"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Pan_Nx]

Not related to any situation i'm in or anything but just out of curiosity, how do you all tell a girl (or guy..) that you like them/have feelings for her? Ease into a text/phone/im conversation? Your actions (when you are with them)?

You don't dude, that's [bleep]ing up too much, dude. You're gonna get rejected dude. Stop being a [kitty] dude. Dude.

Get rejected? I'm in a relationship now, dude. I just wanted to see others opinions. But besides, I don't get your point (not sure if you even have one..?). You have to communicate you like them somehow or it will never be anything. Though i think you're implying (non-verbal) actions, which is something i listed in my post. If not, share. I'm interested.

[Romy]

Basically, it's just not a good idea.

 

It has all sorts of negatives; There's the "kicking the ball to their side of the court" - basically letting them decide for you both. There's the elimination of challenge - They know that all they have to do to get you is say 'yes', and there's nothing challenging about that. It also removes the mystery, which is somewhat related to the callenge bit - Before "exposing yourself", neither side have verbally done so, and it's always a bit vague. Once it's out there, the mystery is gone, which makes it all a bit boring.

 

There are more, but basically, it just shouldn't be done. It may work from time to time, but it's not worth the risk.

[Giordano]

Not related to any situation i'm in or anything but just out of curiosity, how do you all tell a girl (or guy..) that you like them/have feelings for her? Ease into a text/phone/im conversation? Your actions (when you are with them)?

You don't dude, that's [bleep]ing up too much, dude. You're gonna get rejected dude. Stop being a [kitty] dude. Dude.

Get rejected? I'm in a relationship now, dude. I just wanted to see others opinions. But besides, I don't get your point (not sure if you even have one..?). You have to communicate you like them somehow or it will never be anything. Though i think you're implying (non-verbal) actions, which is something i listed in my post. If not, share. I'm interested.

Nah it was complex sarcasm, the worst kind of sarcasm. :ohnoes:

[Iamdan]

Not related to any situation i'm in or anything but just out of curiosity, how do you all tell a girl (or guy..) that you like them/have feelings for her? Ease into a text/phone/im conversation? Your actions (when you are with them)?

 

I posted it on the last page (374) and also in my blog.

[Lenticular_J]

Basically, it's just not a good idea.

 

It has all sorts of negatives; There's the "kicking the ball to their side of the court" - basically letting them decide for you both. There's the elimination of challenge - They know that all they have to do to get you is say 'yes', and there's nothing challenging about that. It also removes the mystery, which is somewhat related to the callenge bit - Before "exposing yourself", neither side have verbally done so, and it's always a bit vague. Once it's out there, the mystery is gone, which makes it all a bit boring.

 

There are more, but basically, it just shouldn't be done. It may work from time to time, but it's not worth the risk.

Indeed. The only time I've seen it work is in the case between me and ... The girl. And that's because neither of us are used to the up-front thing.

[RpgGamer]

Basically, it's just not a good idea.

 

It has all sorts of negatives; There's the "kicking the ball to their side of the court" - basically letting them decide for you both. There's the elimination of challenge - They know that all they have to do to get you is say 'yes', and there's nothing challenging about that. It also removes the mystery, which is somewhat related to the callenge bit - Before "exposing yourself", neither side have verbally done so, and it's always a bit vague. Once it's out there, the mystery is gone, which makes it all a bit boring.

 

There are more, but basically, it just shouldn't be done. It may work from time to time, but it's not worth the risk.

 

 

Unfortunatly true :(

 

But with all serious matters like that, the best route would be in person. Diong so in another medium would connect tah emotion to that medium, and if a relationship does result, it will be reliant on that medium, and not on you as a human. not a good place to be stuck in.

[Blake]

I don't know if I really need advice for this, or if i'm just too much of a [kitty], haha.

 

Me and this girl were friends for about 7 months, and I never thought it would be more than that. I knew she liked me, so I just said "what the hell" and asked her out, she said yes. Now, it's been a little over a year. I want it to just go back to friends, how it was. The problem is she's not girly enough for me. She is the tractor and appliance repairman at Ace Hardware. She hangs out with these hillbillies that swim naked in the river, and she boxes with them. She never dresses up, just always wears gym shorts and a T shirt from the rodeo or something. Doesn't brush her hair or do anything with it for that matter. If there's a problem with my car, she will fix it. If she sees a racoon out her window, she will take her 30.06, shoot it from her 2nd story window, and skin it. She is also very loud and obnoxious, which I am not. She's a great friend, (not from the sounds of this post though haha). The problem is that she is madly in love with me, and her dad 'loves' me too. If I'm ever with my friends, she will be there too because we have the same group of friends, and so if I have a bad break up it would be hard to be around all my friends or awkward.

