"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Iamdan]

I get that part, the bit that threw me was that she has just gotten a boyfriend. She wanted a relationship, said I was relationship material, yet didn't want one with me.

[RpgGamer]

[...]didn't want one with me.

 

Sometimes its literally that simple. Have you ever seen "He's just not that into you" ? It teaches a lesson: sometimes they really just aren't that interested. There must have been some quality that she saw in him that you didnt have. Or maybe, she didn't see you as a 'proper' boyfriend. regardless of what it was, you got sex and she's off with someone else now, time for you to pack up and move on to your next target

[Iamdan]

I'm currently moving on and I'm into somebody else.

 

The whole thing bugs me though, I can't wait until I'm over the first girl.

[Kalphite]

Hey, thanks for all the advice from that picture. A couple thinks I have to respond to though:

 

The smirk: Yeah I normally would do a full-out smile, just when I took the picture I was getting frustrated with them always looking fake so I took what I figured would be the easy way out xD.

 

Tanning: This normally is an issue for me, seeing as I dont swim and I feel really awkward laying out in my backyard or something to get sunburned. However, i suppose that would be better than my eternal farmer's tan. In the picture is actually basically the darkest I've gotten, I'm normally really white and only really get a farmer's tan at band camp. Regardless, it'll probably last until it gets too cold again, next summer i'll find a way to tan more xD

 

Piercings/Tattoos: While I recognize their advantages, I personally couldn't see myself doing them. I just don't really like piercings on guys, and I don't want to be 80 with some stupid tattoo I got when I was younger. Not to mention that my parents would kill me if I got either (only 16 here lol)

 

The rest of the advice that was given was very helpful, especially the part about the brightly colored shirts. I'm trying to lose weight first (I've seen people my size and larger fit into a small, i currently wear mediums to cover up some weight but smalls do fit me), then I'll be gradually upgrading my clothing.

[Socc]

Alright guys, I'm curious.

 

I was at a concert earlier tonight. It was a bit more of an emo concert than I'm used to but anyway...

 

There were these guys that kept coming up and talking to me and hitting on me and etc, some of them were cute and all but they had these massive gauges and other piercing'. I think they're absolutely disgusting, all of the assorted piercings. Like Humongous ear wholes and the big things in the eye brows and just ew. They look so disgusting and don't help them look their best at all :/

 

I'm curious as to why people actually do that to themselves, does anyone here do it? To me it just seems nasty.

[Omar]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taste_%28sociology%29

They think it looks good.

[Iamdan]

Piercings work because a small number of girls dislike them, and the majority are shades between loving them or being neutral. Piercings increase sensitivity and pleasure to the area, (why earlobes are so commonly pierced) and they can be really addicting.

 

You're a minority in that you think they are gross.

[Dupin]

You're a minority in that you think they are gross.

I disagree. Unless you have solid facts, it really depends on where you live and who you hang out with. It probably depends on age as well.

 

I would say the larger the ornament, the more likely people will dislike it. There's nothing wrong with a couple of gemstones in a guy's ear. It's when you start shoving shark teeth up your nose that people get turned off.

[Iamdan]

I wouldn't be able to get solid facts, but it's what I've found from experience. How many get interviewed for your average small survey? 1000? I would have approached double that easily. It also makes sense. We have a 'pierced and tattooed meat head who gets all the girls' stereotype for a reason. Girls have told me they slept with me because of my nipple piercing. Obviously it would have been more than that, but it made a difference.

 

I've met a lot of women, and the few who didn't like piercings, only disliked specific ones and either liked or were fine with the rest. It's also consistent with a book called brad p's fashion bible, written by a guy who knows more about it than either of us.

 

It would be age dependent. I'd guess roughly 17-27.

 

People just wouldn't get piercings if the majority of people their age thought they were gross. It's a popular style.

[das]

Alright guys, I'm curious.

 

I was at a concert earlier tonight. It was a bit more of an emo concert than I'm used to but anyway...

