"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Rebdragon]

CONFIDENCE

 

 

 

REPLY #1000 MUAHAHAHA.

[Who]

CONFIDENCE

 

 

 

REPLY #1000 MUAHAHAHA.

 

Here's to another 1000 posts of confidence :twss:

[MotherBrainII]

CONFIDENCE

 

 

 

 

 

We must do this at the top of every page.

[Lenticular_J]

And bottom CONFIDENCE, and middle CONFIDENCE, and EEEEEEEEEEEECONFIDENCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERYCONFIDENCEWHERE.

[Ginger_Warrior]

[hide=!!!CONFIDENCE!!!]

ok guys i have probably the hardest problem and an extremly hard decision but i hope i can get something out of you guys from this (not trying to be rude lol)

 

 

 

Ok, at the end of the school year i fell in love with this girl, well, basicly fell head head over heels for her.

 

things went absolutly great for a while, i described that time as i was "high on life" But, in the middle of summer, she got busy in working on stuff for college. (she is currently a high school senior and i am a high school junior) She ended up dropping all of her friends to work on that stuff, including me. I was deeply depressed, and ended up on teh pills (lol). But, as hard as i tried to get over it, i couldnt. I cared about her so much.

 

 

 

So, I just tried to put it out of my mind and went on in life. About a month and a half later, i met another girl. Everything she did just made me smile, and it made me feel better. As i got to know her, started to develope feelings for her. At the end of the summer i asked her out, and she said yes.

 

 

 

Now, here is where problem begins (speaking in russian accent, lol. odd comment aboiut russian so if you think its wierd just disregard it)

 

 

 

The first girl comes back to me in school, and talks to me privatly about how upset she was over this whole turn of events, and how she thought you should always put schoolwork first (shes in the top 10 in her class rank), but she said for the first time that she realized how wrong it was to put schoolwork in front of all of her friends, and said that shes there if i ever need anything, and that if me and the girl i am currently dating ever broke up with me that we could go back (although it would take a while)

 

:shock:

 

 

 

In dating the girl i am now, things started out even better then the first girl i dated, In my opinion, i think we went too far to fast. We had sex within a month. Now, she thinks that I am the "one" for her, how she can not live without me, how I am her everything in live, how I'm the one thing she has to live for, etc.

 

 

 

Now, the first girl is rather upset, because she absolutly hates the girl im dating now, and the girl im datig now absolutly hates the other girl. The first girl starts talking/complaining to her best friend, who is also best friends with the girl that im dating now. This makes both my current girlfriend and the best friend upset because thats all she talks about. The more this happens, the more upset my girlfriend gets. This is when she says if i was ever happier going back to the first girl ,i could because it would make me happy.

 

 

 

ok right? wrong. The thjing is, as fun as my current girlfriend is when im with her, im just not happy anymore with her. As horrible as it is to say, i guess the steam has run out. Even, umm.......... sex isnt as great as it used to be. It might be because i think im too young and that im taking things too far too fast.

 

 

 

I kinda want to go back to the first girl now. but the thing is, is that my current girlfriend claims that she will commit suicide if i leave her, and that im all she has in the world

 

 

 

I guess now, i have to decide whom to pick. It literally impossible because

 

1) I like them both

 

and

 

2) If i pick one the other will be hurt. I want everyone to stay happy

 

 

 

if ANYONE has ANY ADVICE i seriously need it. i dont know what to do

[/hide]

 

I'm seeing that you've got two problems here. The first involves your current girlfriend. All relationships, especially young early relationships, begin with a "honeymoon period", a time where the two people involved think more highly of each other. Mostly, that's just to do with the excitement of experiencing something new, just like anything else in life. Sex exaggerates this feeling. What seems to be happening is you've gotten over the excitement, the sex is now repetitive because you've exhausted it, and because there's nothing deeper connecting you to her, you're just not interested any more.

 

 

 

Simply put: find something else that connects the two of you together, apart from wanting to be together and sex. There must be some hobbie you both enjoy, music, films etc. Explore that connection, go out and see if that sparks up interest again.

 

 

 

Secondly, stop having sex so much. Too much of a good thing becomes boring, no matter how good it is, and having sex loads isn't the hallmark of a good relationship (in fact, I'd probably argue it's the sign of a relationship going belly-up). Restrict yourself to only having it once every so often, and then it actually starts to regain a meaning.

