"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Iamdan]

Background: Guy goes to the same school as Girl. He is in the year above her. Guy does not have much experience with relationships, but is very attractive. Girl is shy and won't make the first move in fear of coming off as clingy/annoying. Girl confessed to Guy about having feelings for him last weekend.

 

I missed this part the first time through. Given that they're both very inexperienced he could still make it work. Tell him to first slap himself in the face, then be more aloof but build comfort straight after. Do this while slowly qualifying her and telling her what he likes about her like I mentioned a couple pages back, and in my blog. That way she will feel more emotionally invested, and be more comfortable around him which will make her much more likely to go on a 'date.'

 

He should start out aloof though, and slowly warm up to her as she starts opening up to him.

[Surprise]

Not to mention a lot of people would be horrified if you did that, especially if it was their first kiss. I know plenty of girls who would give him a good slap across the face if he did that, if not worse.

 

+1

 

Basically get him to meet her, see if they can talk properly face to face and make sure he stops beating around the bush and tells the girl straight about what he is feeling instead of this nicey nicey crap.

 

Simply because all that b/s will simply cause her more pain later on.

 

 

Sorry, I'd been lurking /r9k/ for a few hours posting, the chovenism seems to have rubbed off a little at the time of my post. He might not be "screwed" and maybe the sudden surprise kiss is a bit too pver the top forthe situation, but I stand by my belief that spilling his guts isn't the best route.

 

 

Okay, re evaluating my response. You need to find a balance as both spilling his guts and going for a surprise kiss can equally scare the girl off simply as she has little experience.

 

What the latest response suggests is what I think would work best.

[Iamdan]

The girl I'm keen on bit my neck.. I have a huuuge neck biting fetish, to the point where I've thrown a girl against a wall and [bleep]ed her in a house either of us were staying at when she did it to me playfully. I told her this and she tried to do it again, thought I might share that on this thread because it works great as an ioi test, and also for physical escalation in case anyone here happens to like it too. Now she has an easy way to escalate with me, while it still being 'my fault.'

 

'tee hee hee i'm gonna do it anyway/i don't believe you would do that' etc is a huge indicator of interest. I did manage to contain myself, but I wouldn't have if a couple of others weren't sleeping in the same room. I would have escalated a little bit but my mouth was dry as [bleep] from drinking and I like the first kiss to be a good one.

 

She was being more aloof lately which made me more into her, she intrigues me because she's way different to the usual type of girl I get with. I guess I'm sick of the cookie cutter club rat personality. She's intelligent, I thought she might have been smarter than me but a mutual friend doesn't think so. Still a huge step up from the girls I usually hang with though.

 

edit: the bling search engine seems to be finding this thread a lot lately.

[RpgGamer]

edit: the bling search engine seems to be finding this thread a lot lately.

 

 

I am not a fan of this fact. Last thing we need is a bunch of randoms being thrown into TIF with no other reason than to post/spam/troll the relationship thread

[Surprise]

edit: the bling search engine seems to be finding this thread a lot lately.

 

 

I am not a fan of this fact. Last thing we need is a bunch of randoms being thrown into TIF with no other reason than to post/spam/troll the relationship thread

 

Shoot the trolls. Simple.

[Wongtong]

So I took your advice (minus the random kiss) and basically told him to man the [bleep] up.

Supposedly they talked in real life today and my friend says:

she said that shes extremely intimidated by me, and she doesnt want the pressure of being my gf coz im too popular -_-

So that's it I guess, he got rejected.

[Surprise]

So I took your advice (minus the random kiss) and basically told him to man the [bleep] up.

Supposedly they talked in real life today and my friend says:

she said that shes extremely intimidated by me, and she doesnt want the pressure of being my gf coz im too popular -_-

So that's it I guess, he got rejected.

 

:thumbdown: Just tell him not to give up, plently more fish in the sea as they say.

[Dupin]

So I took your advice (minus the random kiss) and basically told him to man the [bleep] up.

Supposedly they talked in real life today and my friend says:

she said that shes extremely intimidated by me, and she doesnt want the pressure of being my gf coz im too popular -_-

So that's it I guess, he got rejected.

 

:thumbdown: Just tell him not to give up, plently more fish in the sea as they say.

No, she was interested before, she will still have feelings now. All of the pro PUAs here are gonna flame me for this, but tell him to just be nice. Be himself, but a bit more confident, and be a friend first. Ask her out with a group, just as friends, and see where it goes from there. Obviously, he's not naturally intimidating, and I think if he spends some time with her she'd see that.

