"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[RpgGamer]

Story of my life:

 

[i_love_burritos]

i hardly ever post here but here's a caveat I felt like sharing (and you probably all know but eh)

 

somtimes girls just dont give a [bleep]. maybe it's their fault, (or yours). can't change people. can't force people to say a certain thing or act a certain way.

 

so--

 

lower your standardsv (!expectations) a little bit, meet more people, move the [bleep] on. no point on dwelling and wishing. it doesnt turn out well for you

[Duff]

So, I don't remember if you all remember way back when, when I was dealing with this strong attraction to this girl who wasn't showing it back really. Basically I was friend-zoned or whatever. So, even though it was hard, I distanced myself and basically got over her (though, I still get extremely anxious about seeing her in person now). I stopped texting her and all that. I basically cut off contact with her, and when she did text me, I was polite but never showed much of my old 'obsessive' self (because the people here told me that was unattractive, which I fully agreed with).

 

I saw her the other night at a movie night, now that we're both home for the Christmas break. In the past, after every time we saw each other during the break, I would always text her afterwards, saying something like, "It was really nice seeing you tonight. You looked really great." I hadn't seen her since we both left for school back in late August, and I was so busy with school this semester that I really didn't think about her much. I got over her, tbh. The few times she texted me, the conversation ended the same day, and nothing really was really 'said', I guess. So I was surprised when she texted me after the movie night, saying that she was happy she got to see me, and that I had to come over and see her dog soon (I'm a big fan of dogs). I said that I definitely needed to see him before he got too big, and that it was nice seeing her, too.

 

Today I get a text from one of her best friends, who is one of my best friend's girlfriend. She asked me if she could talk to me for a bit over text. I was like, "Heh, sure thing. What's up?" This is what she texted me:

 

"So I was chatting with my friend [name] last night, and she was just talking about how she missed hanging with you. I think it takes her a long time to come around, which I'm sure you know firsthand, but I think she's done a lot of growing up this past year and she's able to handle things she wasn't quite ready to in the past. Anywho, she said it was really good seeing you at my house and wanted to chat, but she felt like there was just a wall or bubble there between you guys. So I wanted to see where you were at, and I totally understand if you're more guarded this time around, I truly do. But would you be up for hangin with her again, or the two of you chatting? I didn't know if I should encourage her to pursue it, or if she should drop it out of respect... Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to check in with you and see how things were in the [name] department, I guess."

 

So, I may be out of this friend zone. We'll see. I'm confused right now because I don't know what I want. But I told my best friend's girlfriend that I'm a-okay with hanging out with this girl, but that she should understand why I hadn't taken the initiative. I mean, I've worked my ass off trying not to be obsessive and clingy. And I've definitely reached that point to where I'm not.

 

Guess I wanted to write this down somewhere, since I made such a big deal about it in the past. Looks like distancing does work with certain relationships. :grin:

[Surprises]

I remember this and how equally long it was originally.

 

Well done, take the positives and see where it goes. There is no need for you to decide what you want right now, it's best figuring out completely what she wants before you lead yourself down an alley of illusion and disappointment when she does something unpredictable.

 

Just be careful; a rule of thumb is to never trust a girls best friend they can be bloody slimy.

[Maleficus1055]

Okay so I've been with my girl for a while but haven't had a chance to take her on a date, so I promised I'd take her on a really nice date after break. What do you guys think of this idea: Take her out to dinner for seafood down by the wharf and then to a show (as of now, Im planning on The Whitest Kids U Know at a comedy club, which is the week we get back from break conveniently).

 

Never actually done a real date before so IDK.

[fakeitormakeit2]

Does anyone have any advice for getting over this girl I've been with for a couple years? It's a completely out of the ordinary situation and no one relates to me.