 

There were these guys that kept coming up and talking to me and hitting on me and etc, some of them were cute and all but they had these massive gauges and other piercing'. I think they're absolutely disgusting, all of the assorted piercings. Like Humongous ear wholes and the big things in the eye brows and just ew. They look so disgusting and don't help them look their best at all :/

 

I'm curious as to why people actually do that to themselves, does anyone here do it? To me it just seems nasty.

I don't see why people do it either. I personally don't find it attractive if a female has gauges and crazy piercings and think it looks stupid on a guy. If I *need* to get a piercing to get women as some of the misinformed posters here feel, I'll happily stay single.

 

You're a minority in that you think they are gross.

 

I don't know, I come from the bible belt and would feel i'm in the majority here.

[Tim]

One thing none of you remember is some see it as a art; not to get laid, sexual pleasure, appearance etc. I personally plan to get them towards summer but I'm keeping the size to 7mm so my earlobes can heal if I decide to remove them.

[Flyingjj]

I wouldn't be able to get solid facts, but it's what I've found from experience. How many get interviewed for your average small survey? 1000? I would have approached double that easily. It also makes sense. We have a 'pierced and tattooed meat head who gets all the girls' stereotype for a reason. Girls have told me they slept with me because of my nipple piercing. Obviously it would have been more than that, but it made a difference.

 

I've met a lot of women, and the few who didn't like piercings, only disliked specific ones and either liked or were fine with the rest. It's also consistent with a book called brad p's fashion bible, written by a guy who knows more about it than either of us.

 

It would be age dependent. I'd guess roughly 17-27.

 

People just wouldn't get piercings if the majority of people their age thought they were gross. It's a popular style.

The thing is, your sample suffers from the availability heuristic. Because most of the people you hang out with agree with your general world view (including those on piercings), your sample is biased because it is most likely not representative of the population as a whole, even a sub-population like the age group 17-27. If I were to go off of my personal experience, I would say that most girls I know think piercings are gross, and wouldn't touch a guy with more holes in his ears than are on the entire rest of his body combined, let alone other body piercings.

 

Of course, my experience is just as biased as yours, as the two of us come from completely different ways of life. And Brad P's Fashion Bible isn't necessarily a reliable source on the matter either, as it's written from your same worldview, and thus shares its biases.

[RpgGamer]

Dan has his nipple pierced.

 

lulz.

[Iamdan]

One thing none of you remember is some see it as a art; not to get laid, sexual pleasure, appearance etc. I personally plan to get them towards summer but I'm keeping the size to 7mm so my earlobes can heal if I decide to remove them.

 

I do it for the appearance and pleasure, and because I find it addictive. I never have many piercings at once, (currently just nipple and ear) but I let them heal and get others. I personally wouldn't stretch my ears, (well I did like 2mm, but not to put in a plug) but most piercers/piercing junkies I've talked to say 20mm is pretty safe and will heal. 30+ is when it probably won't.

 

The thing is, your sample suffers from the availability heuristic. Because most of the people you hang out with agree with your general world view (including those on piercings), your sample is biased because it is most likely not representative of the population as a whole, even a sub-population like the age group 17-27. If I were to go off of my personal experience, I would say that most girls I know think piercings are gross, and wouldn't touch a guy with more holes in his ears than are on the entire rest of his body combined, let alone other body piercings.

 

Of course, my experience is just as biased as yours, as the two of us come from completely different ways of life. And Brad P's Fashion Bible isn't necessarily a reliable source on the matter either, as it's written from your same worldview, and thus shares its biases.

 

Usually I would agree with you, but my opinion isn't based off myself and my friends point of view. I've approached and talked to a lot of people, most of which I didn't become friends with.

 

Brad P has talked to thousands of women. Not just clubs, everywhere. It's his job to know what's attractive, and he makes a lot of money from it. If I want to switch my hot water to a control tariff, I'll call a sparky. If I want to know what's attractive, I'll listen to a guy who makes his living by attracting women. I haven't personally followed the pua stuff in a long time and I'd recommend other stuff more, but I'm just sayin'

 

I'm not trying to recommend it as means to get laid, it's a just way to avoid the boring 'polo jeans and vans' niceguy look that almost every guy I see seems to have.

