"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Jeffwilson99]

I have introduced her as a friend before. My fathers respose was odd. He aked me alot of questions the next day. Kind of like he was accepting her. My mother on the other hand had a slight hostile attatude towards the situation. I found this really odd. Moving out of the house is not an option for me. Atleast not till i'm 21 or so. Its hard to explain, but this country has strange ways. Also, my dad kicking me out of the house is very unlikely but he has a strange way of thnking so there is always the 1% chance. I dont think they would make the same mistake with me as they did with my older sister (long story). I guess i know what i should do. Maybe i just need someone to tell me what a big [kitty] i am. Someone that could pull some reverse phychology on me.

My family is my everything. Dissapointing them is not easy but going against my heart is even harder.

 

Hmmm seems like a bit of a tough one. If your family is such a supportive one, but they would go as far rejecting for just dating a girl of a different race, I'm sorry to say that IS racism. They may claim not to be racist, but this clearly would be. However I cannot see how they would be so close-minded, especially as a Christain family living in a Muslim country surround by people of a different race...seems a bit out of character.

 

If you're closer to your Mum, it might pay to open up to her first, and get her opinion first, and to see how she thinks your Dad will react. She may be able to help him see your reasoning.

[gorgoroth]

I have introduced her as a friend before. My fathers respose was odd. He aked me alot of questions the next day. Kind of like he was accepting her. My mother on the other hand had a slight hostile attatude towards the situation. I found this really odd. Moving out of the house is not an option for me. Atleast not till i'm 21 or so. Its hard to explain, but this country has strange ways. Also, my dad kicking me out of the house is very unlikely but he has a strange way of thnking so there is always the 1% chance. I dont think they would make the same mistake with me as they did with my older sister (long story). I guess i know what i should do. Maybe i just need someone to tell me what a big [kitty] i am. Someone that could pull some reverse phychology on me.

My family is my everything. Dissapointing them is not easy but going against my heart is even harder.

 

Hmmm seems like a bit of a tough one. If your family is such a supportive one, but they would go as far rejecting for just dating a girl of a different race, I'm sorry to say that IS racism. They may claim not to be racist, but this clearly would be. However I cannot see how they would be so close-minded, especially as a Christain family living in a Muslim country surround by people of a different race...seems a bit out of character.

 

If you're closer to your Mum, it might pay to open up to her first, and get her opinion first, and to see how she thinks your Dad will react. She may be able to help him see your reasoning.

I expected an answer like this sooner or later. You would have to understand the history of my country before you can make an accurate judgement. As a Christian family we believe thats different cultures should not mix (as is pointed out in the Bible), our history just makes this even worse. I can assure you me, my family nor any other South African i know has one racist thought in his or her head. Its simply out old fashioned way of up-bringing and i guess my parents' generation never learned how to addapt to the modern world.

[Jeffwilson99]

I have introduced her as a friend before. My fathers respose was odd. He aked me alot of questions the next day. Kind of like he was accepting her. My mother on the other hand had a slight hostile attatude towards the situation. I found this really odd. Moving out of the house is not an option for me. Atleast not till i'm 21 or so. Its hard to explain, but this country has strange ways. Also, my dad kicking me out of the house is very unlikely but he has a strange way of thnking so there is always the 1% chance. I dont think they would make the same mistake with me as they did with my older sister (long story). I guess i know what i should do. Maybe i just need someone to tell me what a big [kitty] i am. Someone that could pull some reverse phychology on me.

My family is my everything. Dissapointing them is not easy but going against my heart is even harder.

 

Hmmm seems like a bit of a tough one. If your family is such a supportive one, but they would go as far rejecting for just dating a girl of a different race, I'm sorry to say that IS racism. They may claim not to be racist, but this clearly would be. However I cannot see how they would be so close-minded, especially as a Christain family living in a Muslim country surround by people of a different race...seems a bit out of character.

 

If you're closer to your Mum, it might pay to open up to her first, and get her opinion first, and to see how she thinks your Dad will react. She may be able to help him see your reasoning.

I expected an answer like this sooner or later. You would have to understand the history of my country before you can make an accurate judgement. As a Christian family we believe thats different cultures should not mix (as is pointed out in the Bible), our history just makes this even worse. I can assure you me, my family nor any other South African i know has one racist thought in his or her head. Its simply out old fashioned way of up-bringing and i guess my parents' generation never learned how to addapt to the modern world.

 

 

I do know a bit about the history of South Africa, and I also have South African friends. The whole aparthied regime was built on racism. And that was the South Africa your parents would have grown up, where racial inequality was not only promoted, but enforced. Racist thinking became such a part of every day life that people did not think twice about living in their nice city home, while the blacks lived in the slums in another city. You may not see it as racism, but that is indeed what it is. However this debate is not going to help you win your family over. It's hard as you said because your parents have been raised with a way of life and thinking that is not to change overnight, but maybe their love for you will allow them to accept your choices.

[gorgoroth]

I have introduced her as a friend before. My fathers respose was odd. He aked me alot of questions the next day. Kind of like he was accepting her. My mother on the other hand had a slight hostile attatude towards the situation. I found this really odd. Moving out of the house is not an option for me. Atleast not till i'm 21 or so. Its hard to explain, but this country has strange ways. Also, my dad kicking me out of the house is very unlikely but he has a strange way of thnking so there is always the 1% chance. I dont think they would make the same mistake with me as they did with my older sister (long story). I guess i know what i should do. Maybe i just need someone to tell me what a big [kitty] i am. Someone that could pull some reverse phychology on me.