[Lenticular_J]

There's nothing wrong with being a gentleman. Becoming her friend, however, does lead to issues. Relationships that stem from friendships lose their novelty and passion fast.

[RpgGamer]

There's nothing wrong with being a gentleman. Becoming her friend, however, does lead to issues. Relationships that stem from friendships lose their novelty and passion fast.

 

 

agreed. He'd be fine if he weren't so popular intimidating. So, playing up nice friendly gentlemanly traits would benefit him if he were to persist with chasing this girl. If he really likes her, he's going to be doing that anyway, so you might as well warn him before he gets himself in deeper.

 

Popularity is not an excues not to date someone, although this is the first I've heard of "you're too popular". Usually it's not 'popular' enough. Stupid modern school kids >.>

[Lenticular_J]

I've never even heard of "popularity" as an issue relating to dating. Then again, I'm not sure if I'm exactly a resource on high school stuff.

[RpgGamer]

I've never even heard of "popularity" as an issue relating to dating. Then again, I'm not sure if I'm exactly a resource on high school stuff.

 

 

You don't have to be. That's Middle School Bullcabbage. I'd hope people were more mature than that by Highschool.

[Amaranth_GTO]

I've never even heard of "popularity" as an issue relating to dating. Then again, I'm not sure if I'm exactly a resource on high school stuff.

 

 

You don't have to be. That's Middle School Bullcabbage. I'd hope people were more mature than that by Highschool.

I dont know, I've seen plenty of guys try to date more popular girls just so they can get invited to parties with them. Then again, the only time i've seen someone get rejected for not being popular enough is on a tv show...

[Sam]

There's nothing wrong with being a gentleman. Becoming her friend, however, does lead to issues. Relationships that stem from friendships lose their novelty and passion fast.

 

The relationship I'm in stemmed from a friendship. I've been with her for a while now, I wouldn't say the novelty goes (even if it does in some cases). We've been very good friends since we met, too.

[Iamdan]

No, she was interested before, she will still have feelings now. All of the pro PUAs here are gonna flame me for this, but tell him to just be nice. Be himself, but a bit more confident, and be a friend first. Ask her out with a group, just as friends, and see where it goes from there. Obviously, he's not naturally intimidating, and I think if he spends some time with her she'd see that.

 

I'm guessing I'm one of the 'pro pua's' you were referring to. Did you miss my post at the top of this page telling him to build comfort and warm up to her?

 

He blew it because he didn't qualify her. She was attracted, and then weirded out because she didn't know why he would like her. He wasn't a challenge, so she figured he isn't so attractive after all.

 

It might be possible to fix, however unless he's completely useless with women and needs to latch onto anyone with feelings for him, he's better off moving on. To me it kinda sounds like he only likes her because she liked him anyway.

 

The relationship I'm in stemmed from a friendship. I've been with her for a while now, I wouldn't say the novelty goes (even if it does in some cases). We've been very good friends since we met, too.

 

That happens less and less often as you get older and the girls get more experienced, and basically never when you hit 17 or so.

[TTanT]

Relationships that stem from friendships lose their novelty and passion fast.

Mine hasn't yet after six months, and still doesn't appear like it will any time soon.

 

Mind, I've always considered my relationship to be the exception to the rule.

[obfuscator]

Littleboy, how long exactly is "a while now"? I can only recall you mentioning her over the past month, which is certainly not "a while". A year is "a while".

[Lenticular_J]

Relationships that stem from friendships lose their novelty and passion fast.

Mine hasn't yet after six months, and still doesn't appear like it will any time soon.

 

Mind, I've always considered my relationship to be the exception to the rule.

It also depends on your definition of novelty. This is one of your first relationships, yes? There isn't tons that will make it seem less exciting. Even the simple act of being young makes things exciting.

[re4p3r1]

i wouldn't date any of my friends, i know too much about them :?

[Dupin]

Iamdan, I mean no disrespect to you, nor to any other "gurus" here. It's just that much of the advice given, if misinterpreted, would lead the people who get their advice here to become, for lack of a better term, a-holes. People who look for relationship advice are, logically, inexperienced. Normally this is because they are young. A young hopeful who is told to be "aloof" and taught to look for IOIs etc. is likely to mess it up by acting over-confident and coming accross as a nuisance. Even if he is successful, he will now have built a relationship on something other than his true self, and a relationship based on pretense cannot succeed. The more likely outcome is sex, not a relationship. This is not a fault of yours, it is a fault of the lack of experience on the other end.