I just got back this week from a 3 week vacation to Europe, where I got very close to 4 friends (3 girls 1 guy). There are tons of pictures of me with them, and she was concerned that I liked one of the girls, and we talked about it a couple days ago. I know that if I break up with her now, she will think I am leaving her for one of them, which is NOT the case. In a few days, she is leaving to go to California for a couple weeks, so I think I should do it before then. Just don't want her to have a grudge or think I'm leaving her for someone else.

 

Any advice?

 

 

Anyone remember this? Well, it finally happened, a few days ago. It happened after her trip to California, mainly because I didn't make a decision before she left and didn't have the chance to do it then. I think it was on July 30th-ish.

 

When she got home, she texted me about how she feels like we are more like friends and not a couple. I was really happy, because she felt the same thing. The only thing was that she wanted to fix it and I didn't. The next day, she came into my work on my break to talk to me. This is the first time i've seen her since she got back from the trip, too. She was still particularly pissed about all of the pictures of me and other friends that were girls from a previous vacation. She talked about how we never hang out because we are always gone somewhere or don't have the time, and how when we do hang out it feels like we just hang out as friends. I obviously agreed with her. She wanted to fix it and keep the relationship going, but I said that I don't have the time or energy to put into a relationship right now because of school, work, and vacations (I was leaving on a two week vacation to Idaho to see family the next day). I suggested we break it off for the time being and just be friends. She agreed, saying things like we can get back together when things settle down or whatever. She called it a "break".

 

I'm pretty happy with this, because there wasn't a big fight or anything, it happened rather smoothly. She was very sad, and a little mad I think that I didn't want to continue, and still about the pictures. We've talked a little bit since, just about random stuff like college. Sometimes she'll send me texts like she misses me or it's so weird being single, things like that.

 

If you guys remember I didn't want to do it before her Cali trip cause I didn't want to ruin it. When we were talking she told me she was kind of depressed the last couple of days because we haven't been talking and she started thinking of all the things I just wrote, us just feeling like friends and not a couple. She also informed me that she had 2 friends that wanted to beat me up.

 

All in all, I think it went down well, and thanks for your help!

[Lenticular_J]

Haha, I'm jealous about something. It's so cute.

[aquariusman]

[hide]

I don't know if I really need advice for this, or if i'm just too much of a [kitty], haha.

 

Me and this girl were friends for about 7 months, and I never thought it would be more than that. I knew she liked me, so I just said "what the hell" and asked her out, she said yes. Now, it's been a little over a year. I want it to just go back to friends, how it was. The problem is she's not girly enough for me. She is the tractor and appliance repairman at Ace Hardware. She hangs out with these hillbillies that swim naked in the river, and she boxes with them. She never dresses up, just always wears gym shorts and a T shirt from the rodeo or something. Doesn't brush her hair or do anything with it for that matter. If there's a problem with my car, she will fix it. If she sees a racoon out her window, she will take her 30.06, shoot it from her 2nd story window, and skin it. She is also very loud and obnoxious, which I am not. She's a great friend, (not from the sounds of this post though haha). The problem is that she is madly in love with me, and her dad 'loves' me too. If I'm ever with my friends, she will be there too because we have the same group of friends, and so if I have a bad break up it would be hard to be around all my friends or awkward.

I just got back this week from a 3 week vacation to Europe, where I got very close to 4 friends (3 girls 1 guy). There are tons of pictures of me with them, and she was concerned that I liked one of the girls, and we talked about it a couple days ago. I know that if I break up with her now, she will think I am leaving her for one of them, which is NOT the case. In a few days, she is leaving to go to California for a couple weeks, so I think I should do it before then. Just don't want her to have a grudge or think I'm leaving her for someone else.

 

Any advice?

 

 

Anyone remember this? Well, it finally happened, a few days ago. It happened after her trip to California, mainly because I didn't make a decision before she left and didn't have the chance to do it then. I think it was on July 30th-ish.

