these were dead baby jokes but i changed em

 

 

 

wuts more fun than 1,000 people in one tree? 1 person in 1,000 trees

 

 

 

wuts more fun that spinning a person around at 200 mph? stopping them with a shovel

 

 

 

wut do you call somebody in the middle of the ocean with no arms or legs? screwed

Best blone joke i've ever read> http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog ... lond_joke/

 

 

 

lol took me a while to get and i have dark brown hair...

Ive got a few

 

 

 

Americans always say "its a shame theres only 24 Hours in a day"

 

canadians always say "Its a shame theres only 24 TimBits in a box"

 

*you need to be canadian to get it

 

 

 

One Day, a mans wife dies. when they are moving the casket to the grave, on the way out of the church, they bump the casket on the wall, and suddenly, the mans wife is revived! three months later, the mans wife gets sick and dies again. when their moving the casket out of the church, the man yells "look out for the wall!"

 

 

 

final one

 

 

 

A woman frantically calls the police. they ask her what the problem is. she replies "my husband is missing! he went to toronto a week ago and hes still not back!" the police man says "can you please describe your husband?"

 

the wamon says "Well, hes short, hes fat and bald, he yells, he spits when he talks.. actually... nevermind"

i got two harry potter ones:

 

*BANG*

 

Harry had been so concerned with the wand in Voldemort's hand, he hadn't noticed the gun in his other hand!

 

:lol:

 

another one:

 

Harry ran as quick as he could through the town, Voldemort and his death eaters right behind him. Harry ran across the street, ignoring the "DO NOT WALK" light. *WHAM* Harry gets nailed by a bus halfway across the street. Voldemort laughed insanely, "Thank you, Ernie!*"

 

:lol:

 

 

 

*Ernie is the driver of the night bus.

I found out about this one from a friend and i wet my pants laughing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was a German, an American and a Bulgarian on a plane. the plane flew over Germany and the German dropped an apple out the window, when the others asked why he said 'because i love my country'. Then they flew over America and the American dropped a pear out the window, when asked why he also said 'because i love my country'. But when they flew over Bulgaira the Bulgarian threw a bomb out the window, when the others asked why he said 'because i hate my country'.

 

 

 

So when the German was walking through the streets he saw a little girl crying, :cry: when he asked why she was crying she said 'an apple fell out of the sky and hit me on the head'. When the American was walking down the road he saw a little boy crying, :cry: when he asked why he was crying the boy said 'a pear dropped out of the sky and hit me on the head'.

 

 

 

But when the Bulgarian was walking through the industrial district he saw a boy and a girl laughing their heads off, :lol: :lol: when he asked why they were laughing they said in union 'some guy just farted and the building behind him blew up'.

 

 

 

And i remembered this one from Bjb93's joke

 

 

 

Did you hear about the movie constipated?

 

 

 

It never came out! :lol:

 

They both made me get hurt.

 

#-o

 

The Great Wall of China was built to hold back Chuck Norris.

 

It failed miserably.

 

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

-----------------

 

 

 

what do you call a deer with no eyes?

 

 

 

no idea

 

----------------

 

 

 

what do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

 

 

 

still no idea.

 

 

 

What do you call a a dear with no eyes and no legs and on FIRE

 

-----------------------------

 

Still flaming no idea

 

wtf?

Here is a funny story (Fictional) that I read once.

 

 

 

A man was walking through a forest, when he met a strange looking gnome. The gnome told him, "Beware the purple mushrooms, for if you step on one, you will have to marry the ugliest person in the world!" The man nodded and contued through the forest. He made sure not to step on any purple mushrooms. When he finally got out he met a beatiful redhead. The redhead told him,"We have to marry." The man looked at her and smiled,"Why is that?"

 

"Because, I stepped on one of the pesky purple mushrooms!"

 

 

 

:thumbsup: this joke is a personal favorite

 

then he ran away, stepped on a mushroom and had to marry rosie o'donnel :ohnoes: :ohnoes: :ohnoes: :ohnoes: #-o :-X :?

Best blone joke i've ever read> http://j-walkblog.com/index.php?/weblog ... lond_joke/

 

 

 

Dude that link doesnt go anywhere... it keeps going to some random website with another link... :shame:

 

 

 

you dont get it, if your blond you keep following it. its kinda like those shirts that say "how do you keep an idiot busy? (look on other side)"

WARNING:This Joke is somewhat dirty, to view the joke, remove the spoiler tag.

 

 

 

[hide]"If I spend anymore alone time, I'm going to go blind!" :/[/hide]

WARNING:This Joke is somewhat dirty, to view the joke, remove the spoiler tag.

