"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Scorcheddd]

Just wondering, about the hand-in-pockets/where-to-put-my-hands-thing, how about crossing your arms in front of you? I'm still not sure about how people think of you when you do that. Can anybody enlighten me?

 

It's seen as defensive and not very open. Try to talk with your hands a bit or keep your thumbs tucked in your pockets.

[Amaranth_GTO]

Just wondering, about the hand-in-pockets/where-to-put-my-hands-thing, how about crossing your arms in front of you? I'm still not sure about how people think of you when you do that. Can anybody enlighten me?

Makes you seem kinda angry, closed off. Bad idea. Have your hands at your side, use them when you talk, or in your back pockets.

[Wavemasta]

Just wondering, about the hand-in-pockets/where-to-put-my-hands-thing, how about crossing your arms in front of you? I'm still not sure about how people think of you when you do that. Can anybody enlighten me?

 

It's seen as defensive and not very open. Try to talk with your hands a bit or keep your thumbs tucked in your pockets.

I only do it when I try to make a statement. When I feel comfortable, I do talk with my hands (one time in Dutch class, my grade got lowered because I did it too much :/ ) When I dont really feel comfortable, I put my hands in my pockets, or mess around with my mobile phone/whatever I have in my pockets.

[darkly]

don't worry about hand positioning. when I talk, I usually fiddle with my hands and ignore intensive eye contact and I get away with it.

[Maze]

I said hi to her, and she said, "Oh, HEYY!!! It's you!" and then she kinda turned back to her friends. I didn't say anything else, because my friend tapped my shoulder to tell me something.

 

I thought it was a decent start, but now I don't have much to approach her with. I already said hi, now what am I going to do to approach her again? I was thinking about doing rangeor's idea, but I don't think she has any lunch periods with me.

 

Sorry, I'm sort of eager for a response.

[darkly]

I said hi to her, and she said, "Oh, HEYY!!! It's you!" and then she kinda turned back to her friends. I didn't say anything else, because my friend tapped my shoulder to tell me something.

 

I thought it was a decent start, but now I don't have much to approach her with. I already said hi, now what am I going to do to approach her again? I was thinking about doing rangeor's idea, but I don't think she has any lunch periods with me.

 

Sorry, I'm sort of eager for a response.

 

I don't know the back story behind all this but great ways to get to know girls in a school environment are chatting casually between classes and helping them cheat on exams.

[Lenticular_J]

don't worry about hand positioning. when I talk, I usually fiddle with my hands and ignore intensive eye contact and I get away with it.

What? Get away with it? That's denial. Should you also ignore how you talk, what you wear, and exercise? No no no no. Baby steps, and understanding how to use body language to make others comfortable is a baby step that provides massive results in all social areas of life.

 

You shouldn't condone a girl cheating. Or allow her to use you to cheat because she's attractive. Establish the ground rules. Be a man. A very young man. Just learning. But you will be learning.

 

You have so much leeway in high school. You can experiment however you want, try nearly anything, and any consequences will be minimal. Be flirtatious. Wink at her in the hallways. Compliment her from time to time (very small compliments, I wouldn't recommend trying a verbal form of a neg unless you think you can pull it off - and if you can get by without them, great). Dance with her in the middle of the hallway during a passing period.

 

Start dancing, by the way. Often. With everyone. It's fun, and will simply make people adore you.

[TTanT]

^I have to agree with the dancing bit. Our school does square dancing in gym class every year (a full unit on it, and this is in New York) and most guys are sullen and unenthusiastic about it.

 

I had a good time and acted slighty over-enthusiastic, and found myself with the best partners due to it. :thumbup:

[darkly]

don't worry about hand positioning. when I talk, I usually fiddle with my hands and ignore intensive eye contact and I get away with it.

What? Get away with it? That's denial. Should you also ignore how you talk, what you wear, and exercise? No no no no. Baby steps, and understanding how to use body language to make others comfortable is a baby step that provides massive results in all social areas of life.

 

You shouldn't condone a girl cheating. Or allow her to use you to cheat because she's attractive. Establish the ground rules. Be a man. A very young man. Just learning. But you will be learning.