 

When she got home, she texted me about how she feels like we are more like friends and not a couple. I was really happy, because she felt the same thing. The only thing was that she wanted to fix it and I didn't. The next day, she came into my work on my break to talk to me. This is the first time i've seen her since she got back from the trip, too. She was still particularly pissed about all of the pictures of me and other friends that were girls from a previous vacation. She talked about how we never hang out because we are always gone somewhere or don't have the time, and how when we do hang out it feels like we just hang out as friends. I obviously agreed with her. She wanted to fix it and keep the relationship going, but I said that I don't have the time or energy to put into a relationship right now because of school, work, and vacations (I was leaving on a two week vacation to Idaho to see family the next day). I suggested we break it off for the time being and just be friends. She agreed, saying things like we can get back together when things settle down or whatever. She called it a "break".

 

I'm pretty happy with this, because there wasn't a big fight or anything, it happened rather smoothly. She was very sad, and a little mad I think that I didn't want to continue, and still about the pictures. We've talked a little bit since, just about random stuff like college. Sometimes she'll send me texts like she misses me or it's so weird being single, things like that.

 

If you guys remember I didn't want to do it before her Cali trip cause I didn't want to ruin it. When we were talking she told me she was kind of depressed the last couple of days because we haven't been talking and she started thinking of all the things I just wrote, us just feeling like friends and not a couple. She also informed me that she had 2 friends that wanted to beat me up.

 

All in all, I think it went down well, and thanks for your help!

[/hide]

I have one question for you, do you see yourself getting back together with her, and actually reciprocating her feelings? Because if you don't, it's something you should tell her, that this "break" is probably going to be indefinite.

[Romy]

^ I disagree. I say, leave it be. It's not like she's going to demand getting back together or something like that.

Unless she brings it up, I think it's best if they don't talk about it.

[Blake]

I won't get back together with her. I have to agree with Romy, it would make things a little easier to just leave it be. It would be a lot easier and less painful for her for me to tell her I don't want a relationship in a few months, after we've been apart and just friends.

[Hobgoblinpie]

It will hurt her more if you tell her later. From my experience (which, to be honest, isn't a lot), if you leave it, she may think that she still has a chance with you, and she will get incredibly angry with you for doing so with her feelings.

 

But, I don't know her personally. If she's had quite a few boyfriends before, she is less likely to get angry, if you're her first, then expect some problems.

[Blake]

It will hurt her more if you tell her later. From my experience (which, to be honest, isn't a lot), if you leave it, she may think that she still has a chance with you, and she will get incredibly angry with you for doing so with her feelings.

 

But, I don't know her personally. If she's had quite a few boyfriends before, she is less likely to get angry, if you're her first, then expect some problems.

 

Knowing her, just letting it blow over is the right thing to do. Her feelings will fade over the next few months, and it won't be as hard on her then.

[aquariusman]

^ I disagree. I say, leave it be. It's not like she's going to demand getting back together or something like that.

Unless she brings it up, I think it's best if they don't talk about it.

The thing is that she IS bringing it up, about how she's not used to being single/missing him. Unless of course you mean bringing it up that they get back together.

 

But Thammaron thinks she'll be fine, so I'll leave it be.

 

 

EDIT: Just so you know I'm always going to argue in favour of voluntarily telling the truth as soon as possible, mostly because not doing so probably ended the best relationship I've had to date.

[Omar]

I'm in the exact same situation with a break. I'm declaring it as indefinite as soon as I see her again (she's away, no way to contact her). Not doing so isn't really leading her on, but it isn't doing the noble, extra mile thing.

[Romy]

^ I disagree. I say, leave it be. It's not like she's going to demand getting back together or something like that.

Unless she brings it up, I think it's best if they don't talk about it.

The thing is that she IS bringing it up, about how she's not used to being single/missing him. Unless of course you mean bringing it up that they get back together.

 

But Thammaron thinks she'll be fine, so I'll leave it be.

 

 

EDIT: Just so you know I'm always going to argue in favour of voluntarily telling the truth as soon as possible, mostly because not doing so probably ended the best relationship I've had to date.

 

The truth is overrated. Everyone seem to be so hurt when the truth is hidden from them. Ahh, but that's another issue...

[Wongtong]

I'm writing this on behalf of my friend.

 

So my friend, let's call him 'Guy', is trying to get into a relationship with a girl, let's call her 'Girl'.

