeah, it can work, but only to a certain extent, and any effort you make is going to be twice as effective if you've got other, arguably more important areas of your life figured out.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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I didnt say to her I wanna date right away though. And besides, Maybe I like being in a relationship. When you havent really got anything else in life its nice to at least have that person to talk to and support you.

From anyone's perspective, that novelty won't last very long. There's nothing worse for girls (or guys) than going out with someone who's a shadow of their former selves.

 

Sure, you get caring people, but if sympathy is the only thing the relationship was based on then it just doesn't work. For one, it's just boring spending all your time doing the same thing and secondly it doesn't play out logically. You're in a bad place, they give you sympathy, you get out of the bad place and... now what? With no real interests to speak of, where's the relationship going? How can you be outgoing when there's literally nothing else to do? That approach is going to lead to either:

 

1) Unsatisfactory, brief relationships; or

2) Girls who'll deliberately keep you in the bad place to keep the basis of the relationship alive.

 

OK, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and if it gets cut off because I've got the wrong end of the stick, so be it. I don't know much about you, but from this thread and others it sounds like you're in a bit of a hole and you're looking for answers to help get out of it. Instead of waiting for a girl to come and rescue you ("its nice to at least have that person to talk to and support you"), maybe you need to look at why you're in that hole?

 

If it's a lack of motivation or just a lack of interest, then find something you're passionate about, join a voluntary organisation or a club that deals with that interest. That would be a great place to start if you're looking for something to kickstart your life again.The number of people I know who have come out of crap relationships, reclused from the world and started spending all their time indoors feeling sorry for themselves, but as soon as they've gone out and chased something they think is worth doing and found there's more to themselves than the failure of that one relationship--it's a great way to restore damaged self-esteem.

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you wouldn't understand, you're not messed up like I've become.

Maybe you should get that [cabbage] together first... What's your life like at the moment?

*Family Abuse

*Unemployed (not by choice)

*Friends live in far distance

*Nothing AT ALL to do in my town.

 

I'm on Anti depressants but I dont think they're strong enough, and I cant afford another doctors trip. + I've been to a psychologist before in 2008, it did nothing at all. Im not kidding, If I was to be able to move out my moods would drastically change but no one locally has the room for me.

 

And yes I have a personality disorder. Bullied since I was 7 till 17, (half my life) I went thru so many emotional problems I dont even remember what my personality is and I keep basing mine off other people who seem to be happy, except as you've noticed, doesnt work. I wanna get help but I cant afford and my parents WILL NOT help.

Popoto.~<3

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Is there anything you like doing which doesn't involve girls or video games?

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

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I feel like I'm over Ellen. I can think of her and see her now without feeling bad. I feel like I'm back in the game already - and I thank you guys for your support.

 

I've been talking to one girl (Tasmin) - I've asked her if she wanted to go shopping with me next weekend and she said she'd like to if she's free - what can I do to perhaps take this further? We go to the same school, and I got her number too.

Jesus that was quick. Are you sure you were even ever in love with her?

 

I don't know. I'm not really sure how to tell. I did things for her to make her happy, not to seek her approval. I probably posted that in haste.

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Oh damn just remembered, it's gonna be tough as she will almost certainly be with other friends and I'll be alone. I may use the good words, be entirely confident and all, but that one sounds intimidating. I wonder if her friends are gonna laugh at me if I ignore them and ask anyway?

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*Family Abuse

*Unemployed (not by choice)

*Friends live in far distance

*Nothing AT ALL to do in my town.

 

I'm on Anti depressants but I dont think they're strong enough, and I cant afford another doctors trip. + I've been to a psychologist before in 2008, it did nothing at all. Im not kidding, If I was to be able to move out my moods would drastically change but no one locally has the room for me.

 

And yes I have a personality disorder. Bullied since I was 7 till 17, (half my life) I went thru so many emotional problems I dont even remember what my personality is and I keep basing mine off other people who seem to be happy, except as you've noticed, doesnt work. I wanna get help but I cant afford and my parents WILL NOT help.

 

Do [cabbage].

 

Have another look for that cert II/III in transport and logistics (warehousing) that comes with a fork ticket - all paid for by the government. Once you do that you've pretty much got a guaranteed job of $20-$30+/hr and you will have the money to move out and start looking for a career you'd rather have. If you really can't find one down there try further north. If we didn't have 6 people in our house currently I'd make you crash on our couch and get the ticket.

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Ginger Warrior's posting again <3:

 

as for my 2 cents, You need to fix yourself [not Tim specificially, but generally] before you can start a relationship, for basically the reasons Ginger explained.

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Anyone who likes tacos is incapable of logic.

Anyone who likes logic is incapable of tacos.

 

PSA: SaqPrets is an Estonian Dude

Steam: NippleBeardTM

Origin: Brand_New_iPwn

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