 

So I feel like I fell in love with this girl at first sight, her laugh and personality were intoxicating. I needed to find out who she was (which was quite easy, as she was in a clique of girls who I've known the other girls for over 10yrs.). Anyway, after being meek with her for a few months, we finally started getting a bit more serious. For a year and a half after that, everything was perfect between us; we had only fought once or twice and we resolved the issue on the spot. She had been diagnosed with clinical depression, but she was medicated and she said being with me made her feel she never had a problem. Fast forwarding to this year, she had to pick between staying in New York or going to her dream school in Miami, which she got a full ride to. I obviously told her that wasn't even a question and she should go to Florida, which she eventually ended up deciding upon. Her parents divorced and her mother soon after got diagnosed with cancer for the third time, but I was there for her all the time; I helped her father move boxes from their house, and I helped did little chores to help out her mom, I was also there for emotional support. I loved her, in her strengths and her imperfections.

 

She left for Miami as I left for my beach house, and it was a very tear-filled goodbye, with the exchanging of gifts (I gave her a decorated wooden box which I added souvenirs from our adventures, and a letter for each of the last 100days). She spoke to me regularly for a month. Then in September she stopped speaking to me. She blocked me and about 300 other people on Facebook, essentially everyone from where she's from, including childhood friends and high school friends. The only people she left were the siblings of some of her close friends and my best friend (suspicious). She sent me a message a week later saying she loved me and didn't want to see anyone else, she apologized for not speaking to me and said she went to the hospital because she collapsed of dehydration and malnutrition because she wasn't eating because of her depression. I obviously was worried sick. That was last I heard from her from September to December. Nonetheless, I tried calling her daily and sending her a letter every week. until in late-October, my best friend showed me pictures on her Facebook of her with another guy, OBVIOUSLY not "just" friends. She posted all this passive aggressive shit on her Tumblr as well. I was obviously extremely upset and left her a voicemail saying I hoped she was happy with her choices and if we weren't already done, we were done for sure now. I've been really struggling with being without her to say the least and I have a therapist who is absolutely useless. I still can't get my mind off her.

 

Fast-forward to this weekend, I have finals and papers and what not, but instead I wanted to see her because I knew she had come home because she told me when she was coming home in early september. I took a 2hr bus ride from my college to visit. Her family was having a party but she was momentarily out; however, her family invited me in and asked me to stay for dinner (I spoke to her sister at the table and no one knew about our breaking off, she hadn't spoken to her sister since Oct). When she got home, she dragged me out of her house. She started crying about how sorry she was and she couldn't even give me an explanation because she didn't even have one for herself. She said how she is such an evil and horrible person. She apparently ignored not only me, her friends but also her dying mother. She said she was essentially drunk for the last 2months every day and she spent all her savings ($4000) on cigarettes and alcohol. She said the people she had befriended were the type who didn't care if you woke up in the morning. She said how much she missed me and how I deserve so much better. She obviously has problems, so she said she understands if I scream at her and hate her but instead I forgave her and said I'd be there for her forever. She also said that guy meant nothing. Everyone else hates her while she's here, so I thought I would speak to her to keep her company and I still love her, I just want to see her happy.

 

Now she has stopped talking to me once again after I found out that guy in her pictures is actually her new boyfriend that she was cheating on me with. I don't think I can take much more. I don't want to abandon her, but she keeps playing with me like this. All her friends already gave up on her months ago. I just don't know what to do; I still love her. I couldn't even stand to look at another girl for this time apart from her, and I've put so much into her, I don't understand why she would act like this.

[tripsis]

IMO she has abandoned you. She abandoned you a long time ago. From what I can tell, she doesn't care if she screws up her life and she may even be enjoying partying all the time and hanging out with her new boyfriend. You don't need to worry about whether or not you're abandoning her because it's not feasible for you to be there for her when you're separated by distance and she's not letting you in her life. It's time to let her go.

[Randox]

Duff: You have every reason to be cautious if your going to get back into it with that girl, from what I remember of the last time you talked about it. I guess my advice would be that if you go for it, and invite her back into your life a bit, you need to be prepared for it not working out. If your not going to be able to take it, or you find yourself being certain that things are going to work too soon (you'll have to use some judgement here, but I guess a month or two at least should give you enough time to have a hope of being semi-objective), then you probably need to back off and abandon this. On the other hand, I suspect you still have feelings for her if you've not started trying to date someone else, so I also suspect that if you don't go for this, your going to look back on it later and wonder what might have been. But again, don't go for this if your not going to be able to handle a full on rejection.

