"I want a girlfriend/boyfriend", and other such relationship advice

[Aeon_]

I'm a piece of <3: that can't even ask a girl out...

Well consider if she likes you as well. Does she? Great, ask if you can speak to her privately next time you see her, ask her out. That's what I'd do.

 

Speaking of girls, the girl I fancy seems to like me more alone (being flirty), but around a large® group of people I try not to spend as much time around/talking to her as I don't want to seem clingy, but she does seem to like me. I just don't know how much. I do plan on asking her out, but I'm just not sure how much she really does like me. :unsure:

EDIT: Disregard this, was talking to her a while ago and she said if I asked her out she'd say that she'd rather stay friends. :/

[Bonez899]

I'm a piece of <3: that can't even ask a girl out...

Well consider if she likes you as well. Does she? Great, ask if you can speak to her privately next time you see her, ask her out. That's what I'd do.

 

Speaking of girls, the girl I fancy seems to like me more alone (being flirty), but around a large® group of people I try not to spend as much time around/talking to her as I don't want to seem clingy, but she does seem to like me. I just don't know how much. I do plan on asking her out, but I'm just not sure how much she really does like me. :unsure:

Yeah, mainly I'm beating myself up because I've seen and had the oppurtunities I've just chickened out everytime and not taken it...

[Bows]

Are promise rings tacky?

[RpgGamer]

Are promise rings tacky?

 

Not at all. despite all the crap me and my ex went through, she's kept hers throughout all the years. I think they're very in style.

 

Speaking of which, she's moving back for the summer and going to be living just down the road from me :/

 

blah.

[Range_This11]

Are promise rings tacky?

I've always thought so, but I know many couples that have them and they seem to be pretty cool with it.

[Assume Nothing]

I'm a piece of <3: that can't even ask a girl out...

Well consider if she likes you as well. Does she? Great, ask if you can speak to her privately next time you see her, ask her out. That's what I'd do.

 

Speaking of girls, the girl I fancy seems to like me more alone (being flirty), but around a large® group of people I try not to spend as much time around/talking to her as I don't want to seem clingy, but she does seem to like me. I just don't know how much. I do plan on asking her out, but I'm just not sure how much she really does like me. :unsure:

Yeah, mainly I'm beating myself up because I've seen and had the oppurtunities I've just chickened out everytime and not taken it...

 

What exactly is the worst that could happen? Rejection now is better than rejection later. It'll play on your mind if you keep this lack of confidence thing going on.

[obfuscator]

Promise rings are ridiculous.

[Range_This11]

My ex-girlfriend asked me if I was going to buy her one and I told her no. Come to think of it, that might have been the beginning of the end :lol:

[Randox]

The problem is if she asks and you say no, you just exiled yourself to "soon to be single" island.

[Riku3220]

The problem is if she asks and you say no, you just exiled yourself to "soon to be single" island.

It kind of shows self doubt, mistrust, or both in a person if they need a ring to be reminded not to cheat or lie to their partner.

[Skull]

I suck at reading lol

[tripsis]

The problem is if she asks and you say no, you just exiled yourself to "soon to be single" island.

It kind of shows self doubt, mistrust, or both in a person if they need a ring to be reminded not to cheat or lie to their partner.

Agreed. I honestly find it laughable that she asked for one >_< I don't have a problem with promise rings, but they should be something that's given.. not something that's asked for. That's just lame.

[Tim]

if they need a ring to be reminded not to cheat or lie to their partner.

she's kept hers throughout all the years..

I guess we can see why :|

 

This is just my opinion but If you've ever cheated a serious relationship in the past I dont think it'd be a good idea to ever bring it up in conversation. When you cheated on Meg Zach, whats to say it might not happen with Kim? (especially since it was with Kim) basically I think it's a bad idea and just puts stress on both partners. It's like that dumb purity ring crap.

 

 

 

How do you deal with people like this:

 

My mate always used to go "Nar I don't need a girlfriend I'm fine being single etc" about 3 months ago. Suddenly his Ex, who has cheated on him with another guy with another etc etc (chronic cheater) moves back into town looking for a place to stay. She asks him and suddenly they're a couple. I know for a fact she'll cheat and use him, it's her personality, but now he's turned into the typical pompus arse who goes "Cant do this, busy with the missus", "You're just upset because you're not getting laid" etc. Typical arrogant behaviour because he's got a total tramp using him.