My family is my everything. Dissapointing them is not easy but going against my heart is even harder.

 

Hmmm seems like a bit of a tough one. If your family is such a supportive one, but they would go as far rejecting for just dating a girl of a different race, I'm sorry to say that IS racism. They may claim not to be racist, but this clearly would be. However I cannot see how they would be so close-minded, especially as a Christain family living in a Muslim country surround by people of a different race...seems a bit out of character.

 

If you're closer to your Mum, it might pay to open up to her first, and get her opinion first, and to see how she thinks your Dad will react. She may be able to help him see your reasoning.

I expected an answer like this sooner or later. You would have to understand the history of my country before you can make an accurate judgement. As a Christian family we believe thats different cultures should not mix (as is pointed out in the Bible), our history just makes this even worse. I can assure you me, my family nor any other South African i know has one racist thought in his or her head. Its simply out old fashioned way of up-bringing and i guess my parents' generation never learned how to addapt to the modern world.

 

 

I do know a bit about the history of South Africa, and I also have South African friends. The whole aparthied regime was built on racism. And that was the South Africa your parents would have grown up, where racial inequality was not only promoted, but enforced. Racist thinking became such a part of every day life that people did not think twice about living in their nice city home, while the blacks lived in the slums in another city. You may not see it as racism, but that is indeed what it is. However this debate is not going to help you win your family over. It's hard as you said because your parents have been raised with a way of life and thinking that is not to change overnight, but maybe their love for you will allow them to accept your choices.

I'm guessing the fact that me and my parents don't really get along won;t make thing any easier :/

[aspeeder]

 

I have introduced her as a friend before. My fathers respose was odd. He aked me alot of questions the next day. Kind of like he was accepting her. My mother on the other hand had a slight hostile attatude towards the situation. I found this really odd. Moving out of the house is not an option for me. Atleast not till i'm 21 or so. Its hard to explain, but this country has strange ways. Also, my dad kicking me out of the house is very unlikely but he has a strange way of thnking so there is always the 1% chance. I dont think they would make the same mistake with me as they did with my older sister (long story). I guess i know what i should do. Maybe i just need someone to tell me what a big [kitty] i am. Someone that could pull some reverse phychology on me.

My family is my everything. Dissapointing them is not easy but going against my heart is even harder.

 

Hmmm seems like a bit of a tough one. If your family is such a supportive one, but they would go as far rejecting for just dating a girl of a different race, I'm sorry to say that IS racism. They may claim not to be racist, but this clearly would be. However I cannot see how they would be so close-minded, especially as a Christain family living in a Muslim country surround by people of a different race...seems a bit out of character.

 

If you're closer to your Mum, it might pay to open up to her first, and get her opinion first, and to see how she thinks your Dad will react. She may be able to help him see your reasoning.

I expected an answer like this sooner or later. You would have to understand the history of my country before you can make an accurate judgement. As a Christian family we believe thats different cultures should not mix (as is pointed out in the Bible), our history just makes this even worse. I can assure you me, my family nor any other South African i know has one racist thought in his or her head. Its simply out old fashioned way of up-bringing and i guess my parents' generation never learned how to addapt to the modern world.

 

 

I do know a bit about the history of South Africa, and I also have South African friends. The whole aparthied regime was built on racism. And that was the South Africa your parents would have grown up, where racial inequality was not only promoted, but enforced. Racist thinking became such a part of every day life that people did not think twice about living in their nice city home, while the blacks lived in the slums in another city. You may not see it as racism, but that is indeed what it is. However this debate is not going to help you win your family over. It's hard as you said because your parents have been raised with a way of life and thinking that is not to change overnight, but maybe their love for you will allow them to accept your choices.

 

I'm guessing the fact that me and my parents don't really get along won;t make thing any easier :/

If you don't get along then what are you afraid of? That you'll be kicked out (Which you said is unlikely)? Disappointing your parents?

[RpgGamer]

Remember about a month and a half ago when I posted about how to break up with the girl I've been with for 2 years?

 

Finially happened.

 

Not sure how I feel though. I feel like it really hasn't sunk in yet. I'm not devestated, and I'm not thrilled. I'm kind of excited to meet new people, but I'm kind of freaked out because it's been so long since I was out on my own. What a strange world we live in.

 

The Omegle topic is helping a lot though.

 

Not really asking for advice yet, but figured I'd update. I enjoy reading other people's life updates. Figured I'd share mine.

 

Hey deathdrow, wanna party together sometime? :P

[aquariusman]

Hmmm. I'd say this is the first time I'm actually asking for advice in this thread rather than just venting.

 

So things just ended between me and my ex-girlfriend. Had to do with trust issues and all that (She's been hurt before, and things I did before we dated made her not trust me. Well, we had gotten to the point where we were telling eachother that we love eachother (I know to some people that isn't much of a big deal, but both of us hold the opinion that love is a word used too lightly). Anyways, the only reason we aren't still together is because of the trust issues. We still have feelings for eachother, she says that if she trusted me, she'd love me.

 

Well, we've decided to move on. She had been trying to trust me for about a month (Things between us have been going on for longer than that, but she found out a month ago), and two weeks ago realized that she just isn't going to be able to trust me again. Now, the problem comes in that I'm having a party in a few weeks, and we're still really good friends (Or are supposed to be, but that's not something I need help with). So she of course is coming. I'm just trying to decide whether or not to let anything happen between us, if it does start to happen. As much as I want it to happen, I don't want to sabotage getting over her. For the record, unless I'm very drunk or we're both sober, sex isn't going to happen, I've decided that for now I'm just not going to let it happen like that with anyone.