 

Boros: Dinner and a show sounds lovely to me. Some of it depends on the girl of course. The only point of caution with a comedy show would be I hope you have some idea of what her sense of humor is like. You don't want to get her offended. Then again, I find having a similar sense of humor to be fairly key to a harmonious relationship. Under the assumption that the ultimate goal is a happy life together, you can probably kiss happiness goodbye if neither of you can say a joke without pissing the other person off, so this might be a good way to figure out if your compatible or not.

 

fakeitormakeit2: Walk away. You did more than could have been expected of you, and you have been more than understanding, and she has thrown it back in your face. Depression or not, the way she has treated you and everyone else that used to be in her life is...just terrible. You don't need a person like that in your life. It sounds like you did what you could to try and help her, and she has decided to refuse that help. Don't throw your life away too trying to make things better. Whatever happens to her is on her and her new friends, not you. Find someone that will make you happy, not someone who needs you to be happy. That kind of dependency just doesn't work.

[RpgGamer]

Does anyone have any advice for getting over this girl I've been with for a couple years? It's a completely out of the ordinary situation and no one relates to me.

 

So I feel like I fell in love with this girl at first sight, her laugh and personality were intoxicating. I needed to find out who she was (which was quite easy, as she was in a clique of girls who I've known the other girls for over 10yrs.). Anyway, after being meek with her for a few months, we finally started getting a bit more serious. For a year and a half after that, everything was perfect between us; we had only fought once or twice and we resolved the issue on the spot. She had been diagnosed with clinical depression, but she was medicated and she said being with me made her feel she never had a problem. Fast forwarding to this year, she had to pick between staying in New York or going to her dream school in Miami, which she got a full ride to. I obviously told her that wasn't even a question and she should go to Florida, which she eventually ended up deciding upon. Her parents divorced and her mother soon after got diagnosed with cancer for the third time, but I was there for her all the time; I helped her father move boxes from their house, and I helped did little chores to help out her mom, I was also there for emotional support. I loved her, in her strengths and her imperfections.

 

She left for Miami as I left for my beach house, and it was a very tear-filled goodbye, with the exchanging of gifts (I gave her a decorated wooden box which I added souvenirs from our adventures, and a letter for each of the last 100days). She spoke to me regularly for a month. Then in September she stopped speaking to me. She blocked me and about 300 other people on Facebook, essentially everyone from where she's from, including childhood friends and high school friends. The only people she left were the siblings of some of her close friends and my best friend (suspicious). She sent me a message a week later saying she loved me and didn't want to see anyone else, she apologized for not speaking to me and said she went to the hospital because she collapsed of dehydration and malnutrition because she wasn't eating because of her depression. I obviously was worried sick. That was last I heard from her from September to December. Nonetheless, I tried calling her daily and sending her a letter every week. until in late-October, my best friend showed me pictures on her Facebook of her with another guy, OBVIOUSLY not "just" friends. She posted all this passive aggressive shit on her Tumblr as well. I was obviously extremely upset and left her a voicemail saying I hoped she was happy with her choices and if we weren't already done, we were done for sure now. I've been really struggling with being without her to say the least and I have a therapist who is absolutely useless. I still can't get my mind off her.

 

Fast-forward to this weekend, I have finals and papers and what not, but instead I wanted to see her because I knew she had come home because she told me when she was coming home in early september. I took a 2hr bus ride from my college to visit. Her family was having a party but she was momentarily out; however, her family invited me in and asked me to stay for dinner (I spoke to her sister at the table and no one knew about our breaking off, she hadn't spoken to her sister since Oct). When she got home, she dragged me out of her house. She started crying about how sorry she was and she couldn't even give me an explanation because she didn't even have one for herself. She said how she is such an evil and horrible person. She apparently ignored not only me, her friends but also her dying mother. She said she was essentially drunk for the last 2months every day and she spent all her savings ($4000) on cigarettes and alcohol. She said the people she had befriended were the type who didn't care if you woke up in the morning. She said how much she missed me and how I deserve so much better. She obviously has problems, so she said she understands if I scream at her and hate her but instead I forgave her and said I'd be there for her forever. She also said that guy meant nothing. Everyone else hates her while she's here, so I thought I would speak to her to keep her company and I still love her, I just want to see her happy.