 

Even so, it's like all the people who DONT deserve a girlfriend (ie never spend any time together, rather play games etc) are in a relationship. This country is a [bleep]ing mess. :|

[tripsis]

How do you deal with people like this:

 

My mate always used to go "Nar I don't need a girlfriend I'm fine being single etc" about 3 months ago. Suddenly his Ex, who has cheated on him with another guy with another etc etc (chronic cheater) moves back into town looking for a place to stay. She asks him and suddenly they're a couple. I know for a fact she'll cheat and use him, it's her personality, but now he's turned into the typical pompus arse who goes "Cant do this, busy with the missus", "You're just upset because you're not getting laid" etc. Typical arrogant behaviour because he's got a total tramp using him.

 

Even so, it's like all the people who DONT deserve a girlfriend (ie never spend any time together, rather play games etc) are in a relationship. This country is a [bleep]ing mess. :|

I wouldn't really suggest trying to "deal" with it at all. If he has all the facts and knows what's at stake, it's no use trying to convince him that what he's doing is wrong. He knows the risks and he made his decision. You probably won't be able to convince him that he's doing something stupid. It's annoying and you know you'll be saying "I told you so" but I think it's just one of those things you have to deal with.

[Sam]

You can talk about that as much as you want to someone, but really, your friend must be seeing through rose-tinted glasses right now, and it's very hard to get someone out of that trance until they get completely screwed over - I know from personal experience, and i'm sure there's others reading this thread that have experienced this too. Just be there when it all goes to crap for him, which I imagine it probably will, if what you say about this girl is true. Once a cheat, always a cheat.

[TTanT]

So I asked her out and got very gently shot down.

However, asking her out came far more easily and naturally (I did it in the middle of a crowded hallway while we were walking because that was a convenient time), and being shot down was more disappointing than anything. Not bad at all, in other words.

...Why did I used to be afraid of this?

In other words Imay be coming back here for advice when it coems toa sking girls out very little, because I've proven to myself I can handle it. (Although I think i rushed asking ehr out too much this time, and should've paced it better that's another story altogether.)

 

However, I do have one question:

After her telling me how great of a guy I was and that she just wasn't looking for a relationship right now (the cliché story, really) I responded that it was fine and I was just glad that I got it off my chest ratehr than letting it simmer. (At which point she referenced an AP English book and we shared an awkward laugh-thing.) Then she asked if I wanted to meet up with her at prom.

And therein lies my question. What does that mean? Dates? Dates as friends? A casual "I'll see you at prom?" (That last one would be oddly timed in that context.)

I'm tempted to ask her what she meant, but I didn't think to then as I was mostly busy being bemused at actually being turned down (which my cocky side didn't expect at all). And I don't want to go running up to her to ask what the heck she meant tomorrow or something because I don't want to be that guy who gets shot down by a girl and then doesn't leave her alone about stuff. But I also don't want to have accidentally agreed to something (well, I said "possibly", but still) and then renege on it.

 

However, assuming that issue resolves itself I feel pretty good right now. I've got a new haircut that mostly everyone agrees suits me well, including a female friend of mine who considers me to be totally unattractive (I'm more or less the polar opposite of her type) and now know that asking girls out isn't a big deal. In other words the enxt time I start developing feelings of that anture I can act on them without fear or anything. Which is refreshing. I've been stung by the bee, and it wasn't as bad as I'd thought.

 

To the guy who's trying to get the guts to ask a girl out:

JUST. DO. IT. Trust me. I was that guy once. I know what being the coward who can't bring himself to speak his feelings is like as I was that guy for a long time. Even if she says no it's better to clear the air. Ask. Her. Out.

 

tl;dr

I ramble a lot about how getting rejected isn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Also read my post you lazy [bleep].

 

Edit: Also my ex semi-asked me back out this morning before I asked that girl out. I said no because as I put it "You've had moments where you started liking me again before, but because the underlying issues won't go away you'll just end up dumping me again. You;ve already asked other guys out, so I'm going to do the same."* Good decision?

*Probably not how I said it exactly as I word things differently when typing than when talking.

[RpgGamer]

took it like a champ TTanT

 

proud of you.

 

Lesson: You'll strike out dozens of times in your life, but as long as you're swinging - you have a shot

[Range_This11]

The problem is if she asks and you say no, you just exiled yourself to "soon to be single" island.

It kind of shows self doubt, mistrust, or both in a person if they need a ring to be reminded not to cheat or lie to their partner.