 

Basically, this is a decision between having fun, but risking us developing the feeleings we have for each other more, and not having as much fun. The biggest problem about us having stronger feelings for eachother is that if I know she still has strong enough feelings for me, I'm not going to do anything with another girl, as she is someone I really want as a friend, and don't want to hurt. I'd say that the choice is pretty easy, except for 6 months worth of frustration of never having spent any time with her alone, and barely spending any time with her on top of that.

[Tim]

If you arent dating (as it sounds like), then doing something with a girl is simply something she'll have to get over. With the whole trust issues thing, Its a nightmare. Its destroyed so many of my relationships and if she cant even trust you after 6 months, then I personally dont think it would work and you should simply remain good friends.

[Wizz]

Found this, thought you guys might find it interesting.

 

[hide]The Ten Reasons Why HIGHLY INTELLIGENT Men Fail With Women... AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT...

 

I've been teaching men how to become more successful with women and dating for a several years now... and one "problem scenario" just keeps coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER

and OVER and OVER again...

 

...and it's really amazes me.

 

I'm going to refer to it as "The Genius Failure Paradox".

 

"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW levels of success with women and dating.

 

After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an awesome amount of time, I'd like to share my thoughts about it with you.

 

I assume that if you've read this far, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.

 

You know that you're a little different than other guys.

 

You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in school...

 

And you've probably realized that your smart mind gives you an advantage over others in many areas of life...

 

Your smart mind gives you a particular type of advantage that can be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.

 

Smart people get used to being "right", because they usually ARE right.

 

And when you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations.

 

But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:

 

WOMEN AND DATING.

 

By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.

 

It can actually be like having a hammer when you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you'll most likely make the situation WORSE.

 

Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...

 

But trust me, this is one of those situations.

 

So relax, open your smart mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why smart guys fail with women... and what to do about it.

 

 

REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT

 

I mentioned that smart guys are used to being RIGHT in most situations.

 

And what do most smart guys do when they come across a situation where they're WRONG?

 

They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing that it won't be long before they're right again.

 

(OR they let the "problem situation" destroy them... more on that later.)

 

Well, the [bleep] about being wrong when it comes to women and dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.

 

There's no quick "I'm right" around the next corner to make you feel better.

 

It only takes "failing" with a few women in a row for a smart guy to see the pattern... and realize that something isn't working.

 

Solution? Think harder.

 

A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be good... so he just keeps thinking harder.

 

But when no success comes, it really starts

to become mentally difficult.

 

Accepting that you're wrong is a VERY hard thing for a "smart guy".

 

Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even more difficult.

 

Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:

 

I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.

 

Try that on for a self-defeating idea.

 

 

REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT

 

In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a good, solid, workable answer could come from someone "dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an "obviously less intelligent person" before trying it.

 

Let me ask you a question:

 

If you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions and all kinds of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?

 

It's an interesting question.

 

Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly animals...

 

But now let me ask you:

 

If you'd like to learn how to be more successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a guy who isn't very intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?

 

There's something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who isn't either as smart or smarter than them.

 

Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular approach... once it's examined closely.

 

If you've been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.

 

Look around.

 

Learn from some "dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get what you REALLY want.

 

 

REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS

 

It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.

 

It's as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would take to learn them.

 

In fact, I believe that there are a lot of

smart guys running around this planet who don't

even have "social skills" and "be a cool guy that people like" in their "MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly take to be successful with women and dating.

 

Social skills are just that... SKILLS.

 

They're not social INFORMATION.

 

They're not social THEORIES.

 

They're social SKILLS.

 

And you don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.

 

Excellent social skills are the foundation for good communication with other humans... and if you don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.

 

 

REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT

 

Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...

 

They come up with all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.

 

They actually figure out why what they would like to do will probably fail...

 

They use their amazing creative imaginations to imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions... which ultimately stop them from having success with women and dating.

 

THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.

 

Now, if you've thought something through and come up with a good reason why it would fail, it makes sense to not do it, right?

 

I mean, why would you want to do things that are going to fail?

 

It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with women.

 

Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND women, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful with women, they are working with bad figures. They're wrong before they even start figuring!

 

Using your mind to come up with all the reasons why things won't work in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.

 

You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.

 

 

REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY "INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"

 

What does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem... or he needs to figure something out?

 

He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.

 

MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.

 

Information is the friend of a smart guy.

 

Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.

 

Don't know how to change the alternator on your car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page 147.

 

Don't know the definition of a word? Open up your dictionary.

 

MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.

 

So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?

 

They want MORE INFORMATION.

 

They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.

 

Well what if there were a situation in life where the "get more information" strategy actually made things WORSE?

 

How would you even know that it was making things worse?

 

Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more about how to be successful with women is a bad thing. It's not.

 

But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it probably isn't going to help you very much.

 

You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!

 

You need to look at the REAL problem... the ROOT of the problem.

 

When it comes to women and dating, there's a very good chance that you have MORE than enough "information".

 

Smart guys often use "more information" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.

 

I've heard this referred to as "Creative Avoidance".

 

Nod silently if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something in your life.

 

Good, thank you.

 

 

REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION

 

NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.

 

Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.

 

So what do most smart guys do when they first meet a woman?