 

Background: Guy goes to the same school as Girl. He is in the year above her. Guy does not have much experience with relationships, but is very attractive. Girl is shy and won't make the first move in fear of coming off as clingy/annoying. Girl confessed to Guy about having feelings for him last weekend.

 

Last night, Guy sent a text to Girl:

"Hey. I know you probably don't have any credit to text me back, but I just wanted to talk to you about you and me. If you don't want to talk to about it and you want to stay friends, then private message me on Facebook and let me know. But if you wanna talk about it and go further then give me a call some time tonight."

 

I cringed when he told me about this text.

 

Girl ended up messaging him on Facebook and said:

Oh my friend is here so i cant talk on the phone right now, gotta be social and all that haha. But that doesn't mean i'm facebooking you cos i definitely wanna be friends..

To be honest im really confused right now... cos I kinda think we need to know each other better still?But im really not sure... What are you thinking about the hole thing right now?

Sorry for not giving you a straight answer But i need to know where you are at too.. (:

He replied..

hello.

Well i understand what you mean, that we need to get to know each other a little better, which is why i've been trying my hardest to make sure i don't rush anything. But i would like to be more than just friends because i have developed some pretty strong feelings for you. But i don't want you to feel pressured in anyway, i guess its entirely up to you what happens next. If you don't wanna have this conversation on facebook, we can meet up tomorrow if you want, or we can talk on the phone tomorrow or whatever. Or we can just continue talking on facebook lolol.

My reaction: Jesus christ, what a train wreck.

Any advice on what he should do?

[Lenticular_J]

Grow a pair of testicles.

 

Wow, that made me sad. But it's a valid point. Let this play out the way most teenage things play out. Maybe he'll learn.

[Iamdan]

Hey girl, I was temporarily possessed by a demon vagina. It's gone now, by the way if we don't hang soon I'm going to start cheating on you.

 

Best thing he can do really is gftog and come back later if he wants.

[RpgGamer]

I'm writing this on behalf of my friend.

 

So my friend, let's call him 'Guy', is trying to get into a relationship with a girl, let's call her 'Girl'.

 

Background: Guy goes to the same school as Girl. He is in the year above her. Guy does not have much experience with relationships, but is very attractive. Girl is shy and won't make the first move in fear of coming off as clingy/annoying. Girl confessed to Guy about having feelings for him last weekend.

 

Last night, Guy sent a text to Girl:

"Hey. I know you probably don't have any credit to text me back, but I just wanted to talk to you about you and me. If you don't want to talk to about it and you want to stay friends, then private message me on Facebook and let me know. But if you wanna talk about it and go further then give me a call some time tonight."

 

I cringed when he told me about this text.

 

Girl ended up messaging him on Facebook and said:

Oh my friend is here so i cant talk on the phone right now, gotta be social and all that haha. But that doesn't mean i'm facebooking you cos i definitely wanna be friends..

To be honest im really confused right now... cos I kinda think we need to know each other better still?But im really not sure... What are you thinking about the hole thing right now?

Sorry for not giving you a straight answer But i need to know where you are at too.. (:

He replied..

hello.

Well i understand what you mean, that we need to get to know each other a little better, which is why i've been trying my hardest to make sure i don't rush anything. But i would like to be more than just friends because i have developed some pretty strong feelings for you. But i don't want you to feel pressured in anyway, i guess its entirely up to you what happens next. If you don't wanna have this conversation on facebook, we can meet up tomorrow if you want, or we can talk on the phone tomorrow or whatever. Or we can just continue talking on facebook lolol.

My reaction: Jesus christ, what a train wreck.

Any advice on what he should do?

 

 

 

He's screwed.

 

Then again, this chick seems rather inexperienced too, so over time if he can prove he's got a little more manhood in him, he might be alright. It's gonna take a lot to recover from that mess of a conversation though. Need to get them face to face to have an actual discussion...and no dancing around their bullcrap. No direct admitting to anything. Tell your guy friend to tell her to meet him at some place. When she shows up, he should jsut kiss her. The nand there. No words. No hello. No wave. No acknowledgement. She walks up to him - he gets up and kisses her.

 

She'll never know what hit her.

[Dupin]

I'm writing this on behalf of my friend.

 

So my friend, let's call him 'Guy', is trying to get into a relationship with a girl, let's call her 'Girl'.

 

Background: Guy goes to the same school as Girl. He is in the year above her. Guy does not have much experience with relationships, but is very attractive. Girl is shy and won't make the first move in fear of coming off as clingy/annoying. Girl confessed to Guy about having feelings for him last weekend.

