"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[tripsis]

Yeah..... definitely not lol. Below is my personal opinion based on a successful long-term relationship (basically marriage):

 

-good relationship with other's parents

• Helpful, but only when actually with the parents. So the affect that this will have on your relationship depends on how often you are with your SO's parents. Though admittedly not having a good relationship with the other's parents could create a lot of tension in the relationship over extended periods of time.

-good relationship with your parents

• I fail to see how this affects your relationship much at all.

-at least 5 shared friends

• Not necessary. If you want to all hang out together, it can help. But either way, assigning a number to it at all is silly because it needs to be proportional to how many friends you actually have and which you hang out with the most. You could have 5 shared friends but if one of you rarely hangs out with them - what good does it do? But as long as you have plenty of time with your SO, this doesn't matter much at all.

-at least 3 shared hobbies/past-times

• Again, giving it a number is silly. You would have to take into account how significant the hobbies are to the person. One huge hobby in common is better than having 3 minor ones in common, imo. Though ignoring the whole number aspect, I do think this is pretty important. They don't necessarily have to be hobbies though. But you do need to have things that you both enjoy that you can do together, even if it's just enjoying the same movie genre.

-attracted by other's physical appearance

• Important.

-shared religion/'god beliefs'

• Depends on the person. As long as both people are accepting and tolerant, this point is completely unnecessary. In fact, it could even be better to have different religious beliefs. It all depends on the tolerance/preference of the party. Having different beliefs could give each person different viewpoints and outlooks on the world, which they then share with their partner to increase their learning experience. Some people enjoy being challenged like this and the differences that it presents. But to others, having the same religion is exceedingly important. So it all depends on the person, but it's hardly an overarching requirement.

-tolerance of other's 'faults'

• Important.

[obfuscator]

I don't agree with you(tripsis) that religious symmetry is unimportant. Regardless of your belief (or lack thereof), it's a pretty important issue, especially when you consider educating your kids.

[Omar]

Plus a perfect relationship would be monotonous and would become stale quickly.

How can something perfect have negative qualities?

[Giordano]

 

-good relationship with your parents

• I fail to see how this affects your relationship much at all.

 

Re-reading the list, it seems like it fits more to teenagers...since they live under and are commanded by their parents. Pretty hard to meet up with your girlfriend at the mall ten miles away when mom's car suddenly "is out of service". :wink:

 

PS: I didn't know you could do that with /list tags. Awesome.

 

@Religion

The more serious the relationship the more important religion becomes it seems. Tolerance is the best for your ordinary high school relationship where religion isn't that important but for a wife...? I would pick a mid- to low-faith Catholic or non-religious. :mrgreen:

[tripsis]

I don't agree with you(tripsis) that religious symmetry is unimportant. Regardless of your belief (or lack thereof), it's a pretty important issue, especially when you consider educating your kids.

I don't think it's unimportant, I think it's highly situational. For someone where religion is a huge part of their life, then yes, it will likely be exceedingly important to that person for their SO to have the same religious beliefs. For people where religion is less important, they might find it fascinating to have a SO with other religious beliefs (or just flat out not care).

[obfuscator]

I think the only situation where it wouldn't matter is when the two people really don't care at all. For most people who have some opinion about it it's generally pretty strong as far as I've seen.

[foursideking]

Well, to be fair, I more or less reread it out of the teenage-relationship help book that my little brother is reading. I guess it doesn't technically affect older relationships, but it is still a good guideline if you're wondering why your relationships aren't lasting too long.

[tripsis]

My boyfriend is Christian and I'm somewhere around agnostic/atheist and yet we get along perfectly :P And I actually quite like that he's Christian.. idk why.

[blaah]

I see the parent thing. A couple of my friends have issues with their parents because they act like spoiled brats when their parents don't give them what they want, whether it's car access, time allowances, etc. I just see their outbursts at their parents to be completely immature and their separation from their families to be unhealthy. 17-18 year olds should definitely act independent and have the ability to make their own decisions, but their hormones sometimes cause them to fail to see that their parents still want the best for them, the same as it's always been, and in the examples I see, their parents are the reasonable ones.