 

 

 

[hide]"If I spend anymore alone time, I'm going to go blind!" :/[/hide]

The way I interpret this joke is somewhat dirty, so

 

:lol: I assume it's the right thing...

Jim, Jack, and Fred were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story mess.

 

 

 

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in the hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

 

 

 

Jack said to Jim and Fred: "Let's break the montony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing for 25 flights, and Fred can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

 

 

 

At the 26th floor, jack stopped telling jokes, and Jim began singing. At the 51st floor, Jim stopped singing, and Fred began to tell stories. "I'll tell my sadest story first," he said.

 

 

 

"I left the room key in the car."

Jim, Jack, and Fred were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story mess.

 

 

 

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in the hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

 

 

 

Jack said to Jim and Fred: "Let's break the montony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing for 25 flights, and Fred can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

 

 

 

At the 26th floor, jack stopped telling jokes, and Jim began singing. At the 51st floor, Jim stopped singing, and Fred began to tell stories. "I'll tell my sadest story first," he said.

 

 

 

"I left the room key in the car."

 

 

 

Nice... :

Psychology 101

 

In a class on abnormal phtchology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.

 

She posed this question to her students: "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of their lungs one minute, then sits down weeping the next?"

 

A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A football coach?"

-wot dya call a greenfly with no legs or wings?

 

 

 

a bogey

 

 

 

-whats the difference between brussel sprouts and bogeys?

 

 

 

kids don't eat brussel sprouts

Bob was at the Air force base, learning how to parachute.

 

 

 

"Sir, how much time would I have to deploy the reserve chute if the main one fails?" he asked.

 

 

 

The captain replied, "The rest of your life"

If con is the opposite of pro, then what is the opposite of progress? :

A panda walked into a restaurant and bought a burger. Once he had finished it, he took out a pistol and shot the cashier. The manager burst out and said to the panda, "Why did you shoot the cashier?"

 

The panda replied,"I'm a panda. Look me up in the dictionary."

 

The manager found a dictionary and looked up "panda". It said in the dictionary: a black and white bear that eats shoots and leaves.

Amish Elevator

 

 

 

An Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by almost

 

everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that

 

could move apart and then slide back together again.

 

 

 

The boy asked, "What is this Father?" The father (never having seen an

 

elevator) responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my

 

life, I don't know what it is."

 

 

 

While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old

 

lady in a wheel chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a

 

button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.

 

The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers

 

above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it

 

reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the

 

reverse order.

 

 

 

Finally the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond

 

stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said

 

quietly to his son ..

 

 

 

"Go get your mother." :XD: :uhh: :ohnoes: :XD:

Haha, nice one. Haven't seen that one before.

Doesn't this belong to All jokes and such here please!?

 

 

 

The joke totally rocks by the way :XD:.

Doesn't this belong to All jokes and such here please!?

 

 

 

Nice one anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

ooooooooooops didnt know there was a section, my apologies.

Hey i have a joke!

 

well it's not really a joke..

 

cause it's not funny.. its more of a statement than a joke..

 

because jokes are funny...

 

and what i was going to say... that i forgot... isnt funny.

 

^^haa that one is kinda stupid and took me a while to get but when i got it i thought it was pretty funny.

 

 

 

 

 

heres another one.. dunno if it was posted cause i didnt bother to read 14 pages of jokes.. but

 

 

 

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After some smores and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night. a few hours later, Holmes woke up and nudged Watson. "Hey Watson, look up at the night sky and tell me what you see."

 

"I see millions and millions of stars."

 

"What does that tell you "

 

"Astrologicaly, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Theological, I can see god is all powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorlogically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. good enough for ya' "

 

 

 

"Look you idiot our tent has been stolen."

omg that was funny

 

 

 

heres one my friend told me

 

 

 

theres these 3 guys that have to get across a cliff

 

 

 

they have 1 wish to transform so they can fly across

 

1 guy wishes hes a bird an flies across

 

the other wishes to be a butterfly and fly across

 

the other guy was about to wish but he tripped and said

 

 

 

i wish i was [trips] oh crap!

 

 

 

he turns in to a pile of crap

omg that was funny

 

 

 

heres one my friend told me

 

 

 

theres these 3 guys that have to get across a cliff

 

 

 

they have 1 wish to transform so they can fly across

 

1 guy wishes hes a bird an flies across

 

the other wishes to be a butterfly and fly across

 

the other guy was about to wish but he tripped and said

 

 

 

i wish i was [trips] oh crap!

 

 

 

he turns in to a pile of crap

 

Lmao, :XD:.

i can swear ive already posted sumthing...

 

 

 

 

 

ah well

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PLEASE POST MORE JOKES!

 

:-$ :) :lol: :-X :XD: