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All jokes and such here please!

Featured Replies

[Edit: Inappropriate joke]

 

 

 

--

 

 

 

Atom 1: Oh no! I think I lost an electron!

 

Atom 2: Are you sure?

 

Atom 1: Yes, I'm positive!

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  • Replies 555
  • Views 126.6k
  • Created
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Top Posters In This Topic

:shock:

 

I'm not so sure about that. My friend told me he heard that on the radio and we asked around and nearly no one said yes, except for a few guys that were joking.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

wanna hear a dirty joke?

 

a cow falls in the mud

monoclesmilecopy.jpg

You guys wanna hear a joke about butter...

 

Dont spread it, Ok?

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00:00:04

00:00:03

00:00:02

00:00:01

00:00:00

 

Break the Walls down!

A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

 

 

 

"Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

 

 

 

"Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

 

 

 

"In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."

fsmbanner1.jpg

if 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the 5th one enjoys it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was a little boy who went to play in his closet. He enters and sees a man there. The man says "I'm your mommy's.. umm... lover. Don't tell your daddy I'm here." The boy says "How much?" The guy says "20 bucks".

 

"More" says the boy.

 

"25"

 

"More"

 

"30"

 

"Fine." The boy takes the money and leaves the closet.

 

A little while later the mother comes by the room and asks the boy where he got the money. The boy didn't answer. The mother continued asking but the boy refused to answer. Finally the mother took the boy to the local priest for confession. The mother said to the priest "my son won't tell me the truth about where he got his money". So the priest sits down with the boy and asks "my boy, tell me why you sinned.". The boy says "How much?". The priest says "don't start this again!"

[hide=]

tip it would pay me $500.00 to keep my clothes ON :( :lol:
But then again, you fail to realize that 101% of the people in this universe hate you. Yes, humankind's hatred against you goes beyond mathematical possibilities.
That tears it. I'm starting an animal rebellion using my mind powers. Those PETA bastards will never see it coming until the porcupines are half way up their asses.
[/hide]

montageo.png

Apparently a lot of people say it. I own.

 

http://linkagg.com/ Not my site, but a simple, budding site that links often unheard-of websites that are amazing for usefulness and fun.

a guy goes on tif

 

a girl goes on tif

 

 

 

------later that night------

 

 

 

guy: wanna help me post a reply

 

girl: of course

 

guy: yeah right there keep posting

 

girl: just like that?

 

guy: yeah use both hands

 

 

 

------Information--------

 

This message has been posted successfully.

 

 

 

View your submitted message

 

 

 

Return to the forum last visited

monoclesmilecopy.jpg

a guy goes on tif

 

a girl goes on tif

 

 

 

------later that night------

 

 

 

guy: wanna help me post a reply

 

girl: of course

 

guy: yeah right there keep posting

 

girl: just like that?

 

guy: yeah use both hands

 

 

 

------Information--------

 

This message has been posted successfully.

 

 

 

View your submitted message

 

 

 

Return to the forum last visited

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i dont get it

FRONTPAGE.png

{DeviantART}{Last.Fm}{Join Sublime GFX, great community for artists!}

Back to RuneScape, Again.Avatar by Brian The Great

What goes up when bombs come down?

 

 

 

Government defense spending, oil prices, nation panic level, war supporter numbers, peace supporter numbers, US flag purchases...

 

 

 

Pretty much everything except the president's approval ratings.

 

 

 

*waits for applause*

[hide=]

tip it would pay me $500.00 to keep my clothes ON :( :lol:
But then again, you fail to realize that 101% of the people in this universe hate you. Yes, humankind's hatred against you goes beyond mathematical possibilities.
That tears it. I'm starting an animal rebellion using my mind powers. Those PETA bastards will never see it coming until the porcupines are half way up their asses.
[/hide]

montageo.png

Apparently a lot of people say it. I own.

 

http://linkagg.com/ Not my site, but a simple, budding site that links often unheard-of websites that are amazing for usefulness and fun.