 

EXACTLY!

 

They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.

 

I'm shaking my head right now...

 

Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!

 

Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.

 

When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says "I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.

 

Typical "logical" conversations include talking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.

 

On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say "OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an EMOTIONAL conversation.

 

If you don't know what I'm talking about, keep reading. You need more help than I thought.

 

 

REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT

 

Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.

 

If you're taking a test, you can sit there and work out the answers.

 

If you have a math problem, you can work on it until you've figured it out.

 

If you're trying to fix something, you can keep working on it until it's fixed.

 

Smart guys are used to being able to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their "good sides" in most situations.

 

Not so with women...

 

If you don't know what to do at every step along the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.

 

Women have an AMAZING "He doesn't get it" radar system.

 

Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests that they throw at men to separate the "get its" from the "don't get its".

 

And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.

 

But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW that you were being tested... OR that you failed.

 

Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment... and especially the "women and dating" kind.

 

One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning to handle all of the tests that women throw at you effortlessly.

 

But before you can learn how to deal with the tests, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you have fundamental social skills, and how to keep your cool in the moment.

 

 

REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING "NICE" THINGS IS THE "SMART WAY"

 

OK, let me ask you a trick question:

 

If I told you that you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose as a "smart" way of preparing:

 

1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of them so she would be "wowed".

 

2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could discuss it with her.

 

3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so you could take her to dinner... and she could see that you cared enough to choose something that she enjoyed.

 

OK, time's up. Which did you choose?

 

Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.

 

The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.

 

But WHY?

 

These three options all seemed logical, right?

 

I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favorite flowers?

 

Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about her favorite places to travel?

 

Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?

 

Go with me here...

 

Smart guys think that they're being CLEVER when they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.

 

Right?

 

In their minds, they're thinking "I'm going to be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's going to see them and like me more because of it".

 

Makes sense... good math, right?

 

Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these "smart" guys make is not realizing that it doesn't actually take a smart person to think like this!

 

In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a woman's [wagon].

 

And guess what?

 

WOMEN KNOW THIS!

 

And guess what else?

 

EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.

 

An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will think he's being such the charmer by using this "thoughtful" approach...

 

...and the woman he is chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her.

 

Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.

 

 

MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT

 

Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed to be "right"?

 

Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they just couldn't shut their "smart mouths"?

 

Over the last few years helping guys improve their success with women, I see this one pattern over and over again...

 

Smart guys don't like to be "beginners" at ANYTHING.

 

They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if others are watching.

 

They want to maintain this "smart guy" image of themselves... so they try to always be "The Expert" at whatever they do.

 

Instead of saying "Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this... how do I do it? What should I do first? What next?"... and instead of being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...

 

...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they're beginners... so they wind up ultimately FAILING.

 

MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.

 

 

MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS

 

A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.

 

His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.

 

Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.

 

Totally stopped.

 

FROZEN.

 

And since many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing with things they're not good at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.

 

Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than admit that they don't know how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, ask for help!

 

Hey, I went for YEARS like this.

 

I know what it's like.

 

But the reality is that any guy can learn to handle and even MASTER his emotions (even fear)... if he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.

 

If this is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Take the effort.

 

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.

 

What matters is you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.

 

...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated with "The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with all of these issues for a lot of years of my life.[/hide]

I dunno, halfway I noticed that the author words were full of disdain and hate that it started to sound like an essay of "Why I hate Smart People" rather than advice. It gives a feeling of hate and scorn, also half of this advie is faulty. I know plenty of AP students who have a sucesful relation. In fact the longest relationship I know is an AP student, 5 years I believe.

[Iamdan]

Found this, thought you guys might find it interesting.

 

[hide]The Ten Reasons Why HIGHLY INTELLIGENT Men Fail With Women... AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT...

 

I've been teaching men how to become more successful with women and dating for a several years now... and one "problem scenario" just keeps coming up OVER AND OVER... and OVER

and OVER and OVER again...

 

...and it's really amazes me.

 

I'm going to refer to it as "The Genius Failure Paradox".

 

"The Genius Failure Paradox" is the tendency for UNUSUALLY intelligent men to have very LOW levels of success with women and dating.

 

After contemplating this particular paradox, discussing it, and working on it for an awesome amount of time, I'd like to share my thoughts about it with you.

 

I assume that if you've read this far, then you see probably yourself as smarter than the average guy.

 

You know that you're a little different than other guys.

 

You probably realized at a young age that you saw things differently, and thought differently than others in school...

 

And you've probably realized that your smart mind gives you an advantage over others in many areas of life...

 

Your smart mind gives you a particular type of advantage that can be very, very powerful in life: YOU'RE USUALLY RIGHT.

 

Smart people get used to being "right", because they usually ARE right.

 

And when you're RIGHT more often than others, you can get ahead in many situations.

 

But unfortunately, this smart mind of yours can actually be WORSE than USELESS when it comes to a key area of life:

 

WOMEN AND DATING.

 

By the way, I did say WORSE than useless.

 

It can actually be like having a hammer when you need to tighten a bolt. If you use the tool you have for the job, you'll most likely make the situation WORSE.

 

Of course, it's hard for a smart guy to even IMAGINE a situation where his smart mind could HURT his chances for success...

 

But trust me, this is one of those situations.

 

So relax, open your smart mind, and let me share with you the ten reasons why smart guys fail with women... and what to do about it.

 

 

REASON #1: THEY'RE WRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T OR WON'T SEE IT OR ADMIT IT

 

I mentioned that smart guys are used to being RIGHT in most situations.

 

And what do most smart guys do when they come across a situation where they're WRONG?

 

They find a new situation... one that fits their strength. They know they'll be right next time, so they just walk away... knowing that it won't be long before they're right again.

 

(OR they let the "problem situation" destroy them... more on that later.)

 

Well, the [bleep] about being wrong when it comes to women and dating is THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN AND HIDE.

 

There's no quick "I'm right" around the next corner to make you feel better.

 

It only takes "failing" with a few women in a row for a smart guy to see the pattern... and realize that something isn't working.

 

Solution? Think harder.

 

A smart guy just assumes that his logic must be good... so he just keeps thinking harder.

 

But when no success comes, it really starts

to become mentally difficult.

 

Accepting that you're wrong is a VERY hard thing for a "smart guy".

 

Accepting that you're not only wrong, but you have NO CLUE WHERE TO EVEN START is even more difficult.

 

Ultimately, many smart guys come up with the following logical conclusion:

 

I AM A SMART GUY, THEREFORE IF I CAN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN AND DATING, THEN THE PROBLEM MUST NOT BE SOLVABLE OR WORTH SOLVING.

 

Try that on for a self-defeating idea.

 

 

REASON #2: THEY'RE BLIND AND ARROGANT

 

In short, many smart guys refuse to accept that a good, solid, workable answer could come from someone "dumber" than them, so they discount any idea that comes from an "obviously less intelligent person" before trying it.

 

Let me ask you a question:

 

If you were going to be walking across Africa on foot, would you rather have your guide be the guy on this planet with the highest I.Q., or a caveman who lived a million years ago that had an I.Q. of about 50... but who grew up being chased by lions and all kinds of animals that wanted to eat him all his life?

 

It's an interesting question.

 

Now, hopefully you'd like to have the guide who isn't the smartest guy around... but who has escaped from many, many dangerous situations with deadly animals...

 

But now let me ask you:

 

If you'd like to learn how to be more successful with women and dating, would you take advice from a guy who isn't very intelligent, but who knows how to attract women?

 

There's something about being smart that makes some guys unwilling to accept input, ideas, or instruction from anyone who isn't either as smart or smarter than them.

 

Well, any SMART GUY can see the folly in this particular approach... once it's examined closely.

 

If you've been making this mistake, then you need to STOP IT. Stop being an arrogant bastard, and open your eyes.

 

Look around.

 

Learn from some "dumb" guys... and let them teach you how to get what you REALLY want.

 

 

REASON #3: POOR SOCIAL SKILLS

 

It BLOWS MY MIND how many smart guys I meet that just don't GET IT when it comes to basic social skills.

 

It's as if they have logically reasoned that social skills are for lower beings who need to play games... and not worth the time it would take to learn them.

 

In fact, I believe that there are a lot of

smart guys running around this planet who don't

even have "social skills" and "be a cool guy that people like" in their "MENTAL MODEL" of what it could possibly take to be successful with women and dating.

 

Social skills are just that... SKILLS.

 

They're not social INFORMATION.

 

They're not social THEORIES.

 

They're social SKILLS.

 

And you don't get them by THINKING about them. You get them by GETTING them.

 

Excellent social skills are the foundation for good communication with other humans... and if you don't have good social skills, you dramatically lower your chances for success with women.

 

 

REASON #4: THEY PSYCH THEMSELVES OUT

 

Smart guys do something that fascinates the hell out of me...

 

They come up with all the reasons why everything WON'T WORK when it comes to women and dating.

 

They actually figure out why what they would like to do will probably fail...

 

They use their amazing creative imaginations to imagine all kinds of horrible pictures and scenes... and then they use those imaginary outcomes to create negative emotions... which ultimately stop them from having success with women and dating.

 

THEY DON'T EVEN TRY.

 

Now, if you've thought something through and come up with a good reason why it would fail, it makes sense to not do it, right?

 

I mean, why would you want to do things that are going to fail?

 

It's sound logic, but HORRIBLE thinking when it comes to the REAL WORLD... and success with women.

 

Because smart guys don't UNDERSTAND women, and they don't UNDERSTAND what it takes to be successful with women, they are working with bad figures. They're wrong before they even start figuring!

 

Using your mind to come up with all the reasons why things won't work in this area of your life leads to ULTIMATE FAILURE.

 

You must learn to overcome this habit if you have it.

 

 

REASON #5: THEY SEEK ONLY "INFORMATIONAL SOLUTIONS"

 

What does a smart guy do when he runs into a problem... or he needs to figure something out?

 

He looks for INFORMATION to help him solve the problem.

 

MORE INFORMATION is always the answer.

 

Information is the friend of a smart guy.

 

Got a strange virus on your computer? Just hop on the internet and search for how to eliminate it.

 

Don't know how to change the alternator on your car? No prob. Just buy the manual and turn to page 147.

 

Don't know the definition of a word? Open up your dictionary.

 

MORE INFORMATION solves the problem.

 

So what do smart guys do when it comes to overcoming a problem with women?

 

They want MORE INFORMATION.

 

They think the answer lies in learning just ONE MORE TECHNIQUE... or one more magic concept.

 

Well what if there were a situation in life where the "get more information" strategy actually made things WORSE?

 

How would you even know that it was making things worse?

 

Now, I don't want to suggest that learning more about how to be successful with women is a bad thing. It's not.

 

But if you have a problem that is EMOTIONAL or PHYSICAL in nature, then reading five million theories on it probably isn't going to help you very much.

