"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[RpgGamer]

I think she was just distracted by who ever was texting her during your kick-back.

 

No biggie, just keep doing as you do

[muggiwhplar]

Striving to be "alpha" is just as "beta" as masturbating in your parent's basement for 30 years.

 

No it's not.

 

I just do as I do and live life. I'm pretty ticked that my best friend is being a douche, but it's not like I don't have other friend's and co-workers to hang around lol

 

I hope you realize that the only reason I'm questioning your behavior is because you're one of the "gurus" on this forum. As such, you should be setting a better example.

[Giordano]

It's his best friend Muggi, you can't blame anybody for feeling annoyed over their best friend. RPG cares for the guy and doesn't want him to act like this.

 

Showing some sort of concern for a friend is more what a man would do rather than an 'alpha'.

[Ouchy]

I've been seeing this girl a few times now, and it's got to the point where I really like her and I'm sure that she likes me as well. My question, when is the best time to ask her if she wants to go out (Ie. be my girlfriend?) Right at the end? In the middle? Any help would be appreciated.

[RpgGamer]

My "guru" status is unlike the herp-derp-alphas-are-the-shit of some of the other "gurus" in the past. I'm my own brand of wonky. And I have my own problems, and admit it. All humans have issues, emotions, and concerns. If you're looking to me as a role model, that's very flattering, and I think it's pretty nifty, but realize I'm not trying to claim that I'm some over-sexed pick-up artist mojo master thing. I just say what I think and do as I do

 

I've been seeing this girl a few times now, and it's got to the point where I really like her and I'm sure that she likes me as well. My question, when is the best time to ask her if she wants to go out (Ie. be my girlfriend?) Right at the end? In the middle? Any help would be appreciated.

 

Ask her out the second you feel you should. Don't even hesitate. Even if it's just during a sudden pause in conversation. The spontaneity will win you points.

[Omar]

Asking a girl if she wants to go out and asking her if she wants to be your girlfriend are two different things.

[muggiwhplar]

My "guru" status is unlike the herp-derp-alphas-are-the-shit of some of the other "gurus" in the past. I'm my own brand of wonky. And I have my own problems, and admit it. All humans have issues, emotions, and concerns. If you're looking to me as a role model, that's very flattering, and I think it's pretty nifty, but realize I'm not trying to claim that I'm some over-sexed pick-up artist mojo master thing. I just say what I think and do as I do

 

Fair enough-- I just recall you referring to yourself as a guru numerous times in the past.

[Riku3220]

Asking a girl if she wants to go out and asking her if she wants to be your girlfriend are two different things.

Exactly how does one ask a girl to become their girlfriend?

[RpgGamer]

My "guru" status is unlike the herp-derp-alphas-are-the-shit of some of the other "gurus" in the past. I'm my own brand of wonky. And I have my own problems, and admit it. All humans have issues, emotions, and concerns. If you're looking to me as a role model, that's very flattering, and I think it's pretty nifty, but realize I'm not trying to claim that I'm some over-sexed pick-up artist mojo master thing. I just say what I think and do as I do

 

Fair enough-- I just recall you referring to yourself as a guru numerous times in the past.

 

I feel as though I do the contrary, but I have changed a lot since I started posting on this thread so...maybe I'm wrong

[Ouchy]

Asking a girl if she wants to go out and asking her if she wants to be your girlfriend are two different things.

 

 

Here in New Zealand, we consider going out as being boy friend and girlfriend.

So to put it into easy terms, I saw her today, I asked her to be my girlfriend, she said yes.

[RpgGamer]

:thumbup:

 

Good shit Ouchy.

[Duff]

Nice work, Ouchy!

 

Funny, I've been in two relationships, and in neither of them did I directly ask her to go out with me before we started 'going out'. It just happened.

[Iamdan]

I've been seeing this girl a few times now, and it's got to the point where I really like her and I'm sure that she likes me as well. My question, when is the best time to ask her if she wants to go out (Ie. be my girlfriend?) Right at the end? In the middle? Any help would be appreciated.

 

For future reference, don't outright ask a girl to be your girlfriend. It immediately kills the romance and sexual tension. It won't even work unless she has basically already decided she wants to be, which means you can just play it out anyway.

 

Just keep escalating physically, emotionally and see her more often.

 

Gradually point your relationship in the direction you want with a strong frame (whether you want a girlfriend or a fling) and she will bring it up when she's ready.

 

If you bring it up and she's on the fence you may freak her out.

[Estonian dude]

+1 down there for freaking out thing...

I've only ever told one girl that I liked her. And I didn't even ask her to be my gf. Just told her that I liked her one evening as I sent her home from whatever she was doing in school...