 

 

 

Now, the second problem is your relationship with your ex (or whatever her status is) and their best friend. Really, the only person causing trouble there is your ex. She's deliberatly trying to rock the boat, break the two of you apart and get in on you after, and quite clearly, she doesn't care about the consequences. Maybe she's overcompensating for the fact she didn't spend any time around her mates while she was studying, so she's gonna make up for it by pursuing them aggressively now. As for their best mate, she's really in the same situation as you - right in the middle between your current girlfriend and your ex.

 

 

 

What all three of you (especially you) need to do is tell her in no uncertain terms she's got to stop going after you. The two of you can be friends but that's all there's gonna be for the time being at least, quite possibly forever. She isn't being a good friend to her best mate by involving her in this dispute against your current girlfriend, nor is she being that nice to you for putting you in this dilemma. Her actions are reckless and destructive and that has to stop. If she doesn't like your current girlfriend, tough luck, it's your choice who you spend time with.

 

 

 

She needs to deal with this maturely by backing off, or not deal with it at all and shut up. Bit of a Hobson's Choice, but those are the cards on the table.

 

 

 

By the way, your girlfriend won't commit suicide if you break up. That's the most obvious control-by-dependence technique going.

[Mellez]

My bf is 23.

 

I'm 15.

 

He lives in Michigan, USA.

 

I live in Tasmania, Australia.

 

 

 

1) The distance I hate, what can I do about it

 

2) Is it okay if I date him, but we don't actually do 'it'?

[ElkNight]

My bf is 23.

 

I'm 15.

 

He lives in Michigan, USA.

 

I live in Tasmania, Australia.

 

 

 

1) The distance I hate, what can I do about it

 

2) Is it okay if I date him, but we don't actually do 'it'?

 

Wow. That just seems destined not to work because of age/location difference, but.... :?

[Lenticular_J]

I don't understand how you will "do it". And if you've never met him, and intend to fly him out for that purpose, Reb's rapist alert will be at its highest level.

[Ginger_Warrior]

I don't understand how you will "do it". And if you've never met him, and intend to fly him out for that purpose, Reb's rapist alert will be at its highest level.

 

To be fair, he's not the only one.

[rangeor]

Little CONFIDENCE story here.

 

 

 

All my life i've generally been a pretty shy person, especially around girls. Whenever i'd talk with a girl, chances are she was the one who started the conversation. Very rarely would I be the first to talk, especially in person and not online. And i've only asked two girls out in my life, and got rejected both times.

 

 

 

Well last week I got tired of being shy all the time and decided i'd try to be more outgoing. On thursday I gathered up my CONFIDENCE and talked to five girls that day. Nice. Even got an aim sn from this one girl in my chemistry class.

[Yomyth105]

My bf is 23.

 

I'm 15.

 

He lives in Michigan, USA.

 

I live in Tasmania, Australia.

 

 

 

1) The distance I hate, what can I do about it

 

2) Is it okay if I date him, but we don't actually do 'it'?

 

 

 

being realistic i must say that this relationship needs to or is going to end. First off you live in totally different hemispheres. just the distance will seperate u. in america, having to go to college on east coast and ur gf is on west coast will mean a breakup. its just the distance and it will be hard to do anything with him. it is best to somehow end this relationship and look for others.

[Bac_Talan]

2) Is it okay if I date him, but we don't actually do 'it'?

 

 

 

Definitely. If your relationship is based off emotional pleasure instead of physical pleasure, that's actually better in my opinion because if you don't really fit with him, you don't get stuck in a bad relationship. (That's how I go about it, anyway.)

 

 

 

Also, I haven't had to stop a long-distance relationship (USA - UK) in the last 4 months. It's hard, but definitely possible, especially if the separation isn't permanent.

[dragoonson]

New tip:Never use any of the lines given in the thread.Unless its really,really awesome.Like "Hey,I'm awesome.Lets go out."

[Sbrideau]

I don't understand how you will "do it". And if you've never met him, and intend to fly him out for that purpose, Reb's rapist alert will be at its highest level.

 

To be fair, he's not the only one.

 

 

 

I agree. That guy seems more like a pedo than anything else to me.

[justin_m23]

My desperate detected also [bleep]ed when reading that.

[deloriagod]

My bf is 23.

 

I'm 15.

 

He lives in Michigan, USA.

 

I live in Tasmania, Australia.

 

 

 

1) The distance I hate, what can I do about it

 

2) Is it okay if I date him, but we don't actually do 'it'?