^ =D> lol

Eindhoven_by_Sadocles.jpg
a guy goes on tif

 

a girl goes on tif

 

 

 

------later that night------

 

 

 

guy: wanna help me post a reply

 

girl: of course

 

guy: yeah right there keep posting

 

girl: just like that?

 

guy: yeah use both hands

 

 

 

------Information--------

 

This message has been posted successfully.

 

 

 

View your submitted message

 

 

 

Return to the forum last visited

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i dont get it

 

Think of it as... petting a... snake...

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

a guy goes on tif

 

a girl goes on tif

 

 

 

------later that night------

 

 

 

guy: wanna help me post a reply

 

girl: of course

 

guy: yeah right there keep posting

 

girl: just like that?

 

guy: yeah use both hands

 

 

 

------Information--------

 

This message has been posted successfully.

 

 

 

View your submitted message

 

 

 

Return to the forum last visited

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i dont get it

 

Think of it as... petting a... snake...

 

 

 

 

 

Nope...sorry. Still dont get it :|

Up and down, up and down, up and down. Petting a snake.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

lol :lol:

Eindhoven_by_Sadocles.jpg
  • 4 weeks later...

A man is drowning in the river, when a boat comes by.

 

 

 

"would you like help" the boater asked

 

"No thankyou" replied the man. God will save me

 

 

 

Well, the man drowned. In heaven, he and god talked.

 

 

 

"Why didnt you save me?!"

 

"I did, fool. I sent you a boat." :lol:

  • 5 weeks later...

If you still haven't understood, she's doing him sexual favours. It's not that funny.

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

Here's one that i think is forum exceptible...

 

 

 

One day a man comes home from work and is greeted by his wife who is sitting on the couch waiting for him. The man says to her, "what's wrong honey?" She replies, "I think you are a petifile." The man looks at her and says, "Petifile? Thats a big word for a forteen year old."

Qp cape achieved 2/17/08, 99 strength achieved 7/8/09, 99 attack achieved 5/28/10, 99 hitpoints achieved 8/22/10

 

Rskellington.png

  • 2 weeks later...

A man walks into a store and explodes.

 

 

 

I know it's horrible, I was just bored. #-o :? :|

Cube_by_Abfc.gif

untihf5.jpg

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When you mentioned the Dragon Plates I had a sudden vision of a load of gangsters running around in fancy dress yealling "Grim Reaper in da hood!"

here's a smash bros joke.

 

 

 

ike and marth are talking.

 

ike tells marth "i fight for my friends"

 

and marth simply replies "what friends?"

 

marth leaves..ike's crushed.

 

 

 

how was that?

"Two seals walk into a club..."

whalenuke.png

Command the Murderous Chalices! Drink ye harpooners! drink and swear, ye men that man the deathful whaleboat's bow- Death to Moby Dick!

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

angel2w.gif

Grim joke there :(

Matt: You want that eh? You want everything good for you. You want everything that's--falls off garbage can

Camera guy: Whoa, haha, are you okay dude?

Matt: You want anything funny that happens, don't you?

Camera guy: still laughing

Matt: You want the funny shit that happens here and there, you think it comes out of your [bleep]ing [wagon] pushes garbage can down, don't you? You think it's funny? It comes out of here! running towards Camera guy

Camera guy: runs away still laughing

Matt: You think the funny comes out of your mother[bleep]ing creativity? Comes out of Satan, mother[bleep]er! nn--ngh! pushes Camera guy down

Camera guy: Hoooholy [bleep]!

Matt: FUNNY ISN'T REAL! FUNNY ISN'T REAL!

Here's one that i think is forum exceptible...

 

 

 

One day a man comes home from work and is greeted by his wife who is sitting on the couch waiting for him. The man says to her, "what's wrong honey?" She replies, "I think you are a petifile." The man looks at her and says, "Petifile? Thats a big word for a forteen year old."

 

 

 

LOL

 

 

 

What did the goldfish say when he got a new tank?

 

 

 

"How do you drive this thing?"

I walked into a bar and said ouch.

 

 

 

[/lame joke]

j0xPu5R.png

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