Well, turned out I totally freaked her off and she avoided and ignored me for 2 weeks. Weird girl that was. I heard later from her friends, that she really thought about it, but ultimately thought us to be too different, meaning I was too early with it.

So bad-bad idea to talk about going official on your initiation. Unless you are really-really sure she likes you back aswell.

 

And well, it is hard to find a girl if you are 2 freaking metres tall :D

I am 17 and I have had the guts to only tell one girl that I like her so far.

Haven't been able to boost my confidence high enough.

 

But I am really picky in girls, so I'll keep waiting and ask out someone who I really like. Bound to find one someday ;-)

[rath358]

Ouchy: Just ask he rif she wants to go get coffee or see a movie together sometime.

If she says yes, enjoy the date! Don't stress about it too much; just use it as an opportunity to see if you two can enjoy each others company.

If she says no, also don't worry about it. Rejection happens, it is a part of everyday life.

The most important part is just getting it off of your chest. Once you do it, you won't have to constantly worry about it.

 

Hope that helped!

[Duff]

So, haha, about that girl. We talked about hanging out. We were going to go walk her dog, but he caught some cough, and so she had to take him to the vet. She hasn't really brought hanging out up again. I think she leaves this Friday. I'm basically busy every evening until I leave, so I doubt we'll meet up unless it's for a quick goodbye some afternoon. I can see it now: we'll tell each other that it's no big deal, we'll see each other when one of us comes up to visit the other or something in a few weeks or so. And then it'll never happen. That's how summer break ended.

 

This is usually the case on semester breaks. She'll mention hanging out, and we just won't get around to it. Oh well.

 

Just gotta go back to doing my thing, not worrying about that kinda stuff.

 

Thought I'd give an update.

[Ouchy]

I've been seeing this girl a few times now, and it's got to the point where I really like her and I'm sure that she likes me as well. My question, when is the best time to ask her if she wants to go out (Ie. be my girlfriend?) Right at the end? In the middle? Any help would be appreciated.

 

For future reference, don't outright ask a girl to be your girlfriend. It immediately kills the romance and sexual tension. It won't even work unless she has basically already decided she wants to be, which means you can just play it out anyway.

 

Just keep escalating physically, emotionally and see her more often.

 

Gradually point your relationship in the direction you want with a strong frame (whether you want a girlfriend or a fling) and she will bring it up when she's ready.

 

If you bring it up and she's on the fence you may freak her out.

 

Thanks for this tip dan, it'll come in handy later. I asked her out at the end of the date. I was fairly confident before that she did like me though.

[decebal]

+1 down there for freaking out thing...

I've only ever told one girl that I liked her. And I didn't even ask her to be my gf. Just told her that I liked her one evening as I sent her home from whatever she was doing in school...

Well, turned out I totally freaked her off and she avoided and ignored me for 2 weeks. Weird girl that was. I heard later from her friends, that she really thought about it, but ultimately thought us to be too different, meaning I was too early with it.

So bad-bad idea to talk about going official on your initiation. Unless you are really-really sure she likes you back aswell.

 

And well, it is hard to find a girl if you are 2 freaking metres tall :D

I am 17 and I have had the guts to only tell one girl that I like her so far.

Haven't been able to boost my confidence high enough.

 

But I am really picky in girls, so I'll keep waiting and ask out someone who I really like. Bound to find one someday ;-)

And here I really thought that taller guys would have less troubles with girls than normal guys. :unsure:

 

I know it would be a bit hard seeing that you would be in an upright fetal position when kissing a girl, but I'm pretty sure that a taller guy would give women a sense of "security", therefore making them more willing to be with you. I swear I read an article on that, but I can't find it right now.

 

Of course, this comes from a 5'7" guy with a love of basketball, so my perception is a bit skewed seeing that I look up to you guys (literally and figuratively.)

[Riku3220]

Alright, I don't neccessarily need advice as much as I need to just tell somebody.

 

So I met the girl I like, Lydia, in 8th grade, about four and a half years ago. Unfortunately by the time I realized I had feelings for her I had about a month left before I had to move to a different state and it didn't feel right to ask her out when I was about to leave, but we've talked almost every day since I left. I want to be able to ask her out in person so I invited her to my graduation in a couple of months. Now her family is in the process of deciding whether or not she can come. I already know that her mom loves me. The first time I met her she actually said, "There's my future son-in-law." It might sound like a mom joke towards a couple of jr. high kids but she's kept this up for nearly 5 years always asking about me and telling Lydia to get married before her eggs die and dropping my name as a marriage suggestion. Her dad on the other hand, while I haven't met him, would probably rather have her join a convent and I think he likes me as a person but not as a suitor for Lydia... Her grandfather (dad's side) who lives in the same city as me agrees that she should be able to come to the graduation. I'm not sure of his opinion on me but I'm sure Lydia's said something about me to him.