 

You have so much leeway in high school. You can experiment however you want, try nearly anything, and any consequences will be minimal. Be flirtatious. Wink at her in the hallways. Compliment her from time to time (very small compliments, I wouldn't recommend trying a verbal form of a neg unless you think you can pull it off - and if you can get by without them, great). Dance with her in the middle of the hallway during a passing period.

 

Start dancing, by the way. Often. With everyone. It's fun, and will simply make people adore you.

 

girls don't care about hands as long as what you say is interesting.

[Lenticular_J]

girls don't care about hands as long as what you say is interesting.

Girls notice every single little detail. At times, it's like they're robots. Like I said, you can get away with more with young girls (or dumb girls, or drunk girls), but a quality lady of any age is bound to be obscenely clever with social situations.

 

You also mentioned that you rarely make eye contact. No matter who you are, that will bug people. There's very little that gets under my skin farther than people who won't look me in the eye or shake my hand. Everyone notices things like that. Same as smiling. Nobody cares if you can talk about interesting things if you make them uncomfortable with bad composure and a lack of eye contact.

 

A good conversationalist knows that they merely need to direct the conversation subtly and let the other person do all heavy lifting. Everyone loves to talk, even moreso about themselves. If you get a conversation where you're speaking 30-40% of the time and the other is 60-70%, you're golden, Ponyboy. Pulled those percents out of thin air, but you read me.

[darkly]

girls don't care about hands as long as what you say is interesting.

Girls notice every single little detail. At times, it's like they're robots. Like I said, you can get away with more with young girls (or dumb girls, or drunk girls), but a quality lady of any age is bound to be obscenely clever with social situations.

 

You also mentioned that you rarely make eye contact. No matter who you are, that will bug people. There's very little that gets under my skin farther than people who won't look me in the eye or shake my hand. Everyone notices things like that. Same as smiling. Nobody cares if you can talk about interesting things if you make them uncomfortable with bad composure and a lack of eye contact.

 

A good conversationalist knows that they merely need to direct the conversation subtly and let the other person do all heavy lifting. Everyone loves to talk, even moreso about themselves. If you get a conversation where you're speaking 30-40% of the time and the other is 60-70%, you're golden, Ponyboy. Pulled those percents out of thin air, but you read me.

 

If a girl finds you charming, none of what you said matters. it works for me, so whatever.

[K4ylan]

Well, like Lenticular said, a person will not find you very charming if you slouch or dont maintain eye contact with the person you're talking too. Most of the time, it's your body language, and the way you hold yourself that people notice.

[Lenticular_J]

See, the thing is, there are gestures that are considered charming. Like maintaining eye contact and talking with your hands (or with your hands calm and letting your face describe everything - I sometimes I have this weird thing with blinking from my contacts, so I prefer to keep my hands close to the lower part of my face). Using a person's name fairly often in conversation is another one of these gestures. Physical contact. There are bunches. Keeping your hands in your pockets, eyes on the ground, or speaking quietly (whatever the case may be) won't win over many people in general.

[Iamdan]

Most communication is done through body language, and things such as voice tone.

[Dupin]

Body language is essential for building attraction. Girls won't just find you "charming" from the beginning. Good posture, eye contact, and using your hands will broadcast confidence, without which you will not succeed in any social interaction, no matter how charming you are.

 

The fashion stuff for Kalphiteman4 is a bit case-sensitive. I live in an up-scale northern (US) community, where a tan really makes no difference because everyone is white and splurging money on watches and other gadjets will just make you seem preppy. While your physical appearance is important, it's really what you do with it that matters. The drama geek with the skull-and-crossbones on his (minimal) bicep really just looks goofy. In fact, I wouldn't reccommend tattoos based on what I see in your picture. I would, however, lose the black shirt -- younger girls tend to like a brighter outward appearance. Again, this is case-sensitive. If you live in a community where that's pretty much the norm, then it's not so bad.

 

Sorry if I've made some inaccurate assumptions here, but a picture isn't much to go on.

[K4ylan]

While we're on the picture:

 

try to keep your hands out of your pockets/hooked on your pants/tugging at any part of your body.