[RpgGamer]

Love needs to be mutual dude! How long were u with her?

i was with a girl for like3 years when i was that age. and btw i had sex with her when she was 13 and i was 13, dont see how thats wrong?? when ur 13 u think ur pretty old, going to parties and staying out all weekend an stuff. but anyway, i feel the same way, heartbeat quickening when i see her name. but it just wasn't meant to be, now its been years and we're completely different peoople, we've grown in opposite directions. maybe its just the feelings your after, not the girl? maybe..

 

good luck

 

while I agree with this post, I believe I found my antithesis.

 

Every relationship has 7 things which, if combined, allow for the best happiness/use out of it. They are:

 

-good relationship with other's parents

-good relationship with your parents

-at least 5 shared friends

-at least 3 shared hobbies/past-times

-attracted by other's physical appearance

-shared religion/'god beliefs'

-tolerance of other's 'faults'

 

I could type a huge essay on why I disagree or I could just downvote [crap this isn't reddit...]

 

According to this no one I've ever met has ever had a perfect relationship, but that would make sense considering there is no such thing. All my partner needs to have is mutual friends, and personality that melds well with mine. Thats all it takes. Perfect.

[Flyingjj]

Religious agreement is an interesting issue in a relationship. Sure, if you really believe what you believe and will accept nothing else (this is NOT necessarily a bad thing) you would do much better with someone close to your beliefs. However, if you hold strong personal beliefs, but are open-minded toward other beliefs, it can work. I once knew an Episcopalian and a Jew who got along swimmingly, even though they both held very strong beliefs, and were active in their respective religious orgs at my college.

[RpgGamer]

Religious agreement is an interesting issue in a relationship. Sure, if you really believe what you believe and will accept nothing else (this is NOT necessarily a bad thing) you would do much better with someone close to your beliefs. However, if you hold strong personal beliefs, but are open-minded toward other beliefs, it can work. I once knew an Episcopalian and a Jew who got along swimmingly, even though they both held very strong beliefs, and were active in their respective religious orgs at my college.

 

I imagine religious beliefs become an issue when a married couple discuss how to raise their kids. Or if one of the pair has EXTREME religious views, but that falls more on tolerance than religion. And I don't think anyone on here is looking to have kids anytime soon [though I do beleive we have a few married members so whatevs]

[Orpheus]

Every relationship has 7 things which, if combined, allow for the best happiness/use out of it. They are:

 

-good relationship with other's parents

-good relationship with your parents

-at least 5 shared friends

-at least 3 shared hobbies/past-times

-attracted by other's physical appearance

-shared religion/'god beliefs'

-tolerance of other's 'faults'

 

You can't quantify that at all dude. Failure post of the day.

[Kalphite]

So I'm thinking my luck might be starting to turn around finally. xD

 

A bit of background first - Every weekend I have a sort of get-together at my house, I invite most of my friends and normally about 8-12 people show up to an average one during the school year. Since about December one of my best friends (Austin) has been bringing a girl from another school with him (Stephanie) (they like each other but aren't going out officially yet). At the first one she went to Stephanie seemed pretty cool and she got along with everyone, so she's kept coming since then. The next one she came to, she brought a friend, Kelsi. I talked to her a bit there and got her number so I could invite her to more but I didn't because the only one she really knew was Stephanie and I figured they'd just come together anyways, plus I sort of forgot, lol.

 

At the one last weekend (Sunday), Stephanie asked if she could bring Kelsi again, and I said sure. At first is was much like the other one we'd gone to; we talked sometimes, but I still didn't really know her and I spent more time talking to other people there. Then, we all went on a walk up to a local convienience store (about a half mile away). Half of us started walking off without realizing not everyone was out of the store yet, and when we realized they were behind most of us headed back aside from austin, stephanie, and another friend. As Kelsi was coming back, she said she didn't want to leave the whole group behind. However, once she met up with us she started walking ahead of everyone else. I teased her about that and we were talking the rest of the way back as our own little group between everyone else about a bunch of random stuff (why her name was spelled weird, our neighborhoods, Austin and Stephanie's lack of going official, other miscellanious things) and kept talking basically until everyone left.

 

Later that day, I was talking to one of my friends on facebook and she asked me what was going on between me and Kelsi. Apparently her and about four other people there all had noticed that both of us seemed pretty into each other (I hadn't really considered that by that point - she's cute but I had only known her for a day in essence). I asked my foreign exchange student about it and he said he noticed as well, so it wasn't just my friend exaggerating.