 

So why is Lydia coming for graduation so important? Because if she doesn't I probably won't be able to see her for at least another year. I'll actually have to ask her out over the phone if she can't come because it's going to be impossible to convince anyone to let me or her travel to the other side of the time zone during a holiday or break if we're "just friends". It almost came to that today because we had gotten onto the subject of our family's expectations of our love lives and she worded a text in a way that made her seem like she wasn't going to be able to come. The "Why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend" conversation happens at least twice a year in which she usually says something along the lines of "you could probably get any girl you wanted" so I'm kind of sure that she'll accept my offer if I absolutely have to do it over the phone, but I'd really like to be able to look into her eyes and ask.

 

So yeah, I just needed to tell somebody but if you guys do happen to have any advice for me then I'll be glad to take it.

[RpgGamer]

Alright, I don't neccessarily need advice as much as I need to just tell somebody.

 

So I met the girl I like, Lydia, in 8th grade, about four and a half years ago. Unfortunately by the time I realized I had feelings for her I had about a month left before I had to move to a different state and it didn't feel right to ask her out when I was about to leave, but we've talked almost every day since I left. I want to be able to ask her out in person so I invited her to my graduation in a couple of months. Now her family is in the process of deciding whether or not she can come. I already know that her mom loves me. The first time I met her she actually said, "There's my future son-in-law." It might sound like a mom joke towards a couple of jr. high kids but she's kept this up for nearly 5 years always asking about me and telling Lydia to get married before her eggs die and dropping my name as a marriage suggestion. Her dad on the other hand, while I haven't met him, would probably rather have her join a convent and I think he likes me as a person but not as a suitor for Lydia... Her grandfather (dad's side) who lives in the same city as me agrees that she should be able to come to the graduation. I'm not sure of his opinion on me but I'm sure Lydia's said something about me to him.

 

So why is Lydia coming for graduation so important? Because if she doesn't I probably won't be able to see her for at least another year. I'll actually have to ask her out over the phone if she can't come because it's going to be impossible to convince anyone to let me or her travel to the other side of the time zone during a holiday or break if we're "just friends". It almost came to that today because we had gotten onto the subject of our family's expectations of our love lives and she worded a text in a way that made her seem like she wasn't going to be able to come. The "Why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend" conversation happens at least twice a year in which she usually says something along the lines of "you could probably get any girl you wanted" so I'm kind of sure that she'll accept my offer if I absolutely have to do it over the phone, but I'd really like to be able to look into her eyes and ask.

 

So yeah, I just needed to tell somebody but if you guys do happen to have any advice for me then I'll be glad to take it.

 

I question why you'd want to start something if you know you'll be a part for a whole year [moreover, a year apart in University]. If you honestly 100% truely think you can deal with the distance...then I'd make the move as soon as possible to make it official, and enjoy her presence as long as you physically can before you leave. In person would be 100x better than on the phone.

[Estonian dude]

And here I really thought that taller guys would have less troubles with girls than normal guys. :unsure:

 

I know it would be a bit hard seeing that you would be in an upright fetal position when kissing a girl, but I'm pretty sure that a taller guy would give women a sense of "security", therefore making them more willing to be with you. I swear I read an article on that, but I can't find it right now.

 

Of course, this comes from a 5'7" guy with a love of basketball, so my perception is a bit skewed seeing that I look up to you guys (literally and figuratively.)

Well, maybe a bit taller guy would give security, but girls have said honestly that they are freaked out by the sight of me and that I am really creepy. I guess my manners and appearance don't really help. And the fact that I am really serious-looking and -minded. But I've been told twice that I look like a person that would come in a dark alleyway and rape somebody, so yeah...

[miracleman58]

Alright, I don't neccessarily need advice as much as I need to just tell somebody.

 

So I met the girl I like, Lydia, in 8th grade, about four and a half years ago. Unfortunately by the time I realized I had feelings for her I had about a month left before I had to move to a different state and it didn't feel right to ask her out when I was about to leave, but we've talked almost every day since I left. I want to be able to ask her out in person so I invited her to my graduation in a couple of months. Now her family is in the process of deciding whether or not she can come. I already know that her mom loves me. The first time I met her she actually said, "There's my future son-in-law." It might sound like a mom joke towards a couple of jr. high kids but she's kept this up for nearly 5 years always asking about me and telling Lydia to get married before her eggs die and dropping my name as a marriage suggestion. Her dad on the other hand, while I haven't met him, would probably rather have her join a convent and I think he likes me as a person but not as a suitor for Lydia... Her grandfather (dad's side) who lives in the same city as me agrees that she should be able to come to the graduation. I'm not sure of his opinion on me but I'm sure Lydia's said something about me to him.