 

You need to get out in the real world and try some stuff!

 

You need to look at the REAL problem... the ROOT of the problem.

 

When it comes to women and dating, there's a very good chance that you have MORE than enough "information".

 

Smart guys often use "more information" to distract them from TAKING ACTION.

 

I've heard this referred to as "Creative Avoidance".

 

Nod silently if you've ever figured out a creative way to avoid facing something in your life.

 

Good, thank you.

 

 

REASON #6: THEY FOCUS ON LOGIC INSTEAD OF EMOTION

 

NEWS JUST IN: Women don't feel ATTRACTION for men who make them THINK.

 

Women feel ATTRACTION for men who make them FEEL.

 

So what do most smart guys do when they first meet a woman?

 

EXACTLY!

 

They get into a LOGICAL CONVERSATION.

 

I'm shaking my head right now...

 

Smart men try to engage women in LOGICAL conversations and interactions because that's where THEY feel comfortable... not knowing that they're SHOOTING THELSEVES IN THE FOOT by doing it!

 

Get this: A monkey sitting at a typewriter will type the collected works of Shakespeare before you will make a woman feel ATTRACTION for you by engaging her in logical conversation.

 

When you start a logical conversation with a woman you've just met, you are basically taking out a NEON SIGN that says "I don't get it when it comes to women" and putting it on your head.

 

Typical "logical" conversations include talking about work, family, school, and jobs... discussing politics, religion, weather... and anything that has to do with math, science, or INTELLIGENCE.

 

On the other hand, if you start talking to a woman and you say "OK, so tell me something... Why is it that all women say that they want sweet, nice guys... but they all date sexy, selfish bad boys?" (and then make fun of any answer she gives) you're having an EMOTIONAL conversation.

 

If you don't know what I'm talking about, keep reading. You need more help than I thought.

 

 

REASON #7: THEY'RE NOT USED TO THE CHALLENGE OF THE MOMENT

 

Smart people usually have time to THINK about things.

 

If you're taking a test, you can sit there and work out the answers.

 

If you have a math problem, you can work on it until you've figured it out.

 

If you're trying to fix something, you can keep working on it until it's fixed.

 

Smart guys are used to being able to take at least a LITTLE bit of time to prepare and show off their "good sides" in most situations.

 

Not so with women...

 

If you don't know what to do at every step along the way, you'll be shut down very quickly.

 

Women have an AMAZING "He doesn't get it" radar system.

 

Women have all kinds of subtle and ingenious tests that they throw at men to separate the "get its" from the "don't get its".

 

And if you don't get it, then you're going to fail one of these tests VERY quickly.

 

But the worst part is that you won't ever KNOW that you were being tested... OR that you failed.

 

Smart guys aren't used to dealing with complex EMOTIONAL and COMMUNICATION challenges in the moment... and especially the "women and dating" kind.

 

One of they keys to becoming more successful with women and dating is learning to handle all of the tests that women throw at you effortlessly.

 

But before you can learn how to deal with the tests, you must first learn how to communicate on an emotional level, how to demonstrate that you have fundamental social skills, and how to keep your cool in the moment.

 

 

REASON #8: THEY THINK THAT DOING "NICE" THINGS IS THE "SMART WAY"

 

OK, let me ask you a trick question:

 

If I told you that you were going to have a date with the supermodel of your choice, which of the following would you choose as a "smart" way of preparing:

 

1) Find out what her favorite type of flowers are, and show up with a dozen of them so she would be "wowed".

 

2) Learn about her favorite travel destination so you could discuss it with her.

 

3) Find out what her favorite type of food is so you could take her to dinner... and she could see that you cared enough to choose something that she enjoyed.

 

OK, time's up. Which did you choose?

 

Now, I already mentioned that this was a TRICK question.

 

The answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE.

 

But WHY?

 

These three options all seemed logical, right?

 

I mean, why WOULDN'T you want to show up with her favorite flowers?

 

Why WOULDN'T you want to talk about her favorite places to travel?

 

Why WOULDN'T you want to take her to eat her favorite foods so she enjoyed herself?

 

Go with me here...

 

Smart guys think that they're being CLEVER when they do things like buying a woman her favorite flowers... and bringing them to the FIRST DATE.

 

Right?

 

In their minds, they're thinking "I'm going to be the guy who is thinking ahead... and I'm going to show up with the flowers that I KNOW she loves... and she's going to see them and like me more because of it".

 

Makes sense... good math, right?

 

Well the one teensy-weensy mistake that these "smart" guys make is not realizing that it doesn't actually take a smart person to think like this!

 

In fact, ANY jackass can figure out how to kiss a woman's [wagon].

 

And guess what?

 

WOMEN KNOW THIS!

 

And guess what else?

 

EVERY WUSSBAG DOES THIS STUFF.

 

An intelligent guy, in his proud arrogance, will think he's being such the charmer by using this "thoughtful" approach...

 

...and the woman he is chasing will interpret it as just another Wussy who's trying to MANIPULATE her.

 

Ouch. Another blow to intelligence.

 

 

MISTAKE #9: ALWAYS NEEDING TO BE THE EXPERT

 

Have you ever met a smart guy who always needed to be "right"?

 

Have you ever met someone who would actually argue with you about something they knew nothing about... and make a fool of themselves because they just couldn't shut their "smart mouths"?

 

Over the last few years helping guys improve their success with women, I see this one pattern over and over again...