 

I'm also not just saying it about piercings. Any specific style will turn off some people, turn on some, and the majority won't have a strong opinion on it. I don't like the peppy style, but if I see someone dressed really peppy and they do a good job of it, I'll acknowledge that they dress well but it won't particularly do anything for me. Others might like it, and others might hate the look. That's all I'm trying to say.

 

At the end of the day, if it was considered gross by the majority of their age group then it wouldn't be a popular style.

[Socc]

Tbh I think piercings fall more into the whole emo group catagory. Most of the ones that have piercings (That I see at least) usually have the really skinny jeans on and some crazy hair and a ticket as hell shirt to go with it. That's basically how all the guys who talked to me were dressed.

 

I think there's one person in my 900 kid high school that has gauges and then less than 5 that have nose/lip piercings.

 

The ones that really have a massive ew factor are the gauges and all of the facial piercings on people in general. I really don't have a problem with belly buttons for girls and Ears though.

[l0rd]

Thought this was relevant.

[hide][/hide]

[Tim]

That's pretty awesome l0rd. :thumbup:

[RpgGamer]

If I want to switch my hot water to a control tariff, I'll call a sparky.

 

 

You talk funny :lol:

[Iamdan]

sparky means electrician in australian

 

a control tariff is a main electrical input into a house that the power company is allowed to turn off for x hours a day, but they charge much less for the electricity drawn through it.

[Lenticular_J]

So.

 

On my birthday, the majority of the day was spent dancing on one of the city's most major streets (especially Saturday, since it was the day everyone was moving in to Tech!). We didn't really wash that many cars, but we earned $163. So that was nice, since we were only charging $5 per wash. A guy gave us fresh peaches, too. And we picked apples from my tree and made lemonade for anyone who wanted it.

 

Anyway, I was dancing shirtless next to the street, with a sign. Apparently girls (mainly first-year college girls) kind of dig that. The whistles and honks were the biggest ego boost that I've had ... Ever. I can't remember if I was uncomfortable with my body (not really, but I thought my friends were more ripped than I - not so), but I definitely am not now. It was really fun. Especially when some black dudes tipped me five bucks, and the two separate times girls yelled that they wanted to _____ me. Another girl said that I needed to call her. That one was kind of weird.

 

Oh! And some sorority girls stopped by for a wash. Now that was interesting. My friend Travis called dibs on the driver, but she turned out to be ... Not either of our cups of tea. I liked the passenger. She was very cute. And I have a theory: you become much more charming if you've been an over-the-top extrovert all day.

 

It was just fun to flirt with the girls driving by. I'd lower my sunglasses and wiggle the sign at them. They'd either laugh or stare straight ahead with weird faces. There was also video taken of me doing my booty dance. I wish it were on Youtube.

[RpgGamer]

So.

 

On my birthday, the majority of the day was spent dancing on one of the city's most major streets (especially Saturday, since it was the day everyone was moving in to Tech!). We didn't really wash that many cars, but we earned $163. So that was nice, since we were only charging $5 per wash. A guy gave us fresh peaches, too. And we picked apples from my tree and made lemonade for anyone who wanted it.

 

Anyway, I was dancing shirtless next to the street, with a sign. Apparently girls (mainly first-year college girls) kind of dig that. The whistles and honks were the biggest ego boost that I've had ... Ever. I can't remember if I was uncomfortable with my body (not really, but I thought my friends were more ripped than I - not so), but I definitely am not now. It was really fun. Especially when some black dudes tipped me five bucks, and the two separate times girls yelled that they wanted to _____ me. Another girl said that I needed to call her. That one was kind of weird.

 

Oh! And some sorority girls stopped by for a wash. Now that was interesting. My friend Travis called dibs on the driver, but she turned out to be ... Not either of our cups of tea. I liked the passenger. She was very cute. And I have a theory: you become much more charming if you've been an over-the-top extrovert all day.