 

So why is Lydia coming for graduation so important? Because if she doesn't I probably won't be able to see her for at least another year. I'll actually have to ask her out over the phone if she can't come because it's going to be impossible to convince anyone to let me or her travel to the other side of the time zone during a holiday or break if we're "just friends". It almost came to that today because we had gotten onto the subject of our family's expectations of our love lives and she worded a text in a way that made her seem like she wasn't going to be able to come. The "Why don't you have a boyfriend/girlfriend" conversation happens at least twice a year in which she usually says something along the lines of "you could probably get any girl you wanted" so I'm kind of sure that she'll accept my offer if I absolutely have to do it over the phone, but I'd really like to be able to look into her eyes and ask.

 

So yeah, I just needed to tell somebody but if you guys do happen to have any advice for me then I'll be glad to take it.

 

I question why you'd want to start something if you know you'll be a part for a whole year [moreover, a year apart in University]. If you honestly 100% truely think you can deal with the distance...

 

A agree, Long distance realationships are hard. Seems like youve been wrapped up in this girl for a long time aswell to no avail...

[Kalphite]

After my last post, things kept going pretty well until like Tuesday...and then it sort of stopped. didnt really talk or see her much the next three days, and I tried texting her but the conversation was kind of boring. Then last night she came to another one of my get-togethers. While we were talking there with a couple other people in drama, she mentioned that she was glad there weren't any couples in the cast because of all the drama that would cause, and later said (when prompted by another drama girl) that she wasn't really interested in anyone and guys are stupid.

 

...Sup friendzone? >.>

[RpgGamer]

cause giving up will certainly help your case. if you want to get the girl, go get her. Don't put yourself in the friend-zone before she does.

[Ezkaton]

Right it's been a while since I last posted on here really methinks :3 Anyways... I have a... Situation...

 

There's a woman who I've had a massive crush on for about a year and a half now. I'd generally see her out and about on the Open Mic night at the King's Head on Tuesday's and at the Folk Night at the Cmwanne on Thursday's and then around campus whenever. But circumstances have never really allowed for anything to be said or done apart from just hanging out, texting and meeting up at the pubs.

 

But one thing has kind lead to another... She's a Masters student and is in the second year of her MA which is dissertation year and therefore she hardly needs to be in Lampeter, so she spends most of her time living at home in London. Last term (October to December) she came back to Lampeter and needed a place to stay so I offered that she could crash at mine as I had an air bed and didn't mind sleeping on the floor (because TBH air beds are cool). We met up, went for dinner, and she confessed that she had had a massive crush on me too for the best part of the year and a half and didn't know what I felt, and the fact that she had had a boyfriend during this time didn't help matters in that department. So we head back to mine, and we kiss... And then we end up sleeping together. She then has to go the next day as she's meeting other people and has to go back home, and we figured that it was a one night stand thing (which is against what I really ever do :S).

 

Anyways... We texted and called and skyped a lot over the past few months and she came back to Lampeter last week. Last Tuesday we met up down the Kings (them Open Mic night lulz) and she came back to mine, things escalated again etc, she stayed over again etc and then went in the morning so I could finish my essay... Finally we met up one last time on Thursday at the Cmwanne, and progressed to the Kings. I decided to call it a night at about 1ish, and told her I was leaving, we walked to the door of the pub hugged, kissed and then hugged again at which point I said "I'll miss you". We then had a quick chat about random things, hugged one last time before I left at which point she said "I love you". Then I said "pardon?" and she, shocked, said "nothing, I didn't say anything...." And we went off.

 

She's coming back to Lampeter on Sunday and will be until Thursday. We're still texting, and I broached the subject but she avoided it. We may well be going for a meal on Tuesday or Wednesday.... But I don't really know what to do :S Do I broach the subject at dinner, or do she and I just bury that and get on with it?

 

Problem is she doesn't want to have a long-distance relationship because things can become tense if the other person becomes clingy etc, and she told me herself she would become clingy during it and she can't cope with being that dependent on someone...

 

Sooooo yeahs.

 

 

tl;dr: Girl I've had a crush on for a year and a half has had a crush on me too, we've hooked up a few times, last time she was down she told me she loves me but she can't/wont/doesn't want to do a long-distance relationship.... What do?