 

Now she has stopped talking to me once again after I found out that guy in her pictures is actually her new boyfriend that she was cheating on me with. I don't think I can take much more. I don't want to abandon her, but she keeps playing with me like this. All her friends already gave up on her months ago. I just don't know what to do; I still love her. I couldn't even stand to look at another girl for this time apart from her, and I've put so much into her, I don't understand why she would act like this.

 

Oh, women. I've seen something like this before, it seems to be a side-effect of depression....She doesn't like herself and therefore [for whatever irrational reason] is determined to undermine and destroy herself, especially if it means getting people to agree with her that she's a horrible person. This is especially hurtful to those that care about her, as she seeks validation about how bad she's being by giving every detail on every horrible decision she's made to dig herself in deeper.

 

Why it occurs? I blame it on the hormonal imbalance and synapse unpredictability due to pre-existing depression and a possibly mis-perscribed medication. Anti-depressants aren't for everyone.

 

Here's how you handle it:

 

Don't. She's no longer your problem or your concern. It' hard to think of it this way, and it'll take a lot of distractions to keep from thinking about her and hoping that somehow she's improved...but you need to turn a blind eye and walk away. Do it before she sucks you into the insane world she's thrust herself in to. It's actually rather contagious.

[sarg1010]

@fakeit: If she has cheated on you once, then she clearly doesn't feel the same way towards you that you do for her. Chances are she would cheat on you again, and her "no explanation" scene was most likely her just trying to stall long enough to not have to really explain anything. Like everyone else has said, walk away. :mellow:

[Sam]

-snip-

 

Just... be careful man.

 

Like Surprises said.. best friends can be very slimy.

[Duff]

I will, definitely. Thanks for the support/advice, guys. Haven't gotten a text from her about it. I'm not going to be the one to bring it up, though.

[RpgGamer]

I've yet to come across the "slimy" best friend. Perhaps I'm just fortunate. I have met some over protective ones, but generally they were laughably smaller/younger than me so I thought nothing of it

[Range_This11]

[spoiler=fakeitormakeit2]

Does anyone have any advice for getting over this girl I've been with for a couple years? It's a completely out of the ordinary situation and no one relates to me.

 

So I feel like I fell in love with this girl at first sight, her laugh and personality were intoxicating. I needed to find out who she was (which was quite easy, as she was in a clique of girls who I've known the other girls for over 10yrs.). Anyway, after being meek with her for a few months, we finally started getting a bit more serious. For a year and a half after that, everything was perfect between us; we had only fought once or twice and we resolved the issue on the spot. She had been diagnosed with clinical depression, but she was medicated and she said being with me made her feel she never had a problem. Fast forwarding to this year, she had to pick between staying in New York or going to her dream school in Miami, which she got a full ride to. I obviously told her that wasn't even a question and she should go to Florida, which she eventually ended up deciding upon. Her parents divorced and her mother soon after got diagnosed with cancer for the third time, but I was there for her all the time; I helped her father move boxes from their house, and I helped did little chores to help out her mom, I was also there for emotional support. I loved her, in her strengths and her imperfections.

 

She left for Miami as I left for my beach house, and it was a very tear-filled goodbye, with the exchanging of gifts (I gave her a decorated wooden box which I added souvenirs from our adventures, and a letter for each of the last 100days). She spoke to me regularly for a month. Then in September she stopped speaking to me. She blocked me and about 300 other people on Facebook, essentially everyone from where she's from, including childhood friends and high school friends. The only people she left were the siblings of some of her close friends and my best friend (suspicious). She sent me a message a week later saying she loved me and didn't want to see anyone else, she apologized for not speaking to me and said she went to the hospital because she collapsed of dehydration and malnutrition because she wasn't eating because of her depression. I obviously was worried sick. That was last I heard from her from September to December. Nonetheless, I tried calling her daily and sending her a letter every week. until in late-October, my best friend showed me pictures on her Facebook of her with another guy, OBVIOUSLY not "just" friends. She posted all this passive aggressive shit on her Tumblr as well. I was obviously extremely upset and left her a voicemail saying I hoped she was happy with her choices and if we weren't already done, we were done for sure now. I've been really struggling with being without her to say the least and I have a therapist who is absolutely useless. I still can't get my mind off her.