 

straighten your back, keeping good posture is a positive

 

use a more natural smile, show some teeth

 

 

these are just little, insignificant things, but they do help in a first impression. and a brighter colored shirt would help too

[re4p3r1]

While we're on the picture:

 

try to keep your hands out of your pockets/hooked on your pants/tugging at any part of your body.

 

straighten your back, keeping good posture is a positive

 

use a more natural smile, show some teeth

 

 

these are just little, insignificant things, but they do help in a first impression. and a brighter colored shirt would help too

Nothing's more memorable than being clumsy on your first impression :thumbsup:

[Bows]

Well, I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. I pulled out of the funk a few days ago, and a few girls have caught my interest. Namely one from my middle school, I took her to the last 8th grade dance, and she's changed a lot. We both have. But she's still the same sweet, cute girl i remember her as. I found her on Facebook, and we talked back and forth about college and I had to go. We exchanged numbers and we talked today, I'm starting to like her a bit, but it may just be because of how I remember her from middle school. I'm going to try to hang out with her when I have a free day, and I'm kind of wondering what I should offer to do with her...? Coffee? Not a movie, sitting in the dark for a few hours isn't even getting me closer to finding out how I feel about her. Dinner? Lunch? Mall? How do I know if she's somewhat interested, what signs can I look for, etc. Any help is appreciated. :)

[RpgGamer]

Folded arms: bad

closed arms mean closed uptight personality. suaully not alot to say, and often gives off a tough, unapproachable atmosphere. Open arms = open to conversation. Not going to effect attrcativeness in any way, but a girl isn't going to talk to the guy leaning on the wall with his arms folded. She's likely to go over to the guy in the center of a circle, gesticulating like a pro.

 

eye contact: good

 

People who don't make eye contact, or avoid eye contact bug me. It's only okay while in the car, or in my prefered position: walking side by side. Otherwise MAKE EYE CONTACT. You have no idea how many girls look for that. Just like how I don't like it when guys don't shake my hand [or in more social cases, a highfive/hug/knuckle bump]. It's just disrespectful.

 

 

Mazemeout: You're doing fine! keep it up! the hi approach is the first step! I'm actaully gonna steal Lent's advice and tell you to randomly flirt with her in the halls. Adjust your walking directions to "randomly" pass hers. When you do see her give her a wink/smile/hug/highfive/ass smack. Click your tongue and point at her if you have to lol.

[Bows]

Folded arms: bad

closed arms mean closed uptight personality. suaully not alot to say, and often gives off a tough, unapproachable atmosphere. Open arms = open to conversation. Not going to effect attrcativeness in any way, but a girl isn't going to talk to the guy leaning on the wall with his arms folded. She's likely to go over to the guy in the center of a circle, gesticulating like a pro.

 

eye contact: good

 

People who don't make eye contact, or avoid eye contact bug me. It's only okay while in the car, or in my prefered position: walking side by side. Otherwise MAKE EYE CONTACT. You have no idea how many girls look for that. Just like how I don't like it when guys don't shake my hand [or in more social cases, a highfive/hug/knuckle bump]. It's just disrespectful.

 

 

Directed at me?

[RpgGamer]

Folded arms: bad

closed arms mean closed uptight personality. suaully not alot to say, and often gives off a tough, unapproachable atmosphere. Open arms = open to conversation. Not going to effect attrcativeness in any way, but a girl isn't going to talk to the guy leaning on the wall with his arms folded. She's likely to go over to the guy in the center of a circle, gesticulating like a pro.

 

eye contact: good

 

People who don't make eye contact, or avoid eye contact bug me. It's only okay while in the car, or in my prefered position: walking side by side. Otherwise MAKE EYE CONTACT. You have no idea how many girls look for that. Just like how I don't like it when guys don't shake my hand [or in more social cases, a highfive/hug/knuckle bump]. It's just disrespectful.

 

 

Directed at me?

 

 

^^; didn't really mention your issue at all, my mistake

 

sign of interest from her [iOIs] are touching blinking alot, lots of eye-lip connections. If she doese herself up nice [like amount of makeup/perfume and [bleep]tyness of clothing worn. lauhin/giigling at whatever you say...such and such. I think you get the hint. Proper "date" ideas? Whatever you want to do. I'd rather not go into the whole "movies make for crappy dates" debate again. In this case, I think flying kites at the park would be pretty cool for you though. its summer. its nice out. and a movie would distract from catching up, which you two clearly need to do if you haven't spoken since 8th grade, and you're talking about college.