Agreed. I honestly find it laughable that she asked for one >_< I don't have a problem with promise rings, but they should be something that's given.. not something that's asked for. That's just lame.

Which, of course, is why she's an ex-girlfriend.

 

Yeah totally I'm gonna buy you a ring when we've been dating six months :rolleyes:

[Aeon_]

How much time would you guys say is a good amount of time to spend around someone you like? I get worried that I look clingy and by that unattractive because of the clingyness.

[tripsis]

I wouldn't say there's a universal amount of time. As long as you're both clearly enjoying each others' company, there's no need to hold back. If you have doubts, a good test might be to pull back a little bit. If she starts asking why you're not around or inviting you out, she's clearly enjoying spending time with you. If she doesn't seem bothered... maybe she's not.

[Noxx]

Why are relationships always such a game of guessing? Why can't you just walk up to a girl and tell her "hey, i like you. I like spending time with you. I like spending as much time with you as i can." Why do we always need to play games to see how someone really feels :/

[tripsis]

Why are relationships always such a game of guessing? Why can't you just walk up to a girl and tell her "hey, i like you. I like spending time with you. I like spending as much time with you as i can." Why do we always need to play games to see how someone really feels :/

If you're looking for a really serious relationship, I completely agree with you. I hate games and I think that if the girl/guy is actually worth your time, you won't have to play games to make a relationship work.

 

But most teenage relationships aren't serious and unfortunately most girls care too much about what's socially awkward/acceptable/etc. They will get a little turned off if you announce your feelings for them. Teenage girls like the guessing, the unknown, the chase. If it's not a serious relationship, it's a sad hard fact that mind games and over analysing things (like how long to wait before replying to a text) actually work. That and most people don't feel comfortable just waltzing up and being completely honest like that. Most people have a hard enough time mustering up the courage to ask a girl on a date.. so being totally honest like that is usually out the window for them.

[Aeon_]

I wouldn't say there's a universal amount of time. As long as you're both clearly enjoying each others' company, there's no need to hold back. If you have doubts, a good test might be to pull back a little bit. If she starts asking why you're not around or inviting you out, she's clearly enjoying spending time with you. If she doesn't seem bothered... maybe she's not.

Well, a few weeks back she was saying I was being 'dull' and not speaking to her much and starting conversations. Then, since we both enjoy writing, I decided to talk to her about that. That went on for a couple of weeks (her mostly starting conversations) but the last couple of weeks she's not been talking or starting conversations much. So by what you're saying, she went from interested to not interested these last few weeks? Or am I over analysing? Over analysing is a bad habit of mine. :|

[tripsis]

I wouldn't say there's a universal amount of time. As long as you're both clearly enjoying each others' company, there's no need to hold back. If you have doubts, a good test might be to pull back a little bit. If she starts asking why you're not around or inviting you out, she's clearly enjoying spending time with you. If she doesn't seem bothered... maybe she's not.

Well, a few weeks back she was saying I was being 'dull' and not speaking to her much and starting conversations. Then, since we both enjoy writing, I decided to talk to her about that. That went on for a couple of weeks (her mostly starting conversations) but the last couple of weeks she's not been talking or starting conversations much. So by what you're saying, she went from interested to not interested these last few weeks? Or am I over analysing? Over analysing is a bad habit of mine. :|

There could be a variety of reasons. It's hard for me to poinpoint the exact one since I don't know her, I haven't observed your interactions, and haven't seen any of these accounts first hand. Here are some ideas though:

 

1. She's just been busy IRL.

 

2. She really did just lose interest in you.

 

3. It could be a coincidence that you just catch her at a bad time and whenever she's about to start a conversation you get there first. How is she when you do speak to her? Even if you start the conversation first, does she appear enthusiastic? Or does she seem like she's giving you halfass answers and is just replying to you because she doesn't want to tell you to go away?

 

4. If you've liked this girl for as long as you're saying (a few months) maybe she started out liking you but has given up. Maybe she's thinking "It's been months and this hasn't gone anywhere. He clearly hasn't asked me out and doesn't like me so I won't waste my time anymore."

[Randox]

Why are relationships always such a game of guessing? Why can't you just walk up to a girl and tell her "hey, i like you. I like spending time with you. I like spending as much time with you as i can." Why do we always need to play games to see how someone really feels :/

Because the more you reveal about what your thinking/how your feeling, the more your putting yourself out there, and the more you fear your going to mess things up/scare them off. The more your together, the more comftorable you become revealing things about yourself, and the less games you end up playing.