 

Fast-forward to this weekend, I have finals and papers and what not, but instead I wanted to see her because I knew she had come home because she told me when she was coming home in early september. I took a 2hr bus ride from my college to visit. Her family was having a party but she was momentarily out; however, her family invited me in and asked me to stay for dinner (I spoke to her sister at the table and no one knew about our breaking off, she hadn't spoken to her sister since Oct). When she got home, she dragged me out of her house. She started crying about how sorry she was and she couldn't even give me an explanation because she didn't even have one for herself. She said how she is such an evil and horrible person. She apparently ignored not only me, her friends but also her dying mother. She said she was essentially drunk for the last 2months every day and she spent all her savings ($4000) on cigarettes and alcohol. She said the people she had befriended were the type who didn't care if you woke up in the morning. She said how much she missed me and how I deserve so much better. She obviously has problems, so she said she understands if I scream at her and hate her but instead I forgave her and said I'd be there for her forever. She also said that guy meant nothing. Everyone else hates her while she's here, so I thought I would speak to her to keep her company and I still love her, I just want to see her happy.

 

Now she has stopped talking to me once again after I found out that guy in her pictures is actually her new boyfriend that she was cheating on me with. I don't think I can take much more. I don't want to abandon her, but she keeps playing with me like this. All her friends already gave up on her months ago. I just don't know what to do; I still love her. I couldn't even stand to look at another girl for this time apart from her, and I've put so much into her, I don't understand why she would act like this.

 

Here's a tip: Run like hell.

 

I've been with a girl who was seriously depressed before and let me tell you, you will never be able to solve any of her problems no matter how much you try. The only person who can solve the problem is the person who has the problem. If she's burned you once, she will burn you again. Volatility in either you or her will only lead to a relationship that is volatile. It's the hardest thing in the world but steer clear of her man, no matter how much you love her.

[Zierro]

Here's a tip: Run like hell.

 

I second that.

 

Sounds like she's just attracted to whatever is flashing in front of her eyes at the moment. You definitely deserve better than that, even if she does decide to "shape up" which she probably won't.

[Duff]

Other high school friend is having a small get together tomorrow at her house. It isn't a party; most likely it'll just be us sitting in her living room telling stories and laughing a ton, which is usually a bunch of fun.

 

Anyway, the girl I'm confused about texted me earlier yesterday making small talk. She asked me what I had planned for the weekend/NYE, so I told her I was going to this get together and then whatever came up on NYE (high school friends usually plan something).

 

"I have plans with [her best friend] tomorrow night, so Im not sure if I'll make it to [high school friend]'s yet. But aside from that no other plans. I was going to see if you wanted to meet up sometime this weekend? Catch up on everything since school started. I'm going to get some sleep, but let me know what you think! Goodnight, sleep tight"

 

So there's the text that I've been expecting since her best friend talked to me (who is the same best friend she is hanging out with this evening). My response:

 

"I like this sound of that. We can figure things out when we're both awake, though. Goodnight, [name]." (was 2am)

 

To be honest, I don't know if I should try and plan this or what. It definitely won't be a dinner type thing (at least I wouldn't think so). Should I be the one to plan the time and place and all that in this situation? Or should I leave that to her? I'd think the latter, since I'm the one who has been distant this whole time.

[Randox]

Duff, I guess I would open this with a question to you. Have you decided where you want this to go? I think if your going to go for this, and I'd say that you are, that you need to decide ahead of time (while your head is still clear) what outcomes are acceptable and what aren't, and if you have more than one acceptable outcome, then what is your primary goal?

 

I'm working under the assumption that the friend was right, and she wants you back in your life. What I don't know, and can't make assumptions about, is whether she loves you, or just wants you back in her life as a friend. Going over that text her friend sent you, I think its very possible that she just misses seeing you.