[Tim]

I dont see why everyone ASSUMES having your hands in your pocket means "[bleep] off" attitude. I just have mine in my pocket because its a comfy position. If you ask me, body language goes too far these days when its being labeled and people say "His arms are crossed, he clearly doesn't want to talk". What if its just a comfy to that person? :S

[Iamdan]

Body language is universal. They're going to make that assumption whether you like it or not, and they probably won't even do it consciously. If I ever put my hands in my pockets, I leave my thumbs out which replaces the defensiveness with a sexual vibe.

 

sign of interest from her [iOIs] are touching blinking alot, lots of eye-lip connections. If she doese herself up nice [like amount of makeup/perfume and [bleep]tyness of clothing worn. lauhin/giigling at whatever you say...such and such. I think you get the hint.

 

If he's sort of just meeting her again and they don't really know each other any more it gets much easier than that. If you go for attraction straight away, and she responds positively to your flirting and being playful before you build comfort, then she's probably into you.

Well, I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. I pulled out of the funk a few days ago, and a few girls have caught my interest. Namely one from my middle school, I took her to the last 8th grade dance, and she's changed a lot. We both have. But she's still the same sweet, cute girl i remember her as. I found her on Facebook, and we talked back and forth about college and I had to go. We exchanged numbers and we talked today, I'm starting to like her a bit, but it may just be because of how I remember her from middle school. I'm going to try to hang out with her when I have a free day, and I'm kind of wondering what I should offer to do with her...? Coffee? Not a movie, sitting in the dark for a few hours isn't even getting me closer to finding out how I feel about her. Dinner? Lunch? Mall? How do I know if she's somewhat interested, what signs can I look for, etc. Any help is appreciated. :)

 

Mall is a good idea. Invite her to help you buy something. A present for somebody or an item of clothing works. That way depending on how it goes, you can do pretty much anything. Grab lunch, play pool, go bowling, go back to somebodies house for a movie etc.

[Bows]

Body language is universal. They're going to make that assumption whether you like it or not, and they probably won't even do it consciously. If I ever put my hands in my pockets, I leave my thumbs out which replaces the defensiveness with a sexual vibe.

 

sign of interest from her [iOIs] are touching blinking alot, lots of eye-lip connections. If she doese herself up nice [like amount of makeup/perfume and [bleep]tyness of clothing worn. lauhin/giigling at whatever you say...such and such. I think you get the hint.

 

If he's sort of just meeting her again and they don't really know each other any more it gets much easier than that. If you go for attraction straight away, and she responds positively to your flirting and being playful before you build comfort, then she's probably into you.

Well, I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. I pulled out of the funk a few days ago, and a few girls have caught my interest. Namely one from my middle school, I took her to the last 8th grade dance, and she's changed a lot. We both have. But she's still the same sweet, cute girl i remember her as. I found her on Facebook, and we talked back and forth about college and I had to go. We exchanged numbers and we talked today, I'm starting to like her a bit, but it may just be because of how I remember her from middle school. I'm going to try to hang out with her when I have a free day, and I'm kind of wondering what I should offer to do with her...? Coffee? Not a movie, sitting in the dark for a few hours isn't even getting me closer to finding out how I feel about her. Dinner? Lunch? Mall? How do I know if she's somewhat interested, what signs can I look for, etc. Any help is appreciated. :)

 

Mall is a good idea. Invite her to help you buy something. A present for somebody or an item of clothing works. That way depending on how it goes, you can do pretty much anything. Grab lunch, play pool, go bowling, go back to somebodies house for a movie etc.

 

If I went to the mall, would going to my work for the 50% discount be considered me being 'cheap?'

[Iamdan]

No, it would be considered more like common sense :P

 

Personally I don't buy things for girls, I just have the frame of going 50 50 and it works out without having to say anything. I'm more concerned about losing attraction by spending money on her that I wouldn't for someone else I had known as long as her.

 

After she's attracted I'll do the 'I'm gonna grab x, want anything?' thing once, until she does it back.