 

Tuesday I decided to text her for a while, and the conversation lasted for about 2.5 hours. It started off pretty light (joking about her school and about how a clock nearly fell on my face that day) but it eventually started to get a bit deep (talking about our pasts, and she was telling me about some of her insecurities, a bit more than I would normally expect from someone I'd only met two days ago) before she had to go to study for a test the next day and sleep.

 

Yesterday I sent out the weekly mass-text about the get-together and she said she'd come if she didn't have anything else going on. I didn't pursue a conversation out of that, wasn't really much to say xD.

 

Which brings me up to now. Obviously I don't know well enough if she's actually interested or if this all just how she is, but I've also only known her since Sunday and I'm not freaking out over her or anything, though I am interested.

 

You guys think I have a shot or did I make some sort of mistake in there that I didn't realize?

[Omar]

You're fine, but unless you keep him on a leash, you might want to stop referring to him as "my exchange student".

[foursideking]

In the 'general sense', you're fine. In the 'strategic sense', you could've gotten a bit closer by asking her specifically first if she'd be interested in coming to a party should you have one, before doing the mass text. Subtle/keen things like these may seem inconsequencial at first, but tend to differenciate between 'full on relationship in 2 weeks', and 'full on relationship in 2 months'. Oh, and good luck with it...mind you judging by what you've said happened so far, you're looking at a decent relationship w/ 12% chance of ruination.

[Kalphite]

You're fine, but unless you keep him on a leash, you might want to stop referring to him as "my exchange student".

 

Thank you, and I don't normally, sorry, just wanted to say who he was without having to getting too off-topic or having to introduce another name (Kilian). He's like a brother to me, so he's more than just another friend, but he obviously isn't a literal brother. I realized it sounded bad when I typed that but I just wanted to get the point across so I called him what he was.

 

 

In the 'general sense', you're fine. In the 'strategic sense', you could've gotten a bit closer by asking her specifically first if she'd be interested in coming to a party should you have one, before doing the mass text. Subtle/keen things like these may seem inconsequencial at first, but tend to differenciate between 'full on relationship in 2 weeks', and 'full on relationship in 2 months'. Oh, and good luck with it...mind you judging by what you've said happened so far, you're looking at a decent relationship w/ 12% chance of ruination.

 

She had already been to two by that point and I had already asked her in person if she had been interested in coming to more, but thank you.

[Omar]

You're fine, but unless you keep him on a leash, you might want to stop referring to him as "my exchange student".

 

Thank you, and I don't normally, sorry, just wanted to say who he was without having to getting too off-topic or having to introduce another name (Kilian). He's like a brother to me, so he's more than just another friend, but he obviously isn't a literal brother. I realized it sounded bad when I typed that but I just wanted to get the point across so I called him what he was.

It's okay, every time I say "my drummer" people point it out.

Also, full relationship in two weeks is not a good idea.

[RpgGamer]

So I'm thinking my luck might be starting to turn around finally. xD

 

A bit of background first - Every weekend I have a sort of get-together at my house, I invite most of my friends and normally about 8-12 people show up to an average one during the school year. Since about December one of my best friends (Austin) has been bringing a girl from another school with him (Stephanie) (they like each other but aren't going out officially yet). At the first one she went to Stephanie seemed pretty cool and she got along with everyone, so she's kept coming since then. The next one she came to, she brought a friend, Kelsi. I talked to her a bit there and got her number so I could invite her to more but I didn't because the only one she really knew was Stephanie and I figured they'd just come together anyways, plus I sort of forgot, lol.

 

At the one last weekend (Sunday), Stephanie asked if she could bring Kelsi again, and I said sure. At first is was much like the other one we'd gone to; we talked sometimes, but I still didn't really know her and I spent more time talking to other people there. Then, we all went on a walk up to a local convienience store (about a half mile away). Half of us started walking off without realizing not everyone was out of the store yet, and when we realized they were behind most of us headed back aside from austin, stephanie, and another friend. As Kelsi was coming back, she said she didn't want to leave the whole group behind. However, once she met up with us she started walking ahead of everyone else. I teased her about that and we were talking the rest of the way back as our own little group between everyone else about a bunch of random stuff (why her name was spelled weird, our neighborhoods, Austin and Stephanie's lack of going official, other miscellanious things) and kept talking basically until everyone left.