 

Smart guys don't like to be "beginners" at ANYTHING.

 

They don't like the idea of screwing up... especially if others are watching.

 

They want to maintain this "smart guy" image of themselves... so they try to always be "The Expert" at whatever they do.

 

Instead of saying "Hey, you know what? I'm a beginner at this... how do I do it? What should I do first? What next?"... and instead of being totally OK with screwing up, making mistakes, and making a fool of themselves in front of others in order to LEARN...

 

...they won't risk embarrassment, failure, or others thinking that they're beginners... so they wind up ultimately FAILING.

 

MORE NEWS JUST IN: It's OK to be a beginner.

 

 

MISTAKE #10: THEY CAN'T DEAL WITH FEAR AND OTHER EMOTIONS

 

A smart guy's STRENGTH is his MIND.

 

His WEAKNESS is often his EMOTIONS.

 

Smart guys are often IMMOBILIZED by FEAR.

 

Totally stopped.

 

FROZEN.

 

And since many smart guys aren't comfortable dealing with things they're not good at, they just repress or RUN away from fear.

 

Many men would rather DIE in lonely isolation than admit that they don't know how to deal with their emotions... or, GODFORBID, ask for help!

 

Hey, I went for YEARS like this.

 

I know what it's like.

 

But the reality is that any guy can learn to handle and even MASTER his emotions (even fear)... if he just takes the time and effort to learn HOW to do it.

 

If this is you, then do yourself a big favor... take the time. Take the effort.

 

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks of you... it doesn't matter.

 

What matters is you doing the things that YOU need to do FOR YOU.

 

...I think the reason why I'm so fascinated with "The Genius Failure Paradox" is because I have had to struggle with all of these issues for a lot of years of my life.[/hide]

I dunno, halfway I noticed that the author words were full of disdain and hate that it started to sound like an essay of "Why I hate Smart People" rather than advice. It gives a feeling of hate and scorn, also half of this advie is faulty. I know plenty of AP students who have a sucesful relation. In fact the longest relationship I know is an AP student, 5 years I believe.

 

The guy who wrote it is a smart guy himself. Being in a 5 year relationship means he's successful with woman, not women.

[Flyingjj]

The guy who wrote it is a smart guy himself. Being in a 5 year relationship means he's successful with woman, not women.

 

Which, personally, I'd much rather be. And I'd say most of his reasons fail anyways.

[Flyingjj]

I expected an answer like this sooner or later. You would have to understand the history of my country before you can make an accurate judgement. As a Christian family we believe thats different cultures should not mix (as is pointed out in the Bible), our history just makes this even worse. I can assure you me, my family nor any other South African i know has one racist thought in his or her head. Its simply out old fashioned way of up-bringing and i guess my parents' generation never learned how to addapt to the modern world.

I've read the Bible(yes, all of it) and it says no such thing. The closest it gets is telling the Israelites not to marry the surrounding cultures because they could lead them away from their God. Couple things about this:

1) You're not Jewish.

2)If she's Christian, there shouldn't be a problem, as you meet everything the Bible asks.

 

If she's not Christian, then... ignore me. :rolleyes: You'll have a harder time giving your parents a reason to allow it. If you like each other so much, it should work out, though personally I think if you're Christian and she's not then there is likely a difference in philosophy about life that may complicate a long term relationship.

[aquariusman]

If you arent dating (as it sounds like), then doing something with a girl is simply something she'll have to get over. With the whole trust issues thing, Its a nightmare. Its destroyed so many of my relationships and if she cant even trust you after 6 months, then I personally dont think it would work and you should simply remain good friends.

She can't trust me after one month, not six. It is partially because of her dating history, and what I've done. I know it's not going to work unless she magically trusts me again, but I've decided that I'm going to move on even if that happens tomorrow. My dilema is deciding on whether or not to let "something" happen at a party in a couple of weeks, because at the moment I'd say there is a chance of it.

[I_am_Geed]

If you arent dating (as it sounds like), then doing something with a girl is simply something she'll have to get over. With the whole trust issues thing, Its a nightmare. Its destroyed so many of my relationships and if she cant even trust you after 6 months, then I personally dont think it would work and you should simply remain good friends.

She can't trust me after one month, not six. It is partially because of her dating history, and what I've done. I know it's not going to work unless she magically trusts me again, but I've decided that I'm going to move on even if that happens tomorrow. My dilema is deciding on whether or not to let "something" happen at a party in a couple of weeks, because at the moment I'd say there is a chance of it.

 

From the way you say it letting go sounds like the right thing to do. No need in getting yourself hurt eh?

[Sandman21]

I understand there's a reasonable amount of pointlessness about these comments, but please comment anyway.

 

I was with one of my good friends and his semi-GF ( at a basketball game about two weeks ago when she introduced me to one of her friends. We both hit it off pretty well and had a good time. Now, my friend's GF is dropping all sorts of not-so-subtle hints (she thinks you're cute, etc.) and from what I can tell, the girl really does like me -- all sorts of conversations on Facebook, etc. I'd definitely *be interested*, however:

 

In my life, I've seen her exactly once. I can't very well ask her out when I still really don't know her at all. From what I saw the first time, she was a really good person -- but as I said, I met her for about 2 hours. What's the next step?

 

Second, she and I don't go to the same school -- I'm private, she's public -- how well do cross-school relationships work out?

[Omar]

That's OK, you can still ask her out. And cross-school relationships work fine as long as you guys hang out enough.