 

It is my firm belief that a relationship stemming from a friendship is more likely to be successful than one between two relative strangers, especially if the PUA mind games are included.

 

Let me tell you a story. Bobby is young and inexperienced. Bobby has feelings he's never felt before for a girl. Bobby goes on the internet for his advice. He doesn't actually talk to her, he doesn't know much about her. Due to his inexperience, he thinks his rare exchanges with her count as conversation, and her rare smiles IOI. Given all the "man up" advice, and perhaps a little sprinkle of "build attraction first, then comfort" he will probably throw out a clumsy "Wanna go out" on the bus rather than approaching the situation logically. Needless to say, an attempt like this will crash and burn, especially in the situation that the girl is also inexperienced.

 

In high school, attraction and comfort are interchangeable. A girl who feels comfortable and enjoys spending time with a boy will become attached to him, whether she found him attractive at the beginning or not. Sure, it is difficult to move from an extended period of friendship to a relationship, but that is how the majority of early relationships start. I don't know about you, but I would much rather enter a relationship with a person who I already knew I shared interests and got along with.

 

I very much appreciate your contributions here, and am not asking you to change. I just think people might look twice before the "he's screwed" posts.

 

 

Of course, that's just my two cents. Who am I to pretend I know anything about relationships?

 

Oh, and one more thing - you know that effeminate-looking guy with the questionable sexuality? He's the one who gets the girls in early high school. Why? Girls feel comfortable around him, and mistake that comfort for attraction.

[RpgGamer]

point taken, age is a very relative variable when coming here for advice. What I would tell a 13 year old would be hella different from what I would tell a 20 year old, because their "target audience" varies alot. But here on the internet, I can't guage age, so I just assume everyone is roughly 16-20.

 

Maybe we should post our age before asking advice?

[Iamdan]

My more recent posts have been made with inexperienced people in mind, notably the ones I added as my last 3 blog entries and where I explained how wongtong's friend can still make it work with that girl after I reread her post. I do agree that a lot of my older posts don't do that well.

 

I feel a much more common scenario with inexperience is where a guy will have D&Ms with a girl and act needy while developing strong feelings for her, then spilling his feelings which confuses her because he never even gave her the idea that he is a potential suitor. The majority of the posts asking for help here seem to be "I told her I like her and then she freaked out"

 

Comfort and attraction are interchangeable, but only until about 14 and then become less and less so. My reasoning is that most guys of all ages go for comfort first, so if he is asking for advice here then it didn't work and the girl is probably past the stage where she develops feelings for close friends.

 

As for the young feminine ladies man, he has many attractive traits other than comfort.

 

He is around a lot of girls, he is confident,playful and sexual, he ensures girls don't automatically assume he is into them straight away and they never know where they stand with him because of his questionable sexuality.

 

If you take away "because of his questionable sexuality" from that last sentence then it is basically how all guys should attract women anyway.

 

Also, I might be getting a little ahead of myself but it looks like I might actually have a girlfriend soon if things continue as they are going. Dan in a committed relationship.. woah :/

[Tim]

He is around a lot of girls, he is confident,playful and sexual, he ensures girls don't automatically assume he is into them straight away and they never know where they stand with him because of his questionable sexuality.

 

If you take away "because of his questionable sexuality" from that last sentence then it is basically how all guys should attract women anyway.

And if he's not sexually attractive or he just looks like he doesn't give a damn subconsciously? Seriously, every time I go out I get knocked back for not being sexually attractive enough or I just come off as "I dont give a F" even though I don't mean to. It's rather quite annoying -.-

 

Maybe I should just never go out in town again. (Or until I have money to clean up my self-image)

[Iamdan]

iirc you pm'd me a while back about changing your style, how did that go? How fun and playful are you around women? I mean are you playing footsies one minute and texting another girl the next, or just being indifferent full stop?

 

If they show interest, 'reward' them by showing some interest back.

 

Also, do you start touching early?

[Tim]

iirc you pm'd me a while back about changing your style, how did that go? How fun and playful are you around women? I mean are you playing footsies one minute and texting another girl the next, or just being indifferent full stop?

 

If they show interest, 'reward' them by showing some interest back.

 

Also, do you start touching early?

 

none, I haven't got money to go out and my physical appearance isn't what I'd like it to be still. Plus I have no wingman either to make it a bit easier on my no-skills.