 

Later that day, I was talking to one of my friends on facebook and she asked me what was going on between me and Kelsi. Apparently her and about four other people there all had noticed that both of us seemed pretty into each other (I hadn't really considered that by that point - she's cute but I had only known her for a day in essence). I asked my foreign exchange student about it and he said he noticed as well, so it wasn't just my friend exaggerating.

 

Tuesday I decided to text her for a while, and the conversation lasted for about 2.5 hours. It started off pretty light (joking about her school and about how a clock nearly fell on my face that day) but it eventually started to get a bit deep (talking about our pasts, and she was telling me about some of her insecurities, a bit more than I would normally expect from someone I'd only met two days ago) before she had to go to study for a test the next day and sleep.

 

Yesterday I sent out the weekly mass-text about the get-together and she said she'd come if she didn't have anything else going on. I didn't pursue a conversation out of that, wasn't really much to say xD.

 

Which brings me up to now. Obviously I don't know well enough if she's actually interested or if this all just how she is, but I've also only known her since Sunday and I'm not freaking out over her or anything, though I am interested.

 

You guys think I have a shot or did I make some sort of mistake in there that I didn't realize?

 

Her name ends in an "i" of course you're good to go!

[Freakyhair]

So I'm thinking my luck might be starting to turn around finally. xD

 

A bit of background first - Every weekend I have a sort of get-together at my house, I invite most of my friends and normally about 8-12 people show up to an average one during the school year. Since about December one of my best friends (Austin) has been bringing a girl from another school with him (Stephanie) (they like each other but aren't going out officially yet). At the first one she went to Stephanie seemed pretty cool and she got along with everyone, so she's kept coming since then. The next one she came to, she brought a friend, Kelsi. I talked to her a bit there and got her number so I could invite her to more but I didn't because the only one she really knew was Stephanie and I figured they'd just come together anyways, plus I sort of forgot, lol.

 

At the one last weekend (Sunday), Stephanie asked if she could bring Kelsi again, and I said sure. At first is was much like the other one we'd gone to; we talked sometimes, but I still didn't really know her and I spent more time talking to other people there. Then, we all went on a walk up to a local convienience store (about a half mile away). Half of us started walking off without realizing not everyone was out of the store yet, and when we realized they were behind most of us headed back aside from austin, stephanie, and another friend. As Kelsi was coming back, she said she didn't want to leave the whole group behind. However, once she met up with us she started walking ahead of everyone else. I teased her about that and we were talking the rest of the way back as our own little group between everyone else about a bunch of random stuff (why her name was spelled weird, our neighborhoods, Austin and Stephanie's lack of going official, other miscellanious things) and kept talking basically until everyone left.

 

Later that day, I was talking to one of my friends on facebook and she asked me what was going on between me and Kelsi. Apparently her and about four other people there all had noticed that both of us seemed pretty into each other (I hadn't really considered that by that point - she's cute but I had only known her for a day in essence). I asked my foreign exchange student about it and he said he noticed as well, so it wasn't just my friend exaggerating.

 

Tuesday I decided to text her for a while, and the conversation lasted for about 2.5 hours. It started off pretty light (joking about her school and about how a clock nearly fell on my face that day) but it eventually started to get a bit deep (talking about our pasts, and she was telling me about some of her insecurities, a bit more than I would normally expect from someone I'd only met two days ago) before she had to go to study for a test the next day and sleep.

 

Yesterday I sent out the weekly mass-text about the get-together and she said she'd come if she didn't have anything else going on. I didn't pursue a conversation out of that, wasn't really much to say xD.

 

Which brings me up to now. Obviously I don't know well enough if she's actually interested or if this all just how she is, but I've also only known her since Sunday and I'm not freaking out over her or anything, though I am interested.

 

You guys think I have a shot or did I make some sort of mistake in there that I didn't realize?

 

 

Yeah man go for it, what's the worst that can happpen. She probally just didn't wanna seem to keen or something, i dunno. go for it anway :thumbup:

[Surprise]

[hide]

So I'm thinking my luck might be starting to turn around finally. xD

 

A bit of background first - Every weekend I have a sort of get-together at my house, I invite most of my friends and normally about 8-12 people show up to an average one during the school year. Since about December one of my best friends (Austin) has been bringing a girl from another school with him (Stephanie) (they like each other but aren't going out officially yet). At the first one she went to Stephanie seemed pretty cool and she got along with everyone, so she's kept coming since then. The next one she came to, she brought a friend, Kelsi. I talked to her a bit there and got her number so I could invite her to more but I didn't because the only one she really knew was Stephanie and I figured they'd just come together anyways, plus I sort of forgot, lol.