 

Last night, Guy sent a text to Girl:

"Hey. I know you probably don't have any credit to text me back, but I just wanted to talk to you about you and me. If you don't want to talk to about it and you want to stay friends, then private message me on Facebook and let me know. But if you wanna talk about it and go further then give me a call some time tonight."

 

I cringed when he told me about this text.

 

Girl ended up messaging him on Facebook and said:

Oh my friend is here so i cant talk on the phone right now, gotta be social and all that haha. But that doesn't mean i'm facebooking you cos i definitely wanna be friends..

To be honest im really confused right now... cos I kinda think we need to know each other better still?But im really not sure... What are you thinking about the hole thing right now?

Sorry for not giving you a straight answer But i need to know where you are at too.. (:

He replied..

hello.

Well i understand what you mean, that we need to get to know each other a little better, which is why i've been trying my hardest to make sure i don't rush anything. But i would like to be more than just friends because i have developed some pretty strong feelings for you. But i don't want you to feel pressured in anyway, i guess its entirely up to you what happens next. If you don't wanna have this conversation on facebook, we can meet up tomorrow if you want, or we can talk on the phone tomorrow or whatever. Or we can just continue talking on facebook lolol.

My reaction: Jesus christ, what a train wreck.

Any advice on what he should do?

 

 

 

He's screwed.

 

Then again, this chick seems rather inexperienced too, so over time if he can prove he's got a little more manhood in him, he might be alright. It's gonna take a lot to recover from that mess of a conversation though. Need to get them face to face to have an actual discussion...and no dancing around their bullcrap. No direct admitting to anything. Tell your guy friend to tell her to meet him at some place. When she shows up, he should jsut kiss her. The nand there. No words. No hello. No wave. No acknowledgement. She walks up to him - he gets up and kisses her.

 

She'll never know what hit her.

 

You guys are forgetting that they both seem to be young and inexperienced. This sort of message is how an early high school relationship falls together. Of course, he should try to be more direct and at least ask her out without all the poor grammar and "lollolol" junk, but automatically saying "he's screwed" is ridiculous - she doesn't have any experience either.

 

As for kissing her immediately, that's idiotic. An inexperienced and cautious girl like her would immediately push him away simply out of surprise. Of course, if he got the body language right and managed to do it without making it seem completely random, it would work, but judging by those Facebook messages he'd probably mess it up.

[Flyingjj]

Not to mention a lot of people would be horrified if you did that, especially if it was their first kiss. I know plenty of girls who would give him a good slap across the face if he did that, if not worse.

[Surprise]

Not to mention a lot of people would be horrified if you did that, especially if it was their first kiss. I know plenty of girls who would give him a good slap across the face if he did that, if not worse.

 

+1

 

Basically get him to meet her, see if they can talk properly face to face and make sure he stops beating around the bush and tells the girl straight about what he is feeling instead of this nicey nicey crap.

 

Simply because all that b/s will simply cause her more pain later on.

[Blake]

^ I disagree. I say, leave it be. It's not like she's going to demand getting back together or something like that.

Unless she brings it up, I think it's best if they don't talk about it.

The thing is that she IS bringing it up, about how she's not used to being single/missing him. Unless of course you mean bringing it up that they get back together.

 

But Thammaron thinks she'll be fine, so I'll leave it be.

 

 

EDIT: Just so you know I'm always going to argue in favour of voluntarily telling the truth as soon as possible, mostly because not doing so probably ended the best relationship I've had to date.

 

Oh, if she said something to the effect of us going out, I would definitely tell her now that I just wanna be friends. I wouldn't lie to her.

[RpgGamer]

Not to mention a lot of people would be horrified if you did that, especially if it was their first kiss. I know plenty of girls who would give him a good slap across the face if he did that, if not worse.

 

+1

 

Basically get him to meet her, see if they can talk properly face to face and make sure he stops beating around the bush and tells the girl straight about what he is feeling instead of this nicey nicey crap.

 

Simply because all that b/s will simply cause her more pain later on.

 

 

Sorry, I'd been lurking /r9k/ for a few hours posting, the chovenism seems to have rubbed off a little at the time of my post. He might not be "screwed" and maybe the sudden surprise kiss is a bit too pver the top forthe situation, but I stand by my belief that spilling his guts isn't the best route.