 

So before you do anything else, you need to decide. Do you just want to be friends, or do you want to try and form a relationship? If she just wants to be friends, can you handle that, or are you going to need to walk away? Best to try and get a handle on that now.

 

I would highly recommend against letting her initiate contact again. If she feels like she is the only one who is trying to make something happen, she is probably going to have second thoughts and just back out.

 

If you want to show interest in making something happen, either friendship or a relationship, but don't want to be the one suggesting the meeting place, then ask where she would like to meet. That way your engaging her without needing to make the choice, though I would suggest again, ahead of time thinking up a place just in case you need to say something. Preparation is never a bad thing.

[RpgGamer]

I gave my best friend a full-time job when he needed to be away from his crummy family. I helped him get over his first major girlfriend. I helped him find his new girlfriend.

 

He now no-call no-shows consistently at least once a week, doesn't talk to me, and makes me [his boss, so to speak] look like a fool. I can deal with that, people at my job do it all the time. whatever. But no, he takes the douchbaggery a step further in telling his girlfriend [the one I helped him meet and talk to] that I was going to visit my ex-girlfriend [and her family]. Is that such a big deal? Not really; but it becomes one when his girlfriend tells the girl I've been dating before I do causing her to flip out on me, threaten me, call me names of all the letters of the alphabet, and then tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore. Then he tells her that I deserve it for not being straight forward with her.

 

Cool dude. Real cool.

[homer205]

I gave my best friend a full-time job when he needed to be away from his crummy family. I helped him get over his first major girlfriend. I helped him find his new girlfriend.

 

He now no-call no-shows consistently at least once a week, doesn't talk to me, and makes me [his boss, so to speak] look like a fool. I can deal with that, people at my job do it all the time. whatever. But no, he takes the douchbaggery a step further in telling his girlfriend [the one I helped him meet and talk to] that I was going to visit my ex-girlfriend [and her family]. Is that such a big deal? Not really; but it becomes one when his girlfriend tells the girl I've been dating before I do causing her to flip out on me, threaten me, call me names of all the letters of the alphabet, and then tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore. Then he tells her that I deserve it for not being straight forward with her.

 

Cool dude. Real cool.

Doesn't sound like a very good friend. Would you be able to get away with giving him unpleasant tasks to do at work?

[Tim]

I gave my best friend a full-time job when he needed to be away from his crummy family. I helped him get over his first major girlfriend. I helped him find his new girlfriend.

 

He now no-call no-shows consistently at least once a week, doesn't talk to me, and makes me [his boss, so to speak] look like a fool. I can deal with that, people at my job do it all the time. whatever. But no, he takes the douchbaggery a step further in telling his girlfriend [the one I helped him meet and talk to] that I was going to visit my ex-girlfriend [and her family]. Is that such a big deal? Not really; but it becomes one when his girlfriend tells the girl I've been dating before I do causing her to flip out on me, threaten me, call me names of all the letters of the alphabet, and then tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore. Then he tells her that I deserve it for not being straight forward with her.

 

Cool dude. Real cool.

That's a [bleep]ing dick move right there. One thing that infuriates me is people interfering in my relationships. Aside from Joel, EVERY relationship I was in was interfered or sabotaged in some way.

[RpgGamer]

I gave my best friend a full-time job when he needed to be away from his crummy family. I helped him get over his first major girlfriend. I helped him find his new girlfriend.

 

He now no-call no-shows consistently at least once a week, doesn't talk to me, and makes me [his boss, so to speak] look like a fool. I can deal with that, people at my job do it all the time. whatever. But no, he takes the douchbaggery a step further in telling his girlfriend [the one I helped him meet and talk to] that I was going to visit my ex-girlfriend [and her family]. Is that such a big deal? Not really; but it becomes one when his girlfriend tells the girl I've been dating before I do causing her to flip out on me, threaten me, call me names of all the letters of the alphabet, and then tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore. Then he tells her that I deserve it for not being straight forward with her.

 

Cool dude. Real cool.

Doesn't sound like a very good friend. Would you be able to get away with giving him unpleasant tasks to do at work?