[I_am_Geed]

That's OK, you can still ask her out. And cross-school relationships work fine as long as you guys hang out enough.

Basicly. As long as both of you want it enough :thumbup:

[Lenticular_J]

I understand there's a reasonable amount of pointlessness about these comments, but please comment anyway.

 

I was with one of my good friends and his semi-GF ( at a basketball game about two weeks ago when she introduced me to one of her friends. We both hit it off pretty well and had a good time. Now, my friend's GF is dropping all sorts of not-so-subtle hints (she thinks you're cute, etc.) and from what I can tell, the girl really does like me -- all sorts of conversations on Facebook, etc. I'd definitely *be interested*, however:

 

In my life, I've seen her exactly once. I can't very well ask her out when I still really don't know her at all. From what I saw the first time, she was a really good person -- but as I said, I met her for about 2 hours. What's the next step?

 

Second, she and I don't go to the same school -- I'm private, she's public -- how well do cross-school relationships work out?

The entire point of dating is to meet people, bro. If you know everything about someone before you're dating, what the hell do you have to talk about? Just ask her out.

 

Now, cross-school relationships might be tougher, especially if you can't drive (I don't know your age, I guess I'll just assume you don't drive). But I personally would go insane seeing the person I'm dating every single day. Plus, when you break up there's always so much [cabbage] involved. I personally saw it today. My friend broke up with his girlfriend, and now he's been alienated by a couple of his closer friends because they're buttholes that were just after said former girlfriend's friends. Complicated, stupid [cabbage], yet [cabbage] all the same.

 

Just do it. You're doing the exact "smart guy" things pointed out in the thing Iamdan posted. It's absolutely true. Succeeding with women doesn't mean being in a never-ending relationship in high school. It means you found someone who is just as afraid of being vulnerable as you are. It means being able to succeed in a social situation with anybody - not just sit around your house with the same girlfriend you've had for half a decade.

 

Anyways ...

[RpgGamer]

I understand there's a reasonable amount of pointlessness about these comments, but please comment anyway.

 

I was with one of my good friends and his semi-GF ( at a basketball game about two weeks ago when she introduced me to one of her friends. We both hit it off pretty well and had a good time. Now, my friend's GF is dropping all sorts of not-so-subtle hints (she thinks you're cute, etc.) and from what I can tell, the girl really does like me -- all sorts of conversations on Facebook, etc. I'd definitely *be interested*, however:

 

In my life, I've seen her exactly once. I can't very well ask her out when I still really don't know her at all. From what I saw the first time, she was a really good person -- but as I said, I met her for about 2 hours. What's the next step?

 

Second, she and I don't go to the same school -- I'm private, she's public -- how well do cross-school relationships work out?

 

How do you propose is a good way to get to know her?

Date her.

Seriously, it's the best way to get to know someone.

As for cross-school relationships. They're more than plausable. I've seen quite a few good ones in my time. Don't be afraid to ask her out jsut cause you just met :thumbup:

[BlindBaker]

Meh. I think I'm getting somewhere with this girl. I'd like to ask her out soon.

 

Approaching is fine (3-second rule is your best friend :thumbsup: ), it's just what to say that screws me up. Even if I know exactly what to say I always end up stuttering a little. Nothing big, but it's noticeable. Any tips as to what to say, and how to say it?

[I_am_Geed]

Meh. I think I'm getting somewhere with this girl. I'd like to ask her out soon.

 

Approaching is fine (3-second rule is your best friend :thumbsup: ), it's just what to say that screws me up. Even if I know exactly what to say I always end up stuttering a little. Nothing big, but it's noticeable. Any tips as to what to say, and how to say it?

 

They say practice makes perfect. You could always try saying it to her facebook or myspace or any picture you have of her (although if someone catches you doing this it might be a little odd. Haha)

 

But when your actually going to talk to her, just relax. Be yourself, and say what YOU WANT to say, not what you think SHE WANTS to hear. If you're just yourself and she likes that thats all you really need. :thumbsup:

[Alexpop11]

just a question,

i want to ask a girl out. Im now confedent i can do it, but i need some suggestions on what i should say.

Somthing creative would be good, just generally anything.

TY

[BlindBaker]

Meh. I think I'm getting somewhere with this girl. I'd like to ask her out soon.

 

Approaching is fine (3-second rule is your best friend :thumbsup: ), it's just what to say that screws me up. Even if I know exactly what to say I always end up stuttering a little. Nothing big, but it's noticeable. Any tips as to what to say, and how to say it?

 

They say practice makes perfect. You could always try saying it to her facebook or myspace or any picture you have of her (although if someone catches you doing this it might be a little odd. Haha)

 

But when your actually going to talk to her, just relax. Be yourself, and say what YOU WANT to say, not what you think SHE WANTS to hear. If you're just yourself and she likes that thats all you really need. :thumbsup:

 

I was asking for advice on how to ask her out. Sorry, I already got passed this. :D

[Omar]

Alex, you don't need something creative. You need to have attracted her, that's all. Just ask if wants to come by for X event.

Same goes for blind.

[BlindBaker]

Alex, you don't need something creative. You need to have attracted her, that's all. Just ask if wants to come by for X event.

Same goes for blind.

 

Well, I might go see 2012 this Friday. Maybe she'll want to go.

 

Not sure if I want to bring friends, though. She's friends-ish with some of my friends so it wouldn't be bad, but then it would seem more like a hang out with friends than a date. Then again, that could be good. Graaah. Yes, I said grah.