 

 

 

In the US, the age difference makes him doing anything sexual with you illegal until you turn 18 (because he's so much older). You don't need to worry about doing "it" for quite some time.

[Sumpta]

My bf is 23.

 

I'm 15.

 

He lives in Michigan, USA.

 

I live in Tasmania, Australia.

 

 

 

1) The distance I hate, what can I do about it

 

2) Is it okay if I date him, but we don't actually do 'it'?

 

 

 

Oookay. When a male of 23

 

1) engages in a long distance relationship

 

2) with a teenager of 15...

 

 

 

no offense, but you may safely assume there's something very wrong with his maturity level at the very least. Seven years isn't a huge gap, but it is at your age. Combined with the factor of distance, I'd be very weary about him and not take this too fast at all.

[fgfuyfyuiuy0]

According to US laws (and Chris Hansen), it is illegal to talk about having sex or sending explicit content to a minor. Big no no.

[I_am_Geed]

According to US laws (and Chris Hansen), it is illegal to talk about having sex or sending explicit content to a minor. Big no no.

 

the next thing we know Chris Hansen will be doing a "To catch a Predator" In Australia..........lol

[Ginger_Warrior]

I dunno why people even bother talking about that law. If both people consent to having sex and it's not a blatant case of paedophilia the police hardly ever take action.

 

 

 

Even if they did, it's not like they'll storm in half way through the act and arrest the guy.

 

 

 

People have sex, whether the law likes it or not. The trick is getting young people to think about sex responsibly while they've still got hormones flying all over the place. ;)

[deloriagod]

I dunno why people even bother talking about that law. If both people consent to having sex and it's not a blatant case of paedophilia the police hardly ever take action.

 

 

 

 

It's not the people having sex you need to worry about, it's the parents of the minor. If they don't like the guy and they find out that he's had sex with their daughter, he's done for.

[Mellez]

I trust him more than I trust anyone. And he's not a pedo, I got to know him first and yeah...

 

 

 

 

 

But maybe you guys are right. I don't want him to spend 21 years behind bars (Or however long it is)

[nickeley102]

I trust him more than I trust anyone. And he's not a pedo, I got to know him first and yeah...

 

 

 

 

 

But maybe you guys are right. I don't want him to spend 21 years behind bars (Or however long it is)

 

you could not sound more cliched

 

 

 

15 is the perfect age for a girl to *fall in love forever *. 23 is the perfect for a guy to know exactly the right time to say all the right things and how "its like the song hero by celine dion is almost like its written about us" to make the girl feel like . to me, it is no coincidence you feel the way you do and that these ages coincide

 

 

 

but i have been wrong about relationships before, very wrong, so just listen to ginger

[Ginger_Warrior]

I trust him more than I trust anyone. And he's not a pedo, I got to know him first and yeah...

 

Can I ask an honest question, and I'm not trying to take the Michael out of you, I'm genuinely making a point: Have you ever felt this way about someone before?

 

 

 

If this is the first person you've ever loved in that special way, how do you know what you're feeling is altruistic? You've got no feeling to compare it against. What if you're mistaking trust for something completely different? That's why 15 year olds need to go out with other 15 year olds, before they throw their lot in with someone older who can use that confusion to manipulate them.

 

 

 

If you seriously want my advice, stop this and go out with someone your own age. Be 15 and just have fun in life, like you're meant to at that age. You'll be much happier for it in the long run, I guarantee you.

[Mellez]

I trust him more than I trust anyone. And he's not a pedo, I got to know him first and yeah...

 

Can I ask an honest question, and I'm not trying to take the Michael out of you, I'm genuinely making a point: Have you ever felt this way about someone before?

 

 

 

If this is the first person you've ever loved in that special way, how do you know what you're feeling is altruistic? You've got no feeling to compare it against. What if you're mistaking trust for something completely different? That's why 15 year olds need to go out with other 15 year olds, before they throw their lot in with someone older who can use that confusion to manipulate them.

 

 

 

If you seriously want my advice, stop this and go out with someone your own age. Be 15 and just have fun in life, like you're meant to at that age. You'll be much happier for it in the long run, I guarantee you.

 

I don't date people younger than 17, they're just too immature.

 

And to answer your question: No. I haven't felt like this about anyone before.

 

I started dating when I was 12, went out with a 14 year old. Big mistake.

 

I've been out with 14,17,19,21,22 and 23 year olds before.

 

I think I know what I'm getting myself into.