 

I used to unintentionally, because he used to be pretty responsible and good at the job, so I gave him harder things to do so that the sucky people wouldn't suck so bad. I then apologized because I was yelling at him a lot due to my own sexual frustration [but this was like 6 months ago]. We made up from that, and I kind of let him do his own thing at work now.

 

I'll probably just hit him next time I see him, then we'll drink and we'll get over it lol

[muggiwhplar]

I gave my best friend a full-time job when he needed to be away from his crummy family. I helped him get over his first major girlfriend. I helped him find his new girlfriend.

 

He now no-call no-shows consistently at least once a week, doesn't talk to me, and makes me [his boss, so to speak] look like a fool. I can deal with that, people at my job do it all the time. whatever. But no, he takes the douchbaggery a step further in telling his girlfriend [the one I helped him meet and talk to] that I was going to visit my ex-girlfriend [and her family]. Is that such a big deal? Not really; but it becomes one when his girlfriend tells the girl I've been dating before I do causing her to flip out on me, threaten me, call me names of all the letters of the alphabet, and then tell me she doesn't want to see me anymore. Then he tells her that I deserve it for not being straight forward with her.

 

Cool dude. Real cool.

 

I don't understand why you always let people walk all over you/get under your skin so easily. That's not alpha male behavior.

[RpgGamer]

Striving to be "alpha" is just as "beta" as masturbating in your parent's basement for 30 years. I just do as I do and live life. I'm pretty ticked that my best friend is being a douche, but it's not like I don't have other friend's and co-workers to hang around lol

[Kalphite]

First, I'll apologize in advance for how disjointed this story is going to be.

 

Well, I've been trying for the last couple months to find a girl without coming here every five minutes in an attempt to stop overanalyzing the shit out of everything. it hasn't exactly been working. I've started dressing a lot better and became a good deal more outgoing and confident in that time, but I seemed to have a tendency to find girls that I thought were single that were actually just a week away from going official with their boyfriends >.>.

 

Well around December I started talking to another girl, Jean. I had known her throughout this school year as she's in the drama class and was in the musical with me earlier, but I never really talked to her that much. Around mid December we started talking a bit more as rehearsals started for a second musical, and I invited her to my New Years' party. The party turned out pretty great - over 50 people ended up showing up (including her, lol). I spent about an hour of it talking to her and the other drama people she was talking to there throughout the night, but I was trying to space it out talking to everybody there.

 

Around that same time, I started talking to her on facebook every couple of days or so. Our conversations always turned out pretty hilariously, and I got her number after a high point of one of them. I've continued iming or texting her every two or three days since then (started a day or so before New Years).

 

On Thursday I talked to her about the New Years party for a bit after a drama rehearsal ended, and she said she had a lot of fun there. I then invited her to what my group call brouhahas - long story behind the name, but basically I have a mini-party at my house every week. She said that it sounded like fun and that she would come. Come Saturday she held true to her word and, well, showed up. However, basically none of the people she had known from my New Year's party showed up and I was the only one there she knew to talk to.

 

Seems like it's going pretty well, right? Well here's the part that made me decide to post here now.

 

Well, at the brouhaha she seemed...distracted. Like, it's not like it was a massively intimidating group there - only about 10 people showed up and she knew a couple of them other than me, but she was being uncharacteristically shy and was texting someone the whole time about "girl stuff". Not that she wouldn't talk - I just always had to start conversations. I ended up talking to her most of the time that she was there, as aside from obvious reasons I was the only one there she'd really talk to. I couldn't really tell what to make of it - whenever we talked it was interesting, but she'd keep burying herself in her phone at the slightest break in conversation.

 

Then, we had another rehearsal today. The thing is, though, we didn't talk. It was really weird, there weren't all that many breaks in the rehearsal and its not like it was awkward, we just only said about five words to each other.

 

So...what should I make of this, and how should I progress from here? o.O If you need elaboration on anything feel free to ask of course, lol.

[Omar]

Methinks something external might have happened (girl issues), or she was just being shy. IM her and see how that goes. Today's rehearsal sounds like you didn't have a chance to chat, that's all.