 

It was just fun to flirt with the girls driving by. I'd lower my sunglasses and wiggle the sign at them. They'd either laugh or stare straight ahead with weird faces. There was also video taken of me doing my booty dance. I wish it were on Youtube.

Sounds like a great day! I'd like to second your theory in that extroverted activity for a day will make you more charming. It certainly works for me. Now I'm off to find that video...

[Iamdan]

Someone asked me to write a post on touching.

 

Start touching as early as possible, within a couple minutes of meeting the girl is best. Escalating touching is important because it means you're less likely to be friend zoned, and it makes the first kiss much easier by a long shot. If you go from nothing to trying to kiss her, she's much more likely to be weirded out. Don't start out sexual, it's just a method people use to build comfort and familiarity all the time.

 

How fast you should escalate depends on how comfortable she is with it, which will obviously depend on how comfortable she is around you, and how attracted she is. As soon as you feel any kind of tension, or she moves away or acts uncomfortable then stop. You need to flirt more/build more comfort before you can continue. In fact, the only real 'rule' with touching is that you respect her comfort.

 

We're actually hardwired to need touch. It validates us and builds comfort. Most communication is non verbal, so things like body language is extremely important. Touching is a part of that.

 

Don't do it too fast, keep her guessing. Play footsies for a little while but be the one to stop, and continue it later for example. Keep it playful.

 

When you pick dates, pick them that allows for touching. Getting a coffee/something to eat is [bleep]ing terrible for this, and movies aren't any better unless you're already cuddling.

 

Just start with innocent things. Light shoulder touch to emphasize a point, picking lint off her shirt etc

 

Then make it more playful and fun. A playful shove, thumb wars, secret handshakes, footsies, (like tag but with feet) high fives etc.

 

An ioi test I think I've posted here a few times is appropriate next. Hold our your hands face up and ask for hers. If she does it straight away, and/or she puts her hands face down on top of yours then that's a plus. Squeeze her hands for a second and then lower them. If she squeezes back/lowers her hands with yours then you're doing well. When she asks what that was about I tell her the truth. It's something somebody taught me that tests to see how comfortable someone is with you.

 

Then you have hugging and putting your arm around her. Here are my favourite ways to escalate from the basics to hugging/arm around her:

 

The first is obvious, just hug her goodbye/hello. This works well if she is part of your social circle or you're both in school.

The second builds off playing footsies. Put your arm around her for a few seconds, tag her and then move away. You can do this a few times.

The third is just putting your arm around her/hugging her to emphasize a point. For example I was giving the girl I'm into a lift in the morning, she was barefoot walking to my car and she stepped in dew. I had a towel on the floor of my car, and she commented on it being conveniently there to dry her feet. I put my hand on her shoulder and said something like 'yeah I put that towel there just for you.' An arm around the shoulder for a second would have been appropriate too.

 

Another fun little thing is to put your arm around her and role play like you're married and watching tv, ask her what show you're watching and go from there. It only needs to go for a few seconds.

 

At this stage it will be fairly obvious if she is into you or not.

 

"My back is sore, how about a massage? I'll give you one after" is gold.

 

If you're at a party or something and sleep in the same bed, the old body heat excuse is also gold. When I'm cuddling with a girl while falling asleep, it relaxes me when I stroke her back. If I haven't done it before with her and she doesn't do it back I'll ask her if it's annoying, and explain I have a habit because it relaxes me. Usually she will say no, and then start doing it back if she wasn't already. You can easily escalate into more sensual stroking/scratching and then into a kiss.

 

Playful biting is fun, and if she does it back you can easily escalate it into a more sexual bite, then on the neck and then to a kiss.

[Zygimantas]

Detailed and yet simple, your posts on here and on your blog about attraction and flirtation are great Dan.

[RpgGamer]

thumbsup to Dan's post.

 

your part in marriage role play reminds me of the Ikea scene from (500) Days of Summer, which while being a girly movie, i would recommend watching because it teaches good flirting techniques [between summer and the protagonist] and that because your heartbroken doesn't mean the world ends.

[Sam]

Was actually discussing about a secret handshake with my girl.

 

But nice post, Dan, thanks!