 

At the one last weekend (Sunday), Stephanie asked if she could bring Kelsi again, and I said sure. At first is was much like the other one we'd gone to; we talked sometimes, but I still didn't really know her and I spent more time talking to other people there. Then, we all went on a walk up to a local convienience store (about a half mile away). Half of us started walking off without realizing not everyone was out of the store yet, and when we realized they were behind most of us headed back aside from austin, stephanie, and another friend. As Kelsi was coming back, she said she didn't want to leave the whole group behind. However, once she met up with us she started walking ahead of everyone else. I teased her about that and we were talking the rest of the way back as our own little group between everyone else about a bunch of random stuff (why her name was spelled weird, our neighborhoods, Austin and Stephanie's lack of going official, other miscellanious things) and kept talking basically until everyone left.

 

Later that day, I was talking to one of my friends on facebook and she asked me what was going on between me and Kelsi. Apparently her and about four other people there all had noticed that both of us seemed pretty into each other (I hadn't really considered that by that point - she's cute but I had only known her for a day in essence). I asked my foreign exchange student about it and he said he noticed as well, so it wasn't just my friend exaggerating.

 

Tuesday I decided to text her for a while, and the conversation lasted for about 2.5 hours. It started off pretty light (joking about her school and about how a clock nearly fell on my face that day) but it eventually started to get a bit deep (talking about our pasts, and she was telling me about some of her insecurities, a bit more than I would normally expect from someone I'd only met two days ago) before she had to go to study for a test the next day and sleep.

 

Yesterday I sent out the weekly mass-text about the get-together and she said she'd come if she didn't have anything else going on. I didn't pursue a conversation out of that, wasn't really much to say xD.

 

Which brings me up to now. Obviously I don't know well enough if she's actually interested or if this all just how she is, but I've also only known her since Sunday and I'm not freaking out over her or anything, though I am interested.

 

You guys think I have a shot or did I make some sort of mistake in there that I didn't realize?

[/hide]

 

I can't see any mistakes but go carefully. Make sure your not always the one starting the conversation, asking to see her etc as you are running the chance of going to far too quickly which can scare her away.

Basically play the game that she is playing.

[Iamdan]

it eventually started to get a bit deep (talking about our pasts, and she was telling me about some of her insecurities

 

but wwhhyyyy? #-o

 

Unless you're her therapist, boyfriend, or you just want to be friends, steer the conversation away from the D&Ms. Except on occasion, but later.

 

It's probably fine, (could be the difference between her chasing you, and you wondering whether she is into you or not) but if you want something to happen I suggest escalating touch (link in my sig) and staying playful for now.

[Kalphite]

it eventually started to get a bit deep (talking about our pasts, and she was telling me about some of her insecurities

 

but wwhhyyyy? #-o

 

Unless you're her therapist, boyfriend, or you just want to be friends, steer the conversation away from the D&Ms. Except on occasion, but later.

 

It's probably fine, (could be the difference between her chasing you, and you wondering whether she is into you or not) but if you want something to happen I suggest escalating touch (link in my sig) and staying playful for now.

 

I was trying to keep it light at first but she kept steering the conversation that way and was basically volunteering the information so I just went with it, but I'm going to try to do that then, thanks.

[King_Ankh]

I recognize that I messed up with a girl I really liked. She was a friend and I basically threw all of the rules of the game out the window for that reason. Good thing is, I caught myself early on and stopped being a wuss. I was just going to keep it chill for now, take a step back and maybe try again later. I still like her a lot and would definitely be open to trying again in the future. I'm also cool with giving it time (an entire summer even). Do you guys have any advice on how I should go about things?

[Surprise]

I recognize that I messed up with a girl I really liked. She was a friend and I basically threw all of the rules of the game out the window for that reason. Good thing is, I caught myself early on and stopped being a wuss. I was just going to keep it chill for now, take a step back and maybe try again later. I still like her a lot and would definitely be open to trying again in the future. I'm also cool with giving it time (an entire summer even). Do you guys have any advice on how I should go about things?

 

To keep it brief I would move on.

Edited March 19, 2011 by Standard_Pix